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February - Getting and staying clean/sober thread

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I am an extrovert IRL it's so easy for me to make new friends but sometimes I feel that I don't have enough time to meet everyone. luckily most of my IRL friends are busy with work and other stuff but when we hang out we make it worthwhile and unforgettable!

I like making new friends it's just how I am even when I was younger, I found it hard to stick to one group. It's fun and less drama I think =D
 
^^ Thanks Maya, now I gotta address jealousy/envy when I do my 10th step inventory tonight. 8)


Just kidding. Sort of. Not really actually lol, joking about any part of that which may have sounded spiteful but serious about the 10th step part :sus:


=D

I am incredibly sleep deprived and I get pretty loopy when I don't sleep 8(
 
Still sober... not going to lie though, I was tempted to do anything last night just to numb the pain of that awful football game!
 
I stuck with the kitten and puppy bowl. Everyone wins that way! =D
 
^^

Haha. True that. Not gonna lie, my girlfriend did make me turn that on for a few minutes and it was hilarious.
 
I'm really sick today. Terrible sore throat, body aches, etc. And it seems like those close to me are in the mood to take out anger on me. So it's lining up to be one of those days. Had a coffee and am about to attempt the gym, and then have to work a long shift. So the show goes on, but I really wish that I was having a better day.
 
^^

Sorry to hear that, man. I know how you feel. One of the shittiest things about being sober is no longer having that safety blanket the drugs were to help you deal with crappy days. It's difficult to handle all the emotions and real life crap when you get clean.

But just remember. Even the worst day sober, is better than the best day using, because you're clean.
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
But just remember. Even the worst day sober, is better than the best day using, because you're clean.
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This mantra pisses me off (so that probably means that I know it's true in some way). I wanna be like "you have no idea what my early days of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll were like..." But I guess it should be interpreted more in terms of momentum and what kind of day sets you up for a better tomorrow. Then ya, it becomes more applicable.
 
RedLeader said:
This mantra pisses me off (so that probably means that I know it's true in some way). I wanna be like "you have no idea what my early days of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll were like..." But I guess it should be interpreted more in terms of momentum and what kind of day sets you up for a better tomorrow. Then ya, it becomes more applicable.
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Yeah exactly. I mean.. I'm the first one to say that I had some great times when I was using.. but if you think about it.. it was all in a superficial way, you know what I mean?
 
It depends on the drug. Very much so with H, but I've always had a deep spiritual appreciation for psychedelics and empathogens. So it's complicated because I genuinely feel like those make me a better person. And yet they also have the potential to lead me back to H if they would happen to go very wrong upon doing them again. So it's complicated. AA/NA tends to preach that "a drug is a drug is a drug" stuff, which clearly isn't true (at least in my opinion). They are all different.
 
RedLeader said:
It depends on the drug. Very much so with H, but I've always had a deep spiritual appreciation for psychedelics and empathogens. So it's complicated because I genuinely feel like those make me a better person. And yet they also have the potential to lead me back to H if they would happen to go very wrong upon doing them again. So it's complicated. AA/NA tends to preach that "a drug is a drug is a drug" stuff, which clearly isn't true (at least in my opinion). They are all different.
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I don't agree with the whole "drug is a drug" shit either. Not at all. Weed, some hallucinogens, shit like that just does not have the same destructive qualities as something like heroin and crack.. and like you said, they can genuinely improve peoples lives. Nobody robs their neighbors house or steals from their mom to get another hit of LSD.. Ha.

So, when I say "sober" and "clean". I mean it as no longer doing the drug/drugs that were destroying your life. That's it.
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
So, when I say "sober" and "clean". I mean it as no longer doing the drug/drugs that were destroying your life. That's it.
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Ya, that's pretty much my definition too. Only using for spiritual growth, not self-medication. Haha, this attitude is a quick way to get shunned out of rehab or AA, though! I actually rambled about this when I was in rehab in 2011, and they wouldn't let me "graduate" until I stood up in front of the entire facility and gave a quick speech on why my thinking was flawed!
 
^^ Yeah, I'm pretty sure I will end up taking a psychedelic at least a few more times in my life. But It's not something I would talk about at my NA/AA meetings.

Ironically however, Bill Wilson, the "founder" of AA, spent years taking LSD after getting "sober" and starting the program so the fact that people in AA would shun anyone for tripping and say it's a relapse is sort of hypocritical. Then again most people probably don't know this fun fact about the programs founder. ;)

I don't plan on tripping anytime soon though. Don't need too. :)
 
RedLeader said:
Ya, that's pretty much my definition too. Only using for spiritual growth, not self-medication. Haha, this attitude is a quick way to get shunned out of rehab or AA, though! I actually rambled about this when I was in rehab in 2011, and they wouldn't let me "graduate" until I stood up in front of the entire facility and gave a quick speech on why my thinking was flawed!
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Wow really? They actually forced you to stand up and say that? Unbelievable.

And.. you'd think with the majority of rehabs relapse rates being over 90% , they wouldn't be so damn self-ritcheous. Like, really what do they have to get all high and mighty about with their shit working for less than 10% of people?
 
^^ I'm pretty sure a HIGH success rate is 2-3% staying sober for at least one year. That's what I was told the last couple times i was in rehab anyway.
 
caseface99 said:
^^ I'm pretty sure a HIGH success rate is 2-3% staying sober for at least one year. That's what I was told the last couple times i was in rehab anyway.
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Wow. Yeah, that's what I mean. It's just ridiculous. And then for them to act like they have the "secret", this tried and true method to keeping people off drugs, and if you disagree you're just an idiot, is bullshit. They do not have the stats to be so high and mighty.
 
As I continue down this addiction recovery road.. Im realizing that I dont fucking think in the best way I could to promote a more peaceful life for myself. So even though I have changed my thinking in so many ways.. I still have a lot to do. So I guess Im going to start with the "rules and laws dont apply to me" .. yeah I have never been to much of a fan of rules and such.. this has gotten me in some hot water. I need to start following more of the rules.. I tend to follow my morals more than rules.. so if I feal im not doing anything wrong then fuck it.. this is so true and the rules are there to control us.. but to tell you the truth I so sick of bucking the game.. so sick of trying to beat the system.. if I spent half as much time trying to work withing the system as i do trying to beat the fucking thing I would be doing so much better. Sick of having all the fucking hassles they put up to fuck with people who think like me.. sick of the stress. So yeah even though the rules dont apply to me I gotta realize that trying to fuck the system just ends up fucking me. So I need to work within the system cause its real hard to beat it.

On the rehabs thing.. there are so many things that turn me off.. from the names they give shit, to unscientific way psychology is practiced, to the way they frequently tell you you need to do something but never can really tell you why.. to how they use guilt and shame to break a person down until the buy into what they are saying.. I feal all they need to do is clean up the whole thing into something much better than the dark ages mystical mess it is. This is 2014.. be clear with people. explain to them what addiction is and what it does to us. tell people what they need to do and why they need to do it... get rid of the shamanism and retarded baby talk they use to describe stuff to people.. and quit charging people tens of thousands of dollars to introduce them to the fellowships. but then again we addicts aren't the easiest people to show or tell anything to..LOL, we are a damn crazy bunch. but that being said there has to be a better way than what they are currently slinging.
 
I'm so pissed at myself.... after finally getting to a point where i was starting to feel good again ( after 9 days only using minute amounts hydrocodone *15mg a day for 5 days * then 4 clean entirely ) I fucked up today and went back to heroin. I was finally starting to feel better and something possessed me when i got some money to cop a half gram. Sometimes I almost think the light at the end of the tunnel is an illusion. :\
 
^Nope it isn't an illusion because I got there, it takes a lot of patience to be able to kick it off completely. I slipped off many times but I never gave up on the hopes of getting clean and here I am today better than ever.
 
neversickanymore said:
As I continue down this addiction recovery road.. Im realizing that I dont fucking think in the best way I could to promote a more peaceful life for myself. So even though I have changed my thinking in so many ways.. I still have a lot to do. So I guess Im going to start with the "rules and laws dont apply to me" .. yeah I have never been to much of a fan of rules and such.. this has gotten me in some hot water. I need to start following more of the rules.. I tend to follow my morals more than rules.. so if I feal im not doing anything wrong then fuck it.. this is so true and the rules are there to control us.. but to tell you the truth I so sick of bucking the game.. so sick of trying to beat the system.. if I spent half as much time trying to work withing the system as i do trying to beat the fucking thing I would be doing so much better. Sick of having all the fucking hassles they put up to fuck with people who think like me.. sick of the stress. So yeah even though the rules dont apply to me I gotta realize that trying to fuck the system just ends up fucking me. So I need to work within the system cause its real hard to beat it.
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We live in a culture where the stupid have somehow suppressed the intelligent. I argue that this has happened for two reasons: 1) they have the numbers and 2) they are not emotionally sensitive and they don't get caught up in things like addiction. The problem becomes when the sensitive intellectual recovers from a young adulthood of bad choices (be it addiction, abusive relationships, bad financial management, or whatever) and suddenly becomes an enlightened being with tons of courage...the person's already been backed into a corner by the State and must continue to play the defensive life. I'm right there now. I'm physically, mentally and spiritually strong. I have confidence. I have ambition. But I am also legally and financially at the mercy of the State, and when all of that bullshit just does not stop bothering you and making its threats to make your life worse if you appear too happy...man, it can make you feel so tired and defeated.

I have made the point that all of the women I know who have been in terrible, abusive relationships are also brilliant people. But they are also people who lack confidence and are emotionally vulnerable. And bad men capitalise on this, and lock these girls into tough relationships that even once they get out of, they still are in ways never the same. The relationship between the State and the wayward intellectual is very similar. As soon as that person slips up and has some weak moments, the claws come out. And even when you get clean and feel strong and somewhat free, you're still always looking over your shoulder and you're still always feeling like a slave in a sense.

As for laws and rules...I never have really even understood them. Politically, I'm an anarchist. I don't believe in centralised power. I don't believe in fear being used as a motivator. I don't understand the respect people have for those who "follow the law." I see it all as weak behaviour - the ones being controlled and the ones lauding the idea of control. And ya, I have gotten into trouble too not following them. I don't even believe in objective morality. I'll have to find you a passage from de Sade about this all. He wrote at length about trying to follow social order while remaining a free man not bound to law or objective (not personal) morality.
 
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