Well, he was that way before the excessive DMT use. Before I met him, years ago, he had taken it a couple of times, I believe. He uses marijuana heavily and has a high tolerance to it. Also has used most other common drugs one could think of, shrooms, LSD, coke, we took x together once, etc. as well as some other uncommon ones.
He really just seems to think that he has everything right and knows exactly what other people should do. I mean, even if he is right, nothing will come of it if he's boastful. He's right about some things, sure, but he seems to think that his level of thinking is above everyone else. His life is chaos. Can't keep a job. House is a mess. Animals are not well taken care of. The problem is obscure to me. It seems he is not well grounded, which is okay, but not so if you are trying to create a livable family system. He's totally *elsewhere*, but somehow able to believe he can see everything I'm doing wrong (which is like, 99% of things, lol).
If I responded to something he said or did in a way he didn't like, he'd do this thing where he'd try to get me to admit to something, act like we're doing better, and then drop down into it again, like I'm still not doing what he wants. Going over and over the same things that should have a much simpler solution, adding more stress and thus making the problem more and more difficult to resolve. I end up admitting to things I'm not even doing, just because he can't/won't perceive any other expression of life other than the way he lives. He's unable to see his role in things. I can't continue to play into the cycle with appeasements. I always feel so confused during these times.
I have a theory it may be classic narcissism, though, and the drugs are part of the continual pleasure & ego seeking. I do think, though, that by doing drugs, he is continuing to push away an accurate sense of things, getting himself farther and farther from his body and home life.
I mean, I'm not perfect. My home life was questionable at times. I suffered with immense, all-encompassing panic attacks, anxiety, low self-worth and self harm from the age of 6 (somehow). I get that I can be oversensitive, but I also understand what I need and when and environment is too inhospitable toward me. Honestly, I get to a point with everything where I just snap. I can't take it anymore. I think in relationships, the partners are supposed to be uplifting each other, not glossing over wrongs, but being supportive and understanding.
I don't think DMT will effect everyone this way. I think this is a somewhat unique case.
/end
Omg sorry for the length of this.
Tl;dr - Drug use comes from other, inner issues, that go external, and create a cycle, and the man (and I) need therapy. His ego continues to inflate for partially known reasons.
