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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

TDS Hello can we talk about heroin

I'm feeling slightly (but not much) better today and as of right now I'd prefer to live, but let's summarise my would-be-plan.

at new year I drank some alcohol (not that much) and it made me feel even more suicidal and made me feel if I drank some alcohol and lowered my inhibitions I would be able to carry out the plan. I think sober I might have difficulty doing the final 2 actions of my plan (which would be 1: inserting the needle into my vein and 2: pressing down on the syringe's plunger).

IMO alcohol induces apathy and would reduce our built in instinct to survive. Just like when we are drunk we do and say silly stuff we wouldn't do sober which we later regret. Alcohol has a tendency to make us ignore consequences and just do whatever is on our mind without thinking.

my current medication I am on now risperidone makes me ready to go to sleep about an hour after I take it. I could use this to my advantage.

1. prepare the fentanyl ready for injection while sober and awake
2. take risperidone and wait until ready to go to sleep
3. drink some alcohol- enough to lose inhibitions but not so much I have difficulty using a syringe
4. when ready to go to sleep go to bed and inject the fentanyl. then lie back

and if the lethal dose is 2mg and it can be bought in batches of 100mg then I could just use the entire 100mg batch, or however much will dissolve in 1ml water. Or as a "safety net" (ironic term) 2 batches of fentanyl could be purchased from 2 different independent sources and mixed together in the hope the purity of at least one batch would be high enough.

If I attempted and failed I could end up disabled and/or sectioned under the mental health act.

just speaking out loud what's on my mind
 
The last part is really something to consider. You could very well end up worse than you are and be in a relative world of shit.

Happened to me and I didn't really try to do myself in. Was more of an acting out type of deal (wasn't really too concerned with living though). Everything and everyone in my life changed. Not one person even considers anything I say anymore. Feel like I'm 16 again. Was clean for like 20 days, in my family's sight the whole time, and they're telling me I need to go to detox center... not rehab, de fucking tox. Everyone thinks I'm crazy..... but not as crazy as I actually am mwhaahaha.
But seriously, I really fucked things up by even approaching that line of suicide. More depressed than ever, but working my way up.
So I suggest enjoying and working on what you have now. Don't want to begin fixing your life in a worse place.
 
whoa I just read this whole thread

what I originally posted is probably not the best thing to say to someone contemplating suicide via overdose

please talk to someone, anyone, about things not involving you figuring out the best way to kill yourself
 
I consider my current life a world of shit.

I haven't told the community this yet but I actually have a bit of a facial disfiguration. I have few friends and people in general just aren't nice to me. I was using cannabis to cope with this and it was going really well. But now I can't use cannabis anymore (for time being at least anyway), alcohol doesn't really help (possibly make me feel even worse), I have a constant 24/7 head discomfort feeling, my sleep isn't great, and my life just seems boring, depressing and empty.

One of my few pleasures is coffee, I like the effects of caffeine although I have to be careful because too much can induce anxiety.

I got myself one of those adult colouring books I've heard so much hype about to try, but I just can't be arsed doing it.

My only hope is either finding out what is wrong with my head so I can get it treated, or wait (and cope) long enough until it sorts itself out. And then I can use weed again and be happy again.
 
I'm sorry to hear about that. Nothing to say but that has to be tough to deal with. I know being in pain 24/7 for 10 plus years has fucked me up and makes me feel like ending life at times. Even as I type this the pain is aggravating the shit out of me. That and severe migraines has almost taken over my life entirely. So even though I can't possibly understand why, I understand how you feel.

It sucks. People can be shitty, but here you have complete strangers genuinely trying to help you, so there are good people to be found.

I think you have to at least give help a shot. Both psychiatric and physical. Figure out what's up with the head, talk about your depression, and get some xanax prescribed. Tons of legal supplements like kratom and phenibut that can help too. Little things like this will really help with the day to day, especially since you are not even close to being an addict.

And "go easy Leonard.... easy man..." All I'm saying is that if you think you're life is shitty now, adding heroin/hard drugs into the mix will only make it worse. Imagine feeling how you do, plus having brain damage and not being able to wipe your ass. Or try waking up tied to a hospital bed. That shit's not going to help you.

In a few weeks or months you can be feeling decent or great about life. I think you should at least give it a try man. Might be something as simple as taking an SSRI.
 
Off topic but this caught my eye while looking at news

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/2...years_in_solitary_finally_in_general_pop.html

A guy has spent 37 years- longer than I have been alive- in solitary confinement. And for the first 20 years of that his cell had no TV, radio or books.

I just can't begin to imagine the boredom, emptiness and mental pain he must have gone through.

Makes me feel a little better about my own situation.
 
Kratom is a godsend dude, especially for people who do not regulary take opiates. I use/used it for taking breaks from pain meds and controlling pain on days off. It's the real deal, natural, and cheap. Takes some time to go through all of the strains. Can't go wrong. Only issue is that it may take a while to find which strains, vendor, and doseage works best. I say order a sampler and get a cheap scale to accurately measure your doses; this way you will know exactly how much to take.

Remember, each vein is a little different. It's subtle too. Don't go looking for a "high." If you take too much you end up lethargic and a little dizzy for about an hour. Also, don't get too crazy with all the varieties. Just find a reputable vendor and get a basic red, green, and white. Took me months to figure out which is best for when. I'm still experimenting. It's actually kind of fun checking out different strains from different vendors. Kratom changed my life!
Good luck brother!
 
Suicide is a very long term solution to a short term problem. Whatever the problem is, it can be solved. Anyone can give up. I may be slightly confused about what is exactly the issue but I am hearing; because of a possible medical issue, the consideration of ending your life will make this better? That does not make any sense. Stand and fight as if you are trying to save someone you love!

In my experience, the use of any recreational use drugs alters your perception and eventually depression will take over. No one wants to hang out after the party is over to help clean up. Look for other professional options, be honest, and keep trying.
 
I have asked for an slight increase in my trazodone will find out tomorrow if I will get it. I'm on 100mg Traz want to go up to 150mg. I take 1mg risperidone along with it, I'd rather do without the risperidone but it helps me sleep.


I understand kratom (or any other rec drug for that matter) in an attempt to treat depression is a bad idea, but if it can make me feel better even just 2 or 3 nights a week and have something to look forward to I think that would really be of benefit to me right now. I need a little fun/pleasantness to break up the depression. I have heard great things about this kratom from a number of different people but of course I may find it's not for me.
 
Kratom is really a great substance. It's very beneficial for increasing the quality of life by helping with energy, stress relief, pain, anxiety, and sleep; different strains and doses will give different effects. It's also a bit of a hobby lol. I use different strains at different times and mix them for desired effects. It's also easy to control and titrate.

Most people use alcohol or pot after work or on the weekends to destress and feel better without becoming full blown addicts. Who knows, you might not like it, but i think it will make your life a lot better my friend.
 


1:10

Is it healthy to rely on hope and to have hope? Or is hope a "dangerous" thing to have like Morgan Freeman says?
 
Yea but Andy's hope is what got him out of there! Im linking a clip from a rocky movie. Sounds corny but I was watching it for the first time one night and it really hit me. Actually helping me with my recovery/chronic pain/depression. Check it out rarerrann.

https://youtu.be/_Z5OookwOoY
 
hmm well i don't want to tell you how to kill yourself haha but truthfully if you havent even done heroin it'll be super easy lol
i OD's the first time a few weeks ago and the dope had to be cut with fent or something it was the strongest dope i'd ever seen and im a daily user... but i mean i did my shot, was fine for a few minutes.. I was drinking a slushie and talking to everyone and I closed my eyes, next thing i knew i opened them to tubes and wires connected to my body and a nurse screaming in my face 'WHY DO YOU DO HEROIN?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??" couldn't help but cry and laugh at the same time.. trust me this shit WILL kill you, and if you're lucky like me and didn't die.. there's still consequences, my body is deteriorating and i ache at all times.. mind you I'm a 17 year old girl.. don't kill yourself man, i was close with a boy who did the same as you're talking about around a year ago, and i bet he wishes he was still here like the rest of us do. it's all okay.. maybe not today, but it will be. much love brotha hope you're still around to read this
 
Hi unearthlyn thanks for your post.

re "super easy" I am confident to say that if a large OD of fentanyl or even heroin was shot into someone with zero opiate tolerance with noone around to call for help the chance of death would be very high.

Often there is news about someone who has died from an accidental heroin overdose.
Facts about these cases :
1. They used heroin
2. They would have had a tolerance of some sort
3. They didn't intend to die.

The suicide manner I was talking about in earlier posts I'm confident would carry a very high chance of completion for the following reasons:
1. Fentanyl would be used, not heroin.
2. I have zero opiate tolerance.
3. It would be done with the intention of dying, and done alone with noone to call for help

But I understand there are 2 main problems:
1. Purity. There could be a possibility for the purity to be too low to cause death. And for all anyone knows what I purchase may not even contain any opiates at all and may be some other drug completely. (is there even a way to test an unknown powder for the presence of heroin/fentanyl?) An idea I mentioned would be to acquire the fentanyl from 2 different independent sources and mixing it in the hopes at least one of the batches would be pure enough to deliver a lethal dose)
2. Some fatal overdose victims are found with the needle still stuck into their arm and sometimes they haven't stayed awake long enough to inject the entire syringe into themselves. For such a suicide to complete it would be essential to inject the entire contents of the syringe. Although I dare say there is a way to setup a system which would do the IV injection for you via some sort of drip but I have zero knowledge of this.

Completion would be dependant on acquiring a batch of reasonable purity/quality and being able to inject enough of it before nodding off.

For what it's worth, I feel a little better since starting this thread and despite being far from recovered I don't really have suicidal thoughts anymore :)
 
Well I'm not currently suicidal but life is shit.

As I said I have a facial disfiguration (something unfortunately that won't heal unless I get surgery or something), most people won't even look at me and it does impact my wellbeing especially since I wasn't always like this and people used to smile at me and look at me. Cannabis used to really help me cope with this but I can't use cannabis for the moment because of a head issue I mentioned.

I tried Kratom but it did little for me could have been a bad batch though.

Sometimes I punch myself and out of the past 4 nights I've eaten dinner once.

It feels like the only way for me is to just grin and bear andput up with how shit things are for me until (fingers crossed) my head clears up and I am able to use cannabis again. Cannabis made me happy and made me not care much about the fact most people aren't nice to me about how I look.
 
Living with a facial disfigurement, a round the clock unpleasant burning sensation in my head and currently unable to use cannabis. My story summarised.
 
You know you don't want to leave this planet yet....we all feel that way at one time or another...reach out to peeps here or friends where you live preferred friends who don't use!
We have some similarly feelings....PM if u want. Cheers and just live day by day.
 
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