Social Favorite Slang for Male Masturbation

[Dreamflyer]

I'll get started...

Badgering the witness
Choking the chicken
Husking the corn
Polishing the cannon
Beating the meat
Yanking the crank
Pulling the pud

Okay, your turn!
Have fun,
Dreamflyer

 

[foodcrisis]

beating your meat and spanking the monkey used to make me think you were actually supposed to repeatedly slap your dick to get off. never worked. i got boners in the fourth and fifth grade and tried spanking and beating a few times... not until i thought to put lotion in a rubber flash light grip. it like went on a flash light end, but you could take the rubber grip off and it was the size of my dick, so i filled it with lotion and stuck my dick in. i realized what i was missing and it got me to cum almost immediately. i was in late fifth or sixth grade by this time. i realize what i was doing wrong and then started to get a feel for masturbation.

people are such assholes for putting kids through that stuff. that flash light piece was like a gift from god though. it eventually stunk like hell and i thought i might've been giving myself stds by using it so often. lol.

 

[Dreamflyer]

beating your meat and spanking the monkey used to make me think you were actually supposed to repeatedly slap your dick to get off

When I first heard the term "blowjob", I pictured a girl blowing air into my peehole, which obviously didn't sound very enjoyable to me!

I never understood why they don't just call it a "suckjob".

 

[Snafu in the Void]

Jerkin the gerkin

 

[SpiralusSancti]

When I first heard the term "blowjob", I pictured a girl blowing air into my peehole, which obviously didn't sound very enjoyable to me!

I never understood why they don't just call it a "suckjob".

In my native language slang for felatio is – smoking dick. Maybe you thinking felatio is blowing on peehole is better than you though you got to set it on fire like a fag lol.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

When I first heard the term "blowjob", I pictured a girl blowing air into my peehole, which obviously didn't sound very enjoyable to me!

I never understood why they don't just call it a "suckjob".

I know, I thought the same.

Talk about inflatable balls...


Anyway,

Wanking
Bashing the Bishop
Knocking one out
Chucking the muck

 

[neversickanymore]

Rubbing one out

 

[Mysterier]

Harassing the bald-headed hermit
Squeezing the matrimonial peacemaker
Spinning the pintel

 

[Dreamflyer]

Rubbing one out

Oh man, my old friend used to say that constantly! How did I forget that one?

 

[Burnt Offerings]

Jerking off

Kind of a deep cut, but I’ve always gotten a kick out of the term “self abuse” too for some reason

 

[Dreamflyer]

Jerking off

Kind of a deep cut, but I’ve always gotten a kick out of the term “self abuse” too for some reason

Yeah, I left out jerking/jacking/whacking/pounding off because they seemed kind of obvious. Still great terms though!

 

[jasperkent]

Giving a massage to Timmy the one-eyed trouser mouse.

 

[MuertaMan]

tuggin yer turkey

 

[Dreamflyer]

Wiggling the one-eyed wonder worm.

 

[xtcgrrrl]

Celebrating Palm Sunday
Making the bald man cry
Polishing the bannister
Auditioning your hand puppet

 

[Burnt Offerings]

Celebrating Palm Sunday

That’s a good one

 

[MadHatterMike]

Shooting my gun lol..

 

[jasperkent]

Dating your fist.

 

[foodcrisis]

pretty sure i've heard "crankin' the carrot"

 

[Snafu in the Void]

Courtesy of shady:

use genital organ in semi organized technique