EZ BCF - good to see you posting
It is. It's beautiful and wasted on shut in waster wankers like me. In all honesty I have been out, as my pre - rehab group meets ever Monda. It's the worst day of the week for me as any motivation that may be instilled by my attendance is removed the moment I get in the car to drive me home. It's a 90 minute drive there and 80 minutes back f the traffic is clear during which time I have to listen to my mother, who refuses t leave the louse for any reason but will not allow herself to be left alone. So, I always enter the group feeling as shit as I can ("Once again I have to miss Loose Woman because you're a druggy, I wish you were dead, etc etc etc). It took 40mgs of flubromazeam just to get in the car with her, I have to sit in then back as she is constantly loosing her temper and punches me in the back fo the head, or tries to throttle me with the seatbelt every journey. I felt so fucking flat that me dad agreed to do a liittle shopping in a certain kocation in the North Wolverhampton residential esatates, which would give me the chance to go for a little walk. It added about 40 minutes onto what is already an unbearable mission, each and every week, but it unfortunately gave me quick and easy access to one of the current numbers that are banging out Taliban grade chunky rocks of no. 3 hroin which I grabbed 2 of. Sadly, within 4 minutes of getting home I had cranked one and am feeling considerably better for it. It's really strong, I've just a spliff ready for after (I'd rather have a plate instead of shooting it but firstly, I need the maximum mileage out of this shit, and most importantly, this cannot continue.
If I cannot make it too next weeks group without having used at some point in the week, I a going to withdraw from drug services, rattle off the meth (If that's possible - I do not know I've detoxed from heroin 3 times cold turkey but haven never withdrawn from Meth and as soonas I'm well enoug remove myself fro, teh house. If I cannot get anywhere on my own wits then I will inevitably relapse, only I know I wont survive anther one. As long as I go out quietly then I'll settle for that as I just drag everythng down with me whether I go and whatever I do. I need this rehab to turn my life around, my mother is doing everything in her power to sabotage my chances at stabalisingmy drug intake so they can detox my safely before the programme starts, but with me having no value in my life whatsoever, It's too easy an option to use as an antidote for how unbearable she is especially when stuck in a car with her. SO, once more I am giving up on the day and retreating into bed with my last bag load loaded and ready to go with a spliff chase. As I'm not allowed to speak to or spend any time with my father without her starting a fight, it's the only time of day when I feel truly content, as I can stick an audiobook on and forget about my life for 8 - 12 hours. When yiour only asperatio is to be unconscious, it should be obvious to anyone that I have little interest in anything that currently occupies my existence.
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