I held it together 2 months. .

[NeedToGetByeH]

I have recently recovered from my first experience of opiate withdrawal from a heroin addiction of 2 months.

I made it 4 days before using but by then the worst of my withdrawals were over and I was put into a minor withdrawal for a few days later. NOTHING compared to the first 3 days of terror. I am employed and managed to hang on to my job during all this.

To be frank I had been planning on becoming a heroin user for some time. As most do. I had a few good experiences with it before I made a decent order. I tried to be my own DOC. Never works I know. So physical dependce was inevitable.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into. This led to a period of.. chaos. I was okay for awhile, but then I started to run low. Tried to wait a bit before I did more, and learned the hard way that wouldn't be so easy. I have an okay job, it's nothing amazing and pays pretty crappy but it's white collar work as a graphic designer that I have been working at a few years now. I really can't afford to lose this job.

Fast forward through a month of solid use. Enter the month of scramble. I have some self control when it comes to even heroin. With my addiction being so short lived I was able to do very miniscule doses to be well. Not what I was used to, but I could function.

I would run out a few days before payday and work the best I could. My boss definitely knew something was up. I just said I wasn't feeling to well. I was moving slow and couldn't really think straight, but I could perform my job for the most part.

So it has been about 4 days since my last use. And I am having a really hard time getting this potent drug I introduced into my brain, out of my head. The worst of the withdrawals are over but man oh man oh boy is she playing with my head. I have recovered the lost funds and have a little bit of savings now. And it is taking all I have to not go diving right in again. I know how stupid that would be and it's only a matter of time before the chaos sets in. I really don't make that much money. But as the days tick on I am losing this battle.

I have read all the addiction/complications megathreads and while thouroughly disturbed I still seem made up. I am hanging on and joining this website has given me something to keep my mind busy with. There really are some amazing people here and circumstances be where they may, we find ourselves a little problem.

I know I need to stop now. While I can. While it's EASY! But I'm not sure how much longer I can last.

Off to the forums.

 

[dmtmixalis]

Holding your job through withdrawal is an awesome effort, focus on the good. Withdrawal is fucking grotesque. I've never went through h withdrawal but had my fair share of benzo w/ds. These drugs are cruel mistresses when abused. Stay strong brother/sister. The hardest part without a doubt is staying off the gear...

 

[shotti161]

Keep going the days will only get better.

 

[Ruby Slippers]

Okay and this is from a two month run??? Get out while you still can, it's a non sustainable miserable existence. Read one of the million stories on BL.

 

[pinpoint]

^ Exactly. OP you aren't thinking this through. What's the alternative here? Do you truly believe that it will be possible to maintain for any length of time on one of the world's most notoriously addictive drugs? Eventually you'll be strung out with a monster habit and then you'll really be fucked. Keeping your job will then be the least of your worries.

 

[mankind]

^ Exactly. OP you aren't thinking this through. What's the alternative here? Do you truly believe that it will be possible to maintain for any length of time on one of the world's most notoriously addictive drugs? Eventually you'll be strung out with a monster habit and then you'll really be fucked. Keeping your job will then be the least of your worries.

Exactly. You already proved to yourself you can't control your use. Be lucky you didn't get fired, like I did. You are literally at the most important crossroad of your life this VERY moment. If you continue to use, come back in a month, 3 months, 6 months, tell us how your life is going. I wrote a very similar message to people who make posts like yours, and they continue to use, and then come back and tell us how miserable life is.

Remember what I just said: this is literally the most important moment of your life these next few days. If you continue to use...well....I don't have months to type out my story of how shitty my life has been the past decade+

 

[MainLiner420]

Get out while you can bud, I could type up a 3 page essay about my 15 year heroin addiction and give you examples why its completly miserable but I dont have the time at the moment. Just believe me, Im being perfectly honest like others have stated. Heroin addicition is nothing to glorify, its nothing to be seen as cool. Its complete fucking misery. I have lost almost everything important to me over Heroin, luckily I still have my families love for the most part, but I have lost jobs, apartments, the love of my life, all my money, all my time, you name it bud, Heroin has effected me negatively in almost every aspect of my life and the years add up fast. For me 15 years felt like nothing, and your basically living the same day over and over again. For the most part all the things a responsible person does like pay bills and maintain a normal life gets put 2nd to Heroin. God I wish i could go back in time when I was only 2 months into my addiction and slap the shit outta myself and stop at that point, but.... here i am. Please bud, if my addiction could ever do any good it would be to warn others not to get to the point where I am. Stopping at this point will increase your quality of life by 100000% I promise you from the bottom of my heart. And you think the pain of the withdrawls was bad at the 2 month period... I cant even tell you how much worse it gets once you start stacking the years up. Withdrawls after 2 months are like a papercut compared to withdrawls after 15 years. Good luck buddy, please please do the right thing and never look back at heroin.

 

[WasteLand Warrior]

wow NeedToGetByeh when i read that i felt like you were telling my story of what's going on in my life right now! except i've been a junkie on and off more often on for 11 years now and have detoxed a million times! this run i've been on has been for about 2 months now and like you i have a pretty good decent job blue collar i'm a cook and could afford my habit but that was it!! it sucks to bust your ass just to pay for your drug habit! so what i do when i wanna quit and let myself down easy n painless i buy a couple suboxone and take that for two weeks everyday i take less and less of the suboxone to wean myself off the sub so i don't get a habit to those! finally when im down to one millagram for day for a couple days i start skipping every other day then i stop and smoke hella weed and it will be over! But the mental part of heroin addiction is the worst by far for sure! just thinking about it day in and day out will wear on your will power real quick! thats awesome you held it together even when you were detoxing! making it to your job and maintaining is a hard thing to do! trust me i know ive had the garbage can next to where i was working so i could lean over and throw up when i was dope sick definatley no good and no fun! definatley talking about it helps getting advice and kind words from other addicts helps i'm being serious! but stay strong and positive get some suboxone and weed it helps so much if you can!!! try to occupy your time and surround yourself with positive people! but tommorrow is payday for me and i'm already thinking about getting a half a gram! god i hate being a junkie!! i'm gonna try my hardest to not do it your story was an inspiration to keep trucking thank you and good luck NeedToGetByeh stay strong

 

[billbuilds]

i was at the same point as you a few months ago. only difference i have had years of codine addiction previously. i knew i wouldent be strong enough so i chose to go on suboxone. Its so much better than using but can be a pain in the ass, visiting the clinic every few days. but everythings pretty normal now, just got to get rid of the new habbits ive picked up since heroin

 

[NeedToGetByeH]

I am hanging in there, but no thanks to myself. My dealer happens to be one of my good friends and after all he's seen me go through he did not respond to me today. I must admit today was going to be the day. And I am infinitely grateful he did not respond. I realize that without question my life will be destroyed if I continue to fuck with this fleeting life destroying beauty.

It's kind of sick if you think about it. How terrible is it that there is a drug out there that can take everything from you yet at the beginning it seems so.. sexy and glamorous. But I guess that's just what my brain remembers from that moment when all pain and problems dissappeared. When everything was serene and perfect. When I had not a care or problem in the world. Compare that to now, it's no wonder my brain can't let it go.

My brother put it in perspective for me today. I have been cheating life these 2 months. I have lived in a state that human beings were never meant to experience. Look what happens to our brain after trying it just that one time? We never forget it. It haunts us. Forever.

Life just isn't that easy. And thinking it ever can be will leave you a heroin addict with nothing. I am starting to get a grip. You guys are making me realize that I only remember the good. I don't remember the days waking up completely sick and the thought of even getting out of bed seemed monstrous. Let alone functioning at a job all day when my mind and body are completely freaking out. It sucks. It isn't fun. And as you say I experienced VER MINOR withdrawals that is probably the only reason I ever got out. It wasn't totally completely fucked. Just totally fucked.

I needed this you guys. Thank you so much. Especially telling me I have a desicion to make that will effect the rest of my entire life. I am really lucky. And if i just pissed on the miracle that happened, i would be insane and probably never able to forgive myself. That this decision will be the difference between happiness and complete fucking misery. I have dealt with psychological addiction for a long long long time. But physical dependce is a whole other fucking ball park.

This game I don't want to play anymore. And I thank each of you from the bottom of my heart for responding to this.

I think I'll be setting up an appointment with a therapist tomorrow instead of an appointment with heroin. Thank you all so much.

 

[NeedToGetByeH]

Now I am still in love with heroin and still look fondly on our experiences together. But I need to make at least 5 times more money than I make now. If I can accomplish that goal, then heroin will be my reward. Until it all goes up in flames of course. But up until the chaos, I was happier then I have ever been. That's what makes this whole thing so fucked up. I know that is my naivity. But its my naivity that holds such a glorious picture of heroin in my head. The more time I spend with her, the less highly I will hold her and the euphoria above all else. Just getting well every day sucks. It was the high I liked. And it was the high thay went leaving me only a slave.

 

[pinpoint]

This game I don't want to play anymore. And I thank each of you from the bottom of my heart for responding to this.

I think I'll be setting up an appointment with a therapist tomorrow instead of an appointment with heroin. Thank you all so much.

I love happy endings You made the right choice.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Take it one day at a time, and realize that you want to stay sober. Good luck.

Also, delete your ex-dealers' numbers or contact info.

 

[mankind]

Take it one day at a time, and realize that you want to stay sober. Good luck.

Also, delete your ex-dealers' numbers or contact info.

YES. Delete numbers immediately. Give yourself every opportunity and chance NOT to use. Pay your bills. Pay for next months rent. Buy something you wouldn't normally buy. Anything but spend it on dope. Get as FAR away now as you can and never look back.

Remember, you're at the crossroads RIGHT now. As the poster said, take it day by day.

 

[NeedToGetByeH]

Still hanging in there. One of my best friends who I have known for 10 years and went to highscool with and who's number I memorize by heart. Sadly deleting it won't be so easy

But as the days go on I REALLY appreciate being able to work my ass off. I worked a 15 hour day today. If I still needed heroin to survive. Today would have completely sucked complete ass. I thought about that all day and it made me happier and happier .

Wasteland warrior did you end up getting that half gram?

 

[herbavore]

Congratulations on listening to your deeper self. It takes such courage and also such patience to ride the waves of recovery. One way to look at it is that you are experiencing a double win--you are eliminating heroin from your life but developing courage and patience goes far beyond that as far life skills go. If you think about it, everything that makes life feel worth living--from relationships to life goals--takes courage and patience. You will never regret doing work that fosters these two aspects of being human.

 

[NeedToGetByeH]

I figured I would update this in case it might help someone someday. Its been about a year and a half since I wrote this and in that time I lost it all. My job, my house, my friends and some very important relationships.

I have been a homeless junky since January and racked up at least 5 criminal charges as well as spent 2.5 months in jail. I should have 2 felonies but luckily they were reduced to class A's.

I almost died when I got out of jail due to an overdose twice and I am 80% sure I now have hep c.

If you are just starting down this road please reconsider. You aren't special. I thought I was as im sure most do. It doesnt work. It isnt worth it.

On a happier note my brothers came and got me off the streets and I have a 3rd chance to rebuild with some support and I am so grateful for that. I have been clean about a month and am feeling good.

Good luck to all of you who are struggling with this demon and I wish the best for you.

 

[Stickman Roxy]

Fucking heroin.

Every time

 

[Moreaux]

I figured I would update this in case it might help someone someday. Its been about a year and a half since I wrote this and in that time I lost it all. My job, my house, my friends and some very important relationships.

I have been a homeless junky since January and racked up at least 5 criminal charges as well as spent 2.5 months in jail. I should have 2 felonies but luckily they were reduced to class A's.

I almost died when I got out of jail due to an overdose twice and I am 80% sure I now have hep c.

If you are just starting down this road please reconsider. You aren't special. I thought I was as im sure most do. It doesnt work. It isnt worth it.

On a happier note my brothers came and got me off the streets and I have a 3rd chance to rebuild with some support and I am so grateful for that. I have been clean about a month and am feeling good.

Good luck to all of you who are struggling with this demon and I wish the best for you.

Thank you for the update - people new to heroin need to see threads like this. I am so sorry you weren't able to quit and that you have lost everything...that's heartbreaking. I'm so glad to hear you have a system and hope that you're able to get beyond the addiction this time. I am wishing the best for you!

 

[P0kemama]

I figured I would update this in case it might help someone someday. Its been about a year and a half since I wrote this and in that time I lost it all. My job, my house, my friends and some very important relationships.

I have been a homeless junky since January and racked up at least 5 criminal charges as well as spent 2.5 months in jail. I should have 2 felonies but luckily they were reduced to class A's.

I almost died when I got out of jail due to an overdose twice and I am 80% sure I now have hep c.

If you are just starting down this road please reconsider. You aren't special. I thought I was as im sure most do. It doesnt work. It isnt worth it.

On a happier note my brothers came and got me off the streets and I have a 3rd chance to rebuild with some support and I am so grateful for that. I have been clean about a month and am feeling good.

Good luck to all of you who are struggling with this demon and I wish the best for you.

Thank you for coming back to tell us what happened. I feel sad you had to experience all that, however, I am still using my prescribed pain meds, so understand the false promises made by drugs. Do you have other support lined up, besides your brother, to help you through the times your little addict self starts to chatter back at you?

Now might be a very good time to make plans so that you are not caught unawares and do not have to go through withdrawals, etc., etc., ever again! I send you nothing but positive thoughts!