Hi, mommalette1010. I totally understand what you're feeling. I'm sorry to hear about your job. Our stories are very similar as far as being in chronic pain. I started on Norco 10mgs because of the physical pain. They helped me a lot and made me feel like I was superwoman. I use to call them my happy pills. It wasn't long before I was taking 3 or 4 at a time 4 times a day. Withdrawal symptoms would wake up in the middle of the night sometimes if I slept longer than 5 hours bc my body was use to having them every few hours. I was a medical assistant. I worked for a internal medicine doc, so I was calling in my own scripts. I called them in, in my name and anyone who would let me use their name. Before long was up to taking 8 pills at a time every 4 hours. I was also ordering samples of anything with hydrocodone in them to the office signing my bosses name then stealing them. He was ordering too so I'm lucky that didn't come down on me. He also ordered bottles of Darvon/Darvocet containing 1000 capsules per bottle. Anyway I ran out of names and pills so I called in Oxy's in my moms name. .,she was on Vicodin at the time, but doc's change ppls meds all the time. Ocy's were newer back then and I heard they were the bomb. I didn't know my mom was put on Vicodin by another doc too., because her doctor was the one I worked for. She had a problem herself that I was unaware of. I was so consumed with trying to keep my pain level down and staying high that I had no idea what was going on with her meds. It was a Friday.., I was eating Darvocet like crazy to help with the withdrawal that was coming on me fast. I barley made it through the work day. 6:30 came around, I had called the Oxy's in at 2ish , there no call came in from the pharmacy to verify so I assumed they were ready and waiting to be picked up. I went to K-mart to get them and the pharmacist was on the phone with my boss. Needless to say I didn't get the pills. I was freaking the hell out. So many thoughts were racing through my head about my job, my boss and my mom.., ""YET"" I still made finding a way to get high my priority. I loved my job, worked there for 9 yrs.., I was making enough money to own my own home , drive a new leased vehicle every 2 years and make it on my own. I was 30 yrs old, doing great and Fu~~~NG my life up without a second thought. With not knowing what my boss or anyone was thinking.., I went from K-mart parking lot to 8 mile..Detroit. I knew just south of 8 mile I could score some heroine. I had a very close friend addicted to heroine a couple of years prior to this and I would drive her to get her dope. I drove up & down streets asking strangers where I could find some boy. It took me under an hour to find and buy a bundle of heroine. I went home snorted a pack and felt like I was invincible. I thought the pills helped me and made me feel good. I had found my new escape. I apologize for going off subject , but it shows you and everyone else how sad addiction is, how we put it before everything. I did end up losing my job, not for calling in the pills ., I was so far gone and didn't care so I blamed that on my mom. I told my boss that my mom had a problem and used his DEA #. She was a medical assistant too. She knew how and I guess he chose to believe me. He never said anything to her. It didn't take long before he knew I was on something. I started shooting very soon after starting the heroine as we know it is much more powerful than hydrocodone. I would go into the bathroom at work and shoot up. I was nodding when things were slow in the office , my speech was slurish I'm sure and I was smoking 3 x the cigarettes. I over-heard my boss talking on the phone about possibly having to let me go. I left before he had a chance to fire me. This was about 2 months after starting the heroine. He would have helped me.,it was a bad choice.. AGAIN.!!! I had no income, a house payment , car payment , all of life's responsibilities and no way to pay for anything. I went through my savings in under 2 months. None of my bills were getting paid , yet I was still getting high. I went to a pain doc and was prescribed dilaudid, perc's and fentanyl patches. Between selling them and getting 2 roommates..eventually 3 roommates the 3rd was homeless and didn't mind putting a futon in the laundry room to sleep.All 3 of them were on SSI or Disability and agreed to have me take them to cash their check to pay rent. So basically I was guaranteed their rent would be paid. They were junkie's just like me..,one gal was in crack too. I had to try that..just one more thing to help me escape the hell I created. The word got out fast that there was a safe place to hang out. Before I knew it my once new, comfy, home became the place people wanted to come to get high. I couldn't believe all of the people who asked to come to my house to just get out of the drug house..I guess sitting in a drug house getting high was a buzz kill for some of them.. mommalette1010. this was so far away from who I once was. I hated what my life had become. I ended up telling my mom I was an addict and went into treatment. Everyone moved out of my house and I rented it to a nice couple. I came out of treatment in March of 2008. I was put on Suboxone 16mgs a day. I had no idea I was on something just as addictive as the heroine. YET my pain was manageable and so was my life. Here I am almost 7 years later and still on buprenorphine. I weaned from 16mgs down to between 2 to 4 mgs a day. I was recently switched to Zubsolv 5.7 last Tuesday. It's suppose to be equivalent to 8mg of suboxone. My doc said to break it in half because I'm down to 2-4 of subs. They are just not the same to me. I'm taking a whole one and a couple of days I've taken 2. I don't like them. I've never gone cold turkey from buprenorphine. Cold turkey from heroine was hell, I could never make it past 1 day. I always ended up going out and buying some. Can you compare the 2. I'm thinking maybe bc I was down to 2-4 subs and haven't been taking the zubsolv very long I may try to cold turkey it.
