Help! IV coke binge needs to stop!

[Bin Noddin]

Guys, I had to make this account cause I couldn’t retrieve my old password. I need support and advice. I know this belongs in the dark side and will probably be moved there quickly. But I need as many to see it as possible.

I had been clean of heroin and all drugs/alcohol since July 2019. My life has gotten rough lately. I have 2 young kids, a stressful career a home and all the obligations that come along with it.

On Christmas I was having a big fight with my wife. At a party I was offered a line of blow. I took it and it was one of the worst decisions of my life. I had been sniffing almost daily since then. I hate it. My nose hurts, the euphoria is so short lived, and I honestly feel much better on the days I don’t have it. I guess once you’ve kicked dope/fent the withdrawal from coke doesn’t really seem like much? But I can’t stop!! 2 weeks ago I was again, having another rough time in my marriage. I have some 20g rigs for testosterone injections (prescribed) Well my dumb ass decided I was going to shoot some coke. As you can imagine using a needle that big for iv made a mess, but it got me the all mighty ringer..

I have been sadly chasing that since. Every day telling myself it’s the last day. I’ve run up credit cards, blown through savings, and am just making a fucking mess if my life.

Yesterday I ran out of fresh 31g rigs. I said I was just going to stop for the night. 30 mins later I’m out in my garage digging around with a 20g fucking railroad spike trying to get that rush. No regard for my health or wellbeing. I normally eat very clean, exercise regularly, and compete in endurance dirt bike races. I don’t even feel like picking up a tool or doing any of the things I love. I am a shell right now.

I just need some support. Any advice from someone who has left this shit behind would be awesome. I have told 2 of my very close friends and my father about the coke use. Not the IV part. My two options here are to square it away fast or loose everything. My wife is not going to tolerate this shit again.

 

[Northerngyal]

Private message me if you’d like.I’ve been through that for 2 almost 3 years of my life. It was absolute hell. I am now sober thankfully. If you need a friend, I’m here.

 

[Bin Noddin]

Private message me if you’d like.I’ve been through that for 2 almost 3 years of my life. It was absolute hell. I am now sober thankfully. If you need a friend, I’m here.

Thanks for your reply. I sent you a message. Blue light is a lot quieter than it used to be… I’m done with this shit. Didn’t have anything all day and felt fine. Def a little fiending going on though. Got a call about some new stuff so had to grab some. It’s junk. Idk what the fuck is in it but there is no ringer, no euphoria, and a racing heart that lasts a long time!

I stopped at a gas station. Threw everything away! And I’m done!! I’ve quit heroin dependency! I’ve quit Alcohol dependency (which is the hardest by far for me) and now I’m done with this trash!

 

[Keif' Richards]

Hey @Bin Noddin

I moved your post from BDD here to the Dark Side as requested. I agree with you that this is more recovery oriented. I hope you get some good answers here.

I've never had an addiction to stimulants. Like you, I've been dependent upon Opioids and Alcohol. These were my worst problems. Don't get me wrong, I've done loads of other drugs, there just wasn't room for another addiction. Opioids were a longer, more drawn out thing resembling normal life at times. Alcohol was like a rocket ship to rock bottom. I'd stop talking to people, stop eating, stop bathing, my place would be a mess. Your statement regarding not participating in your usual activities resonated, like I think it would for a lot of us.

Fun fact, I too am a cyclist. I've always ridden bikes, though once I started in recovery, I began cycling a lot more. I eventually started commuting to work by bike, which I now do year-round in New England. The exercise is a great benefit, though there is an emotional element. Cycling made me feel independent. It was my first taste of getting back into life; knowing that if I wanted to go somewhere, I'd be doing it using my own body. It's been an amazing thing for me. I know you'll get back on your bike, you've just gotta get through this bump in the road.

I've used intravenous Cocaine and it's fucked up. I had had extensive experience with IV Heroin use by the time I used IV Cocaine, so I wasn't new to the ROA. I ended up shooting Coke in this dirty house all night until I ran out of money. I spent my entire check for that week and owed a large portion of my next check to this dealer. I remember walking away from the experience frightened by the intensity of the experience. I was always very reckless with my drug use. After that night with IV cocaine, I wanted more and the feeling didn't really go away for like 2 weeks. I'd find myself daydreaming about it, reliving the experience, planning how much money I could allocate to the drug; I knew I couldn't do that again and thankfully, I didn't.

If that was a single experience with this, then I really can't imagine the cravings someone could develop doing it for years. Again, I'm actually a little bit frightened thinking about how out of control it made me and how quickly it did. That's enough about me.

What are your options dude? Do you have health insurance? Do you work? Can you take time off?

I know nobody ever wants to go to treatment. They'd like to do it themselves and not have to spend the time, money and so on. I totally understand. Hindsight might one day reveal that you should've been extremely aggressive with this earlier on. It could get worse. It sounds like it already is.

If you want my honest, frank opinion, I think you should do something like a detox. I'm not saying you require a detox, but it's a great way to put distance between yourself and the drugs, while also getting set up with potential help once you get out. It's also time to contemplate. There are often 12-step meetings at detoxes also. On that note, I would highly recommend getting involved with a program. The program can be anything, but you have to do it every day and you have to be honest. 12-step meetings are just the most-prevalent, easily-accessible option.

If you go to a 5 day detox, you could tell them you're heavily addicted to Alcohol, relax and take some Chlordiazepoxide (Librium) for a few days, think about your situation, put some distance between you and the cravings and get out with a new, resolved commitment to never touching Cocaine in any form again.

I know this might seem radical. I don't want you to underestimate the potential consequences of the path that you're on, even though this is a relatively new thing for you. I'm not accusing you of this, I just want you to know it is extremely serious. By how you've described it, you've already lost control of your free will. If you have questions or need advice/support, let me know.

 

[BlossomsBlooming]

In my case, regarding the craving of the ROA that never goes away: I cannot have access to needles in my house. I have no idea how I would navigate that if I was on a medication that required them. I had some that sat a longtime untouched, until, as for you, my life circumstances and accompanying mood were shitty enough to say “fuck it, I’m doing it.” So I feel that, and for you! Great advice above, wishing you all the strength and power to overcome!

 

[neversickanymore]

Sending love..

This gets so wretched. Addiction really doesn't have anything to do with physical withdrawal, thats physical dependence. You're up against addiction at its heart. So the farther down the hole you fall the more wretched this shit gets, IV cocaine psychosis is literally HELL, like the real thing.

The picture is heartbreaking.. it's a tiny amount of time in extreme pleasure followed by ten minutes of hell. This is undeniably true, but alone it will not be enough to stop us from doing it. The hell is so bad that it an experience so wretched that its a state we find ourselves that we can't even bare the thought of God seeing us in it. I'm not religious but this is the best way I can explain it. When your there please remember that you're a beautiful person with an amazing soul.

The way to beat this is to learn how you can consistently reset the cycle of addiction. This is not easy at first, but can be done. Don't beat yourself up if you slip, but look at what lead to the slip and adjust your recovery techniques in an attempt to adjust. It's not permanent but almost. I thought about it daily for well over a decade and slipped after various time periods for a decade and a half, but now am in a place where I no longer do and if I think about it all I experience is fear and horror.

Here is a nice thread about addiction

Harm Reduction - The Brain and Addiction

THE BRAIN AND ADDICTION For Addicts and Those Who Love Them

www.bluelight.org

im on BL every day.. I've been where you are. Don't hesitate to set up a dm thread with me. I also have another option.. the one that worked for me.

You can do this, in the end its a mind war with ourselves. It's winnable as it no longer haunts me and I haven't touched it in a long time.

 

[washingtonbound]

Guys, I had to make this account cause I couldn’t retrieve my old password. I need support and advice. I know this belongs in the dark side and will probably be moved there quickly. But I need as many to see it as possible.

I had been clean of heroin and all drugs/alcohol since July 2019. My life has gotten rough lately. I have 2 young kids, a stressful career a home and all the obligations that come along with it.

On Christmas I was having a big fight with my wife. At a party I was offered a line of blow. I took it and it was one of the worst decisions of my life. I had been sniffing almost daily since then. I hate it. My nose hurts, the euphoria is so short lived, and I honestly feel much better on the days I don’t have it. I guess once you’ve kicked dope/fent the withdrawal from coke doesn’t really seem like much? But I can’t stop!! 2 weeks ago I was again, having another rough time in my marriage. I have some 20g rigs for testosterone injections (prescribed) Well my dumb ass decided I was going to shoot some coke. As you can imagine using a needle that big for iv made a mess, but it got me the all mighty ringer..

I have been sadly chasing that since. Every day telling myself it’s the last day. I’ve run up credit cards, blown through savings, and am just making a fucking mess if my life.

Yesterday I ran out of fresh 31g rigs. I said I was just going to stop for the night. 30 mins later I’m out in my garage digging around with a 20g fucking railroad spike trying to get that rush. No regard for my health or wellbeing. I normally eat very clean, exercise regularly, and compete in endurance dirt bike races. I don’t even feel like picking up a tool or doing any of the things I love. I am a shell right now.

I just need some support. Any advice from someone who has left this shit behind would be awesome. I have told 2 of my very close friends and my father about the coke use. Not the IV part. My two options here are to square it away fast or loose everything. My wife is not going to tolerate this shit again.

Sorry to hear you're going through this. What I found after struggling with drugs for almost a decade is that there is generally always some kind of stressor that triggers use and lays the pathway for bad decisions. So the most important thing to me is finding ways to improve your relationship with these stressors that doesn't involve drugs. This is much easier said than done. I know it sounds kind of obvious but stress is what has gotten me in holes over the years even more than drugs. The drug use is just a response to it. I wish I had more profound advice for you but that's all I've got.

 

[paranoid android]

IV coke is a cunt. Ive never been addicted to it but i was using it heavily for awile and this resulted in a seizure which was pretty fucked up. I still have coke dreams now about 2 years later.

 

[Bin Noddin]

I appreciate the responses guys. I’ve been good all weekend with no plans to go back. The first batch of shit I was using was ultra euphoric, and extremely smooth. The shit I can get now gives a massive panic attack followed by a racing heart. Def not a good feeling. I know the coke now a days is pure shit. I also know that my children need me more than I need drugs. Even with sniffing this drug I have always felt that as long as I don’t start I can stay away. I actually feel better without it. Addiction has unfortunately been part of my life since I was 16. Im 40 now. It hasn’t always been drugs, but persue everything that is a pleasurable experience to the point of failure.

As I said Friday, I tossed the remainder of a gram, my rigs, cotton, everything! I blocked and deleted my plugs number. I’ve been craving it like a bitch at times, but haven’t acted. Mostly because I know the shit I can get isn’t what I want. But I’ve also been filling up my time with other things. I’ve beaten addiction back multiple times, posting here was therapeutic in that I let at least another soul or two know.

As far as treatment is concerned, my insurance company would gladly help their rich buddies in the rehab business out and put me up somewhere lavish for as long as they could. And as nice as that sounds to me, if I were to go that route I would be coming back to nothing. I have dragged everyone in my life through the wringer over the last 20 years. No one is going to tolerate it anymore and I can’t say I blame them. My wife has been extremely tolerant and understanding. But I don’t think that would be the case this time around. I know that I can do this. And if I can’t, then I’ll end up where im supposed to be. The 12 step stuff around me is unfortunately awful. The AA’ is a bunch of grouchy old fucks that look down on drug users.. and the NA’s are full of shit heads there to appease Cory’s or family members. There is a joke around here that if you need to cop, just hit an NA meeting. I’m in southern New England (not that it matters)

 

[neversickanymore]

How are you doing @Bin Noddin?

 

[Eryximachus]

There is a solid amount of evidence that Depakote (sodium valproate) can reduce cravings. I've got a friend right now who had a massive coke problem while living in South America, had to move home to the US. He is on that and risperidone.

 

[Bin Noddin]

How are you doing @Bin Noddin?

I am doing ok. I’ve been very busy. I’ll check in later. Thanks for asking!

 

[dipped]

Currently struggling as well. Diggin up old needles just to finish off the yola, then just to go buy more yola and use washed up syringes that eventually turn into harpoons.. ugh.

How you doing @Bin Noddin . I am struggling between a detox or just figuring it the fuck out.

 

[Bin Noddin]

Went back.. same as you. Fucking the shit up out of my arms. Wearing long sleeves all the time. Fortunately it’s been cool out. Can’t find a good vein to save my life right now. Wasted last shot of the day. Hate it, hate myself! Have a family day planned tomorrow. Hopefully it will keep my mind off it. I wish going away for a few days was an option. I know I can do it. Just haven’t yet. I buy a 10 pack of rigs, use them once each till I get down to the last two. Then the brutality begins.

Like was said above. 3 mins of pleasure, 15 mins of hating myself, back to baseline where I feel totally fucking fine, then back to torture myself again. I’ve been doing it at risky times, where I can easily be caught. Probably my psyches way of crying for help? What the fuck!!

 

[neversickanymore]

Do not hate yourself, do not beat yourself up. It isn't warranted and does no good. It just drives use.

IV cocaine iimho is one of, if not the most addictive substance and ROA on this planet.. especially if your product is quality. It's even more diabolical if the addiction is to the liver derived Cocaethylene.

Like was said above. 3 mins of pleasure, 15 mins of hating myself, back to baseline where I feel totally fucking fine, then back to torture myself again

For sure and this is also the cycle of addiction. With the cycle , it happens at wildly different intervals, IV coke initial cycle is really fast.. it literally goes down in under 20 minutes. Here is a graphic that attempts to represent the cycle.

There are different versions of the cycle and different substances and clean time produce different effects, but this representation is very close to IV coke use. IV coke, due to its insanely powerful effects and short duration, almost repeatedly personifies this cycle every 15 minutes in sustained use.

So getting off it requires learning how to interrupt a more substantial cycle, because of the sustained abstinence the cycle becomes a little more dynamic.

How can you reset your cycle from later stages to comfortable cessation of use. When your g0ing through the cycle and actively battling it and use.. only get one gram. Dust yourself off and adjust your recovery plan in an attempt to prevent what caused the use.

Adderall can be a major weapon fighting this as well.

 

[neversickanymore]

Long term (two plus years) trial of the use of Dextroamphetamine as a treatment and eventual replacement for cocaine addiction.

My opinion is that prolonged treatment with reasonable therapeutic oral doses of dextroamphetamine would have significant benefits for cocaine addicts including voluntary reduced use, voluntary gradually increasing intervals in-between use leading to possible complete voluntary abstinence from cocaine. Significant increases in stability, control over and quality of life for people suffering from Cocaine use Disorder. But it takes a little time. I believe this will enjoy significant success with many different types of addicts and ROA's.

D-amphetamine maintenance therapy reduces cocaine use in female rats

Currently, there are no approved medications to treat cocaine addiction. In this context, d-amphetamine maintenance therapy is a promising pharmacological strategy to reduce cocaine use. In both male rats and human cocaine users, d-amphetamine treatment reduces cocaine taking and seeking...

www.biorxiv.org

Psychostimulant Treatment of Cocaine Dependence

Cocaine dependence continues to be a significant public health problem and no clearly effective pharmacotherapy has yet been identified. Substitution pharmacotherapy is an effective approach for treating opioid and nicotine dependence, and accumulating ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

dexamfetamine​

Sustained-release dexamfetamine in the treatment of chronic cocaine-dependent patients on heroin-assisted treatment: a randomised, double-blind, placebo-controlled trial - PubMed

Netherlands Organisation for Health Research and Development.

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

-I already know this works and have seen it work on both Base and IV addicts.

-Combined with a patient outpatient, instead of an intensive outpatient, during which an addict receives counseling, life coaching and assistance in obtaining self set, self achieved goals, the over all positive out comes have the potential to be life changing. A transformation while they willingly and naturally transition from the hell of cocaine addiction to dextroamptherapy and work together a new life.

Someone needs to give this a deeper look and get ball rolling already.

something to consider

 

[paranoid android]

^ Dexedrine would be so much safer then IV coke. Personally id take oral dexies over coke anyway as they are alot easier on ye old body then fucking iv coke is. They also last a decent amount of time to

 

[skipjames]

I’ve quit heroin dependency! I’ve quit Alcohol dependency (which is the hardest by far for me) and now I’m done with this trash!

That s the thing, as an on off opioid user I ve underestimated coke, I mean it s not H right, it can t be THAT bad right? WRONG.....

my wife does not IV blow, she snorts it, but Ritalin helped her out quite a bit with the cravings, maybe you should try that or Adderall or at least....change ROA? I know that " once you go IV or smocking rock you never go back " (probably I m the only person I know that did not enjoy Ivving coke) but you don t need me- us to tell u how destructive this ROA is.....

Also, as NA and Rehab are not viable options, what about Cognitive Behavioral therapy? I m considering the thing myself as NA and Rehab are not my thing either still I definitely need to find an healthier way of dealing with existence.....

 

[Bin Noddin]

Do not hate yourself, do not beat yourself up. It isn't warranted and does no good. It just drives use.

IV cocaine iimho is one of, if not the most addictive substance and ROA on this planet.. especially if your product is quality. It's even more diabolical if the addiction is to the liver derived Cocaethylene.



For sure and this is also the cycle of addiction. With the cycle , it happens at wildly different intervals, IV coke initial cycle is really fast.. it literally goes down in under 20 minutes. Here is a graphic that attempts to represent the cycle.

There are different versions of the cycle and different substances and clean time produce different effects, but this representation is very close to IV coke use. IV coke, due to its insanely powerful effects and short duration, almost repeatedly personifies this cycle every 15 minutes in sustained use.

So getting off it requires learning how to interrupt a more substantial cycle, because of the sustained abstinence the cycle becomes a little more dynamic.

How can you reset your cycle from later stages to comfortable cessation of use. When your g0ing through the cycle and actively battling it and use.. only get one gram. Dust yourself off and adjust your recovery plan in an attempt to prevent what caused the use.

Adderall can be a major weapon fighting this as well.

That’s good info. I’m not sure if my dr would prescribe me amps with my history of substance abuse. Especially after disclosing this little issue to her. I suppose showing her those studies might be a way to be convincing. I would be lying to even you guys if I said I wasn’t worried about abusing those either. I am really the kind of person that just needs total abstinence. I have found a way to abuse anything and everything that has made me feel even a little different than baseline. That includes drugs, booze, sex/porn, shit even work at times. I have been in therapy for years, I have been to multiple 30 days programs, I have worked the steps a bit. I have had prolonged periods of success, and bursts of shit like this that always set me back. I’m sure I’m not alone in it. But it sure feels lonely sometimes.

I literally cannot go on with this anyways. I can’t find a vein left in my arms to use. I will not use my hands cause it would be too obvious and I’m would just fuck them up. My feet show nothing usable. So I’ve ran the bus off the fucking road here. My biggest concern is healing up my arms enough to be able to wear short sleeves before it gets warm out.

 

[Madness]

@Bin Noddin - I've been in a similar situation, minus all the good things going for you.

Like NSA said, don't let the guilt drive you down. It will. I'd simply try to envision what your life would look like very soon. Everything you'd lose. And if you don't want to lose what you have, you need to change everything you've been doing.

For me the first big step of abstinence was the emotional part. Shortly after I had to remove and block my contacts, find structure in my life, and have honest conversations with loved ones.

But man that guilt will kill you. Seriously.

Just know it's so hard to quit because it's so fucking addicting. It's not you that's broken you simply are in a head space that is allowing the temptation.

Takes so long to build up a good stable life. And so short to ruin it.

Right now - right now is probably one of your last chances. Please just take a step back, breathe, don't blame yourself, and envision how shitty your life will soon become.

You haven't hit the point of no return. But you are so dangerously close to it that it is in no way funny.

Coke is a bitch. Don't let it control you. It wants to ruin your life. It doesn't fucking care.