I've been casually using pills (by just consuming them orally) since I was 19 (I'm in my mid-20s now). Whenever I happen to be able to get my hands on oxy or whatever I basically just go slow to avoid building up a tolerance so I can stretch them as much as possible, use them all up, and then wait until I find myself with more pills again. But at this stage in my life I find myself so messed up from depression and anxiety and agoraphobia that I *need* to be high to stop myself from ending things. I've been experimenting using gabapentin and diphenhydramine to get more out of the limited pills I have but I need more. I've considered graduating to dope but I feel like that doesn't even exist anymore where I live, everything is fentanyl. I just really wish I could get a script, using oxy I am able to much better control my mental health issues and suicidal ideation more than I ever was able to with the dozens of antidepressants, xanax, and therapy I've tried. And speaking of xanax (which I have a script for), whenever I can't get my hands on oxy I find myself taking xanax and drinking and blacking out and doing stuff like totaling my car and getting raped by a stranger. So at this point I feel like opiates are my bigger friend and I just wish I didn't have to put myself in danger to find oxy. I just don't understand how everyone is sustaining their habits these days, is everyone just on fentanyl? Sounds miserable to me.