Oh, I believe it. I'm completely familiar with this phenomenon. That's why I said
and
And while it is absolutely true that many doctors aren't caught up on PAWS (hell, most doctors aren't aware that benzos shouldn't be RX'd for more than two weeks) this isn't new info either. The abstract you quote from the Ashton Manual is from the early 90's based on research from the 80's when they had 30 years of solid data recently waking everyone up to the realities of long term use and abuse.
But, it's new to you and that's what matters here. Just know that while it sucks terribly and seems like you may never be the same again, as long as you leave benzos behind and don't GABAergic substances you will eventually pull out of it. Easy for me to say, right?
6 months of hell seems like forever. I have been through WD from far, far higher and longer term dosages of alprazolam and diazepam, with extra temazepam and ambien sugar on top for good measure. I totally understand how it feels, for the most part. I did not have this at 6 months, but I can certainly imagine it. I have also worked professionally with a few people who have experienced PAWS lasting into 9 months and a year and that required a lot of supportive measures.
Benzobuddies is a good site for peer support, but having spent much time in an advocacy role I will say that in the benzo community there exists a congtingent of highly vocal people who are malingering their symptoms and playing to the choir in the same way they do their doctors. It's done in search of validation and if you look carefully often comes on the heels of things like being cut off or switched from high dose xanax to Klonapin, etc, as if telling it to the forum will somehow change things. And while there absolutely are terrible doctors cutting people off or b eing unreasonable with prescriptions when someone has a legitimate need, there are far more instances of people being weaned or reduced for very legit reasons, mostly because they were on absurdly high and unnecessarily addicting doses from prior unscrupulous doctors.
It's entirely desperate and I entirely understand it, as benzos will make you crazy and sometimes literally. Very few of those people did that solely to themselves. Most benzo abuse can be laid at the feet of the Doctor.
I'm not at all saying that's what you are doing. I'm saying the nature of benzo addiction can be so all-encomapassing that one may do or say anything to justify continuing ones use at the standard to which one has become accustomed, As a result, online benzo formus tend to have folks putting out all manner of information, so triple check anything you learn there against things like the Ashton Manual and verifiable data.
Try to get outside ibnto the sun and the air. Take a walk, hard as that may be. Eat nutritious foods. Drink a lot of clear water. Read paper books instead of online. Practice Mindfulness Mediatation. Pet a dog. Smile at a kid. All of these things, as tortuous as they may sound, will help you heal faster and will distract you, if only for a minute.
It gets easier.
Thanks for this...I appreciate you taking the time out....I am actually a member at benzobuddies and know exactly what you are talking about, some people there are sick, and will probably stay sick for the rest of their lives. I don't believe I fall into that category, I never had anything even close to mental illness before stupidly experimenting with benzos (I didn't even like the shit, it just sped up my work day) I had no clue how potent it was or that it had to be tapered and was just cold turkeying off and on until it caught up with me in the form of panic attacks....
I went about a month off (unknowingly in withdrawal) When my GP diagnosed me with anxiety due to my complaints to him and gave me lorazepam...Of course this worked, but eventually stopped, then went on klonopin (from doc) this lasted about 3 months until I began having what I now know to be breakthrough tolerance....Around this time is when I learned about benzo withdrawal, but I didn't learn enough and stupidly stopped cold turkey, thinking it was best to get the drug outta my system before more damage was done (ignorance)
About a month after that I was feeling better, working out although still very agoraphobic and having sporadic panic, it was becoming more manageable...Then at around 5 months I took a turn for the worst. I began waking up shaking (cortisol rushes) and having all over body burning and derealization, memory loss, all the symptoms one would associate with wd....
It got so bad and I was still so naive that I eventually reinstated again to lorazepam, which worked for a week or two and then turned on me...My mind got fried and has been that way since.....I'm willing to bet if I would have updosed or used klonopin, I would have better stabilized, but at that point I was so traumatized and upset that I had taken that poision again that I just wanted it out, I tried switching to valium to taper under docs supervision, but I was too far gone mentally and since it had only been about a month and a half back on, I (stupidly) rapidly tapered off....
That was 6 months ago, and here I am....My issue was never a psychological addiction, it was pure ignorance and wanting to end the suffering, which I now know has only complicated things due to what I believe to be kindling. I am SLOWLY seeing very small improvements that I believe to be a positive sign, and I know that staying away from all mind altering drugs, but especially GABAergics will be to my benefit....
I have a very clean diet (its hard to eat anyway) and try my best to exercise (my balance and muscles are so shot its often hard) But I'm hoping that in time I will find I'm able to do more and more....Just a month ago I couldn't even tolerate sitting on the computer, now I am able to for most of the day.
It really is a crazy thing, it's not uncommon, but its not something all benzo users experience, I have friends that abused the shit outta them and got off with some insomnia for a couple weeks. Yet here I am, and I have met many others like me that have no history of psych meds (were given them for injuries, insomnia, etc) who are suffering greatly from these drugs.
I believe they may have a cumulative effect on the damage they do, the more on and off them you do, the more desensitized your system gets to natural gaba and the withdrawal gets worse and worse each time....Just a warning to others. I'm all for drug use and experimentation, I would just hate to see anyone get bit in the ass like I did....I am just now getting to a point where I don't think about killing myself every day to get outta this suffering...It's been, and still is, pure fucking hell.