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Girlfriend wants me to quit using bluelight

Sounds like she's just concerned BL is a place for you to learn how to use drugs maybe? I'd attempt to explain why you love BL and how it's truly a place for harm reduction and recovery support. Without BL, I'd have made a lot more stupid decisions when it came to using drugs. Instead I made smart choices and do my best to impart my knowledge on safe, smart drug use on other users and addicts.
 
seriously though next time a girl does this shit to me (i don't do relationships ATM or in the near future though) i'm blowing dust smoke in her face.
 
Women use a complex code when they express their feelings.

When she says, "I want you to stop looking at Bluelight", what she really means is, "My parents think you are a bum with no future. Get a better job, buy a ring, not too big, but nothing too cheap and start reproducing"

I can see where you are having trouble understanding.
 
One Thousand Words said:
Women use a complex code when they express their feelings.

When she says, "I want you to stop looking at Bluelight", what she really means is, "My parents think you are a bum with no future. Get a better job, buy a ring, not too big, but nothing too cheap and start reproducing"

I can see where you are having trouble understanding.
Click to expand...
Haha =D
 
Supeudol_Sundays said:
but i'm just in one of those situations where I feel it's the right thing to do, not just for her but most of all for myself. By that i'm talking about quitting pills and cutting down on my smoking, cause it's causing me trouble with work...and as far as I can tell most girls don't want to be with a "drug addict"...regardless of what that means.
Click to expand...

Go for it then! Never mind these people saying dump that stupid bitch... Relationships are all about compromise and the fact that you said that drugs are getting in the way of your work makes me think even more that her intentions are good. Also the fact that you said she's not controlling in other aspects of your life. If she was a control freak it would come out in all facets of life. It sounds to me she just wants someone that isn't doing or obsessing about drugs all the time.

Mysterie said:
theres something that strikes me as misogynistic about the way a lot of people are approaching this as if its a power play, or that your pride can't handle being offered another perspective.

its op's gfs intention that matters, she most likely wants the best for the person she loves the most, which is a loving thing to do. op never said she was being an insufferable b### about it. OP also feels that this is probably a good move to make because atm drugs are getting in the way of life and BL does have a lot of things which can trigger use of drugs.
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Yup, totally agree. And as far as bluelight why not just give it a break for now and if you do get back on just talk to her about it and tell her what you're talking about. Personally I'd rather be hanging out with my girlfriend than on here tho, no offense bluelight. lol
 
Those in relationships with substance users can sometimes have deep seeded control issues, or recreating abandonment from early on (being with emotional unavailability), similar to a father/mother figure. This depends, not always… but if she looks into her 'stuff' she might find something. Was there drug use in her family at all growing up?

Does she need approval quite often? How was her relationship with her parental units?
How about Naranon for her?
Not sure if it's 12 step though or not, but maybe it could be a place for her to vent and get some relief. It might take the pressure off of you so you can focus on yourself.

The dynamic happening involves both of you, but you need to do what is best for you, health wise. Is the site helping you or do you feel it's more harmful?

Congratulations on making a decision to quit! :)
 
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Smoky said:
Those in relationships with substance users can sometimes have deep seeded control issues, or recreating abandonment from early on (being with emotional unavailability), similar to a father/mother figure. This depends, not always… but if she looks into her 'stuff' she might find something. Was there drug use in her family at all growing up?

Does she need approval quite often? How was her relationship with her parental units?
How about Naranon for her?
Not sure if it's 12 step though or not, but maybe it could be a place for her to vent and get some relief. It might take the pressure off of you so you can focus on yourself.

The dynamic happening involves both of you, but you need to do what is best for you, health wise. Is the site helping you or do you feel it's more harmful?

Congratulations on making a decision to quit! :)
Click to expand...

I wan't to quote and reply to all the comments, it's quite overwhelming though (but great to hear so many opinions). First of all, I agree there is some level of misogyny in previous comments, many men are of the mindset that "I am who I am, don't try to change me"...which I feel is childish when you know deep down that what your partner is saying is true (in this case that I should choose healthier addictions). You guys gotta realize that you are putting yourselves at the same level as the women you are complaining about...the mysandric feminists who have trouble stepping into the shoe's of the opposite sex. Some guy's are alpha types and just don't give a shit, but I don't think it's fair to call a woman a cunt or bitch for trying to help the person she loves. This woman surprises me with ther wisdom and knowledge every day, although she is not technically/scientifically inclined (shes actually better at math than I am)...she has an emotional openness about her that amazes me, and she is able to consider many perspectives. At first I thought this woman didn't know much, but she is proving me wrong every day and I have much more respect for her now. There are times where us guys just need to lower our guards and open up to our girlfriends, because they know that we are not actually all that tough as we make ourselves out to be..and we don't know it all. Not that we shouldn't have our own personal boundaries, but we can't be so quick to dismiss a woman's point of view...and certainly not dump her for it.

Maybe some of you guys don't feel that drugs are limiting you, but I have never seen drug addiction lead anywhere good....until the person chooses to quit. I know many people personally who have become highly successful after giving up decade long addictions...most of them look back and feel that they need to make up for the years lost to drugs, so they are often very determined and entreprenurial people who come out of the experience more prepared than people who never used. The drugs we're limiting them, at least by the standards that our society dictates. Of course, some people are very successful (financially) whilst using drugs...though they often are not happy inside, and probably not nice people to be around. And yea, there was a girl who said something along the lines "well she has been taught since a child to seek that perfect man, a lawyer with lots of money and who doesn't use drugs and will buy you a diamond ring etc etc"....which is very true, because she has told me herself that she could find a man who fit's her parent's ideal, but she is attracted to the things in me that those kind of men don't offer...and she is willing to make that compromise. Same thing here, I could just find a girl who is all down with drugs and want's to get fucked up with me all the time...but that's not a relationship that's gonna lead anywhere helpful, is it?

I'm just glad that she is open to new ways of thinking, and questions what she has been told...and it's really interesting because she was the one to approached me first, and because she loved the sex we had she kept calling me and we eventually got together. She knows that I want to quit and is simply suggesting that I quit using bluelight for a while to take my mind off drugs. It's a good suggestion, but I still plan to contribute to bluelight in the future..regardless of whether I am using or not.

On the other hand, i'm fully aware that she has been programmed by her culture, upbringing, the media...that being in a relationship with a drug user can have consequences and lead to heartbreak. Not that it's not true to some extent, but I find she is like many young women who are prone read lot's of relationship articles and believe whatever they read online...and there is a lot of misinformation and fear mongering online about what constitutes a "normal relationship", imo.

Regardless of whether she has deep seated control issues, I also might have some underlying issues that I am not aware of...so it's hard for me to judge her for something like that. But to answer your question, her father was an alcoholic who died while she was young. She was raised by her mother and many siblings, all of whom are educated and went to school or married. So although i'm sure there are some underlying issues, she had a strong mother figure in her life...albeit, she was/is very dominating and controlling and calls her daughter on an almost daily basis. My girlfriend is herself concerned to some extent about this, and realizes her mother is quite controlling.
 
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Supeudol_Sundays said:
But to answer your question, her father was an alcoholic who died while she was young.
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I think that alone would cause just about anyone to have red flags when it comes to substance abuse. And yeah forget all the "alpha" teenager shit. A real man is going to be open to his partner's thoughts and wishes. It has nothing to do with being tough or not, but everything to do with having a successful relationship. That doesn't mean being a pushover or not standing up for yourself when you need to, but like someone else said, it's a two way street. Other than that, just make sure you're quitting the drugs for yourself AND her, not just her, because I've found that usually trying to do it for someone else rarely if ever works. Also keep in mind that she'll probably have her family telling her that you're not good for her and whatnot, but as long as you keep your communication open and make sure she's not internalizing what they're saying about you, you should be good. But it sounds to me like you're on the right track, so good luck!
 
Supeudol_Sundays said:
I don't think it's fair to call a woman a cunt or bitch for trying to help the person she loves.
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no not kool to call her that for tryin to help BUT sometimes thats the only shit that will get her attention... when the situation warrents it ofcourse....
 
If you have to call your girlfriend names to get their attention you probably aren't in a very healthy relationship.
 
Op,

Be open and honest and communicate clearly.

Otherwise, "If it dont fit, don't force it" - PFunk

All couples quarrel though. Do you like pumpkin spice lattes or house hunters?

When your not getting any , cutting Bluelight time in half and compromising seems not so bad.


The drug use is a whole nother story. You'll have to moderate yourself. Only you can decide how much is okay.
 
PeaceOfPast said:
Op,

Be open and honest and communicate clearly.

Otherwise, "If it dont fit, don't force it" - PFunk

All couples quarrel though. Do you like pumpkin spice lattes or house hunters?

When your not getting any , cutting Bluelight time in half and compromising seems not so bad.


The drug use is a whole nother story. You'll have to moderate yourself. Only you can decide how much is okay.
Click to expand...


Luckily the sex has never been an issue, and if anything the opioids diminish the pleasure...so i don't worry about that, but its a good reason to quit the pills. I know that eventually pills will fuck up the sex drive. She is always horny anyways, and so am I...so the pills really haven't ever caused issues. Amphetamines and cocaine however make my dick limp, which is why I tend to avoid them.

I'm gonna start cutting back with the pills, but it's really the cannabis and tobacco that are consuming me the most...last time I quit for a month I had terrible nightmares, sweating, depression...which eventually led me back to smoking again. Although I must say that during the experience I was quite clear headed but felt like my mind was racing 24/7 (almost like all the negative side effects of cannabis come back at you with full power....like a kind of rebound panic/anxiety)...cannabis seems to at least keep me stable, if you will.
Not sure if I have an underlying condition, but out of all the substances it is cannabis and tobacco that I am the most frightened to quit....even though I know i'll feel better when i'm not smoking. Not too sure if it's the tobacco or the cannabis that is more addictive for me, i'm leaning towards the tobacco however.
 
Supeudol_Sundays said:
I wan't to quote and reply to all the comments, it's quite overwhelming though (but great to hear so many opinions). First of all, I agree there is some level of misogyny in previous comments, many men are of the mindset that "I am who I am, don't try to change me"...which I feel is childish when you know deep down that what your partner is saying is true (in this case that I should choose healthier addictions). You guys gotta realize that you are putting yourselves at the same level as the women you are complaining about...the mysandric feminists who have trouble stepping into the shoe's of the opposite sex. Some guy's are alpha types and just don't give a shit, but I don't think it's fair to call a woman a cunt or bitch for trying to help the person she loves. This woman surprises me with ther wisdom and knowledge every day, although she is not technically/scientifically inclined (shes actually better at math than I am)...she has an emotional openness about her that amazes me, and she is able to consider many perspectives. At first I thought this woman didn't know much, but she is proving me wrong every day and I have much more respect for her now. There are times where us guys just need to lower our guards and open up to our girlfriends, because they know that we are not actually all that tough as we make ourselves out to be..and we don't know it all. Not that we shouldn't have our own personal boundaries, but we can't be so quick to dismiss a woman's point of view...and certainly not dump her for it.

Maybe some of you guys don't feel that drugs are limiting you, but I have never seen drug addiction lead anywhere good....until the person chooses to quit. I know many people personally who have become highly successful after giving up decade long addictions...most of them look back and feel that they need to make up for the years lost to drugs, so they are often very determined and entreprenurial people who come out of the experience more prepared than people who never used. The drugs we're limiting them, at least by the standards that our society dictates. Of course, some people are very successful (financially) whilst using drugs...though they often are not happy inside, and probably not nice people to be around. And yea, there was a girl who said something along the lines "well she has been taught since a child to seek that perfect man, a lawyer with lots of money and who doesn't use drugs and will buy you a diamond ring etc etc"....which is very true, because she has told me herself that she could find a man who fit's her parent's ideal, but she is attracted to the things in me that those kind of men don't offer...and she is willing to make that compromise. Same thing here, I could just find a girl who is all down with drugs and want's to get fucked up with me all the time...but that's not a relationship that's gonna lead anywhere helpful, is it?

I'm just glad that she is open to new ways of thinking, and questions what she has been told...and it's really interesting because she was the one to approached me first, and because she loved the sex we had she kept calling me and we eventually got together. She knows that I want to quit and is simply suggesting that I quit using bluelight for a while to take my mind off drugs. It's a good suggestion, but I still plan to contribute to bluelight in the future..regardless of whether I am using or not.

On the other hand, i'm fully aware that she has been programmed by her culture, upbringing, the media...that being in a relationship with a drug user can have consequences and lead to heartbreak. Not that it's not true to some extent, but I find she is like many young women who are prone read lot's of relationship articles and believe whatever they read online...and there is a lot of misinformation and fear mongering online about what constitutes a "normal relationship", imo.

Regardless of whether she has deep seated control issues, I also might have some underlying issues that I am not aware of...so it's hard for me to judge her for something like that. But to answer your question, her father was an alcoholic who died while she was young. She was raised by her mother and many siblings, all of whom are educated and went to school or married. So although i'm sure there are some underlying issues, she had a strong mother figure in her life...albeit, she was/is very dominating and controlling and calls her daughter on an almost daily basis. My girlfriend is herself concerned to some extent about this, and realizes her mother is quite controlling.
Click to expand...
So by reading this it sounds to me that you already know what you want to do here....so im not really sure why your coming on here to ask for advice then....if your looking for someone else to tell you to quit we cant do that...thats for you to decide
 
tobacco is more insidious than weed for most people.

i would think of it more as, weed is covering up anxiety/depression which is what you have been trying to avoid. so when you stop using weed, all those emotions and thoughts rise to the surface and it can be overwhelming. but as you start to face those issues with a clear mind, it can be a rewarding process.

replace weed and tobacco with regular exercise and meditation (even just 10 minutes of each a day), and it is more than satisfying.
 
Lol no i meant feel lucky your getting laid so compromise with her.

Like people have said the drugs are your own thing.

I know what you mean about quitting pot and ciggs tho.
 
traybuck said:
So by reading this it sounds to me that you already know what you want to do here....so im not really sure why your coming on here to ask for advice then....if your looking for someone else to tell you to quit we cant do that...thats for you to decide
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Take it or leave it man, I am just voicing my thoughts...and trying to elucidate some of the issues surrounding drug use and relationships. Although I am aware what needs to be done...I am still interested in hearing your opinions, and learning more about myself and the nature of my relationship in comparison to others. If you don't like where the thread is going then don't participate. But I appreciate your opinion, and I don't mean to come across as cocky...I hope you understand.
 
Ok, speaking as a woman, as long as I wasn't on a dating site or out looking to meet people, wtf is the big deal here? I'm assuming she knows where to find the forums, so she's more than welcome to come and read what goes on here, no?? If you're getting some form of support or it helps you being here in some way, then she seriously needs to get over herself and get a bit more secure and have more trust in you.

The day someone tells me where I can and cannot go online (assuming of course, like I said, it's not a dating/hookup site) is the day I tell them to go fuck themselves. I would never even think of telling someone not to be on a site such as this because it makes ME uncomfortable, that would be MY issue, not theirs.

Sorry but I've been involved in a few controlling/abusive relationships and this is how it all starts. I refuse to let anyone dictate what I can/can't do if it's harmless. She needs to put her big girl panties on and grow the hell up.
 
could try it her way and see where it takes you. you're not really sacrificing anything by going off drugs & BL and it could end up being beneficial. sometimes controlling can be a good thing, it can mean that your partner is serious about your future together and wants to be reassured that your... idiosyncrasies won't wreck your combined efforts to build lives together if you get married or become common-law. i mean shit, sometimes you just have to recognize where you're being a fuck-up and be grateful that someone is in your life who wants to fix those aspects even if it means sitting on your shoulders and telling you to stop doing fuck-up things.
 
/\ Exactly. It doesn't sound like she's being controlling just to be controlling, it sounds like she's concerned about the op and their relationship. Ultimately it's up to him to figure out whether it's more important to be stoned and on the internet all the time or with the girlfriend.
 
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