• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

I dont like what I've become

P

pillman1224

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
688
before anyone says anything i will try to make this as clear as possible but please if you notice anything off let me know.

when i first got off opiates i felt better than i had well ever. that was 6 months ago yesterday. now the Gaba(erics) have gotten their grip tighter on me. i stopped drinking everynight which is good but just replaced that with benzos which i take around 4-5 times a week. i will begin to keep track of what i take everynightabout a monthbefore I decide to see a doctor. the point of this? well a few nights ago (saturday) i went to a family gathering and drank nuthin but tequila and heineken (prob 6drinks total) which made me extremly depressed and anxious at the party. upon arriving home i took 1mg of klonopin then, got the bright idea of taking 4mg liquid ativan, finished the night by taking ambien in 20mg increments till it was gone (60mgs)and had a friend comeover at 1am for no reason. woke up to 1/3 of a blunt

another exploit of my misadventures then i will get to the point if i even remember it (this will all make sense soon i promise). 125gs of phenibut came in the mail yesterday. not caring i had college work to do i took 2 grams, wasnt satisfied and woke up realized i took 2mg klonopin, over 30mg of temaz (another 30mg i decided to freebase no idea why i know better) and more liquid ativan. i woke up feeling a bit dizzy but fine. i could have gone to class but didnt and that is what is worrying me. wouldnt even know i took the extra shit had i not wrote it all on my bicep which i just read off of.

i am awful at having conversations, always make things about myself which people are starting to notice, and obviosly the brain fog and issues of seeming like your typical "dusthead" which im not are coming out. deep down I WANT TO CHANGE and will be going to a doc in the next idk when so im not gonna lie to you guys or one on one counseling very soon cause the only thing keeping me alive at this point is that it is up to me to keep the family name going. SOMETHING IS NOT LETTING ME CHANGE. and this cant be the real me

when i began this thread i had a perfect idea of where it would go and lost it. mods please dont close if you feel you have advice but want me to make something clearer just ask please. im just done at this point. anyone have any ideas as to what is going on?
 
You're having these issues from all the GABAergic drugs you are taking. I bet if you taper off of the phenibut, benzos, booze, and Ambien you will begin to function much better. If you don't reduce your usage it will only get worse. GABAergics are notorious for quickly building tolerances, odds are you will have to keep increasing your doses which will exasperate the mental issues, and eventually you will render yourself nonfunctioning and you will not be able to live on your own. I say this because I did something similar and one of my parents had to be with me at all times and I could no longer work. However, it is possible to recover if you taper off of them (do not quit cold turkey, it could be lethal). The sooner you taper the better you will be both mentally and physically. The longer you stay on the longer and more difficult recovery will be.
 
flakka said:
Not really i can eat 20mg xanax
Click to expand...
Yo what the fuck is up with you! Every thread I see you trying to flex on people who are looking for help. What are u trying to prove that u can take a lot of shit?? Well congratulations, so can we all, that's why we're here. You must be a young little punk ass motherfucker. Why don't you try to help people out instead of troll them.
 
dude i havent been able to respond back cause its different shit everyday on what i want to say i am not a troll. i talked to a family friend who i will begin counseling with her and go from there to see if i need substance abuse shit which i probably do. then a doc and go from there. but any advice on a somewhat quicker than aston taper. maybe 1-2mg at night for 2 weeks then go down by quarters?

Edit you were talking to flakka my bad i misread
 
Last edited:
In looking at your situation again pillman1224 I wouldn't try quitting everything at once. I think it may be easier to stop booze, Ambien, and phenibut first, and then focus on the benzos. How much and how frequently do you drink? How often do you take Ambien? How often do you take Phenibut, and how much are you using in a given day when you use it? Do you break up your Phenibut use when you have it or do you use it until it gone (i.e. Daily, every other day, etc)?

I think seeing a counselor is a great idea. Based on the substances you are currently using and the fact that you used to use opiates, you may want to look into substance counseling on an outpatient basis unless you really can't stop on your own. Rehabs don't really handle GABAergic withdrawal to well , many won't do a taper and will just cut you off cold turkey and give you meds so you don't seize which can be very damaging to your nervous system. The rehab I went to did this and it has taken me literally years to recover, and I am still healing. If at some point you do decide to go inpatient I would recommend tapering as much on your own first before going. I'm not knocking rehab, just saying most don't taper GABAergics.

If you are able to quit alcohol, Ambien, and Phenibut I would look into getting a script for diazapam as it has a long half life and works really well for tapering off of other benzos. When is your first counseling session?
 
Last edited:
well the ambien is gone and that was a rare nighttime treat, only tried the phenibut once and will not use more than once a week if that(2gs is the dose), also unless its saturday and someone throws a party its rare i drink now. i am unable to get a valium script cause my doc will only give you valium if you are having severe alc. wds. not sure when the first session is. she hasnt gotten back and i gotta get a ref feral. that will be fun.
 
Do you have any benzos left? When you speak with your doctor I would be honest about the substances you are taking. Doctors no longer freely script benzos, but many are willing to if you're already taking them and are interested in tapering off. Explain to her that you would prefer to taper from a longer acting benzos as it is easier to taper with and it increases your chances of success. It's a safety issue. Should you run out of benzos go to Acute Care or the Energency Room and explain your situation. It's very dangerous to just stop taking benzos.

I know back when I used to take Xanax if I ran out of my script early my doctor would prescribe me klonopin so I wouldn't withdrawal. If I knew back then what I know now I would have just had her give me diazapam so I could taper off. I ended up quitting Xanax in rehab cold turkey and it was a couple of years of misery that rendered me stupid from all the siezures. It is not something to take lightly.

Regarding Phenibut, I have not tried it but I looked into it a little while ago. There's a megathread in OD that is decent resource. From my understanding, if you can control your use to once or twice a week, no more than 2g per instance, it shouldn't be too troublesome. However, it seems that tolerance builds very quickly and it's hard to intermittently use so if you are going to use it, don't use it consecutive days. You may want to invest in a time release safe if you think control may be an issue. I'll link to that thread shortly.

If you do begin a benzo taper you will probably not want to take Phenibut, Ambien, or alcohol, even once a week as they will interfere with the taper and prolong it. It's possible using those during the taper or after you taper will make negatively impact you, and could increase PAWS. I know when I relapsed on booze after quitting Xanax I felt like absolute death when I finally stopped the alcohol again - it was the worst alcohol withdrawal I experienced, and I think stopping benzos previously really exasperated and amplified the alcohol withdrawal.

Wishing you the best - please keep us updated!
 
You have swapped your opioid addiction for GABAeric drugs, which in their own way are just as bad as other serious addictions.
Extremely destructive, to me they were anyway.

You need to tapper off all that nasty shit and get counciling.
It really does get worse and worse. And yes your doses do keep increasing. You already said "I wasn't satisfied so I took more"
This is just the beginning. In the end you will never be satisfied and will most probably end up using opioids again on top of what you're using now. Which is not just bad for your wallet and those around you. But your mental health and probably death.

Go to a drug centre and explain to them what you did here. And stick to the prescription and help that give you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top