I can't seem to stop being angry at my ex girlfriend.

[ZayKayWill]

You both sound terrible.

You, as a partner, should not be spending holidays with your ex and giving her expensive gifts when you have a girlfriend, whether said girlfriend is comfortable with it or not. For some people, it's okay to have their S.O remain friends with an ex, but not if they give them the same treatment that they would give their S.O. That is the difference. You should also not do things like frantically hide messages from her when she's present, because that's just a dick move and is obviously going to lead to someone accusing you of being unfaithful.
She, as a partner, should not hold her boyfriend to a double standard that leaves him confused and ignorant. She, as an ex, should also quit trying to manipulate you for your attention.

Neither of you need to be in a relationship with anyone until you learn from your mistakes and each others' mistakes. There's no way that this was healthy or would ever be healthy, and that is on both of you. You seem to just be trying to get someone to validate your feelings that she's a hypocrite who deserves anger, which isn't necessarily wrong, but you can't put this out there and not expect people to tell you something you don't want to hear.

Well that's why I'm here...Why else would I have made this topic? I'm trying to get some closure here and maybe see if there's something that I'm missing or not looking at right. Wouldn't have bothered posting this story if I knew I wasn't gonna get some 'lesson learned' comments from people. That would be pointless. Hence why I asked, "Am I looking at this wrong or...?"

I do see what you mean when you say 'same treatment'. It's just that that would be something that I would do for any of my friends, male or female. I have a friend who's a girl who I gifted one of my laptops to for Christmas because I had no need for it. I mean...would that have been just as bad? If I had kept doing it for all her birthdays/holidays I guess that could be seen as unfair, but what I did for both those occasions was just a one time thing. Idk. It is called a 'significant' other for a reason I suppose. I guess you're right though maybe I am being a bit stubborn on it. I guess deep down inside I just wish it didn't/didn't think it'd cause a break up, but then again a lot of my family and friends just think that maybe she used the gift as an excuse to end it for other reasons she hadn't had mentioned. It just doesn't make sense to me why she would insist we still be friends if she seriously thought I was 2 timing her. I feel like she was just angry despite the intention being genuine or not, but of course no one in their right mind would openly admit to that, right? *sigh*

 

[pofacedhoe]

What exactly from my post gives you the idea that she cheated...?

she thinks because you spend time with your ex that you cheated on her.

at the same time she is meeting up with her ex. while you live far away

quite likely that she cheated then felt bad then thought you did the same as her and used it as justification to end a relationship she wasn't that into. plus its long distance. plus she wanted regular sex again.

just like any normal human

quite often the accusers of cheating are the ones doing it themselves

move on. your anger is only hurting you. you are punishing yourself. try a new approach

 

[ZayKayWill]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone. Gonna try my best to just move on from this. I've never felt this low in my life over one person. Truly does feel like the worst thing ever. I can't stand it.

 

[Good_guy]

How much money did the gift for girl 1 cost?
Are you gonna get a girl 3 and invest in girl 2 at the same time or do you understand and have learned from you grieve mistake?
If your with a girl, you invest in her, not your ex. Thats what you need to understand.. one girl at a time..

 

[pofacedhoe]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone. Gonna try my best to just move on from this. I've never felt this low in my life over one person. Truly does feel like the worst thing ever. I can't stand it.

it will pass, we've all felt that bad before.

in time it will be less shit. just dont be contacting her while ur trying to get over her. just keeps it going but doesnt help

takes a surprising length of time to get over really loving someone

 

[ZayKayWill]

How much money did the gift for girl 1 cost?
Are you gonna get a girl 3 and invest in girl 2 at the same time or do you understand and have learned from you grieve mistake?
If your with a girl, you invest in her, not your ex. Thats what you need to understand.. one girl at a time..

I seriously don't see why people can't see it from my point of view. Girl 1 is someone I've been friends with for a long time. The fact that she is my ex is irrelevant. Yeah we had a thing together at one point, but that was then this is now. I would actually prefer my partner to be friends with an ex. Shows great emotional maturity. I can't make you agree with me but the fact that people won't even consider seeing it from a different angle really hurts me...if she had done that for her ex I wouldn't have cared at all. Again I actually prefer that over, 'Oh I don't talk to him anymore because we're not dating anymore I only talk to you because you're my king."

I mean seriously. Come the fuck on. I honestly think it's incredibly selfish for people to think that way. That person represents great memories (assuming it didn't go too sour). I would hate to take that away from my significant other. That person helped build who you are today. Don't shun them just because it didn't work out...it's not a super common thing but some exes turn into best friends and I think that's awesome if you can keep it like that and nothing more (which you can). :/

 

[pofacedhoe]

its not about emotional maturity


if you get married for example and keep socialising with one of your ex's and buying them presents put that in context. do you think thats reasonable?

i just wouldn't accept someone who was showing too much attention to their ex's - be on good terms yes (reasonable) but spending lots of time socialising with them? nah

your girlfriend is a hypocite from what you say yes, but from the responses you are getting you should see how a lot of people view this type of behaviour

 

[protovack]

You are very committed to your position about remaining friends with exes. Yet this position has already ruined a relationship for you. And it will ruin more until you finally get it. You are not being honest with yourself. Come on dude. Nobody is advocating "shunning" your ex and never talking to them again. But you took it too far. Expensive gifts. Investing significant time. Everyone here is telling you that behavior doesnt work. We arent crazy. Its called experience and maturity. Except you continue to insist that YOU are the mature one. Please, let me know how that is working out for you down the road.

 

[ZayKayWill]

I do agree that you shouldn't be giving them too much attention...at that point that isn't fair to your significant other. The gift was generous yes, but it was just a one time thing. If I had kept doing it then yes I do agree that is a boundary that shouldn't be crossed. As long as you say it's okay for me to just continue being friends then I have nothing else to say. I'm not trying to make you guys look bad I truly do appreciate the help and sometimes people not fully seeing things your way can make one feel shunned and not accepted I guess...like I said numerous times she was just being hypocritical and ugh. It just hurts that's all. Girl 1 always just had a crappy birthday and her dad sent her to the hospital that year I think...so I just felt bad. It would have been one thing if Girl 2 just talked to me about it and told me how much it TRULY bothered her...but she didn't. I'm not a mind reader y'know? :/

I was actually on the phone with one of my friends the other day talking about this. She said that I was fine...and that if we were dating and I had done that to her she wouldn't have been upset just as long as I make her a priority in the relationship...so maybe me and her are just a rare breed, but I know I'm not alone with how I feel about this...unless this is the thought process of only crazy people, and even then, is crazy really that bad? Idk. It probably would have been best if I had just avoided the gift buying altogether, but I personally don't feel it should have caused a break up. Not if you truly love the person anyway and are honest and upfront. I actually tried to talk to her about Girl 1 and the girl whose messages I hid after the fight we had when I visited her in Thanksgiving...and she denied everything...so it's not like I was completely trying to avoid anything.

Oh well. I'm just gonna leave it at that I feel like I'm getting on your guys' nerves at this point. Just can't keep it in, y'know? I seriously feel like she was just angry, otherwise I don't see why she would want to continue being friends with me...and if that's the case just tell me that you're angry. It's okay to be irrational, just as long as you're respectful. That is how emotions work after all.