How do I sort out this mess???

[Seattle_Stranger]

Sure it makes sense if you're being honest with yourself.

Personally I can't see how this could ever work in a marriage, but everyone is different. I know I, as a male, could easily have multiple sexual partners yet stay truly committed to one woman and relationship, and could drop all other women if need be without issue. However I know she would never be ok with it, and I would never be ok knowing she slept with another man. I never understood the fantasy of having other men have sex with your wife. I also couldn't understand how a man could have sex with other women and lie to his wife about it and sleep at night, that boggles my mind.

Out of curiosity, how did you and your husband initiate this lifestyle? Who brought up the idea?

 

[BritishBlue]

It was after I told him that I liked women too and that I had slept with a women before I met him ( every guys fantasy right?) we always enjoyed watching porn together and he suggested a threesome with another woman and I was completely turned on by it but scared to say so at first - it just built up from there we talked about how we both felt for years beforehand so I knew what we were doing- also visited clubs and watched people and got so turned on by it, we have both been married before but we're single when we met, so we are not idiots it was just a joint decision and took some time- it made us feel closer in a way that is hard for anyone to understand - I just find it a turn on seeing him have sex. Plus I can be open with him about my own sexuality - maybe he thinks the fact we are so comfortable about it all now makes him think he has the green light to have sex with whoever he wants but he has lied about it.

 

[llama112]

I'm so sorry, but I just can't see any other explanation. You could use wishful thinking and maybe he somehow met this woman during his day, the topic of swinging somehow came up, he went to her house to check her out and make sure she's legit, and then told her to hit you up through the profile so it seemed 'miraculous'.

Maybe she was really worried and new to the scene - she may have simply wanted to meet your husband one on one to see if she would be comfortable with him (she may not have had sex with a guy before). You know that he went to her house, if he is acting like nothing has happened then you can either take him at his word or question him about it. (sex may not have happened)

That was my first idea, that he was just going to meet her first.
Just ask him though, put your mind at ease

 

[alphonso_x]

Good luck with all this, try to stay open to his explication, but follow your gut-feeling and do what you feel you have to do, maybe talk it through with the women he "secretly" went to see.