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Guys, do you like it when a woman approaches you first?

Do males appreciate when women approach them first?

  • Total voters
    12
I like it if a girl can start and hold a conversation, if I had any doubt about saying hi (because some people get weird people randomly talking all the time so I only do it on certain occasions) then everything just flows well. :) Girls you definitely need to just start the conversation sometimes watch how much better you get along with guys!
 
yes. because im lazy.

but if theyre a slut , no. ive had plenty of drunken sluts "approach" me, (walk up and grab my dick and/or invite me upstairs at a party) and it cant be any more disgusting.

if its a nice girl, somewhat shy, somewhat dark and damaged, "i dont usually do this" , yes, major turn on.
 
i think this is something that guys intellectualize as "yes" but in reality is a no

i thought i liked it, but in hindsight i don't.
 
In many cases it's nice surprise, so I would say it's a good thing. But if you are showing lot of skin, are drunk and approach a guy he will probably have fun with you that night, but he might not think anything too serious about it. Since it's quite rare that women approach a guy outside their social circle, if she do it in slutty way it might not be the best way to start up serious things. But in the day time, sober, classy - do it!

In western countries women have all the power of this ridiculous dating game. Even if you are confident guy it starts to get old to try to talk to girls you don't know in bars/clubs. Actually, if you are confident guy I think it's even more hard nowadays. Many women have weird need to not be too easy/available/nice to confident guys who just likes to chat. And since women are completely in control, many times they use their power trying to bring that confident guy down - while if you just normal looking, not too confident or interested they don't feel threatened or something and can be just normal.

It's actually made me think a lot lately, how unfair it is and what is the problem of that kind of women. Sorry for off topic, but do they feel like they are too easy and not be respectable enough if they let that confident guy be nice to them or make them laugh? Many girls just put many good/nice guys through awfully lot of trouble for nothing. Confident!=asshole, many confident guys I know are actually really good guys - type of guys many girls are looking for. Why girls can't just be like girls used to be :(
 
women don't have the power. it's 50/50.

guys shouldn't be "nice." where men go wrong is when they try to intellectualize an evolutionary mandate.

being nice is stupid. positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement are both needed. not "punishing" something you don't want via subtle evolutionary cues is, in actuality, not nice, but weak. you are subconsciously communicating that you need them more than vice versa, and that is a total turn-off.

as well it should be if you ask me.

frankly if you don't like the game, you have no obligation to play it. that is what a real man will opt for, because he knows he can pull tail or get in a committed relationship at will.

there are rules to every game, and best believe everything on life is, in the end, a game. put up with the rules or don't play!
 
It's not 50/50, not even close. I could bet all my money on that, and more. If you honestly think it's even close to 50/50, care to explain what makes you think like that, what is your logic? I can start why it's not. Take 10 avarage girls and 10 avarage guys. Put girls to the club and see how hard it's for them to find a man. Do same for the guys. Which one have to work more to get company/phone number/anything? About the same with other meeting places than clubs, online for example. Take avarage 30 year old man and woman. Which one have had more pick up attemps? 50/50 is far away from that mate.

I never said that guy should be nice. I've never been 'nice guy'. I agree completely. What I said was that last few years more and more girls are starting to act like too 'proud' to let confident, good looking guy to charm her. They can't be that easy. Even they still prefer confident guy over 'nice guy'. They play hard to get, and if you are not interested playing with them, they're still too proud to quit it - there will be next guy sooner than later anyway. I don't say that every girl is like that and yes, it's not too hard to pick up girls - but more and more you see girls having hard time to just have fun (by fun i don't mean sex), because they are busy to stay strong/being not too easy/or what ever is the reason for their behavior. I think this might be result of modern women being 'addicted' to get stronger in every aspect of life. And all this applies only when talking about 'cold approach', out of their social circle. If you are friend of friend or at least have some kind of connection, they drop the act quickly.

And even when going further with dating and you have already connected, most of the time woman is the one who runs the game. If you don't want to play by her rules, you are out if you are not exceptional catch. Then when you are out it's relatively easy for her to take next one, since she have the power of this dating game. If man tries to make the rules, there's not going to be many players and usually those who play are ones who's daddy left when she was young - girls with low self esteem trying to get attention.

I kind of stopped playing actual 'game' quite long time ago. I still play, mostly just for fun and by my own rules. But anyway, don't really like where it's going.
 
YaBa said:
If you honestly think it's even close to 50/50, care to explain what makes you think like that, what is your logic?
Click to expand...

girls/women have a sexual prime from about age 16 to 25. after that it goes downhill quickly.

men have a sexual prime from about 18 to 25. after that it is a sloooow decline. men get a good 15-20 years of sexual maturation where they have a much wider pool of sexual selection than their woman peers have.

your example is telling. it's a snapshot in the marathon of life.

What I said was that last few years more and more girls are starting to act like too 'proud' to let confident, good looking guy to charm her.
Click to expand...

i respect the way you feel, but there are so many variables in this description that imo it's impossible to parse any truth out of this.

small sample size, first and foremost. how old are you? what is this based on?

it sounds like you're just blaming women... if that's the case, we'll just agree to disagree.

And even when going further with dating and you have already connected, most of the time woman is the one who runs the game.
Click to expand...

then become exceptional.

assuming you are 18-25. right now you don't "win" the game by chasing tail. i agree with much of what you are saying.

you win by creating a lifestyle that effortlessly attracts the women -- not girls -- you want.

that takes time, investment, and focus on self. you don't spread your seed, err, i mean resources, willy-nilly to a bunch of girls. that's exactly what their evolutionary prerogative is.
 
IME, that guys who are super shy would want to be approached first.
 
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ehh sometimes, sometimes i just like the eye contact and knowing she wants me to say something or make the first move. it can be sweet when a girl makes the first move, one of my first gfs did that and i liked it. my last gf i asked her out and i liked that too. ive always found women to be pretty fascinating, not to compare them to cats or anything, but i find of feel the same way about cats. one of the most important things ive learned is that its not what you say, its how you say it. if a girl wants to make the first move and ask me out, or strike up a conversation then alright, i like it even more when a girl drops a bad pick up line lol. if a chick is attractive and can make me laugh, im more or less all in. im a sucker for funny girls. girls who never ask dudes out, dont do much thinking other than what prossy heels to wear with which napkin sized piece of fabric out to the bar, expect a guy to drool over them and buy them stuff just because she thinks all guys want sex, is by far the biggest turn off. ive never really had a problem with the opposite sex, in that finding a gf or otherwise was second nature. but when you meet that one cool chick who isnt intimidated or confident enough in herself to ask a guy out, then thats pretty cool. same time tho if a chick wants to see what im going to do, then ill play that card as well. im not going to let some notion of the norm dictate how thats going to go down.
 
the above post reminds me,

i wad reading something on psychology months back, and it was saying that the whole "men approaching first" is actually more of a misnomer than anything. because in courtship the woman always does something, communicates something, to make it "safe" for the man to approach on a subconscious/non-verbal level.

my experience would agree with that
 
Yeah sure, woman can take the first step as well. They are not special kind of people in this situation. If she wants something from you, she steps, if you want something form her, you step, its straightforward. If a woman ask me out who I like, and she is pretty, I like it, but if feel some girl is on me, who is not my type, I feel embarrassed, and I can't really control the situation, as I don't want to hurt her, but I am really scared to talk with a woman is not looking good for me, or simply just not my type.
 
I love it it is a turn on. I am not exactly painfully shy but I am shy until you get to know me then all bets are off. But the girl i am with now i met online, she came on to me there, and initiated the whole sexual component to the relationship after two dates. Hell to this day she is more aggressive sexually then I am, younger then me too so there might be something to that ^-^
 
I hate when women approach me and try and come onto me - I tell them Im gay and they reply - you don't know what your missing.
 
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agh. i was just struggling with this. this guy came into my work...i could hardly look at him and when he sat down and he kept grabbing his hair...WHICH IS BLONDE RIVER PHOENIX CUT HAIR AND HE KEPT GRABBING THE LONG PART IN FRONT and anyway...i told my loudmouth chef thank god, who is much more outgoing than i am. iw as like..."i can't stop looking at this guy. oh my god. oh, it hurts. and he's so out of my league". and he coerced me into telling this guy he had a great haircut as i served him...then he came up to buy more. and the chef came up was like "i'm sorry, but she can't stop going on about how she loves your hair so much", etc. etc. i couldn't ask for his number or give him mine...i was just mortified. but then i felt really sad. ....so *pretty much* i made the first move. for nothing. and then he ended up googling my works number like fifteen minutes after he left, asking for me, called me tpday, and now i have a date in 3 days...with someone...so much prettier than i am. and ugh. but just. i promised my coworker/friend i'd try to pretend to be confident and normal. so that's what i'm going to do.
 
I've only once approached a girl, and I was tripping and basically incoherent. All of my relationships have stemmed from the girl making the first move, which has occurred at least eight times, and led to something else three times.

I'm a guy, and, apparently, I have it way too good. Definitely not complaining.
 
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ilikestims said:
girls/women have a sexual prime from about age 16 to 25. after that it goes downhill quickly.

men have a sexual prime from about 18 to 25. after that it is a sloooow decline. men get a good 15-20 years of sexual maturation where they have a much wider pool of sexual selection than their woman peers have.

your example is telling. it's a snapshot in the marathon of life.



i respect the way you feel, but there are so many variables in this description that imo it's impossible to parse any truth out of this.

small sample size, first and foremost. how old are you? what is this based on?

it sounds like you're just blaming women... if that's the case, we'll just agree to disagree.



then become exceptional.

assuming you are 18-25. right now you don't "win" the game by chasing tail. i agree with much of what you are saying.

you win by creating a lifestyle that effortlessly attracts the women -- not girls -- you want.

that takes time, investment, and focus on self. you don't spread your seed, err, i mean resources, willy-nilly to a bunch of girls. that's exactly what their evolutionary prerogative is.
Click to expand...

I agree that things change favorable for men as we get older, but I still see it like women have (sexual/dating) power. Scale used to be more balanced, but nowadays safety and security (financial) are not that big of an issues in most of the western countries. Additionally financial security is not exclusively mans part like it kind of used to be.

I'm soon 30 so bit older than you were guessing. I've been really popular with girls/women all my life and have had my share of different kind of relationships. And I still don't have any problems hooking up with random girls, but I've just noticed how it's just harder to just have fun (not mean sex) and get to know each other. Approaching girl is taken like someone would be attacking them. And by all means I don't mean all the girls, not even close, just that it's all the time more common. And I guess I'm not really blaming anyone, I just don't like the direction these things are going. If blame something, it would be society, but where and why that need to act in a way I'm talking, is coming from is quite hard to point out. Of course all of us could sometimes question our behavior and try to find better ways to interact with the world/people, but no, I'm not blaming women. It is what it is.

And really, it's not like I'm angry or bitter about this, I've never really had any problems with these things, but just if I go out to bars/clubs, many times I feel like would be nice to meet new people, but attitudes like we talking makes it sometimes quite hard or at least frustrating/uncomfortable. And lifestyle shouldn't be too big of an issue. I own a business that's running well without my work effort, basically don't have to work if I don't want to, and if want I can do my job anywhere in the world which makes me travel quite a lot. So my lifestyle should be at least somewhat attracting, right? But anyway, I feel like I'm retired from "the game" so this doesn't concern me too much. Also I live currently in Thailand where 'traditional values' are still effective and with good financial situation man has a huge leverage.
 
It's a bit of a turn off for me, to be honest. Call me old-fashioned, I like what they call "the thrill of the chase". I like the feeling of conquest. When a woman approaches me, it takes some of the fun out of it. I'll still do it, obviously, because I really like having sex, but I also like the sweet feeling of victory, which you don't get in the same way. When I approach a woman and talk her into it, I feel like a lion bringing down a zebra. If she's just up for it, some of the primal, visceral joy is diminished.
 
YaBa said:
And I still don't have any problems hooking up with random girls, but I've just noticed how it's just harder to just have fun (not mean sex) and get to know each other. Approaching girl is taken like someone would be attacking them. And by all means I don't mean all the girls, not even close, just that it's all the time more common.
Click to expand...

men are expected to initiate. it's a skill to be able to disarm someone. this is very normal and it doesn't mean women have the "power."

because let's say they do. then as soon as y ou disarm them, you're saying you have the power. because it would take a very rare (and therefore high status) man to both initiate and disarm them so easily.
 
Don't really like or dislike it although, to be honest, it seems like, these days, it's a lot easier for the girl to ask the guy out instead of having the guy ask the girl out because, let's face it, over the past decade or so, women really have gotten a lot of the power in this Western dating game. Just my opinion though.

That being said, my first two relationships began with the girl asking me out, so I think it's basically a good thing - whatever works, right?
 
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