I meant to respond to this, but life, y'know. I do know that the stuff I'm getting is not the best, but these days I'm just grateful to not get a bag with xylazine in it to be completely honest. I do know for some horrible reason I'm built like a f*ckn horse, my dealer has told me multiple times in the past he wasn't gonna meet me until it had been another 48 hours cause he didn't want "an od on his hands" (I.e. I had picked up 8gs on Friday morning and Saturday evening I hit him back up) so I was just stuck sick af. And he recently switched his supplier a few months ago, and I'm not sure if it's the new stuff or just been long enough to have the effect on me but occasionally when I wake up, even if I used the night before, I start violently vomiting, my body immediately drenches in sweat and I don't stop puking every 5 minutes until I use. I'm tired of this cycle but I truly don't know how to get out. I'm a single mom. I have a full time job. A house to keep up with, dogs, bills, etc I can't just lock myself away for a week to get thru the withdrawal. I keep going back and forth, I haven't used yet simply bc I haven't had time alone where I can try the first time (i never use to the point of nodding out if my kids are home, and to be honest I don't even remember the last time I had a genuine high, the last year or so has been nothing but just trying to not be sick).
I appreciate your response. It means a lot. I don't know anyone else that uses, at least not nearby. I truly just keep to myself, mind my business, and take care of my kids (as ironic and unbelievable that probably sounds). I have one friend, and she + my coworkers/anyone else in my life has no clue. So it's nice seeing a non judgemental response from someone who knows how I feel despite being a stranger. Congrats on 12 years, that's truly amazing.