I Burned My Family's House Down While Nodded Out...

[herbavore]

I'm worried I'll find a good job or gf or both in the months im waiting to get into rehab and not want to leave. The opening for rehab always comes at the worst time in my experience.

Stay in the "now" and don't worry about things that are not actually happening to you in the present. Look at it this way--you would not be healthy enough to sustain a good job or a good relationship in your current circumstances. You are in a struggle to get yourself mentally healthy. When you are on your feet, feeling free of addiction, able to deal differently with all the stresses that got you there in the first place, you will be ready for anything. Right now, look at this as time for healing YOU.

 

[6C The Second]

I've been on the horn all morning and I think I found something good. I found a 2 year long rehab. They have a gym and it's co-ed. Both of those are huge to me. It's non-faith based. I'm open to religion, but programs that force it have not worked for me. It is mostly a behavioral modification program. You work 40 hour weeks at what ever job you pick. It's supposed to be a very difficult program, but great success.

Input, please.

 

[Moreaux]

That sounds fantastic actually! Mindfulness and behavioral modification can yield fantastic results. Two years is also a good amount of time to get through withdrawal and PAWS in a safe environment. I wish I would have been able to go to a long term facility my first time around as 28 days is really not enough. It sounds even more promising in that it is not fair based as some of those can be really sketchy. What is the name of the place if you don't mind sharing?

 

[6C The Second]

I'm fine with sharing the name. I didn't think I could. Like sourcing.
It's called Cenikor. They are in Texas and Louisiana. I'm surprised that I have never heard of them given all the years I've spent in and out. I'm researching into it currently. The only downside I see is the diet... I don't want to get fat. I have BDD(body dysmorphic disorder)

 

[anonymousx]

I'm so sorry to hear what addiction has done to you. Yes, addiction, not you. You're not the monster. Just know that and remember that. I hope that you are able to get into a rehab. It really does help and it gives you an outlet to get rid of some of the pain you're holding onto. Co-Ed rehab sounds good. Getting a job there sounds good. Fuck the diet. You can work out. But, get into a rehab that has people your age too. The best rehab I went to was co-ed and I stayed with a group of people the same age as me, which helps a lot. We had group therapy and just talking, out loud, to people who fully understood how I felt; helped me more than anything. Either way, I think rehab would be good for ya. If you can't get into a rehab soon, Google some support groups near you. NA preferably. AA will work too. Doesn't matter. Just see if you can find something like that around you. It will help you not feel so alone. It's gonna be hard but you can do it. Think about the worst thing that's ever happened to you while you were using. Sear that pain into your brain and associate it with addiction. Slowly, over the years, you will learn to hate it and that will help you. You're gonna have ups and downs. But, if you stay deligent and you stay positive. (Please, this is important!) You will be able to make amends with your family. It's gonna take some time. It did with me. But, the relationships will get better. Addiction destroys everything and leaves deep scars. You can heal and so can they. Be strong! People like us are survivors. You will make it through this. Love yourself enough to make it through this. Everything is gonna be okay.

 

[6C The Second]

Thank you ^^^

OMG... i just changed my bandage for the first time in a week. (I was told 7 days) I don't know if it was because of the pain that came with cleaning off all the puss and stuff or just seeing the severity of my burn for the first time, but I was pouring sweat(my blood is too thick for Nevada) and got nauseous. Wow. It smelled sooo bad too. I can post a pic later if anyone would like to see it. It is bad, but it is only my arm... I'm very vain, so hopefully this scar with be that reminder to not be a fuck up. I'll just leave out the being high and being the cause of the fire part when I tell the story of how I tried to save my cats from a fire. I mean... How many people would actually run into a burning building to save some animals. Not too many, right? (serious question)

Phew, I'm so glad that's done for now. It smells so sterile now. There were also three nurses in the house when I did this, which is awesome given this situation. I could not have done this alone. My arm is throbbing now though. :-/

 

[Moreaux]

Thank you ^^^

OMG... i just changed my bandage for the first time in a week. (I was told 7 days) I don't know if it was because of the pain that came with cleaning off all the puss and stuff or just seeing the severity of my burn for the first time, but I was pouring sweat(my blood is too thick for Nevada) and got nauseous. Wow. It smelled sooo bad too. I can post a pic later if anyone would like to see it. It is bad, but it is only my arm... I'm very vain, so hopefully this scar with be that reminder to not be a fuck up. I'll just leave out the being high and being the cause of the fire part when I tell the story of how I tried to save my cats from a fire. I mean... How many people would actually run into a burning building to save some animals. Not too many, right? (serious question)

Phew, I'm so glad that's done for now. It smells so sterile now. There were also three nurses in the house when I did this, which is awesome given this situation. I could not have done this alone. My arm is throbbing now though. :-/

I personally wouldn't omit being high. It's displacing accountability and making yourself out to be a hero, which you're not. The more you tell the story without owning up to the actual events, the more you distance yourself from a horrible event that you caused. You did this and you need to own it - your kitties deserve the truth. Honestly, hearing you say that you'll leave that part out makes me concerned for your recovery and for you. As bad as that tragic event was, I promise you it can get so much worse. Accept and own your problem and focus on getting healthy, not about regaling people with stories about how you burned your arm. You need to live in reality if you want to be healthy, and the reality of the situation is you burned yourself because you got high and burned the house down. Let people in and get to know you, for better or for worse. If you don't heed my advice you will be living a lie and all the stress that come from trying to maintain a false image, because it won't stop at the one. You will continue to self destruct. The sooner you accept yourself as you are the sooner you can begin to honestly address the true issues motivating you to use and get on the path to health. I am saying this from a compassionate perspective because I hid a lot of details and left critical details out of stories for years. It was impossible to get healthy and it's absolutely possible to achieve the lowest depths of hell here on earth, I want to spare you from that. Please consider my logic on this.

If you are not comfortable telling those details when people ask about the burn then say you are not very comfortable talking about it, and leave it at that. Do not make yourself the hero, it's disrespectful to your family and your kitties.


BTW - many of us would absolutely burn for our pets if they were trapped in a burning building so I think you're wrong in your logic that not many people would try to save their animals. In this day and age many people consider their pets family.

 

[6C The Second]

All very good points. I will tell in full detail.

Here is my burn:

http://imgur.com/gallery/3UXXFOl

 

[VastEmpty]

JESUS CHRIST! That looks like pure hell. And you aren't on painkillers for that?

Holy crumb, 6C...I'm so sorry you are going through this. Hang in there. When do you think you might make it to the long term rehab?

- VE

 

[Moreaux]

That looks horribly painful, but it looks like it is healing well. Words are inadequate to express how lucky you were all things considered.

 

[anonymousx]

Thank you ^^^

OMG... i just changed my bandage for the first time in a week. (I was told 7 days) I don't know if it was because of the pain that came with cleaning off all the puss and stuff or just seeing the severity of my burn for the first time, but I was pouring sweat(my blood is too thick for Nevada) and got nauseous. Wow. It smelled sooo bad too. I can post a pic later if anyone would like to see it. It is bad, but it is only my arm... I'm very vain, so hopefully this scar with be that reminder to not be a fuck up. I'll just leave out the being high and being the cause of the fire part when I tell the story of how I tried to save my cats from a fire. I mean... How many people would actually run into a burning building to save some animals. Not too many, right? (serious question)

Phew, I'm so glad that's done for now. It smells so sterile now. There were also three nurses in the house when I did this, which is awesome given this situation. I could not have done this alone. My arm is throbbing now though. :-/

I hope today has been a better day for you. Stay strong.

 

[Sobrietysucks]

All very good points. I will tell in full detail.

Here is my burn:

http://imgur.com/gallery/3UXXFOl

Do u know how long it will take for it to heal? I remember when my leg was sliced open in surgery (two incisions going from foot all the way to my knee) and it left a nasty scar. When I was discharged, a nurse would show up every other day to clean and change the bandage. A year later, I have a faded scar.

 

[6C The Second]

My huge response just deleted itself...

The pain is bad, but ok if immobile. Which it can't be because I have to do stretches all the time. The itching is 10x worse. No OTC meds help. I was thinking maybe DXM, or lope with a preload of black pepper to help cross BBB. What's everyone's thoughts for pain killing OTC? I can't do kratom or any RC's. I won't do alcohol. I have my reasons...

As for rehab. I'm having my probation extended because I can't afford the fees. I can't get a job because of probation and I can't get off of probation because I can't find a job. I am in a new area, so maybe I'll have better luck out here. Still then, I'm limited to walking distance jobs. I feel the judge won't let me leave the state for this long program as then they won't have their money for that much longer. Also, I'll need to put $1500 down for rehab.

It just seems so impossible.


Side note: Do you think if I were to contact any store that they might donate damaged goods to my family? I'm speaking furniture and the like. They will be fine with food. I want to do something to help them, but all that they need help with costs money.

How horrible with having this scar look? I'm image conscious... At least its only my arm.

 

[6C The Second]

Do u know how long it will take for it to heal? I remember when my leg was sliced open in surgery (two incisions going from foot all the way to my knee) and it left a nasty scar. When I was discharged, a nurse would show up every other day to clean and change the bandage. A year later, I have a faded scar.

I've been researching into scar minimalization. I plan of making a salve of components unlike other products on the market. I'd like to be able to create something I can potentially market. I know thats a long shot, but people have done similar. That'd really allow me to turn this situation around.

EDIT: They told me it'd take 2 weeks to heal. It's been 3 and is no where near that point... I'd say another 1.5 weeks until it is closed completely. The scar itself will take much longer to fade.I do tend to have very light scars over time though. Noticable, but the same tone as the rest of my skin.

 

[6C The Second]

I have some kratom coming in, so that should help with the pain.

I've had countless OD's while on probation. Nothing bad ever came from that because it was a medical issue and therefore would not show up in the system. My PO knows about the fire as I had to cancel my apt due to being in the hospital. Is there a chance he could find out that I was high when the fire started? There were no drug tests done on me. He also asked me while just on the phone with him. I just said I woke up to use the bathroom and was smoking and the fire had started. I did not specify what smoking meant.

When will this end?

 

[herbavore]

When will this end?

6C, you will need to use this experience not to further defeat you but to rise above and beyond what you have been trying so far, which is drugging yourself for little temporary spurts out of your reality. This has been a disaster of terrible proportions and now is the time to begin turning your life around by getting help for your dependence on drugs. You don't need to solve every big issue in your life right away; it's more a matter of making a commitment to change one thing at a time. Right now you have pain and need painkillers so take them as prescribed and do not go beyond that. But when you are thinking about what happened try to accept responsibility without getting stuck in guilt and vow to change the circumstances that allowed this to happen.

 

[My3sons]

Try local churches for donations.