General Heroin #19 v. Posting Between the Nods

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ohshea said:
Yea UPS and FedEx never done me wrong. Their insurance is legit as well.

On the topic of heroin: shit sucks lately.
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I concur....the heroin round these parts has been total crap lately...cept these "Blue Magic" ones I have run into recently....my habit is close to zero I do one or two if I get lucky!! I only did one decent-sized bag and actually got a bit of a rush....I was shocked!! Also one of my other reg dealers had some "Hot Sauce" bags. Was pleasantly surprised at the rush I got...Forgot if posting stamps is allowed here...if not I'm sorry...8)
 
ohshea said:
On the topic of heroin: shit sucks lately.
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Thankfully I wouldn't know.

The past couple months have literally been some of the best I've ever had. Being off dope, stable, working, etc. Feels pretty good and though I still have cravings for dope that pop up here and there, I've finally been able to put shit into perspective and see that it's not worth it. The legal issues over my head certainly are an inventive to stay clean too.
 
Scag, I would love to be where you're at right now (cept for the legal issues, although I'm on probation atm). I'm just having so much trouble with my depression and zero self-worth feelings I feel like it's keeping me doing dope. Maybe I'm just making excuses for my addiction but I'm feeling like being stuck in a really deep pit o' shit while trying to claw my way up but it's a waste of time...Been at it so long it's like it's ingrained in my whole existence and when I'm not using it feels like I'm missing a body part...hahaha geez I sound like I'm psychoanalyzing myself...anyways like I said I wish I could do what you're doing; great job keep going...the cravings should come less and less with time, stay focused and the rest will be easier!!! :
 
RaZkaL86 said:
Scag, I would love to be where you're at right now (cept for the legal issues, although I'm on probation atm). I'm just having so much trouble with my depression and zero self-worth feelings I feel like it's keeping me doing dope. Maybe I'm just making excuses for my addiction but I'm feeling like being stuck in a really deep pit o' shit while trying to claw my way up but it's a waste of time...Been at it so long it's like it's ingrained in my whole existence and when I'm not using it feels like I'm missing a body part...hahaha geez I sound like I'm psychoanalyzing myself...anyways like I said I wish I could do what you're doing; great job keep going...the cravings should come less and less with time, stay focused and the rest will be easier!!! :
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I was there w/ you, kid. legit, I had no urge to stop because I was doing NOTHING but the drugs. I would get up, think drugs, do drugs, go to work, do more drugs, come home, do more drugs. what I wasnt doing what all the other daily parts of life that people do, such as; bills, eating, sleeping, going out, friends, family, ANYTHING REALLY. my day revolved around work/drugs.

I was spending MUCH more than I could afford and not seeing a thing for the work I put in. I finally started to feel enough is enough. I would use and get ZERO from it. my arms, hands, everything started to show more and more track marks (and I am covered in tats and still seeing marks). the bumps under my skin got worse and worse; so finally I decided enough is enough and to legit give this a shot.

went in w/ a G+ habit and downgraded to a half G. from there I went to bupe at 2-4MG/day on an as needed basis. a week or so ago I stopped using bupe and shot a half G end of last week like a true junkbox. well, I havent used a thing since then and today being Monday I feel FUCKING GOOD!

sure, 3-4 days clean is NOT MUCH.. but coming off a daily habit for years and years I feel fucking great! just need to stay on this track.

my cravings are there but I look at my track marks and they fade. we'll see how long this lasts.. this is truly the LONGEST I've been OFF ALL DRUGS for in probably years and years. kinda sad, huh?
 
RaZkaL86 said:
Scag, I would love to be where you're at right now (cept for the legal issues, although I'm on probation atm). I'm just having so much trouble with my depression and zero self-worth feelings I feel like it's keeping me doing dope. Maybe I'm just making excuses for my addiction but I'm feeling like being stuck in a really deep pit o' shit while trying to claw my way up but it's a waste of time...Been at it so long it's like it's ingrained in my whole existence and when I'm not using it feels like I'm missing a body part...hahaha geez I sound like I'm psychoanalyzing myself...anyways like I said I wish I could do what you're doing; great job keep going...the cravings should come less and less with time, stay focused and the rest will be easier!!! :
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Yeah I've felt like that plenty of times. It's not easy getting out of that rut. You really have to kind of force yourself out of it.

BostonBrownTown said:
I was there w/ you, kid. legit, I had no urge to stop because I was doing NOTHING but the drugs. I would get up, think drugs, do drugs, go to work, do more drugs, come home, do more drugs. what I wasnt doing what all the other daily parts of life that people do, such as; bills, eating, sleeping, going out, friends, family, ANYTHING REALLY. my day revolved around work/drugs.

I was spending MUCH more than I could afford and not seeing a thing for the work I put in. I finally started to feel enough is enough. I would use and get ZERO from it. my arms, hands, everything started to show more and more track marks (and I am covered in tats and still seeing marks). the bumps under my skin got worse and worse; so finally I decided enough is enough and to legit give this a shot.

went in w/ a G+ habit and downgraded to a half G. from there I went to bupe at 2-4MG/day on an as needed basis. a week or so ago I stopped using bupe and shot a half G end of last week like a true junkbox. well, I havent used a thing since then and today being Monday I feel FUCKING GOOD!

sure, 3-4 days clean is NOT MUCH.. but coming off a daily habit for years and years I feel fucking great! just need to stay on this track.

my cravings are there but I look at my track marks and they fade. we'll see how long this lasts.. this is truly the LONGEST I've been OFF ALL DRUGS for in probably years and years. kinda sad, huh?
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Congrats on the clean time. Stick with it, man.
 
Razkal I know what you mean, its kind of like I eat because I'm sad and I'm sad because I eat. You have to break the cycle somewhere, either stop eating or stop being sad.
 
porkchops said:
Razkal I know what you mean, its kind of like I eat because I'm sad and I'm sad because I eat. You have to break the cycle somewhere, either stop eating or stop being sad.
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Yeah I always tell my counselor(when on MMT) or whomever that I don't know if I'm depressed because I'm using or I'm using because I'm depressed...seems like the same thing just worded differently...either way it's like the infinity loop!!! No end and no beginning just going and going.....going....going
 
I've honestly never had problems with any of the three deliver services mentioned the ups, usps, and fedex around me are all really good.
 
RaZkaL86 said:
Yeah I always tell my counselor(when on MMT) or whomever that I don't know if I'm depressed because I'm using or I'm using because I'm depressed...seems like the same thing just worded differently...either way it's like the infinity loop!!! No end and no beginning just going and going.....going....going
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Yeah it's a bit of a double edged sword. You use because you're depressed, but then are depressed because you used.

Ya can't win. Ha.
 
sober, sober, sober! its too easy! haha. things are going good, tho. not even getting the urge right now. I am planning on hitting a meeting this weekend w/ my other friend who has 3 or 4 months clean right now. he's not a daily meeting type guy but will go 2-3 times a week. he also goes to try and hit on the ladies, ha. another reason why I want to go as well, ha. I also want to see what they see; when I mention I am only a week clean do they think I look better or worse for the time I have "clean". ha. wow, you'd think I am 21 and going to my first meeting.. instead I will be 32 and going to my 39393939th meeting and SHOULD HAVE ENOUGH BY NOW! oh well.
 
Thats an inspiring an honest post.
Thanks for sharing that.
I as well as many people have felt this way so hearing you take action on it and changing your life is huge. Congrats
EnVee
 
RaZkaL86 said:
Scag, I would love to be where you're at right now (cept for the legal issues, although I'm on probation atm). I'm just having so much trouble with my depression and zero self-worth feelings I feel like it's keeping me doing dope. Maybe I'm just making excuses for my addiction but I'm feeling like being stuck in a really deep pit o' shit while trying to claw my way up but it's a waste of time...Been at it so long it's like it's ingrained in my whole existence and when I'm not using it feels like I'm missing a body part...hahaha geez I sound like I'm psychoanalyzing myself...anyways like I said I wish I could do what you're doing; great job keep going...the cravings should come less and less with time, stay focused and the rest will be easier!!! :
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Have you tried subs or done before? Going clean cold turks with no med assisted recovery is depressing as hell fo mr, evsn when past the hump.

By the way, "sober sober sober its too easy." Ha. Really?

Boston Im confused, on the previous page you said this is the longest youve been off drugs in years and years, but werent you the one preaching the miracles of suboxone several months back? You said you were on subs for months.
 
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ohshea said:
Have you tried subs or done before? Going clean cold turks with no med assisted recovery is depressing as hell fo mr, evsn when past the hump. I've done subs (not prescribed) and they do work for me...but I'm sure if i went that route I would probably start selling them for bags, as many I know do. As for MMT (methadone maintinence treatment or therapy) I've also tried it and I was like 2 years straight with no dope!!! But I relapsed as soon as my dose (70mgs) was down to about 2mgs/day on a blind detox regimen. I wasn't doing dope but that doesn't mean I wasn't thinking about it and having drug dreams which suck royally if you've experienced them. I've basically given up the fight to stop...for now but that's not saying I won't keep trying in the future...It's soooo very frustrating :!:X
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^razkal, Im sorry to hear that I know how it feels. If we dont want to change then its really hard to, its hard when not even you have your own back.I always thought I was going to feel the same way and was doomed to the life of a junkie, but mindsets change and hopefully youll get past this hump. No telling when, but nothing lasts forever, not even the bad even though it feels that way when were in it. hopefully some good vibes get sent your way.

Scags: Always puttin down what you know the rest of us are thinkin!
 
Hey thanks ohshea!! Always nice to talk to people like you and the others here on BL...you just can't explain to "civilians" what "junkie life" is like. People may assume we're all on here glamorizing drugs and connecting(scoring) all over here but we know that's not the case at all!! We talk to each other about our lives; the ups and downs, successes and failures of our own actions which happen to revolve around heroin...imo...8)
 
RaZkaL86 said:
ohshea said:
Have you tried subs or done before? Going clean cold turks with no med assisted recovery is depressing as hell fo mr, evsn when past the hump. I've done subs (not prescribed) and they do work for me...but I'm sure if i went that route I would probably start selling them for bags, as many I know do. As for MMT (methadone maintinence treatment or therapy) I've also tried it and I was like 2 years straight with no dope!!! But I relapsed as soon as my dose (70mgs) was down to about 2mgs/day on a blind detox regimen. I wasn't doing dope but that doesn't mean I wasn't thinking about it and having drug dreams which suck royally if you've experienced them. I've basically given up the fight to stop...for now but that's not saying I won't keep trying in the future...It's soooo very frustrating :!:X
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I feel ya my man. I just had 4 months clean and picked up again. Atm i'm using 3-4 nights a week and the nights I don't use, I'm thinking about it the whole time, I'm basically forcing myself to just lay in bed and watch t.v. and fall asleep. Luckily, for now, I'm not really having the urge to use during the day while at work which is always when my use just gets out of control. But when I was clean, about 2 months and after, when I was able to sleep again, the drug dreams were so intense and realistic, I would wake up feeling like I was in withdrawals again. But anyways, hang in there man, we're all here for eachother and that's what's great about having a place like this where people actually listen and nobody is judging nobody.
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