I can't really bother typing out my history of use (I've mentioned bits of it here and to various members), but to cut a long story short, I my current attitude towards drugs along with my level of use and abuse is pretty reasonable at the moment RELATIVELY SPEAKNG. My life was a trainwreck for 2 to 3 years (seriously heavy polydrug abuse, in particular but not limited to, heavy benzo abuse, romantisation and abuse of party drugs which develped from extremely frequent and often inappropriate MDMA use to heavy ketamine and mephedrone use. I don't really count psychedelics here, I know many people will disagree with that but i have gone pretty heavy with them and often pushed boundaries (extreme doses in intense situations, ridiculous dissociative abse, even high dose salvia extract accidentally while in serious depression), yet none of my interest in them seems to relate to my pull towards other recreational drugs. Anyway, pretty soon I was regularly doing drugs alone, anything I could get my hands on if my favourites weren't available, the chase of the high became the primary occupation of my mind. At that point, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I needed drugs to enjoy myself (and I even mean that if I completely ignore the serious physical dependencies I was forming). By the end of this period, I was using ridiculous amounts of various RC benzos daily, along with daily alcohol use (literally taking swigs out of a cheap bottle of spirits), and opiates, dissociatives and stimulants at a not infrequent rate.
I'd be lying if I said I have my life together now. I have absolutely loved the freedom of enjoying great drugs as I please once more, and I am already feeling twinges of disappointment at the fact that the coke and speed are now gone, irrespective of the fact I have plenty seriously strong heroin and a good chunk of hash within arms reach. I know tomorrow when the heroin is gone, that feeling of disappointment will intensify. Finally when the rest of the current party stash is gone and normal life resumes, i have NO DOUBT at all I am going to be craving the ability to get those feels. In a week, It wil still be on my mind but less so. The same thing usually happens the next week. The point is, learning to love sober life gets easier with time. However, you will never entirely forget your desire to use, assuming you are like me and are a person that is passionate about good highs. I have plenty of other interests in life, and I could certainly live without drugs if I had to. So I guess the answer to the question is a yes, but with a big BUT..... I don't need drugs to be happy, but there will always be a part of me that WANTS drugs so that I can be even happier.
I think it is going to take a serious change in my life (career, girlfriend, serious change in world viewpoint) in order for me to reach a stage where I don't plan to use drugs. I'd like to think I'd be able to continue my lifestyle (and the last week isntrepresenative of my everyday), I could do so without coming into too much major trouble but I know how easy it is to suffer from comedowns nd withdrawals. I've been caught out again, and sadly I think the chances are I'll get caught out again. I just have to minimise the damage until a better option comes along
