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Fired my Sponsor (AA Related)

I've learned that AA helps me better if I don't get a sponser. I understand the general message, I don't need someone breathing down my neck. I know what I'm doing wrong. Only I can fix that. I take the advice when I can get it, but honestly there is so many fuckin retards at meetings tellin you to do this and that (Even thought they care and are just tryin to help) Fuck em. Do your own thing. You can gain so much from just listening to other peoples stories. Recovery is a personal experience IMO
 
Well guys I finally ended up surrendering, calling up my sponsor, and telling him that if going to a meeting everyday is what it takes, I'll do it. In the past I would have never done this as I was always use to taking shortcuts and skating through life. Now I'm willing to do anything to get sober long-term and if going to a meeting is what it will take to get what my sponsor has, so be it. It's time I stopped being an immature twat and start becoming the man that I know I can be.
 
Your recovery is about you. Find a sponsor you like and can live with. I dont see any shame in that
 
Good on you Get2Think! Usually the relationship between a sponsee and a sponsor changes eventually anyways. Once you complete a set of steps and start helping others, he doesn't really have as big of a reason to be 'overbearing'.

It is good to take the suggestions for now, and maybe hes just what you need. If you were drinking and using everyday, who's to say you cant benefit from a meeting daily.

Remember though, meetings are great for building your support group, finding a sponsor and finding others to help , etc... But if your living an aa/na spiritual way of life, doing a set of steps and living by the principles is whats going to keep you sober.

With time in the program, you will know what that is to you.
 
Get2Think said:
I know I could do a meeting everyday but its just such an inconvienance. And it's so typical of me to back out when shit gets tough.
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I know what you mean dude but ask yourself the following questions

How far would you go to get a drink?
Would you not invest the same amount of effort into getting sober if you really want to?

It was explained to me early in recovery in very simple terms. Do you want to live or die? If you keep drinking you will die spiritually if not physically & it is that simple broken down into basics.

My sponsor is as hardcore as it comes & whilst I do not agree with him on everything I see a guy who lost millions & ended up with nothing. This same man is the most balanced, reasonable, well adjusted person I have ever met who is now extremely successful due to the hard work he has put into his recovery. I have not done a meeting in quite some time but I apply the principals I learnt in the rooms as best I can in my daily life. It does work it you are prepared to work it.

Try & stay strong & it can take time to find the right sponsor for your particular needs. Sometimes you have to shop around for a sponsor that fits you just like you don't always buy the first car you test drive.

Ignore Illryia99 as her blatant unwarranted negativity does not belong here in a forum dedicated to supporting people who are struggling.

Illyria99 said:
Going to meetings, listening to others drone on and on about their life is a major drag...and a trigger in itself.
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Hearing people share their experience, strength & hope is not a drag if you desire sustained recovery.
 
fifleman said:
Just because you attended the amount of meetings you did doesn't mean you heard a damn thing.
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Exactly. I have known a member for 5+ years who has been sober for 20 years yet he has not done a days recovery & is as sick as the day he came in (according to veterans who have known him 20 years).

Get2Think said:
Well guys I finally ended up surrendering, calling up my sponsor, and telling him that if going to a meeting everyday is what it takes, I'll do it. In the past I would have never done this as I was always use to taking shortcuts and skating through life. Now I'm willing to do anything to get sober long-term and if going to a meeting is what it will take to get what my sponsor has, so be it. It's time I stopped being an immature twat and start becoming the man that I know I can be.
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Thats great news G2T. Actually made my day reading that & I had a fucking good day already. the only thing I can suggest is that you put as much effort into recovery as you did addiction. I assume it took you some years to get to where you are so it will not be a quick fix but a slow gradual progression that will reward you in small ways every single day. Trust me you are doing the right thing & if it does not work for you yet you can always continue your research because 12 step meetings welcome anyone especially if you have slipped.
 
fifleman said:
Again, I enjoyed your opinion. The irony of your first comment is that is was spoken as universal truth and that is far from reality. If there is a God, the truth exists only to him. You are certainly not God and nor am I so to speak in such a way is ignorance. Next time, I suggest using phrases such as "I think", "For me", etc. Maybe that was inferred but I certainly missed it. Your opinion is unique to you just as much as mine is to me. However, the truth exists outside of you and I and I believe we are fools to claim to know it.

To come in spouting your opinion as the ultimate truth isn't needed. There's obvious struggles here on TDS and negative opinions bashing one path or another of recovery that could potentially sway a person's road for sobriety is bullshit. My Grandad always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it."

If you care to elaborate on the other programs that work, I would be all ears. I attend SMART Recovery as well as AA. The bottom line for me is that I am sober, content, and hoping I can help others in any way possible.

The Dark Side doesn't need defeating and negative comments. As a drug addict and alcoholic who lived years in negativity, I need to surround myself in positivity and I want only that for my fellow people, especially here.

Take your negativity elsewhere.
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So, because you disagree with me, you're now trying to control what I post? Classic. Are you also into Scientology, by any chance?
 
Hey Illyria99, this isn't about YOU. So NA/AA didn't work for you. Probably because you didn't want it to. The OP posted a thread in TDS to get support for his problem, not to hear someones negative ass opinions. And no l don't think fifleman is trying to control you, probably just wants you to shut up and/or go away lol....
 
Negativity is part of life. This world isn't made of candy floss and kittens. If you don't like my opinion, feel free to ignore it.

AA/NA ruins so many people. Their stance is, if you don't do it their way, your life will be a complete waste. I've lost count of the people I've seen who are ready to kill themselves because they're relapsed...all because they didn't measure up to the rubbish that is spouted in those awful meetings.

And why do AA nazis get SO bent out of shape when someone dares question their little cult?
 
Illyria99 said:
And why do AA nazis get SO bent out of shape when someone dares question their little cult?
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Because they are emotionaly invested in the program. AA does have many characteristics of a cult but I think most groups fall right below the cutoff level I would personally use. Its certainly not for everyone but it does work for some. I think the backlash against 12 step programs is that they are being used coercively by courts and treatment facilities. Now AA apologists will quote some shit about attraction by ideals or whatever but the truth is that the program has been corrupted by the for profit treatment industry.
this corruption mannifests itself in statements like "Hey Illyria99, this isn't about YOU. So NA/AA didn't work for you. Probably because you didn't want it to.". Not only is that rude its a logical fallacy because if addiction is a disease then no treatment will ever be 100 percent effective. When a depressed patient doesnt respond to SSRI therapy do you tell them to try harder or say that they want to be depressed? Not unless your insane right?

IMO as someone who is in college studying social work the entire treatment industry needs to be re-thought. The effectivness of 12 step programs need to be studied in a scientific manner if it is to be promoted as effective therapy. I think we can all agree that the recovery rate from drug addiction is horribly low and something needs to change.
 
crimsonjunk said:
Because they are emotionaly invested in the program. AA does have many characteristics of a cult but I think most groups fall right below the cutoff level I would personally use. Its certainly not for everyone but it does work for some. I think the backlash against 12 step programs is that they are being used coercively by courts and treatment facilities. Now AA apologists will quote some shit about attraction by ideals or whatever but the truth is that the program has been corrupted by the for profit treatment industry.
this corruption mannifests itself in statements like "Hey Illyria99, this isn't about YOU. So NA/AA didn't work for you. Probably because you didn't want it to.". Not only is that rude its a logical fallacy because if addiction is a disease then no treatment will ever be 100 percent effective. When a depressed patient doesnt respond to SSRI therapy do you tell them to try harder or say that they want to be depressed? Not unless your insane right?

IMO as someone who is in college studying social work the entire treatment industry needs to be re-thought. The effectivness of 12 step programs need to be studied in a scientific manner if it is to be promoted as effective therapy. I think we can all agree that the recovery rate from drug addiction is horribly low and something needs to change.
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This is the most intelligent, well thought out post I've read so far. And it was beautifully written. I absolutely agree with every point you've brought up.
 
I can't help but laugh at where this thread has ended up. So totally off the original question. :p

I agree with a lot of what you said, Crimson. However, this isn't about the effectiveness of one program vs. another and the fact that "the treatment industry needs to be re-thought." This is about what is working for that individual. Furthermore, we are on a website where real people are seeking real advice/help/direction/suggestions.

Here is what I think. After years of alcohol abuse and drug abuse, I ran through every possible circuit out there. Wrecked vehicles, wrecked relationships, put my hands on people I love, lost jobs, tore through emotions, and destroyed everything around me. These events could be considered rock bottom, but I believe rock bottom is a mental state of being. I finally hit that where I was so damn sick of this life that I told myself "I gotta go, or alcohol has gotta go." That was my turning point.

At this point, I knew what to do. I knew I had to banish intoxicating substances from my life. I nutted up. I knew there was help in my family, in my friends, in myself, in AA rooms, in SMART Recovery, in counselors, in the weight room, on the wilderness trails, in nature, in everything. I told myself it was time to change my life, and invested a certain amount of single-minded effort to each and every one of those categories that I wanted to include in my life.

I am fueled by anger right now at the damn ignorance of some of the posters on here. I don't give a good God-damn at what you think about a certain path of recovery. The bottom line is negativity doesn't need to exist here, and if you have nothing constructive to say, it would be great for you to remain silent and log-out.

Illyria, I told you in a PM that suffering exists in the world and that negativity or positivity can be derived from it, that is our every day choice. You have shown siding with negativity. That's great, but don't bash a path of recovery here on the TDS. Don't bash one way or another especially when it is mentioned as an active avenue of sobriety for the OP or anyone on here.

What is hard to grasp about that concept?
 
fifleman said:
I can't help but laugh at where this thread has ended up. So totally off the original question. :p

I agree with a lot of what you said, Crimson. However, this isn't about the effectiveness of one program vs. another and the fact that "the treatment industry needs to be re-thought." This is about what is working for that individual. Furthermore, we are on a website where real people are seeking real advice/help/direction/suggestions.

Here is what I think. After years of alcohol abuse and drug abuse, I ran through every possible circuit out there. Wrecked vehicles, wrecked relationships, put my hands on people I love, lost jobs, tore through emotions, and destroyed everything around me. These events could be considered rock bottom, but I believe rock bottom is a mental state of being. I finally hit that where I was so damn sick of this life that I told myself "I gotta go, or alcohol has gotta go." That was my turning point.

At this point, I knew what to do. I knew I had to banish intoxicating substances from my life. I nutted up. I knew there was help in my family, in my friends, in myself, in AA rooms, in SMART Recovery, in counselors, in the weight room, on the wilderness trails, in nature, in everything. I told myself it was time to change my life, and invested a certain amount of single-minded effort to each and every one of those categories that I wanted to include in my life.
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Very wise... and I relate hugely to your experience.

I agree, lets try and keep this on topic. It seems to be straying away from benefitting the OP.
 
Anyways I backed out on this. I thought I could do this and go to a meeting everyday. It drove me absolutely batshit that feeling of missing out on valuable life lessons and not doing "everything" for my sobriety. I almost drank over this I was so upset. I still feel much more hopeless about sobriety because I feel like all this hard work is going to be in vain and I'll relapse eventually no matter what I do. But I know one thing, going to a damn AA meeting everyday is not going to make the difference. I was crazy to even consider such an "above and over" proposition. With no car, and not a whole lot of time, I decided this sponsor is not for me no matter what life changing valuable lessons he woud have instilled in me. Oh well..... im kinda bummed...
 
Hey get2think,

I just wanted to tell you that I think you have incredible insight into yourself and your addiction.

The fact that you recognised you were at a point which you would have uaed as an excuse to use in the past and you didn't is huge. You should be proud of the steps you have taken so far, and your willingness to change. Well done!

I don't have any experience to offer you on the AA front, however I will say that your readiness to do whatever it takes to get your sobriety is encouraging and exciting for you. Keep on keepin' on.

All the best

Edit: I just read what you wrote above, please don't be too bummed. Thas obviously been a stressful situation for you and despite that you still havent drunk or anything, you've coped. You need to keep using whatever those coping mechanisms you have to keep going. You have them so use them! be proud that you have come sofar.

What are your plans now?
 
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Thank you so much. What an encouraging post^^ I've also had another recent insight which I will share with you guys. I have noticed that the days when I lift weights and run/swim, I feel almost glowing with optimism and happiness. It wears off in like a day and a half. After that I start feeling kinda bad and then my thoughts turn really negative and I start beating myself up for being an alcoholic/addict and feeling like a cursed person. So my new plan is to workout more frequently to keep the happy chemicals flowing.

As far as AA is concerned. I'm going to go to as many meetings as I can and be on the lookout for a sponsor who isn't going to make me do a bunch of shit I don't want to. This is sort of a cop-out, and like a poster above has mentioned, perhaps I should be willing to walk 5 miles in the snow each way to go to an AA meeting everyday. But Im not. This both scares and relieves me. I'm leaning much more on my higher power than AA to help me learn how to live in sobriety. Its insane how much I feel like a child at 27, 5 months sober. I seriously feel so fragile and sensitive somedays but Im emerging out on the other side as a more loving, responsible, and healthy individual. Alcohol and drugs might be more fun and feel better for a short moment, but I'm just so aware of where that path goes that it deters me from that first drink. I have a lot of stuff Im not willing to give up for a high or buzz. Graduating college, getting a career in law enforcement, finding a wife, having a family, having my own place and nice cars, traveling, living to a ripe old age, helping other addicts/alcoholics.

I know that as soon as I seek out heroin or start boozing all that literally goes up in smoke. So I keep trudging through life in boring sobriety. Its boring but at least it aint drama, heartbreak, depression, and financial bankruptcy. Usually when a man walks 12 miles into the forest it takes him 12 miles to walk out. If you catch my drift.
 
you need to give a sponsor a chance before you fire them if after a few months and or steps they don't seem to help you or you don't "click" then fire them
 
That's good to hear, get2think.

Maybe try to not see it as a cop out, rather that you know what's right and what will work for you. Compromising on that by not being totally in tune with your sponser may have led to you being resentful and relapsing because oftthat. So really you are looking out for your future self and I think achieving sobriety on your own terms, not someone else's will benefit you in the long run.

It's really terrific that exercise bringyou the mood lift you need, so keep it up. And having long term goals is great too, so you can see the biger picture. The only thing I'm worried for is that you say your bored and I hope you have some hobbies or distractionst to take you through day to day?

Personally I find that if I make a loto plans with people, or go to classes, it keeps me out of the house and busy so I don't have ime to be bored.. but exercising, reading, cooking, spending cash on things other than booze, etc etc all that jazz! And avoiding doing study, I'm good t that ;)

As I said your insight and awareness will take you far I believe . Stay strong, much love.
 
I have never even been to an NA or AA meeting...my statement was a manifestation of Illyria99's negativity. But whatever I am not here to argue with anyone.
 
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