Forgiveness

[Jabberwocky]

Forgiveness isn't about what we think of it as so much in terms of making amends (at least not as most people tend to think of making amends in our culture) and telling people how wrong or bad we are. If anything else that can be very re-traumatizing.

Forgiveness is about good works. It is about self cultivation, it is about becoming something more skillful than what you once were in order to address one's past misdeeds and silly mistakes and poor decisions.

Forgiveness and acceptance are two sides of the same coin. Granted neither are a small task. It's hard to learn to love one's self without a good teacher to show you the way.

 

[No one]

Perhaps you and I are at complete opposite ends of this very broad spectrum. I can understand making ammends with someone who broke your heart, or forgiving a sibling or other family member that maybe stole something special to feed their addiction. But someone that rapes, tortures, kills a small child, well those acts are absolutely unforgivable! Blowing up people in the name of your make believe god, that too is completely unforgivable.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Nothing is unforgivable, though the rape and murder are absolutely unacceptable! I'm not about to hand out a free pass for shit like that. But it is important to cultivate love, not hate, lest you end up fucking yourself.

 

[No one]

Once again I do respect your view of the matter. However, I can go along with it. I have no room for forgiveness for these low life pieces of shit who commit such atrocities. If someone intentionally harmed someone who I care about, I would kill them without a moments hesitation. Not a second of doubt would cross my mind.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Will you be my body guard

It's cool, we can agree to disagree, though I think we do actually agree that rape and murder are NOT acceptable

 

[manboychef]

Forgiveness is not for the person you are forgiving, it is for the person doing the forgiving.

To allow hate, anger, acrimony to dwell within one's heart will only poison the rest of the body.

I will give you an example: My ex was an addict that cheated on me, stole from me constantly, and when the time came that I was ready to walk away from the relationship she lied about me to the police and in court which has led to me only seeing my son four times in six years. It has really hurt my heart that those things happened, and the fact I do not see or talk to my son continues to hurt. For far to long I allowed the hate to boil in me like a cauldron of the vilest most caustic fluid on the planet. It tainted everything I touched. It warped my ideas about women. It caused me to go so deep into my addiction because the hate and anger wanted that I kill myself through it. It caused a certain type of madness known as revenge within me. I am not a vengeful or angry person. I am caring and considerate...but this changed me. I walked around like this for so long. I didn't allow anyone in...I rejected anyone that came my way especially those that wished to help me.

One day it changed. I made the realization that the way I felt and acted had nothing to do with my ex. It had everything to do with forgiveness though. I had to forgive her in order to start the healing. Forgiving her does not mean that I have forgotten what has happened, it means that I will no longer allow it to consume me. I will no longer waste my precious time thinking about it. I still extremely dislike her...but I no longer hate her.

The true healing comes from accepting that those things happened and moving on from it. Forgiving that person is the start. You don't need to forgive them to their face for it is for you not for them. They will more than likely go through the rest of their lives not thinking of any of the hurt they have caused you, and if they do it will not be in the magnitude of the anger burning within you.

Food for thought: The person that I have the hardest time forgiving is myself.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Well said I can tell you are feeling better

 

[manboychef]

Just a bit. I have nine to thirteen more days till the meds leave my body. I was actually just getting ready to text you.

 

[dragonix]

Ya I need to let go of burning resentment I hold a huge grudge still somehow I reckoned I don't need to forgive anybody but if I am resenting I do I think even if they didn't hurt me on purpose.

Like my Mother's Facebook account was recently hacked and if I could find out who did it I would forgive them after I threw them into a windowless van with ski masked dudes. I forgive them now will simply help her delete it she reported it that is all we can do.