pillman1224
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2015
- Messages
- 688
before anyone says anything i will try to make this as clear as possible but please if you notice anything off let me know.
when i first got off opiates i felt better than i had well ever. that was 6 months ago yesterday. now the Gaba(erics) have gotten their grip tighter on me. i stopped drinking everynight which is good but just replaced that with benzos which i take around 4-5 times a week. i will begin to keep track of what i take everynightabout a monthbefore I decide to see a doctor. the point of this? well a few nights ago (saturday) i went to a family gathering and drank nuthin but tequila and heineken (prob 6drinks total) which made me extremly depressed and anxious at the party. upon arriving home i took 1mg of klonopin then, got the bright idea of taking 4mg liquid ativan, finished the night by taking ambien in 20mg increments till it was gone (60mgs)and had a friend comeover at 1am for no reason. woke up to 1/3 of a blunt
another exploit of my misadventures then i will get to the point if i even remember it (this will all make sense soon i promise). 125gs of phenibut came in the mail yesterday. not caring i had college work to do i took 2 grams, wasnt satisfied and woke up realized i took 2mg klonopin, over 30mg of temaz (another 30mg i decided to freebase no idea why i know better) and more liquid ativan. i woke up feeling a bit dizzy but fine. i could have gone to class but didnt and that is what is worrying me. wouldnt even know i took the extra shit had i not wrote it all on my bicep which i just read off of.
i am awful at having conversations, always make things about myself which people are starting to notice, and obviosly the brain fog and issues of seeming like your typical "dusthead" which im not are coming out. deep down I WANT TO CHANGE and will be going to a doc in the next idk when so im not gonna lie to you guys or one on one counseling very soon cause the only thing keeping me alive at this point is that it is up to me to keep the family name going. SOMETHING IS NOT LETTING ME CHANGE. and this cant be the real me
when i began this thread i had a perfect idea of where it would go and lost it. mods please dont close if you feel you have advice but want me to make something clearer just ask please. im just done at this point. anyone have any ideas as to what is going on?
when i first got off opiates i felt better than i had well ever. that was 6 months ago yesterday. now the Gaba(erics) have gotten their grip tighter on me. i stopped drinking everynight which is good but just replaced that with benzos which i take around 4-5 times a week. i will begin to keep track of what i take everynightabout a monthbefore I decide to see a doctor. the point of this? well a few nights ago (saturday) i went to a family gathering and drank nuthin but tequila and heineken (prob 6drinks total) which made me extremly depressed and anxious at the party. upon arriving home i took 1mg of klonopin then, got the bright idea of taking 4mg liquid ativan, finished the night by taking ambien in 20mg increments till it was gone (60mgs)and had a friend comeover at 1am for no reason. woke up to 1/3 of a blunt
another exploit of my misadventures then i will get to the point if i even remember it (this will all make sense soon i promise). 125gs of phenibut came in the mail yesterday. not caring i had college work to do i took 2 grams, wasnt satisfied and woke up realized i took 2mg klonopin, over 30mg of temaz (another 30mg i decided to freebase no idea why i know better) and more liquid ativan. i woke up feeling a bit dizzy but fine. i could have gone to class but didnt and that is what is worrying me. wouldnt even know i took the extra shit had i not wrote it all on my bicep which i just read off of.
i am awful at having conversations, always make things about myself which people are starting to notice, and obviosly the brain fog and issues of seeming like your typical "dusthead" which im not are coming out. deep down I WANT TO CHANGE and will be going to a doc in the next idk when so im not gonna lie to you guys or one on one counseling very soon cause the only thing keeping me alive at this point is that it is up to me to keep the family name going. SOMETHING IS NOT LETTING ME CHANGE. and this cant be the real me
when i began this thread i had a perfect idea of where it would go and lost it. mods please dont close if you feel you have advice but want me to make something clearer just ask please. im just done at this point. anyone have any ideas as to what is going on?