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Horrible devastating DMT trip

I never realized that "Solipsism" was real, I too have struggled with this in the past, but in a sober state of mind. I would leave songs playing, leave for 30 minutes, and try to remember what song was playing to counter the argument that it would just stop when I left and seize existing until I came back. I realize now that this is a stupid idea, but back then it seemed to make sense. When I used to take a shit, I felt good because sometimes I would think that once I closed the door, I was alone in my own little world and nothing else existed beyond the door and I was free to think and feel how I wanted. I have long sense given up this notion, but maybe if only a miniscule percentage I understand how you felt.

Call up your mom and talk to her so your brain realizes she's real and alive on a sub-conscious level. Keep telling yourself it was just a drug over and over. You'll be okay man, you just need to be more careful and in a more positive mind state when you medicate yourself next time.

You realize that none of us really "exist" in the notion that we would all like to believe right? We are born, with our brains intact in our heads and as we mature we start to take in reality as we perceive it with our eyes, ears, fingers, taste, and smell. Who's to say that when I see blue, it really looks like my red to you? Nobody knows, and nobody can tell because your reality is what you take it as. Imagine if there was a man, and all he did since birth was drop acid. He lived his entire life since he could breathe, just constantly taking LSD. Then one day he doesn't take it and the world around him is how you and I perceive "reality". Do you really think that he would see the same world that you and I see, or would he think of it as something else entirely.
You are looking into the details too much, trying to find an answer that doesn't exist and never will exist. Whether we exist or not, we are a part of your mind's reflection of reality and therefore part of your life, no matter if we are human beings or just names and letters on a chatboard. What you experienced was a bad drug trip and you will be okay as long as you don't look into it as much as you are now. Relax, you're alive and you seem to be healthy from what I gather.

Why if we didn't exist would your mind purposefully categorize us into different beings? Myself being PajamaSam, Elf_spice being Elf_spice, John being John, alice being alice. If your mind was truly hellbent on convincing you that we are indeed real and not figments of your imagination, wouldn't we all just have the same name and say things that don't matter? Why would your brain try so hard to make up this elaborate scheme that you're not actually in reality and replace everything with such varying and exclusive figures?
Decide to randomly get into a hobby, car racing. Would your mind then have to fabricate the entire sport, all the rules, the players, uniforms, and etc. Just for you to cope with the fact that it's not real, or would it make more sense to accept that it was already a sport and you're just a human being who just so happened to turn onto it? what makes more sense?

I have a friend that I have many deep conversations about (like this) and he probably helped me out of the whole "I am the only existing thing in the universe" phase, just like you are now. I hope that if I don't help you, something I say gets planted in your head so you can live a positive life and not live in such horrible pain.

Always remember what I said though, nothing is technically "real" or "existent" until your mind experiences and conceives it as such. We are never real and we can never be proven to be real, we are just what your mind perceives as real due to your senses (taste, touch, feelings, etc.) So would you rather spend your whole life trying to come up with the impossible solution of finally figuring out how to prove that we really do exist (you won't) or just accept the fact that we are here, you live on earth, in the milky way, and you live in the year 2013? Let go of all the stress and mindless circles in your head that make no sense and embrace the feeling of sobriety and reality in your head. Stop drinking, stop medicating with any drugs, and just stare out your window for a good hour and just accept that you
can't prove the impossible, and that you should just delight in the moment.

I know I've said a shit-ton, but to further my point I used to get so depressed and mad that I would never know if god existed. I would think in loops like "well if the big bang happened (which I personally believe, I don't mean to stomp on your religion) then how did it start? Who created the vacuum that the big bang was started in? If a being so happened to mold our existance, why hasn't he made himself known? If god exists, who made god? How can the initial creation of our universe not continue on infinitely and not stop somewhere?"
All these questions I had with no answers, and then my friend whom I mentioned before pretty much just said "why does it matter?"
"why does it matter?! I NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS, RIGHT? I NEED TO KNOW THE PURPOSE IN LIFE! I NEED TO HAVE REASON TO LIVE!"
He told me his reason for living was that he enjoyed life, the little things. The explainable things, like a hot cup of coffee on a warm day, or seeing a beautiful flower in the summer. You will never know if god exists ever, no matter what religious figure wants you to believe, you will never, ever, ever TRULY know if he is real. The answer is to ACCEPT it, not SEARCH for the answer. Pick-up an old hobby you used to love, but haven't found time for recently. Painting, poetry, music, whatever it is, do it. Just relish in the fact that you feel happy doing it and that is why you should live.

It's okay man, and it always will be. Just accept the fact that you will never know the answers to the impossible and get back to living your life. If you spend the rest of your life asking the un-answerable you will lie on your death bed wishing you had truly lived life and not spent years wasting it away for nothing. Believe in yourself, but believe in your family, love, and happiness. BE HAPPY! :D
 
didier.johnson said:
I believed everyone was me in a joyful way,

...that I am the only one that exists and that everything is just imaginary, (negative way)



The horrible weird things didn't stop I started to realise I had already done this before and had this exact same trip as though I was living this all again and was angry at myself for smoking the DMT again
Click to expand...


Regarding the first two points:

1. 'I believed everyone was me in a joyful way,
2....that I am the only one that exists and that everything is just imaginary, (negative way)'

These two things are the same if you think about it.



I have these troubling thoughts also (sometimes euphoric sometimes despairing), but remember it's all the same, you are alone and you are not, you are everything and you are yourself. 'You didn't come into this world (where did you come from?) you came out of this world' (Alan Watts), you are part of the process. That not being you are only some submissive cog, you are also yourself, the universe experiencing itself from your point of view, but also everyone's and everything's all at the same time. This is the secret. It's wonderful. Pantheism. Monism.

Check out Alan Watts books, for example:
The book: On the taboo Against knowing who you are.
Taoism the water course-way.
Myth and symbolism in Christianity.

Don't give up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_HQg2H6EG0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3hVc2hWYxg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMRrCYPxD0I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Rz4ReNv6M8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKZQc1aRBvM

Regarding the last point I quoted from you:


'The horrible weird things didn't stop I started to realise I had already done this before and had this exact same trip as though I was living this all again and was angry at myself for smoking the DMT again.'

I have this exact same feeling! The deja vu is something else. I always think (and I believe I did this on the first break through too) " F**k! Sh*t! I know this I have been here before, dam lets ride it out!"

Then you forget it as it's too much to hold on too. I find now when I can have a non-break through but boarderline dose and I 'remember' that place/feeling at break through dose and sometimes this is enough as a true break through dose is harrowing at times.


(some of your other points seem Egocentric, lots of people get this from for example ketamine abuse, don't think too much about it)
 
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^ exactly

you stumbled upon a categorizational issue.

when tripping the universe is one, but then there is only me. i am alone. if i am the only one and everything is a figment of my imagination then why is life not better? why would i do this to myself. (hint you are not everything, just a part of it. ego overload! tripping can destroy your ego or BALLOON it)

its called tripping your fucking nut off.
 
I am a fairly experienced dmt user, ive smoked it somewhere between 50-100 times, i had a similar experience when i had tried to contact my brother who passed about a year and a half ago. in order to get the full effect i find holding the smoke in until you litterally cant hold your breath anymore to be the most efficient way to use it. anyhow i loaded my pipe, ashes dmt than ashes again, began to take my hit and hold it, almost spontaneously i was traveling through hyperspace, (it may sound strange but after about 10-15 times of using dmt I felt I could take myself deeper and deeper to an even more amazing place also i had found that i had the ability to ask questions and get a reply through CEV's ) I asked my sub-conscience if it was possible to visit my brother, and it came to me "keep holding your breath" after probably a minute and a half my chest seemed to no longer feel the pain of holding my breath, it almost felt as if my lungs were blowing up with air like a balloon and i hadn't exhaled yet. It took a second but i came to my senses and exhaled and got a fresh breath, I figured holding my breath would only kill me, maybe through death i could have talked with him but the amount of love I have for my family made this seem to great of a risk to take. this startled me post trip, but still did not stop me from doing it again. Dmt is an amazing psychedelic, my favorite drug, but it has a mind of its own you have to be very comfortable in your own skin, because just like anything in life you get the good with the bad regardless of your wants.
 
pofacedhoe said:
^ exactly

you stumbled upon a categorizational issue.

when tripping the universe is one, but then there is only me. i am alone..
Click to expand...

Yes, you are both one and separate. 'Two ends of the same stick.' . The difference between everything is explicit and the unity between everything is implicit. The explicit different of two ends of a stick but the implicit unity that they are ends of the same stick. You could say that is the secret conspiracy that lines between all poles (differences) which is implicit, esoteric or that they are fundamentally one.'

waves and particals, pricles and goo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqLUYN4HY8w

(forget the phrase 'figment of my imagination' it's misleading)

St. Bonaventure's inspired notion of God as the "circle whose centre is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere."

Personally I think Alan Watts nails it for me:

It's the duality issue

'Looking at the form of a tree against the sky, I have felt at one moment that its outline "belongs" to the tree exploding into space. But the next moment I feel that the same form is the "inline" of the sky, of space imploding the tree.'

'My own feeling and of course it is nothing more than an opinion, is that we transcend death, not as individual memory-systems, but only so far as our true identity is the total process of the world as distinct from the apparently separate organism.'

'You yourself are an eternal energy that appears as the universe. You didn't come into this world you came out of it. Like a wave from an ocean.'

Then you bring in time:

what we experience as the succession of time is an abstraction rather than a reality, and that the real state of the universe is eternal or timeless a "moment" without past or future.'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JB6rhY-551E (ignore the lame youtube pictures and chill listening to that fascinating voice)

'For reality is neither multiple, temporal, spatial, nor dual. Figuratively speaking, it is the One rather than the many. But it appears to be Many by a process variously described as manifestation.'

Comments by Alan Watts Excerpts of what Watts says in the video below: “So then, here’s the drama. My metaphysics, let me be perfectly frank with you, are that there is the central Self, you could call it God, you could call it anything you like. And It is all of us. It is playing all the parts of all beings whatsoever, everywhere, and anywhere. And It is playing the game of hide and seek with Itself. It gets lost, It gets involved in the farther out adventures, but in the end It always wakes up, and comes back to Itself. And when you’re ready to wake up, you’re going to wake up. And if you’re not ready you’re going to stay pretending that you are just a poor little me. You won’t wake up until you feel you’ve paid a price for it. The guilt one feels, the anxiety, is simply the way one experiences the guilt of keeping the game of disguise going on. You say to yourself, ‘I won’t wake up until I feel I deserve it. I won’t wake up until I’ve made it difficult.’ When I feel it has been sufficiently arduous, then I may at last admit to myself who I really am, draw aside the veil, and realize that after all, when all is said and done, I am that I am. Which is the name of God. As they say in Zen, when you attain satori, nothing is left you but to have a good laugh. So it’s a question fundamentally, do you define yourself as a victim of the world or as the world?”
http://www.transcend.ws/alan-watts-the-way-of-waking-up-how-do-you-define-yourself/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_HQg2H6EG0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mUaZxLpdOQ



have you seen the silly movie I Heart Huckabees?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyUJSYwt7co
 
you are the universe experiencing it self through your subjective point of view. The universe is playing a game of hide and seek with itself, remembering and forgetting. They is no reason to fear death it is just the undulation of life. We tend to see only the peaks of the waves in the ocean, it's how our consciousness works, but you cant have the peaks with out the troughs. It suddenly hits you, you feel it right in the guts, this new kind of experience that is NOT yourself alone facing an alien world, but yourself as an expression of the world in the same way as the wave is the expression of the ocean.

The universe has no corners, everywhere in it is the middle, or can be regarded as such, just like any point on a sphere can be seen as the centre of the surface of the sphere. YOU are the center of the universe, just as I am.

God is what nobody admits to being and everyone really is. You don't look out there for God, something in the sky, you look in you. In other words underneath the surface of the consciousness that you have and the individual role that you play and are identifying yourself with, you are the works. Just as you ARE beating your heart, in the same way you're shining the sun and you're responsible.


lets carry this further now- that you are really the cosmos, and that you can't die, in the sense of you, you can disapear as an individual organism, yes, but that's only your surface. The real you can't die, so stop fooling around as if you could. You'll be relaxed and you'll be happy and you won't start this tremendous project to asset your individuality over everybody else, just to tell you that you are really there; that's all they do. I mean, a person who goes out for power, who wants to feel that he's in control of all things that are happening around him is simply somebody who is in a state of terror.

Let's suppose you were able, every night to dream any dream you wanted to dream and that you could for example have the power to dream in one night 75 years worth of time. Or any length of time you wanted to have. And you would, naturally, asyou begin on this adventure of dreams, fullfill all your wishes. You would have every kind of pleasure you could concieve. And after several nights of 75 years of total pleasure each, you would say "Well, that was pretty great. But now let's have s surprise. Let's have a dream which isn't under control, where something is going to happen to me that I don't know what it's going to be." And you would dig that and come out of it and say."That was a close shave, now wasn't it?" Then you would get more and more adventurous and you would make further and further gambles as to what you could dream and finally you would dream where you are now.

My metaphysics (Watt), let me be perfectly frank with you, are that the central self, you can call it God, you can call it anything you like and it's all of us. It's playing all the parts of all beings whatsoever everywhere and anywhere. And it's playing the game of hide and seek with itself. It gets lost, it gets involved in the farthest-out adventures, but in the end it always wakes up and comes back to itself. And when you're ready to wake up, you're going to wake up and if you're not ready you're not. The idea that life as we experience it is a big act and that behind the big act is the player and the player or the self, as it's called in Hindu philosophy, the _atman_, is you.

This little organism, on this little planet, is what the whole show is growing there, and so realizing it's own presence. Does it through you, and you're it.

We've got our minds rigged about this in such a way that we live in constant dread of sickness or of death or of loss of property or status. Well, so what? Suppose you do. Everybody's going to die some day. It's a little harder to take when your 20 that when you are 50, but if you are entirely hung up on the idea that YOU are this particular expression of the universe and that only, you haven't been properly educated.

Here is the point: if you believe you have certain propositions that you want to assert about the ultimate reality, or what Portilli calls 'the ultimate ground of being,' you are talking nonsense. Because you can't say something specific about everything.

First thing to do is understand there is no thing separate things or separate evens. That that is only a way of talking. If you understand this, you're going to have no further problems.

It's psychologically more conclusive to liberation to remember that the thinker or the feeler, or the experiencer and the experience and all together.

What you are basically, deep,deep down, far, far in, is simply the fabric and structure of existence itself.


We are i think quite urgently in need of coming to feel that we ARE the eternal universe, each one of us and I am the least new-age - hippy Bullshit person there is..

reality is like the weaving of smoke, Let go, there is nothing to cling on to, or someone to do the clinging

All that is left is laughter
 
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Sorry just one more quote (Alan Watts) to add (and that's me done), only because it reminds me so much of DMT:

There’s a Zen poem which says ‘ A sudden crash of thunder. The mind doors burst open, and there sits the ordinary old man.’

See? There’s a sudden vision. Satori! Breaking! Wowee! And the doors of the mind are blown apart and there sits the ordinary old man. It’s just little you, you know? Lightning flashes, sparks shower. In one blink of your eyes, you’ve missed seeing. Why? Because here is the light. The light, the light, the light, every mystic in the world has ‘seen the light.’ That brilliant, blazing energy, brighter than a thousand suns, it is locked up in everything.

Now imagine this. Imagine you’re seeing it. Like you see aureoles around Buddha’s. Like you see the beatific vision at the end of Dante’s ‘Paradiso.’ Vivid, vivid light, so bright that it is like the clear light of the void in the Tibetan Book of the Dead. It’s beyond light, it’s so bright. And you watch it receding from you. And on the edges, like a great star, there becomes a rim of red. And beyond that a rim of orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. You see this great Mandela appearing this great sun and beyond the violet, there’s black. Black, like obsidian, not flat black, but transparent black, like lacquer. And again, blazing out of the black, as the _Yang _ comes the _Yin_, more light. Going, going, going.

And along with this light, there comes sound. There is a sound so tremendous with the white light that you can’t hear it, so piercing that it seems to annihilate the ears. But the along with the colours, the sound goes down the scale in harmonic intervals, down, down, down, down, until it gets to a deep thundering base which is so vibrant that it turns into something solid and you begin to get the similar spectrum of textures.

Now all this time, you’ve been watching a kind of thing radiating out. ‘But,’ it says, ‘you know, this isn’t all I can do,’ and the rays start dancing like this and the sound starts waving, too, as it comes out and the textures start varying themselves and they say, well, you’ve been looking at this as I’ve been describing it so far in a flat dimension. Let’s add a third dimension: it’s going to come right at you now.

And meanwhile, it says, we’re not going to just do like this, we’re going to do little curlicues. And it says, ‘well, that’s just the beginning!’ Making squares and turns, and then suddenly you see in all the little details that become so intense, that all kinds of subfigures are contained in what you originally thought were the main figures and the sound starts going all different, amazing complexities of sound all over the place and this thing’s going, going, going and you think you’re going to go out of your mind, when suddenly it turns into...Why, us, sitting around here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jGaio87u3A

Are we all (including time, events and the void) just a fractal at different 'zoom axis'?

We are all one fractal experiencing itself subjectively.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbK92bRW2lQ

“You are an aperture through which the universe is looking at and exploring itself.”
― Alan Wilson Watts

“It's like you took a bottle of ink and you threw it at a wall. Smash! And all that ink spread. And in the middle, it's dense, isn't it? And as it gets out on the edge, the little droplets get finer and finer and make more complicated patterns, see? So in the same way, there was a big bang at the beginning of things and it spread. And you and I, sitting here in this room, as complicated human beings, are way, way out on the fringe of that bang. We are the complicated little patterns on the end of it. Very interesting. But so we define ourselves as being only that. If you think that you are only inside your skin, you define yourself as one very complicated little curlique, way out on the edge of that explosion. Way out in space, and way out in time. Billions of years ago, you were a big bang, but now you're a complicated human being.

And then we cut ourselves off, and don't feel that we're still the big bang. But you are. Depends how you define yourself. You are actually--if this is the way things started, if there was a big bang in the beginning-- you're not something that's a result of the big bang. You're not something that is a sort of puppet on the end of the process. You are still the process. You are the big bang, the original force of the universe, coming on as whoever you are. When I meet you, I see not just what you define yourself as--Mr so-and- so, Ms so-and-so, Mrs so-and-so--I see every one of you as the primordial energy of the universe coming on at me in this particular way. I know I'm that, too. But we've learned to define ourselves as separate from it. ”


― Alan Wilson Watts
http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/1501668.Alan_Wilson_Watts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LemPnZn54Kw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jGaio87u3A

http://www.disregardeverythingisay....visual-components-of-a-psychedelic-experience
 
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I registered an account just to answer this post.

I had a VERY similar experience on my 7th or 8th DMT experience. I smoked a good amount, and was instantly warped into this weird black place. At first I was presented with the entrance to this big long spiral tunnel thing that was all different colors, sort of like the tunnels you described. Something was telling me to go inside of it, but I didn't want to, After what seemed like 5 minutes of just looking at this giant spiral structure and being told to go in it, things changed. I was surrounded by 'beings', I'm not sure what they were but they almost looked human. They were trying to force me inside of some big box, and I physically felt them pushing me. they got me inside but needed me to look towards the bottom, and I wouldn't. They were trying to actually push my face to turn my head, but I wouldn't budge. My friend in the room conformed that I was pushing my face myself, but fighting myself by not turning and I was red from struggling. This continued and then they get VERY angry that I wouldn't do what they wanted. I had extreme feelings of anger, hate, sadness, and felt as though I was being mentally and spiritually tortured. This continued for about 5 minutes total real time, and when "I came back I was so freaked out that I put the pipe in a box, wrapped the box in my blanket and through it in the corner of the room.
I believe that what I, and you encountered were demons. I believe that DMT released your spirit from you body, which is why you are somewhere else where everything is different and time stays still.
I've never done it since, and believe that DMT should not be used by anyone. I think it has a hidden purpose in its use.

You will feel better, just know that what happened was not in this world. Your family, friends and us are real. We are not delusions or programs, we are other humans like you. I've had some terrible trips where I thought that everyone else in my life was fake or actors, and I know this extreme anxiety and paranoia. It will fade, just look at the facts. your fighting 20+ years of reality based off of one trip, you know?

Good luck and PM me if you'd like to talk.
 
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ha! good read for me, because... i had this numerous times and thought i go crazy. but i learned more and more people experimenting with psychedelics running into this "endless loops within endless loops" state. i get triggered into this infinity mainly by short lived dissociatives like salvia and n2o but also happens sometimes also on DMT and even PEA+dissociative combos. i was freaking out at first. meanwhile i'm glad and i dont mind this state at all anymore. i also felt as if i'd be the only person in the universe and next moment everyone at once. i once had that cycling every 5 minutes and my mood was swinging with it. not nice, but a good lesson.
nowadays when i encounter this state i like it, because i somehow am it. still dont understand it, probably never will. like i will never grasp the true meaning of infinity.

carl sagan had it right with the universe is a fractal
the old greeks had it right with the soul is eternal
ludwig boltzmann had it right with entropy
steven hawking had it right with the universe cycles endlessly

as much as i am trying to understand the fractal nature of "it all", i'm afraid that i just cant do it with this brain.


EDIT: @justlooking529 demons? spirits? ... religious induced fear? ... i dont know, but yeah sure, if you try to picture the universe as fractal it IS scary.
for instance start here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjsgoXvnStY ... but then dont stop at 10... dont stop at all... yeah scary.. but no, awesome.

everything you experience that has human qualities (fear, anger, hate, sadness) and even entities (demons, spirits, goblins, elves) are just projections.

as good old bill hicks always said: "dont be afraid, ever! it's just a ride."
 
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I completely understand you! I myself have these thoughts. you must have a shitty life like me. And the most I've ever done is smoke weed and a little Molly. I was depressed for a while. But I'm telling you, you have to socialize. If you get your mind off things you'll totally forget. And don't go online/watch tv because that's not reality. Unless its live. Sometimes I like to joke and think to myself if I made up this so called world why haven't I made my self sexy as fuck haha. Just don't worry about it and just enjoy you life cause your gunna have to deal wit it no matter what mine as well be happy. And I know this is a very old post but I hope you read this and I makes you feel better. Your not alone and I'll be your friend whether imaginary or not! Who gives a fuck!
 
I will put it to you this way... you in fact did create yourself and this existence - however, "YOU" are actually both you and I, we both exist, however we are one, and together as that one being, we created ourselves....

Now the purpose of this experience was to show you that you create your reality. Now thats a scary thought - because yes... everything that has happened to you up to this point is your own doing... now instead of letting that scare you - instead of putting yourself through pain and bad shit over and over again... take the reigns and lead your reality in a positive direction.

It is a blessing.

That "being" that you were in that state was YOU but was also ME - you were EVERYTHING... and as that being, you are the only one that exists. Make sense?

I would not suggest never using a psychedelic again - possibly take a break and integrate the experience you just had - however there is much more to learn - and you COULD learn it without psychedelics - but you (read: God, us, everything) put these tools here for a reason.

edit: can a moderator please help me contact this user? his inbox is full and I feel he may be having a crisis (read: awakening) and I think I can help.
 
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This definitely sounds like an encounter with the void.

I got into the void with an 8th of mushrooms when I was 15 somehow, and I was pretty traumatized. It's a very odd state of being, had to deal with my buddy who got there a couple months ago when we were in a situation that was NOT the time for that, and it was pretty bad.

Honestly there a million things to try to deal with it, but I think time is the only surefire way, it will fade eventually.
 
I had an almost identical experience/realization/delusion on a large insufflated dose of 2C-E. It reamains the most horrific experience of my life to date, and one that significantly impeded my functioning for several months. But I eventually recovered, and I'm sure you will too. I'll emphasize that during the moths-long recovery period, I did absolutely no drugs (frankly it wasn't a conscious decision so much as an indication of the terror I felt when even contemplating any departure from consensus reality).

Just because the experience was extremely unsettling doesn't mean you can't glean value from it. You talk of realizing that you subject yourself to painful or counterproductive experiences (I'm paraphrasing) - I'd continue to contemplate that. Beyond that, I'd try to accept that you had an experience that surpasses rational comprehension. Demonic possession, solipsistic isolation, Biblical revelations - who knows? I don't think you'll ever figure it out.
 
<SpaceHead> said:
Trips like that make me think that all I know is that I really don't know anything, I don't know whats real and whats not real, what or who I am, if there is a god etc.
Click to expand...


i think you can take comfort in knowing that this is the only thing we can be sure of
 
Magickduck said:
edit: can a moderator please help me contact this user? his inbox is full and I feel he may be having a crisis (read: awakening) and I think I can help.
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He has not been on BL since august of last year and I'm afraid I have no other means of contacting him. You would have to contact an admin or something, I am very doubtful they would give you this user's e-mail address but perhaps they are willing to pass on a message.

Also: yes I have experienced something like this once and it is the most terrifying and traumatic thing that ever happened to me, but not because I did not want to be alone but because I never realized there was such a thing as spiritual enlightenment or ego death or ++++ , it was my second trip ever and I was a total noob. Ultimately it led me to become a buddhist, to see the experience as both the mere result of a drug-addled mind as well as a transcendental truth or at least a veil that was lifted for a few hours showing something that approximates the true nature of what is left if individuality is taken away, more so than what we usually experience.
But no, it did not inspire my username ;) - that is just something I borrowed because of some sort of aesthetic impression if left upon me.

I hope Didier is better now. All we can do is find something new to believe (however loosely) and come to terms with it. Continuing to trip if you are too far from integration is a slippery thing, be careful everyone.

Do you think this thread belongs here? Or in the trip reports or philosophy and spirituality forum?
 
Got some beautiful white pure dmt cristals. I am a bit scared to take it for the first time, but after reading this i think i just trow it in the toilet 8(
 
Don't throw it away, handle it with respect - not fear. Just avoid taking it for fun, without any preparation or devotion... some people may learn to use DMT recreationally but for me personally it would not work. Because I have tried using it somewhat casually, like it sounds the guy in the OP did and I got my ass handed to me. I experienced thought patterns and things that happened to me moments ago, but the events I saw before my eyes were twined and braided into a loop making me think I was hopelessly insane.
However when I consider it like the deeply spiritual sacrement it is, take the time (30-60 minutes or so) to meditate and to take a hard and honest look at the concurrent thoughts and feelings I am living with - if I do all that preparation before taking it, I can maintain peace while feeling like a rocket is launched. The point is not that I have experience with this psychedelics and others, but that the preparation as an extension of your set and setting can make a world of difference. And that setting up a frame of reference for what you are doing can make it much more possible to integrate the experience. Yes it is still insanely out of this world, and there are limitations to how you can prepare for it just like knowing something does not make you realize it in your heart... but I truly believe that the experience is as open and honest to you as you are to yourself when you take it.
 
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