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I can't fall in love

Are you more of an analytic thinker or do you follow your heart on most things?

Maybe you've just become wiser and face reality a lot more than other people, that's not a bad thing, thinking ahead and actually using your brain is a very smart thing to do.

I fell in love with a girl until after 3 years she broke my heart. Then I went into solitude for a year and now this year I have been going clubbing, where I accidentally fell into MDMA-induced love with a girl that I met. I won't go into how much detail, I'll just leave it at that she took my breath away and captivates me to this moment where I will never forget her.
 
I think you are a bit infatuated with the chick that did you dirty.

That's more like lust and it may be due to the fact you cannot have her all to yourself which makes her somewhat unattainable. If she was throwing herself at you and sickeningly in love with you I would be you wouldn't want her.

I can give you two examples from my own life.

OK so I knew this girl since I was 17 and she was 14 and we started dating after a while and I left town for a while and hollered at her when I got back that way. I moved again and dated her again. Well anyways I moved back to the area a 3rd time and she was hot shit then. I really really wanted her. She had another man in her life and I still pursued her. I couldn't get with her. She went to prison for a year and when she came out she looked even more beautiful than ever. Well I eventually got with her.

So I got what I wanted right. I should have been careful what I wished for cuz she turned into a pyscho bitch. After a while I asked for an open relationship, which she agreed to. Well she cock-blocked me left and right and we spoke about it and she apologized and said she would cut it out. Well that didn't work and I tried to cut her out my life completely.

Anyways she ended up beating up a girl I dated, stalking me, stabbing me, and even doing shit like paying people money for my phone number when I would change it. I still get letters in the mail from her telling me about how she is getting clean and when she gets out of prison this time things will be different. She doesn't seem to understand the words "Do not call me or try to contact me in any way. I do not want to see you. You are out of your mind and I think you need help. We will never date or even be friends again. You are lucky if I am cool with you if I see you around town."

But my point here is I wanted her so bad. When I couldn't have her I felt like I should be with her and I couldn't understand why she didn't want to be with me. When I got with her I realized it was infatuation and not love.

I met a woman when I was 19 and right off the bat she told me she was in love with me and wanted to be with me forever. I honestly think she is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen and truly had serious feelings for her and probably deep down still do. I still see her to this day and still fuck her.

But anyways she wanted an open relationship which was cool and I agreed to. I thought it was great when she was fucking with girls and bringing them to me for 3-somes but I got jealous when she started fucking women without me. It got worse when she had sex with another man with whom she had dated on and off. I was very young and she was 4 years older than me. I was not happy with the arrangement but monogamy never worked with this woman and we tried.

We didn't talk for years and when we finally did I wanted an open relationship more than her so that's where it is. I can have sex with her whenever I want and she can fuck whoever she wants. We do not lie to each other, live together, or even necessarily feel obligated to call each other even for weeks or months but sometimes we see each other everyday. But the whole thing is that we have an understanding that basically we are both sexual deviants and that we always can fall back on each other.

I was most definitely infatuated with her and still am to some degree. She basically said to me that she gets in relationships to fuck people over and she told me that I shouldn't be in a serious relationship with her but we could always have sex whenever if I would keep it cool and that it could always stay that way(that's exactly how it played out). She was married when I met her and she has made out like a bandit getting married and divorced and she has said she is done with marriages.

Her first marriage was to a man she met a man 2 weeks before he shipped off to Iraq and married him a week before he left. After he left for Iraq he never saw her again. He had given her power of attorney and she drained his enlistment bonus and his life savings. This was when I was with her. I fucked her exponentially more times than he ever fucked his wife. I am not bragging, just explaining.

As much as I adore her I wouldn't marry her. She told me straight up what the deal was. I just was to young to understand. I am more than happy that she has alimony, Medicaid, food stamps, disability, a car, and a house out of the shit she pulled. Now when I see her we hang out, fuck, and smoke some weed. I just call her if I want to see her or vice versa. I don't get sick of her.

I used to always think I wanted a family and all that and still do. I honestly cannot find a woman that is attractive, street smart, honest, smart, easy to get along with, and who wants to be with me. I am not going to marry someone who isn't going to make me happy. I am not giving up on finding a woman I want to be with and marry but I am a bit weary. Maybe I am a bit jaded.

I think love is rare these days. I think two people can truly love one another. I really do. I think in the past people paired up and worked together and that's something that happened out of necessity, but it worked for people. People used to get married so young to someone they were at least attracted to so they made it work.

I don't think people put the effort into relationships like they should. I personally am willing to give a partner my all if she does the same. I don't want to put in more than I get out. So ideally I would want a woman who wanted to make me happy so I would want to make her happy. Things just don't seem to work like that anymore.

Like my grandparents for example married so young. I think my grandmother was 18 and my grandfather was just a couple years older and a WWII veteran. They were dirt poor. They had two kids right off the bat and didn't really have any choice but to get along. He ended up working and going to college and she appreciated that and did her best to make a nice home.

Love isn't dead and its not just you. Times have changed. I think people used to appreciate each other more.
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
Um... you're only 20/21 --super young! Love will find you. :) You just haven't met the right person. Relax. :)
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+1

I was like this for a long time because I was so sick of MEN! There came a point where I hated them so much and lead men on. I probly shoudn't have done it because I might have hurt the good men who didn't deserve it. When the right one comes your thinking will change.
 
Animal Mother said:
I fell in love 1 time. With one girl, and she kind of treats me like shit to this day. Leading me on, then burning off and fucking some other dude.

The thing is, I don't even think I'm in love with her anymore
Is everybody like this? Do most people only fall in love 1 time, and just like...nothing else compares after that? Do do alot of people find it easy to fall in love and need another? I am I normal or what?
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The first one ruins you, bro. Almost everyone I know has had some experience similar to this. It sucks... probably one of the most devastating truths I've learned. No santa? OK. No God? Fine. I really can't grow up to be anything I want? Fuck it. But nothing ever comparing to that first, head-over-heels in love experience? It's just too much... and it's just so hard wrap your head around.

And you're right... if I ran into my "first love" today, I really don't think that I would feel a thing for her. Those feelings are long, long gone. But to love again in the same way that I love her? It just feels like such an impossible thing to do, and I'm convinced that it is impossible. The first one ruins you, and then after that, you find a partner to settle down with, have a family, someone you love and trust but it's just not the same. *sigh*
 
alasdairm said:
stop trying so hard.
stop worrying about whether you are normal. what does 'normal' even mean?

alasdair
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By try I mean let things happen and be open to feelings. Not reach for them.

I'm not trying to be normal either. I'm happy with myself. I'm wondering if this is normal behavior.
 
OP I was like you.

I fell in love 1 time. With one girl, and she kind of treats me like shit to this day. Leading me on, then burning off and fucking some other dude.
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You like bitches, you like the chase more than the girl. Only I'm still fucking the girl and there are lots of nice girls, one who won't stop texting me and I don't like her.

It'll come when it comes. Stop trying.
 
Animal Mother said:
By try I mean let things happen and be open to feelings. Not reach for them.

I'm not trying to be normal either. I'm happy with myself. I'm wondering if this is normal behavior.
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It is a normal behavior for most guys that loved so much and got hurt. I don't think you have to worry if this is normal or not, it is what you are so you don't need to question it. If you are not hurting anyone then it's all good.
 
Animal Mother said:
I fell in love 1 time. With one girl, and she kind of treats me like shit to this day. Leading me on, then burning off and fucking some other dude.

The thing is, I don't even think I'm in love with her anymore. Over the years, I've met all of these really great and sweet girls. I think that most guys would love these girls and do anything for them. I just want to have sex with them. I can make no emotional connection. I was even this way before I met the one girl that I fell in love with, and that didn't happen until I was 21.
I'm definitely attracted to girls; I like their girly and maternal ways. I'm not attracted to men or anything, but I think that I get more emotional satisfaction just hanging out with my best friends than I do from any girl that has feelings for me.

I try! I honestly try, but it just doesn't seem to work.
Is everybody like this? Do most people only fall in love 1 time, and just like...nothing else compares after that? Do do alot of people find it easy to fall in love and need another? I am I normal or what?
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Sounds like you have been hung up on this one bitch of a woman all these year and not letting anyone else in.

The you treat those other girls as badly as that bitch of yours treats you.

Huge clusterfuck of a bad karma, you need to break the circle and move on.
 
No. I think that I just need to focus on getting laid and making money. I've decided that the intense first love is never going to happen again. I'm going to squash the desire for it. It's not out of need, it's a product of the desire ti alter my mind with dopamine.
 
Animal Mother said:
No. I think that I just need to focus on getting laid and making money. I've decided that the intense first love is never going to happen again. I'm going to squash the desire for it. It's not out of need, it's a product of the desire ti alter my mind with dopamine.
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sex or money, focus on only one. chase the paper brother, chasing the hoes just taxes your fat stacks and brings stupid drama to your life.
 
kaywholed said:
sex or money, focus on only one. chase the paper brother, chasing the hoes just taxes your fat stacks and brings stupid drama to your life.
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I actually agree with this. I think it's better to focus on making money and if you want sex maybe find a steady sex partner.
 
Animal Mother said:
Actually, using other girls tends to make me feel better. I just wish that it wasn't at the expense of their feelings.
It's very hard for me to stay away from this girl as she DOES care about me. Even if I know that I can't have her, I care for her deeply and want to be around to make sure that she is Ok.
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Did the same thing man. Wanted the girls to feel the despair I felt. I know now how wrong it is. The fact you are seeking advice shows you know there is another way. Love isn't some fish to be caught...its a flower that grows. Just make sure your field isn't full of rocks.
 
One needs to love oneself before one can truly love another, and be loved.

Have you been burnt ina big way before? By parents or so-called friends or lovers? This can cause us to close our hearts, so we don't die from energy overload. It takes a while to integrate things and then techniques to actually open it back up.

kaywholed said:
sex or money, focus on only one. chase the paper brother, chasing the hoes just taxes your fat stacks and brings stupid drama to your life.
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Totally agree. Know what you are stacking that paper up for though, otherwise that chase becomes cold.

You will find love, once you accept yourself as who you are. Dark and light. Male and female. sexual instinctive animal homo sapien and conscious and righteous divine person.
Issac Sinclair said:
OP I was like you.












You like bitches, you like the chase more than the girl. Only I'm still fucking the girl and there are lots of nice girls, one who won't stop texting me and I don't like her.




It'll come when it comes. Stop trying.
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pretty much. It's when you stop searching, it's when you go with the flow, that things start clicking into place. It's when you stop desperately looking for someone to cuddle up to that you realize you just met or already know someone amazing you would liketo spend a LOT of time with.

Another thing - I would err with caution on using particular phrases - "I can't fall in love" - therefore you cannot. You are literally programming yourself to never find love if you say things like that. Cause feeds effect feeds cause...vicious circle.

Look up kundalini yoga(if you're open to various ways of helping oneself) - try and find "opening heart", "banishing fear", "overcoming past wounds" exercises(kriya) - practicing these along with self affirmations will help, if not cure your condition. You also need to recognize that these things take time, so when you notice you love yourself more, keep affirming yourself, otherwise bit by bit your old patterns will creep back. It takes years to reprogramme oneself. Maybe just as many years as it took to have these poor habits. I don't know yet. What I do know is you have love, you just don't recognize what it is yet.
 
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Just watch out for any 30 year old female. They are the most crazy and unpredictable species on earth.
 
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Maya said:
I actually agree with this. I think it's better to focus on making money and if you want sex maybe find a steady sex partner.
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truesay. money puts bread on the table and feeding yourself/roof overhead should be the primary concern

if you meet the right person it will be obvious. in the mean time why deny yourself sex?
 
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