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Feeling like shittt after my first one night stand...

B

bojangle

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 21, 2017
Messages
6
yo guys,

So the other night I went out to a party and met this girl. She was a close friend of my bro and so she made me feel pretty comfortable as we were talking about stuff (I have an anxiety disorder). Not sure whether it was the anxiety or not, but I didn't really feel like our conversation was great. I been really depressed and busy with work so I didn't really know what to talk about, but for some reason she kept coming around back to talk to me.

Anyyway I got the idea that she might be into me, I bought her a few drinks and we were both absolutely hammered and I ended up asking if she wanted to leave together to which she responded yeees. I started getting heaps of anxiety because I felt like I was leading her on as I held her hand. I ended up kissing her later and eventually I was almost having a panic attack so I told her that I wasn't interested in a relationship. She said thats find and that she felt comfortable with me, so we ended up getting an awkward drunk cab ride back to her place.

We had crazy sex, I hardly slept, and she seemed fine the next morning, I kissed her on the cheek and said goodbye and that was that.

I thought she was cool so I added her on facebook but she didn't accept it! I felt so cut even though I'm the guy who said I didn't want a relationship... I can't stop ruminating on my cringy tentative behaviour...

Most likely I'm making it sound worse than it is, but yeah basically I feel like a loser lol.

Any ideas / suggestions for my issues guys?
 
You hear that. Thats the sound of silence. Dude your the only one being your own critic. Your entire post was basically a internal criticism of what went wrong what you didnt do whats wrong with your actions. What she is think. What your thinking about how you should be.

Listen to some music do something you like you sound like your own thoughts are like a constant full blown world war on yourself. If i had that all going on im my head id be having panic attacks too! Jesus. Ive been there and as much as you think think if things turn out how things shoulda woulda coulda youd be better off but in my experience the internal dialogue is just preventing me from seeing the forest for the trees convienced if i just fix or change or get this specific outcome itll be better but really im so caught up in introspectove criticism and worry im just missing the now
 
Yeah bro you're probably right. I don't know why I get like this sometimes... I just keep beating myself up. It always happens when I feel rejected I suppose.

I appreciate the advice, I'll try and move on!
 
You were not rejected though - you were at a party, met a girl, got her like you, made her comfortable enough to leave with you, agree with casual sex. That is all you wanted and she agreed that is all she wanted - you both got exactly what you wanted and both enjoyed each other at the time.

Nothing to beat yourself up over. Day after you gave her your contact details if she needs them.
 
It's could also be the residual effect of the alcohol.

I almost always feel a general sense of regret after drinking a lot and emotionally fragile, there's a post-hangover depression coupled with some anxiety. Throwing a one-night stand on top of that usually makes the feeling worse.
 
Those are the rules of the one night stand OP. You're going to have to learn to separate casual sex from emotional attachment if you want to play this game.
 
I dont think you would feel so much pain from feeling like you may have been rejected atless your self worth was already as unstable as a house of playing cards. I dont want to marry you your not my type. Youve just been rejected twice. How you feel has nothing to do with her rejecting you or me rejecting you its in your thoughts.
 
It might for a little bit but then what eventually they break up now hes back to feeling bad because he doesnt feel good enough. What mean is if she said yes tommoro or maybe a few days later itll be something new. The boss fires you so your lazy or a not a hard worker. You fail a class so your an idiot. They break up so hes worthless.
 
You're actually a lucky guy when getting laid with a girl for free, with no strings attached. Women tend to be very sentimental at some time, but then they could be cold and ignore you as if you were a stranger.
 
malakaix said:
It's could also be the residual effect of the alcohol.

I almost always feel a general sense of regret after drinking a lot and emotionally fragile, there's a post-hangover depression coupled with some anxiety. Throwing a one-night stand on top of that usually makes the feeling worse.
Click to expand...

This was Definitely a factor.
 
Durzo1258 said:
Yes it does, if she hasn't rejected him he wouldn't feel bad. It may not be the sole reason but there is causality.
Click to expand...

She has not rejected him! He has not been 'rejected'. A one night stand that both parties agree upon does not result (the next day) in rejection. The words 'One night' are mentioned for a reason ?

Thank you for the sex now fuck off already?

If you were really drunk then - Hangxiety may be at play (that feeling of dread, fear the day after).
 
d1nach said:
I dont think you would feel so much pain from feeling like you may have been rejected atless your self worth was already as unstable as a house of playing cards. I dont want to marry you your not my type. Youve just been rejected twice. How you feel has nothing to do with her rejecting you or me rejecting you its in your thoughts.
Click to expand...

I have to agree with you... My self worth not so good these days and especially through-out that night. I was happy that she was so friendly with me unlike the other people at the party and I guess that made me feel validated. Proobably need to work on my self-validation :< Thanks for the advice!
 
Durzo1258 said:
Yes it does, if she hasn't rejected him he wouldn't feel bad. It may not be the sole reason but there is causality.
Click to expand...

I think rejection is a sub-factor to what d1nach was suggesting which was my lacking self-worth... Had I had some more self-worth, I probably wouldn't have felt rejected... or maybe I wouldn't have had the sex in the first place :O...
 
Bearlove said:
She has not rejected him! He has not been 'rejected'. A one night stand that both parties agree upon does not result (the next day) in rejection. The words 'One night' are mentioned for a reason ?

Thank you for the sex now fuck off already?

If you were really drunk then - Hangxiety may be at play (that feeling of dread, fear the day after).
Click to expand...

I probably sound like a child but she didn't accept my facebook request. l o l, and it hurt me in the feels
 
bojangle said:
I probably sound like a child but she didn't accept my facebook request. l o l, and it hurt me in the feels
Click to expand...

its just childish. that is all.

move on

either she didn't enjoy the sex that much, OR she got some other dude on FB she wants, OR she liked it but is a promiscuous mess and doesn't like doing same dude twice, OR she was drunk and regrets getting so overexcited while sober. OR maybe she just hasn't yet accepted it and will do. who fucking knows?
 
Bearlove said:
She has not rejected him! He has not been 'rejected'. A one night stand that both parties agree upon does not result (the next day) in rejection. The words 'One night' are mentioned for a reason ?

Thank you for the sex now fuck off already?

If you were really drunk then - Hangxiety may be at play (that feeling of dread, fear the day after).
Click to expand...
Trying to make more of one night stand and getting turned down still counts as rejection. It might not be the same as turning down a proposal, and he broke the rules, but it's a small rejection nonetheless.
 
Durzo1258 said:
Trying to make more of one night stand and getting turned down still counts as rejection. It might not be the same as turning down a proposal, and he broke the rules, but it's a small rejection nonetheless.
Click to expand...

agreed-

its a minor rejection to be all like "hey i want no contact with you".

at the same time. get over it. it will happen again.

you can ask people on dates and get rejected, you can go for job and get rejected.

are you gonna live in a cave up the mountain? no. get back out there and get rejected again and so what eventually you will have good luck because its a numbers game from which you learn
 
Id rather be rejected then wakeup after being drunk to find out shes pregnant. I have depression and sometimes i get stuck on the bad but and get too focused on what i feel bad about to realize what i should be really glad didnt happen.
 
d1nach said:
Id rather be rejected then wakeup after being drunk to find out shes pregnant. I have depression and sometimes i get stuck on the bad but and get too focused on what i feel bad about to realize what i should be really glad didnt happen.
Click to expand...
Not using condoms for one night stands, since the invention of 72 hr pill pregnancy isn't that much of an issue. But do enjoy your STDs, for example that super gonorrhoea that's been going around.
 
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