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have had it with friend with benefits

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MrsGamp said:
Yeah
Yeah I hear you. A lot of ladies are attracted to "bad boys" but I think the aspiration is "I got me a bad boy - but when it comes to me he's really sweet!"
It's a slightly narcissistic fantasy, perhaps analogous to men being interested in seducing women who are "hard to get"?

But re women sometimes getting
hooked in by guys who "treat them like shit" - I think this is just basic reverse psychology that
men are also susceptible
to. Regardless of gender, we all want to be treated well, and if we're not, then that's not
only an insult to our self-esteem, but also very perplexing. "WHY am I
being treated like shit by this
person?" we might wonder. Also, receiving the "Shit Treatment" from a particular person (especially a lover) often feels like a psychic wound that ONLY that person can heal ... by changing, or apologising ... and so the quest begins to elicit non-shitty treatment from the shit-dealer!

Of course this is almost always a futile quest. A person who flagrantly treats you like shit is usually a mind fuck artist, and persisting with that person will only fuck your mind up even more.

A final thought: I think people with robust self-esteem
are much less likely to get entangled with mind fuck artists, because their self-worth doesn't depend entirely on what others thinks about them.
Click to expand...

The so-called bad boys to women are usually the good guys of society ... I would like to know more about the mind-fuck artistry thing.
 
Now I’m worried that @MrsGamp is going to find herself very unsatisfied and unfulfilled by our planned post-Covid date. Perhaps I’ll need to work on my bad boy act and up my narcissism game to make it worth her while to fly all the way from WA to NSW just for a weekend. Any suggestions on how best to amuse her apart from Plan A, which is to simply order room-service champagne, shoot her full of high quality crystal, and discuss contemporary literary theory?
 
"You need only look at the way in which she is formed, to see that woman is not meant to undergo great labor,whether of the mind or of the body ... Women are directly fitted for acting as the nurses and teachers of our early childhood by the fact that they arethemselves childish, frivolous and short−sighted; in a word, they are big children all their life long—a kind ofintermediate stage between the child and the full−grown man ... Accordingly, Nature has equipped woman, as she does all her creatures, with theweapons and implements requisite for the safeguarding of her existence, and for just as long as it is necessaryfor her to have them ... The only business that really claims their earnestattention is love, making conquests, and everything connected with this—dress, dancing, and so on ... She may,in fact, be described as intellectually short−sighted, because, while she has an intuitive understanding of whatlies quite close to her, her field of vision is narrow and does not reach to what is remote; so that things whichare absent, or past, or to come, have much less effect upon women than upon men ... It is by no means a bad plan to consult women in matters of difficulty, as the Germans used to do in ancienttimes; for their way of looking at things is quite different from ours, chiefly in the fact that they like to takethe shortest way to their goal, and, in general, manage to fix their eyes upon what lies before them ... Accordingly, they possessthe first and main elements that go to make a virtuous character, but they are deficient in those secondaryqualities which are often a necessary instrument in the formation of it ... Hence, it will be found that the fundamental fault of the female character is that it has no sense of justice. This is mainly due to the fact, already mentioned, that women are defective in the powers of reasoning anddeliberation; but it is also traceable to the position which Nature has assigned to them as the weaker sex ... Hence, dissimulation is innate in woman, and almost as much a quality of the stupid as of the clever ... Therefore a woman who is perfectly truthful and not given to dissimulation is perhaps an impossibility ... But this fundamental defect which I have stated, with all that it entails, gives rise tofalsity, faithlessness, treachery, ingratitude, and so on ... The natural feeling between men is mere indifference, but between women it is actual enmity. The reason ofthis is that trade−jealousy— odium figulinum—which, in the case of men does not go beyond the confines oftheir own particular pursuit; but, with women, embraces the whole sex ... whilst a man will, as a general rule, always preserve a certain amount of consideration and humanity inspeaking to others, even to those who are in a very inferior position, it is intolerable to see how proudly anddisdainfully a fine lady will generally behave towards one who is in a lower social rank (I do not mean awoman who is in her service), whenever she speaks to her ... Instead of calling them beautiful, there would be more warrant for describingwomen as the un−aesthetic sex ... Hence, as a result of this, they are incapable of taking a purely objective interest in anything; andthe reason of it seems to me to be as follows ... Hence, even Rousseau declared: Women have, in general, no love for any art; they have no proper knowledge of any; and they have no genius ... This is just the view which the ancients took of woman, and the view which people in the East take now; andtheir judgment as to her proper position is much more correct than ours, with our old French notions ofgallantry and our preposterous system of reverence—that highest product of Teutonico−Christian stupidity ... A man may often think that hissocial or financial position will suffer if he marries, unless he makes some brilliant alliance. His desire willthen be to win a woman of his own choice under conditions other than those of marriage, such as will secureher position and that of the children. However fair, reasonable, fit and proper these conditions may be, and thewoman consents by foregoing that undue amount of privilege which marriage alone can bestow, she to someextent loses her honor, because marriage is the basis of civic society; and she will lead an unhappy life, sincehuman nature is so constituted that we pay an attention to the opinion of other people which is out of allproportion to its value ... In India, no woman is ever independent, but in accordance with the law of Mamu,[1] she stands under thecontrol of her father, her husband, her brother or her son. It is, to be sure, a revolting thing that a widowshould immolate herself upon her husband's funeral pyre; but it is also revolting that she should spend herhusband's money with her paramours—the money for which he toiled his whole life long, in the consolingbelief that he was providing for his children. Happy are those who have kept the middle course—mediumtenuere beati ... In the Politics Aristotle explains the great disadvantage which accrued to the Spartans from the fact that they conceded too much to their women, by giving them the right of inheritance and dower, and a great amount of independence; and he shows how much this contributed to Sparta's fall ... That woman is by nature meant to obey may be seen by the fact that every woman who is placed in theunnatural position of complete independence, immediately attaches herself to some man, by whom she allowsherself to be guided and ruled. It is because she needs a lord and master. If she is young, it will be a lover; if she is old, a priest." -- On Women, Arthur Schopenhauer.
 
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MrsGamp said:
Thanks for deeming me "intelligent"! But when it comes to emotional IQ I am definitely "challenged"!
Click to expand...
Hang in there MrsGamps, you'll make it, I've been there to your beautiful Country, beautiful women and nice people, though some seem to not like Americans, like the airplane stewardess I had she was nasty to me, and I know it was because she knew I was American, she was all smiley and nice with the Australian and New Zealand passengers. Great beer, drank mostly Guinness though on tap.
 
MrsGamp said:
In the abstract I would concur - however, I had a pretty good childhood, yet am still readily suckered into dealings with mind fuck artists.

A few times my Mum said she felt guilty for giving me a couple of "bad hidings" when I was about 2. She suffered from neuralgia - VERY
painful, plus she had a new baby to cope with too. My shrink used to say that this very limited early childhood abuse accounted for my dysfunctional "attachment style", but since I can't even remember it, I am not convinced...
Click to expand...

well the subconscious "remembers" all, without a doubt

I find it weird reading MrsG's posts cos she has a certain and unusual turn of phrase on occasion which is exact same as a close friend of mine and I keep thinking she is MrsG ...but she can't be lol (my friend also spent some time Down Under so wondering if it's anything to do with that
 
sdxyln said:
"You need only look at the way in which she is formed, to see that woman is not meant to undergo great labor,whether of the mind or of the body ... Women are directly fitted for acting as the nurses and teachers of our early childhood by the fact that they arethemselves childish, frivolous and short−sighted; in a word, they are big children all their life long—a kind ofintermediate stage between the child and the full−grown man ... Accordingly, Nature has equipped woman, as she does all her creatures, with theweapons and implements requisite for the safeguarding of her existence, and for just as long as it is necessaryfor her to have them ... The only business that really claims their earnestattention is love, making conquests, and everything connected with this—dress, dancing, and so on ... She may,in fact, be described as intellectually short−sighted, because, while she has an intuitive understanding of whatlies quite close to her, her field of vision is narrow and does not reach to what is remote; so that things whichare absent, or past, or to come, have much less effect upon women than upon men ... It is by no means a bad plan to consult women in matters of difficulty, as the Germans used to do in ancienttimes; for their way of looking at things is quite different from ours, chiefly in the fact that they like to takethe shortest way to their goal, and, in general, manage to fix their eyes upon what lies before them ... Accordingly, they possessthe first and main elements that go to make a virtuous character, but they are deficient in those secondaryqualities which are often a necessary instrument in the formation of it ... Hence, it will be found that the fundamental fault of the female character is that it has no sense of justice. This is mainly due to the fact, already mentioned, that women are defective in the powers of reasoning anddeliberation; but it is also traceable to the position which Nature has assigned to them as the weaker sex ... Hence, dissimulation is innate in woman, and almost as much a quality of the stupid as of the clever ... Therefore a woman who is perfectly truthful and not given to dissimulation is perhaps an impossibility ... But this fundamental defect which I have stated, with all that it entails, gives rise tofalsity, faithlessness, treachery, ingratitude, and so on ... The natural feeling between men is mere indifference, but between women it is actual enmity. The reason ofthis is that trade−jealousy— odium figulinum—which, in the case of men does not go beyond the confines oftheir own particular pursuit; but, with women, embraces the whole sex ... whilst a man will, as a general rule, always preserve a certain amount of consideration and humanity inspeaking to others, even to those who are in a very inferior position, it is intolerable to see how proudly anddisdainfully a fine lady will generally behave towards one who is in a lower social rank (I do not mean awoman who is in her service), whenever she speaks to her ... Instead of calling them beautiful, there would be more warrant for describingwomen as the un−aesthetic sex ... Hence, as a result of this, they are incapable of taking a purely objective interest in anything; andthe reason of it seems to me to be as follows ... Hence, even Rousseau declared: Women have, in general, no love for any art; they have no proper knowledge of any; and they have no genius ... This is just the view which the ancients took of woman, and the view which people in the East take now; andtheir judgment as to her proper position is much more correct than ours, with our old French notions ofgallantry and our preposterous system of reverence—that highest product of Teutonico−Christian stupidity ... A man may often think that hissocial or financial position will suffer if he marries, unless he makes some brilliant alliance. His desire willthen be to win a woman of his own choice under conditions other than those of marriage, such as will secureher position and that of the children. However fair, reasonable, fit and proper these conditions may be, and thewoman consents by foregoing that undue amount of privilege which marriage alone can bestow, she to someextent loses her honor, because marriage is the basis of civic society; and she will lead an unhappy life, sincehuman nature is so constituted that we pay an attention to the opinion of other people which is out of allproportion to its value ... In India, no woman is ever independent, but in accordance with the law of Mamu,[1] she stands under thecontrol of her father, her husband, her brother or her son. It is, to be sure, a revolting thing that a widowshould immolate herself upon her husband's funeral pyre; but it is also revolting that she should spend herhusband's money with her paramours—the money for which he toiled his whole life long, in the consolingbelief that he was providing for his children. Happy are those who have kept the middle course—mediumtenuere beati ... In the Politics Aristotle explains the great disadvantage which accrued to the Spartans from the fact that they conceded too much to their women, by giving them the right of inheritance and dower, and a great amount of independence; and he shows how much this contributed to Sparta's fall ... That woman is by nature meant to obey may be seen by the fact that every woman who is placed in theunnatural position of complete independence, immediately attaches herself to some man, by whom she allowsherself to be guided and ruled. It is because she needs a lord and master. If she is young, it will be a lover; if she is old, a priest." -- On Women, Arthur Schopenhauer.
Click to expand...
?
EABCLZQ.jpg
 
sdxyln said:
"You need only look at the way in which she is formed, to see that woman is not meant to undergo great labor,whether of the mind or of the body ... Women are directly fitted for acting as the nurses and teachers of our early childhood by the fact that they arethemselves childish, frivolous and short−sighted; in a word, they are big children all their life long—a kind ofintermediate stage between the child and the full−grown man ... Accordingly, Nature has equipped woman, as she does all her creatures, with theweapons and implements requisite for the safeguarding of her existence, and for just as long as it is necessaryfor her to have them ... The only business that really claims their earnestattention is love, making conquests, and everything connected with this—dress, dancing, and so on ... She may,in fact, be described as intellectually short−sighted, because, while she has an intuitive understanding of whatlies quite close to her, her field of vision is narrow and does not reach to what is remote; so that things whichare absent, or past, or to come, have much less effect upon women than upon men ... It is by no means a bad plan to consult women in matters of difficulty, as the Germans used to do in ancienttimes; for their way of looking at things is quite different from ours, chiefly in the fact that they like to takethe shortest way to their goal, and, in general, manage to fix their eyes upon what lies before them ... Accordingly, they possessthe first and main elements that go to make a virtuous character, but they are deficient in those secondaryqualities which are often a necessary instrument in the formation of it ... Hence, it will be found that the fundamental fault of the female character is that it has no sense of justice. This is mainly due to the fact, already mentioned, that women are defective in the powers of reasoning anddeliberation; but it is also traceable to the position which Nature has assigned to them as the weaker sex ... Hence, dissimulation is innate in woman, and almost as much a quality of the stupid as of the clever ... Therefore a woman who is perfectly truthful and not given to dissimulation is perhaps an impossibility ... But this fundamental defect which I have stated, with all that it entails, gives rise tofalsity, faithlessness, treachery, ingratitude, and so on ... The natural feeling between men is mere indifference, but between women it is actual enmity. The reason ofthis is that trade−jealousy— odium figulinum—which, in the case of men does not go beyond the confines oftheir own particular pursuit; but, with women, embraces the whole sex ... whilst a man will, as a general rule, always preserve a certain amount of consideration and humanity inspeaking to others, even to those who are in a very inferior position, it is intolerable to see how proudly anddisdainfully a fine lady will generally behave towards one who is in a lower social rank (I do not mean awoman who is in her service), whenever she speaks to her ... Instead of calling them beautiful, there would be more warrant for describingwomen as the un−aesthetic sex ... Hence, as a result of this, they are incapable of taking a purely objective interest in anything; andthe reason of it seems to me to be as follows ... Hence, even Rousseau declared: Women have, in general, no love for any art; they have no proper knowledge of any; and they have no genius ... This is just the view which the ancients took of woman, and the view which people in the East take now; andtheir judgment as to her proper position is much more correct than ours, with our old French notions ofgallantry and our preposterous system of reverence—that highest product of Teutonico−Christian stupidity ... A man may often think that hissocial or financial position will suffer if he marries, unless he makes some brilliant alliance. His desire willthen be to win a woman of his own choice under conditions other than those of marriage, such as will secureher position and that of the children. However fair, reasonable, fit and proper these conditions may be, and thewoman consents by foregoing that undue amount of privilege which marriage alone can bestow, she to someextent loses her honor, because marriage is the basis of civic society; and she will lead an unhappy life, sincehuman nature is so constituted that we pay an attention to the opinion of other people which is out of allproportion to its value ... In India, no woman is ever independent, but in accordance with the law of Mamu,[1] she stands under thecontrol of her father, her husband, her brother or her son. It is, to be sure, a revolting thing that a widowshould immolate herself upon her husband's funeral pyre; but it is also revolting that she should spend herhusband's money with her paramours—the money for which he toiled his whole life long, in the consolingbelief that he was providing for his children. Happy are those who have kept the middle course—mediumtenuere beati ... In the Politics Aristotle explains the great disadvantage which accrued to the Spartans from the fact that they conceded too much to their women, by giving them the right of inheritance and dower, and a great amount of independence; and he shows how much this contributed to Sparta's fall ... That woman is by nature meant to obey may be seen by the fact that every woman who is placed in theunnatural position of complete independence, immediately attaches herself to some man, by whom she allowsherself to be guided and ruled. It is because she needs a lord and master. If she is young, it will be a lover; if she is old, a priest." -- On Women, Arthur Schopenhauer.
Click to expand...
Prayers to be closer to those that have God and family in their hearts.
Pray for the strength to be appropriate around the mind fuck artist for sure. <3
 
MrsGamp said:
Oh dear. I shall read this carefully and contest it when I am less exhausted. Unless you are taking the piss?
Click to expand...
Oh dear (again).

Schopen-fucking-hauer. Explains everything.

But do you concur with Herr Schopenhauer?
 
when i post something it goes to a different thread or won't post also, so my connection is slow too.
 
Sorry that you have to go through sad times with someone that you have invested so much time in.

He should appreciate you more.

But if he doesn't you may have to be the one to make a change.

Try to make things better for yourself. It hurts to have to see someone going through pain and unnecessary aggravation.

I think you can do this.
 
RainbowElf said:
Hang in there MrsGamps, you'll make it, I've been there to your beautiful Country, beautiful women and nice people, though some seem to not like Americans, like the airplane stewardess I had she was nasty to me, and I know it was because she knew I was American, she was all smiley and nice with the Australian and New Zealand passengers. Great beer, drank mostly Guinness though on tap.
Click to expand...
This is me
 
I had a friends with benefits with someone before. It was pretty nice for awhile, then she started to kinda hesitate. My stepbrother wasn't to happy with me, since I was banging his girlfriend aka my friend with benefits. Those were some wild days.
 
Friends w/ benefits can commonly lead to disappointment

But marriage will definitely lead to misery; that's probably just me though

You'll find someone

Took me forever anyway

Well that was after breaking up 10 times + the friends w/ benefits w/ various

Then comes the misery

So I think you're just on step 1
 
DeadManWalkin' said:
Yeah, I like to think same way about women who aren't fertile anymore.
Why would their value be more than a pocket pussy?
It's probably less, since as it can be seen in this thread, many of them expect to get something in return.
Click to expand...
No. You need to understand something very important about women: We equate sex with love. When she says she wants something in return its love, affection. Deep down thats all we want.
 
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