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I cannot come/ man

I've recently struggled with this problem and its caused quite a rift between my girlfriend and myself. It forced me to reevaluate my meds. I stopped taking Buspar and Wellbutrin, and appear to be more successful (only tested when alone because my gf is too "scared to know what will happen if it fails again" to have sex with me at this point.

It's the biggest stressor in my life ATM because I love her, but this could spell the end.
She sys she's being patient, but doesn't know how long she can wait. Yet, as sated, she won't have sex with me at this point. It's a catch-22.

The irony is that both Busparvand Wellbutrin are purported to at least combat sexual dysfunction as a result of SSRI's, if not act as lid aphrodisiacs on their own.

Your meds are the smoking gun here, though. Zoloft reduces libido and penile rigidity, as does buprenorphine. Thus, to me, it's hardly surprising that the combination would augment the level of sexual dysfunction you're experiencing.

I just wish I knew what is happening in my body. It just "started" out of the blue.
Was that your case, OP?

Wishing you well,
~ Vaya
 
I'm not on Zoloft anymore just pristiq and suboxone.

My body is physically numb can't feel much at all not much pain or touch even with my fingertips and not much physical pleasure of any kind. Likely my medicine but don't know.

As for feeling that should be pleasure but isn't it feels like I know what the sensation is I recognise that there is this chemical in my brain that is called pleasure but doesn't it just feels kinda like the feeling when you inject morphine and its like barbed wire coiling round in brain or too much serotonin in my brain its hard to comunicate a subjective feeling but its not what should be.

Oh and it came on gradually like putting a frog in water and slowly bringing it to boil and the frog don't notice till dead.
 
Why is your GF pissed off at you for not coming. So long as she gets off and gets sex still why she bitching about it. Tell her most women don't come and should their boyfriends hold it against them and leave them over it or give them no sex over it. Fuck that.

My missus is understanding and tries her best what I want but she also knows I'm still liking sex with her and enjoying the closeness and she don't hold a medical condition against me.
 
Comrade Kane said:
Why is your GF pissed off at you for not coming. So long as she gets off and gets sex still why she bitching about it. Tell her most women don't come and should their boyfriends hold it against them and leave them over it or give them no sex over it. Fuck that.

My missus is understanding and tries her best what I want but she also knows I'm still liking sex with her and enjoying the closeness and she don't hold a medical condition against me.
Click to expand...

Let's keep it civil please, doesn't sound like this is something Vaya necessarily considers worthy of insults... :)
 
Comrade Kane said:
My body is physically numb can't feel much at all not much pain or touch even with my fingertips and not much physical pleasure of any kind. Likely my medicine but don't know.

As for feeling that should be pleasure but isn't it feels like I know what the sensation is I recognise that there is this chemical in my brain that is called pleasure but doesn't it just feels kinda like the feeling when you inject morphine and its like barbed wire coiling round in brain or too much serotonin in my brain its hard to comunicate a subjective feeling but its not what should be.

Oh and it came on gradually like putting a frog in water and slowly bringing it to boil and the frog don't notice till dead.
Click to expand...

How long has it been since you were actively using? Anhedonia resulting from opiate addiction can truly take some time to dissipate once you've stopped.
 
drugs have an effect on sex drive and orgasm. if you find you have no libido or you cant come and you are taking a drug and these problems were not there before maybe you should look up the side effects

there was a thread like this recently were the op was on beta blockers. you should know the effects of drugs you are prescribed

this is basic harm reduction
 
Pagey said:
Let's keep it civil please, doesn't sound like this is something Vaya necessarily considers worthy of insults... :)
Click to expand...

I weren't insulting Vaya but sorry Vaya if it sounded like I were. I was empathy angry you know when you hear of something bad happening to someone else (Vaya) and makes you angry. In this case I was angry at Vaya's girlfriend for not being understanding to Vaya over a medical condition that is for me "close to home" and also for the sheer inanity of someone leaving their partner because said partner can't come. Many women dont come. Is it reasonable for a woman's bf to leave her for this reason? Of course not. And the same for a woman leaving a man cause the man doesn't come. Can u all understand this?
 
It's cool man I understood what you were saying. she cums, though, boy lemme tell you.

TBH, obviously I love orgasm, but I consider the whole endeavor successful and intensely rewarding if I can please the woman. I've spent three hours (yes, three) happily giving women head and accepting wave after wave of orgasm from them with that being all that occurs and still been happy. My current GF is... Well, not the most proficient girl at having sex (only the most minute amount of foreplay, at least directed at me, consisting of her trying to give me a handjob) and never gets off her back, meanwhile I'm doing extravagant things to her entire body, for extended periods of time, before 'slipping in') and in her mind sex is not successful unless she makes me cum. Otherwise she has 'failed' (her words) and falls asleep in a morose mood.

I was hoping to slowly teach her the ropes over time until this started happening during the intense June depression, and her horrified reaction has only increased my performance anxiety sometimes resulting in ED which represents an even bigger failure on her part (in her mind) and thus she is now reluctant to have sex at all for fear of failure. I'm fairly certain I'm 'back,' but it makes no difference if there's no opportunity.

This is all-the-more of a mindfuck because outside of this we make each other SO happy, and smile so much that it hurts (case in point
NSFW:
) so why on Earth should this relationship face the likelihood of failure?

Sometimes (that's a lie - oftentimes) I feel as though it's an inevitability, but that is too painful a concept for me to entertain for very long without seeking a distraction.

Any way, my apologies for hijacking the thread.

~ Vaya
 
That spark ur talkin about is probly an orgasm
Also try masterbating faster and harder and if that don't work try sticking something up ur butt that's big enough that it won't get lost but small enough to fit in there I usually do both just to feel like the orgasm was a million bucks
 
vaya sounds like you need to start faking orgasms lol i don't see why it is that big of an issue, i understand that it is an issue but not something that should take down a relationship, especially if you don't even care. Other way around tho, like you could never get her off and she needed to get off, that'd be a deal breaker for most women i'm assuming. If she didn't care about herself and only cared about you, then again, it wouldn't really be an issue.

Pristiq is OP's issue big time. It will murder your sex drive, sub will give you that numb feeling, i think pristiq is also known for that, or at least effexor is. Pristiq is a really shitty medication, i don't know why it's prescribed. Go read the wikipedia article on it, it doesn't sound very promising for an AD with shitty side effects.

as for that strange feeling in the head; i get that all the time and sometimes a sudden rush of dysphoria afterwards, especially with sex.

^have you lost objects up your butt in the past?
 
Vaya said:
It's cool man I understood what you were saying. she cums, though, boy lemme tell you.

TBH, obviously I love orgasm, but I consider the whole endeavor successful and intensely rewarding if I can please the woman. I've spent three hours (yes, three) happily giving women head and accepting wave after wave of orgasm from them with that being all that occurs and still been happy. My current GF is... Well, not the most proficient girl at having sex (only the most minute amount of foreplay, at least directed at me, consisting of her trying to give me a handjob) and never gets off her back, meanwhile I'm doing extravagant things to her entire body, for extended periods of time, before 'slipping in') and in her mind sex is not successful unless she makes me cum. Otherwise she has 'failed' (her words) and falls asleep in a morose mood.

I was hoping to slowly teach her the ropes over time until this started happening during the intense June depression, and her horrified reaction has only increased my performance anxiety sometimes resulting in ED which represents an even bigger failure on her part (in her mind) and thus she is now reluctant to have sex at all for fear of failure. I'm fairly certain I'm 'back,' but it makes no difference if there's no opportunity.

This is all-the-more of a mindfuck because outside of this we make each other SO happy, and smile so much that it hurts (case in point
NSFW:
) so why on Earth should this relationship face the likelihood of failure?

Sometimes (that's a lie - oftentimes) I feel as though it's an inevitability, but that is too painful a concept for me to entertain for very long without seeking a distraction.

Any way, my apologies for hijacking the thread.

~ Vaya
Click to expand...

Cute couple you two...

Anyhows I stopped taking my pristiq just chucked em out but still taking subs and then yestetday got condom and had my GF masturbate me and cummed last night from that and feelin totally normal like except that I'm USUALLY quiet comer barely even move but last night I was like my whole body was shaking and my joints cracked and we both laughed our heads off afterwards and she said it was (exaggerating) like that come scene in "scary movie" where that girl gets plastered onto ceiling by a load. Lol.

Thanks all for advice and fuck pristiq. My doc will up me when I tell him I not taking it when I tell him but I won't.
 
Pressure in the head during orgasm is called coital cephalalgia. The modern medicine explanation is that it's a pressor response to physical activity. The eastern explanation is that it's kundalini rising, or yangqi moving up the back of the spine toward the crown at the apex of the head. When it reaches this point you can have spiritual revelations, according to the kama sutra. So, the good news is, your system is normal. It's just being artificially numbed or suppressed by the drugs you're using.

It's ironic because in many relationships, a man who can have sex indefinitely without cumming would be highly desireable. The entire basis of tantra is semen retention during coitus, to retain vigor and life force, and to channel the sexual energy upward toward the crown (as mentioned earlier) instead of spilling essence outwardly and depleting the body.

I'm just trying to paint a more positive picture for you. What's happening to you is not necessarily bad. There's nothing "wrong" with you. Modern sex places a lot of emphasis on the cumshot. In many developed sexual practices, cumming is not necessarily the height of the experience.
 
Foreigner said:
Pressure in the head during orgasm is called coital cephalalgia. The modern medicine explanation is that it's a pressor response to physical activity. The eastern explanation is that it's kundalini rising, or yangqi moving up the back of the spine toward the crown at the apex of the head. When it reaches this point you can have spiritual revelations, according to the kama sutra. So, the good news is, your system is normal. It's just being artificially numbed or suppressed by the drugs you're using.

It's ironic because in many relationships, a man who can have sex indefinitely without cumming would be highly desireable. The entire basis of tantra is semen retention during coitus, to retain vigor and life force, and to channel the sexual energy upward toward the crown (as mentioned earlier) instead of spilling essence outwardly and depleting the body.

I'm just trying to paint a more positive picture for you. What's happening to you is not necessarily bad. There's nothing "wrong" with you. Modern sex places a lot of emphasis on the cumshot. In many developed sexual practices, cumming is not necessarily the height of the experience.
Click to expand...


It doesn't feel like pressure it's a real feeling like a spark or a cold flame hard to describe, in the back of my head but I didn't feel it last night and only feel it sometimes and not always during sex and its not the same as the coiled wire feeling of morphine IV but similar in its reality and indescribable subjective nature.

The closest I can say is that I think there is too much serotonin in my brain in that one instant.

Maybe pressure is how others experience the same thing.

Yes I get that a male 'lasting' is a desirable thing in western culture and is the subject of many ads on tv for nasal sprays and such and whenever these come on me and she we laugh at them but other than the fact my head is filling with chi energy I also get frustrated sexually. Lol.

Hopefully though I'm back and last night was a sign things are better.

Thanks for all responses.
 
Vaya said:
I've recently struggled with this problem and its caused quite a rift between my girlfriend and myself. It forced me to reevaluate my meds. I stopped taking Buspar and Wellbutrin, and appear to be more successful (only tested when alone because my gf is too "scared to know what will happen if it fails again" to have sex with me at this point.

It's the biggest stressor in my life ATM because I love her, but this could spell the end.
She sys she's being patient, but doesn't know how long she can wait. Yet, as sated, she won't have sex with me at this point. It's a catch-22.

The irony is that both Busparvand Wellbutrin are purported to at least combat sexual dysfunction as a result of SSRI's, if not act as lid aphrodisiacs on their own.

Your meds are the smoking gun here, though. Zoloft reduces libido and penile rigidity, as does buprenorphine. Thus, to me, it's hardly surprising that the combination would augment the level of sexual dysfunction you're experiencing.

I just wish I knew what is happening in my body. It just "started" out of the blue.
Was that your case, OP?

Wishing you well,
~ Vaya
Click to expand...

Its the absolute worst when they take it personally like that, the worst.

Once that SSRI switch flicks it can take time to get back to being 100% and reliable. 3 months, 6 months, cant tell.

She knows its the medication though, right? i.e. not you, not her, and not forever. Maybe if you went to the doc together, grab some Viagra to failsafe the ED, bit of an explain from the doc to help her know she doesn't need to feel bad?
 
^that was my plan, until pharmacy informed me the script would cost $875, after which my girlfriend expressed further dissatisfaction with the relationship and it was kind of mutually ended over the phone. Been... somewhere else for about 36 hours.
*sigh* :( All's well that ends... Somehow.

Thank you all for your advice, you can't know how much I've appreciated reading it.
 
Sorry to hear than man. I guess your princess is in another castle.

So I guess its back to chilling with your mates, flirting with hotties in bars, clubs, events... sneaky winks, chance meetups... blind date or two, dusting off the ole black book and generally just having a kickarse time. Yeah, sucks to be you :p

This time just gotta find yourself a chick who can take a bit of your shit sometimes. (and preferably swallow).
 
^that actually made me laugh... And I need it, big time. Thanks :)
 
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