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I can't come to my girlfriends daughters Birthday party?

K

Kyl

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 21, 2015
Messages
54
So, me and this girl have been dating for 1 month as of today and it started off picture perfect. We were hanging out every other day, having sex each time we hung out together, and spending nights with each other.

Lately, things have been different. I've moved out of my buddies house and back in with my Mom and she told me if I do that she will not have sex with me in my moms house. I didn't take her seriously so since I've moved back we don't have sex often today makes 2 weeks.
She has a one year old child who is having a Birthday party this Saturday. One of her friends asked me if I was coming and I told her friend I didn't recieve an invite. Her friend told her I said that and she comes to me and says "you know I want you at my daughter's Birthday, but it would be weird" she said it would be weird because it's at her baby daddy's Mom's house. The baby daddy is also a dead beat I must mention. And I just agreed and walked off but deep down I'm offended and frankly feel unwanted. Then today, she tells me "so a lot more people are gonna be at the party than I expected" and I was like well what the fuck? Lots of people can come except me. Wtf. She said "me and you and my daughter will go to the park monday because that's her real birthday" so It's like I can't be seen? I mean she has let me meet her mom and her step dad and all of her sisters and taken me to her brothers grave and also asked if we were going to be long term etc. so I know she's into me to an extent but this past week has been so shitty. We hardly text, we hardly fuck, we still make out and try to see each other. But I am honestly very offended that I cannot come to her daughter's Birthday. I mean we've only been together for a month but still. Also, her and the baby daddy are going to court soon because she is denying his right to see him because he is on drugs and doesn't pay child support and she claims he won't be at this party but I have my doubts.
What do you guys think?
 
I think for the sake of keeping the peace - and for the the sake of the little girl - you might want to swallow your pride and just spend her actual birthday with her.
It's a messy situation, by the sounds of it, and i think for the sake of your relationship, and the happiness of the girl's party...don't make it into an issue about your pride.

Once you can work things out with your partner, especially if she is able to win sole custody of the kids, you will have plenty more special birthday parties to spend with her.
I can see why you'd be upset - but it's at her ex's mother's house. There are lots of feelings at stake here other than yours.
Personally i think compromise is the best solution in this situation.

Especially, as you say - you've been dating for one month.
Make sure you guys are a string unit before asserting yourself into her family life, and try to make the little girl's birthday (on the Monday) as special and fun for her as you can.
Don't draw her into some relationship drama between her mother and yourself - that is totally unfair on the kid.

Sort your shit out, find your own place to live - and get your relationship into a healthy place before you go trying to call the shots. Not your house, not your party, not your kid.
Just my 2 cents.
 
spacejunk said:
I think for the sake of keeping the peace - and for the the sake of the little girl - you might want to swallow your pride and just spend her actual birthday with her.
It's a messy situation, by the sounds of it, and i think for the sake of your relationship, and the happiness of the girl's party...don't make it into an issue about your pride.

Once you can work things out with your partner, especially if she is able to win sole custody of the kids, you will have plenty more special birthday parties to spend with her.
I can see why you'd be upset - but it's at her ex's mother's house. There are lots of feelings at stake here other than yours.
Personally i think compromise is the best solution in this situation.

Especially, as you say - you've been dating for one month.
Make sure you guys are a string unit before asserting yourself into her family life, and try to make the little girl's birthday (on the Monday) as special and fun for her as you can.
Don't draw her into some relationship drama between her mother and yourself - that is totally unfair on the kid.

Sort your shit out, find your own place to live - and get your relationship into a healthy place before you go trying to call the shots. Not your house, not your party, not your kid.
Just my 2 cents.
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Thank you for being respectful in your reply, I posted this thread on another forum website and I am getting wrecked right now. The only reason I even am bothered about this is because I told my buddies and they pretty much said it's something I have a right to be upset about so I started getting upset. But after reading your reply I realize you're right. I'm also pretty sure if the party was anywhere else without the paternal grandparent's being there, I would be more than welcome.
 
A month is not long at all. To be honest I am surprised she brings you around her daughter at all already. I am divorced and will not introduce anyone to my children untill it becomes very serious. Not fair for them to establish relationships and have people in and out of their lives.
 
It's only been one month. They like to wait to make sure the relationship is long term. In many cases, 1 month of dating is too early to even meet the gf's child. Your gf is right to be cautious about inviting you or even introducing you. It's not personal.
 
My3sons said:
A month is not long at all. To be honest I am surprised she brings you around her daughter at all already. I am divorced and will not introduce anyone to my children untill it becomes very serious. Not fair for them to establish relationships and have people in and out of their lives.
Click to expand...

That sounds sensible. As for the poster. I don't think you're wrong for feeling hurt. But I agree with what the others have said, the days about her daughter not you. A daughter who's had their parents split up and in you showing up would face her biological father ws well as his semireplacement. I know you probably w see it that way, but she and others might.

So while it hurts, I'd suggest you don't go and accept your girlfriends offer. Any other issues in your relationship are separate and I consider unrelated this.
 
You live with your mom. Do you have a job? It's been 1 month and you are upset over not going to an ex's mom's house? Do you realize how awkward that would be? Why would you want to go?

It's been 1 month and you guys hardly text or have sex. She's not that into you and I can see why.
 
Lysis said:
You live with your mom. Do you have a job? It's been 1 month and you are upset over not going to an ex's mom's house? Do you realize how awkward that would be? Why would you want to go?

It's been 1 month and you guys hardly text or have sex. She's not that into you and I can see why.
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oh snap.

but seriously she must have thought you were different then was shocked by you moving in with your mum and now doesnt want any bullshit situation that doesn't need to happen to affect her court case.

bringing random men into her daugthers life could be used against her potentially.
she's clever in behaviour. you moving in with your mum while dating an adult female with a baby was not clever. why is the party not at the deadbeats house? cos he lives with his mum?

i see a pattern and probably so does she.

harsh truths
 
People said it a little hash but they are on the right track. One month is no amount of time, and the relationship possibly started off as a sexual one more than serious one. Seems like its on track to be serious but your asking a bit much considering you've already met her daughter. When these social situations come up, no one asks ages?? Thats very important in my opinion, but I can already tell for the most part whats going on here as others in the thread. Just continue building trust & a relationship, one day u can be her priority one-or two.
 
You've been dating for a whole month. I'm not surprised you can't go to HER kids bday
 
kyl, i think you should respect her wishes and not go. it's not always about you...

alasdair
 
alasdairm said:
kyl, i think you should respect her wishes and not go. it's not always about you...

alasdair
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I'm just going to let it go. I didn't tell her that I was upset about it. So it's fine.

However, we haven't talked all day today which is concerning. I just don't know anymore.
 
well, you should certainly talk to her about how you feel but taking a breath is good, i think. why not just enjoy her actual birthday? that seems far more special, to me.

alasdair
 
First birthday parties are the fucking worst. I've been to so many over the years and now I have a flat refusal when invited.

The kid is usually over hyped, over due for a sleep and underwelmed with any gift other than the wrapping paper. At least one of the guests will be a kid who never allowed sugar, so of course eats until they vomit, while the chances of cracking a beer without getting death stares from the mothers group is close to zero.

I'd much prefer to be the little girls centre of attention on her actual birthday. Just you and her mum, at the park with a picnic. If you play your cards right you'll get a blow job during her afternoon nap from her appreciative mum.
 
alasdairm said:
well, you should certainly talk to her about how you feel but taking a breath is good, i think. why not just enjoy her actual birthday? that seems far more special, to me.

alasdair
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I think it does too. I wasn't think clearly about the entire situation. There's more feelings at stake if I were to go to that party than just mine.
By reading some of the replies here, I'm feeling kind of shitty about myself in general now. Yeah I live at home with my Mom, I'm 19, I work at a resteraunt (we both work together) I'm a cook, she's a waitress. She tells me I deserve someone who can hangout with me all the time and can go and party with me. But right now I feel like she deserves someone who is financially stable and isn't living with his Mother. Maybe I just need to call this quits.
 
One Thousand Words said:
First birthday parties are the fucking worst. I've been to so many over the years and now I have a flat refusal when invited.

The kid is usually over hyped, over due for a sleep and underwelmed with any gift other than the wrapping paper. At least one of the guests will be a kid who never allowed sugar, so of course eats until they vomit, while the chances of cracking a beer without getting death stares from the mothers group is close to zero.

I'd much prefer to be the little girls centre of attention on her actual birthday. Just you and her mum, at the park with a picnic. If you play your cards right you'll get a blow job during her afternoon nap from her appreciative mum.
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Funny shit man. That is so true!!
 
You have plenty to look forward to my friend.

I once created a riot at a fifth birthday because I was in charge of the games and didn't place a gift in every layer of the pass the parcel. Fucking pussy kids these day and their everyone must win something attitude.

Now I'm the "cool" parent in charge of chaperoning teenage girls to music festivals so the worm has turned
 
spacejunk said:
I think for the sake of keeping the peace - and for the the sake of the little girl - you might want to swallow your pride and just spend her actual birthday with her.
It's a messy situation, by the sounds of it, and i think for the sake of your relationship, and the happiness of the girl's party...don't make it into an issue about your pride.

Once you can work things out with your partner, especially if she is able to win sole custody of the kids, you will have plenty more special birthday parties to spend with her.
I can see why you'd be upset - but it's at her ex's mother's house. There are lots of feelings at stake here other than yours.
Personally i think compromise is the best solution in this situation.

Especially, as you say - you've been dating for one month.
Make sure you guys are a string unit before asserting yourself into her family life, and try to make the little girl's birthday (on the Monday) as special and fun for her as you can.
Don't draw her into some relationship drama between her mother and yourself - that is totally unfair on the kid.

Sort your shit out, find your own place to live - and get your relationship into a healthy place before you go trying to call the shots. Not your house, not your party, not your kid.
Just my 2 cents.
Click to expand...
Basically... ^

It's not your house. It's not your kid. It's not your decision. & it's only been a MONTH. There's a lot of moving parts to this and I agree with the other posters, I wouldn't bring a man that I've only been dating for one month to my child's birthday party with all her friends, my baby daddy, his parents, my parents, etc.. that's too much. & when you throw in the custody battle.. geez. I feel sorry for this chick and I hope you will stand by her strong, and give her the support she needs. She really needs someone who is able to put their own feelings aside and focus on HER and helping HER.
 
Four weeks into a relationship and all this insecurity, entitlement and drama? You don't even know each other.

People need to learn to relax a bit.

You talk about wanting to be at the birthday party as though you're a huge part of this child's life and deserve to be there for this event, and then a few posts later you're talking about ending the relationship. It's sad when a child is involved but people cannot see past their own wants and desires. A first birthday should be about the child and the family, but you have managed to try to make it about you and this girl you've known for a few minutes.

You're a teenager - live life and enjoy! Focus on yourself for a while and get your shit together first before jumping head first into something this serious...you do not seem ready to take on such a major role in a child's life yet.
 
Mel22 said:
Four weeks into a relationship and all this insecurity, entitlement and drama? You don't even know each other.

People need to learn to relax a bit.

You talk about wanting to be at the birthday party as though you're a huge part of this child's life and deserve to be there for this event, and then a few posts later you're talking about ending the relationship. It's sad when a child is involved but people cannot see past their own wants and desires. A first birthday should be about the child and the family, but you have managed to try to make it about you and this girl you've known for a few minutes.

You're a teenager - live life and enjoy! Focus on yourself for a while and get your shit together first before jumping head first into something this serious...you do not seem ready to take on such a major role in a child's life yet.
Click to expand...

Great post.

It's a NEW relationship. I can see why she wouldn't feel comfortable having someone new there around a ton of people.
 
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