Well back on the Suboxone today, been riding out an approximately 3 month long stint of everyday use after a similarly long stint of using basically nothing but Suboxone. Not really been BL'ing too much, but I figured I'd write something here about my recent heroin use. Dug my financial situation into an even greater whole (which was not an easy task), accumalating more debt than ever before, but still someway making all my payments. Though some are a little late, like my student loans which I am waiting until tomo to pay because I'd overdraw my acct 2 more times, they were only due Saturday and its like the first or second time I've been late depending on the loan, so i doubt they drop the hammer on me for it. As it is, I am overdrawing the account for like the 3rd or 4th time week a row and so by so much $ this time that my paycheck, along with the student loan payments, will leave me with somewhere in the $100 range in my account after the paycheck clears on Thursday. The bank must love me, I am like $29 in their pocket every week, if not more.
I am happy to report the Subs are working pretty well, way better than I expected. I actually have some energy and just really only issues are soreness, anhedonia, lack of appetite(but strong hunger for coffee) and, of course, cravings. Go figure I hit $200 on scratch ticket yesterday morning, too, but I held my composure to not get more dope, because it wouldn't last me long enough and I'd run out the day before work, and I don't wanna be sick at work, that is the goal in terms of timing things out. Plus I got shit to do this month and I would like to be settled on the Subs, have some money in the bank, and in general have my shit together to some extent, my godson's baptism the 20th and a wedding the 25th (nothing special, just a friend who I wasn't even sure would've invited me, but it was cool he did).
Took my first Sub, 4 mg, this morning at 930, Last use was yesterday at 4pm, but I barely used any yesterday. I had a small amount left, like basically what I'd take to get my initial morning high. Instead I did like 2/3 of it, went to some retirement party at work, came back, did the rest. Actually did most at 3pm, but had a few tiny lines left that I finished off at 4. I was planning to start the subs yesterday, but with that little bit left and wanting to attend the work party, I did it. It may have actually made the transition easier. It was 17 hours after that last bit I used when I took the Subs, but I wasn't really high from it and what I did was like 20% a normal days use. So I think that made the transition. And yesterday didn't suck only having that little bit to use, I didn't really enjoy the day, but not like a 'put a bullet in my head' kind of day. I actually crashed for bed early at about 9-930 and slept a full 8 hours, woke up kicking, sweating, eyes watering and all that. Took some benzos, slept 2 more hours, woke up and did the Sub. Well I am happy to be moving in the right direction, I know the real struggle is keeping my head on straight, but got a lot to lose if i don't, so there is motivation.
