180 mg Methadone
160 mg OxyContin
300 mg Tramadol
600 mg Pregabalin
4 mg Clonazepam
2 mg Alprazolam
10 mg Diazepam
1,5 g Cocaine (on my way to 2 g)
100 mg Ketamine
It have been a while since my last post. Around august this year I got mixed up in a huge police case in which a number of my friends have received prison sentences going up to 1 year and 6 months. Mostly for burglary but also for drugs and violence. I was arrested but they only managed to get some minor drug charges to stick on me while the other charges was dropped. I am not unfamiliar with police, spending small amounts of time in prison etc. so I don't know why it had the degree of impact this time. After this experience I stopped taking anything but my prescribed methadone, oxycodone, some benzo's for epilepsy (mostly clonazepam but it varies between clonazepam and diazepam for epilepsy combined with alprazolam and pregabalin for anxiety). Up to august my use of cocaine was out of controle which obviously ended up costing me alot of money. Due to that I managed to get my methadone raise to 180 mg each day together with 2x80 mg OxyContin. However, considering the amount of methadone I don't know how much of an effect the oxycodone have. As my focus drifted away from drugs I also stopped following this forum because I think that sometimes just reading about other drugs result in me ending up taking something.
Some of my closest childhood friends have always been mixed up in this more hardcore criminal environment while I myself kinda have two lifes. One where I work in academia and have a healthy and honest life with collegues etc. that couldn't imagine in their wildest fantasy how the other part of my life looks. The other part is a life where I move in the perifery of these criminal circles and it is obviously from this part of my life that my addiction have emerged from.
I could probably by categorized as hardcore junkie from 2013 to 2016 where I was absent from work owing to what they knew as depression but in reality it was a mix of psychological diseases and addiction to mainly opiats and cocaine which I took intravenously in this period. To be honest I am probably lucky that I did not either die from an OD or simply lost my mind completely to depression, PTSD, anxiety etc. and that I managed to get back to this kind working life is probably a surprise to those who know my entire identity.
However, sometimes I doubht whether I will be able to live without my methadone so it might be for life. Everytime I get below 100 mg my cravings for other drugs get so intense that it is nothing but a question of time or some hardship before I end up taking an amount of other drugs that goes from a weekend and part time use to a pure abuse of drugs. But right now I am doing good. I probably take cocaine 1 or 2 days each week combined with tramadol or other opiats 1 or 2 days as well.
I can imagine that I am not the only one on this forum with this kind of "double life" moving between two very different worlds.
