Ive done everything I should have. Exempt methadone or suboxone treatment.
The worst of with drawal is lack of sleep, which is why I started using in the first place.
I can't beat the haunting mental thought screaming at me to use more. I was just short of day two cold, and I got money and couldn't help myself. I'm stuck between really wanted to be dope free then 2 days later my brain says NOW get some now!!!!
I don't know how I'll stop. I have even told my parents and I just can't seem to stop. I am a lot better in a way that I won't just keep doing lines ( never shot up) but I still can't go without it. I was even doing pretty good at tapering but I've made everything I love a trigger I've been on dope doing everything I love and now I can't even play world of warcraft or play my guitar just having the screaming urge to use.
I've noticed that day one is the fucking worst.... day two is a lot better about half way thru? And j cannot deal with my head screaming at me and battling myself.
I feel like j will use then just emo no killing myself m. I have lost all my friends and I am just a failure. I honestly try. I feel like the only way to truly get clean is ti get into prison.
Wtf do I do.
I even went from 1g a day to a minimum of 0.2 a day and it's just impossible.
I'm tired of this. I'm pissed I just scored. I need a fast and easy way k I t in. It built to do this tough shit.
In school they say cocaine and heroin are addicting drugs but they never tell you just how bad heroin is cause when I was a happy person ne and my friends could go on a 3-4 day coke bender and feel just a tad shitty but a day later back to being normal. That's now how it works with opiates.
I feel like this is just going to be my life. Suicide is a key as on my mind.
I know it sounds fucking stupid, weird, and crazy, but I just want to get high and play my guitar and pretend I'm as popular as John Lennon. I know that's weird.
I truly am beginning to hate life.
The worst of with drawal is lack of sleep, which is why I started using in the first place.
I can't beat the haunting mental thought screaming at me to use more. I was just short of day two cold, and I got money and couldn't help myself. I'm stuck between really wanted to be dope free then 2 days later my brain says NOW get some now!!!!
I don't know how I'll stop. I have even told my parents and I just can't seem to stop. I am a lot better in a way that I won't just keep doing lines ( never shot up) but I still can't go without it. I was even doing pretty good at tapering but I've made everything I love a trigger I've been on dope doing everything I love and now I can't even play world of warcraft or play my guitar just having the screaming urge to use.
I've noticed that day one is the fucking worst.... day two is a lot better about half way thru? And j cannot deal with my head screaming at me and battling myself.
I feel like j will use then just emo no killing myself m. I have lost all my friends and I am just a failure. I honestly try. I feel like the only way to truly get clean is ti get into prison.
Wtf do I do.
I even went from 1g a day to a minimum of 0.2 a day and it's just impossible.
I'm tired of this. I'm pissed I just scored. I need a fast and easy way k I t in. It built to do this tough shit.
In school they say cocaine and heroin are addicting drugs but they never tell you just how bad heroin is cause when I was a happy person ne and my friends could go on a 3-4 day coke bender and feel just a tad shitty but a day later back to being normal. That's now how it works with opiates.
I feel like this is just going to be my life. Suicide is a key as on my mind.
I know it sounds fucking stupid, weird, and crazy, but I just want to get high and play my guitar and pretend I'm as popular as John Lennon. I know that's weird.
I truly am beginning to hate life.