Drugs and your Significant Other

[thestudent14]

having said that, i'm very discerning about what i use (no meth,no "ecstasy", no booze, no cigarettes)

NO ecstasy! =(

Definitely an interesting thread, I'm currently single but it's something I've often thought about what impact my drug use will have on my next girlfriend and what would be ideal for me.
I'm sort of on the same page as Drug_mentor in saying that whilst it's very hypocritical I'd prefer to be the person in the partnership who takes more drugs. But I think it would be something that with the right girl I'd quickly change my stance on it
and it would mean very little.
I've always considerred my ex to be pretty perfect for me, but I was with her when I would just smoke a little bit of pot here and there but wasn't into anything heavier at the time.
But I wonder if we had started now, would the drug use scare her away? And is it likely to do so in the future.

I'd find it hard to date a girl who has had nothing to do with drugs, it's not that my use is a massive part of my life but it's more the fact that I can see it being apart of my life for a long time (I like to picture myself retired in 40 years time, smokin a Joint and enjoying the occasional pill with my significant other), and if they have had no experience with it and don't wish to, I guess on some level I wouldn't feel validated for having the stance that I do when it comes to drug use if a partner would never wish to see a whole different spectrum of life.

Do you guys think that being in a couple with a eavy drug user makes you use more? I would imagine it would have to.
Some of my friends that are a couple were pretty drug-free when they started going out, but years later slowly they've both increased use alot, but I'm never concerned about it, because I also imagine that in a couple of drug users you would think one would pull their partner up if they thought it was becoming a problem.

I dunno, this is something I've often though over, and I'll just end this post here otherwise I'll just end up cycling over the same things haha.

 

[popeyes mate]

Mr Ibris:
I do take what you have said on board. However I still have a lot of friends I catch up with, I actually have a few different social circles (2 different sporting groups, highschool friends, people from my local area who I used to go to the local pub A LOT with) but due to being 38 and a $70 taxi fair from most of the states night life, I just dont go out and get on the piss anymore.

I smoke gear but with my friend who also likes to get on it we have taken pills, MDMA and acid (most of which she got over from when she was in London. I dont do it daily as I just could not afford too... and by night 2 of no sleep just feel like shit and can put what I have away. However usually once I start I go til its gone.

I have gone through a half weight in the last 2 days.. make that 29 hrs ;-) And will now go weeks without, however I admit it is never far from my thoughts. My boyfriend knows I scored yesterday, however he didnt ask what I spent so I didnt tell him.

I like to 'think' I have an honest relationship with him. There isnt much we dont share, but if he doesnt straight out ask I dont disclose.

I appreciate your understanding of the situation CHUGS and SPACEJUNK. I have said before I enjoy the actual act of doing it more than the result, but just get on it, watch movies, get online etc etc. I spend what I can afford, however I know the amount is a bit out of control. Its hard not to go.. shit I have spent X amount of $$ in the last few weeks with nothing to show for it. But the morgage is always paid, car loan, insurances, hell I even sponcer a World Vison kid, and my kids dont go without (yes they are not with me while I am away in a room having a twirl, but 15 min later I am reading books to them, going for bush walks, etc.)

Dont get me wrong.. I know what I am doing is fucked, but so would palming them off to a babysitter to go out on the piss or having a group of piss heads here when the kids are too. I would rather have my kids at home in bed while I am off chops than at the footy club BBQ's where everyone is drunk, and swearing and talking shit. But hey this ISNT a thread about kids.

 

[popeyes mate]

Do you guys think that being in a couple with a eavy drug user makes you use more?

I really think you would. I can have periods of not using, but if the partner wanted to during that time, it would be hard not to join them.

The girlfriend I get on it with had a boyfriend who used and their use got out of control. They both had very good well paying jobs, he was an 'actual' chemist for a drug company. She has told me some pretty crazy stories of different things they took and did. They are no longer together, drugs would have played a part in the split, but there were other factors.

She still earns the big bucks but can keep her use in check (She has too she gets drug tested). But when she goes, she goes hard!

 

[popeyes mate]

@ popeyes mate


I find it strange you only have one friend who gets high - yet you feel constantly like you want to be high?

I do actually have other friends who use a variety of things, I just very rarely use with them. I spent many years working for a sporting group where we partied very hard every weekend, I still see these people and I am sure they still use for different occasions.. hell one recently had a bucks party and all party goers had to chip in for not only the stripper, and beer but the coke as well!

I just have not been in the situation in the last few years to use with them

 

[MrIbis]

Thank you for your non-condescending replies popeye!

My post's weren't aimed at you as some kind of attack - merely me basing my personal experiences with addiction to your situation and seeing the same pattern.

I think other posters jumped their game a little thinking I was on the attack, but it's not the case.

I just see that kind of behavior common with heroin/meth addicts. God knows that's what I used to do a while back. Believe me, it screwed my relationship, my family situation, my housing and my career.

 

[footscrazy]

I think having a druggie partner makes you use more. Fuck...I was a legend at planting the 'seed' - I knew exactly what to say to make the people around me want to score drugs, without them knowing that's what I was doing, and I took no shame in that (at the time) - because if someone else is doing it - it makes you not as bad - right? But having a partner that does drugs - especially your DOC - means that those periods where you're motivated to quit, or feel you can live without it, are changed by your partner, who wants it then, and no addict passes up a drug on offer. I guess having a parter who does drugs is a double edged sword.

At least my boyfriend loves his psychs whereas I never take them. I honestly couldn't be with a meth addict at this point, even nearly 8 months into sobriety from that drug.

 

[TangerinO]

This is a really awesome thread and interesting to me because I've had a long and bizarre ride with my girlfriend and drugs, I'll try and keep it brief.
Basically my girlfriend of almost 2 years and I were talking about experimenting with weed together for the first time, about a year and a half ago, then I went overseas, a "friend" (fuckwit) of mine took advantage of her while she was drunk and she inadvertently cheated on me and we broke up. Over the course of that break up I used the time to make new friends, use all the drugs I'd always been interested in as well as sleep with some other girls and the such.

My "friend" also introduced her to drugs, with dexies, weed and an INSANE dose of mushrooms. Probably about 4 grams or something, which is ridiculous considering she weighs less than 50 kilos and is quite sensitive to psychs as she learned. Anyway we all tried to make it work as friends and what not but it failed. Eventually he started rearing his somewhat psychotic side and she slowly began to realise that she had made a terrible mistake.

We're back together now, have been for about 3 months and she has totally accepted my drug use, and we actually worked out pretty all of the underlying issues after the whole cheating thing on a dose of mushrooms together. That was a really beautiful night. I haven't really connected with anyone like that ever. I'm a fairly heavy user of psychs and especially weed. She doesn't like weed, and she has pretty bad anxiety which makes her a little cautious with taking psychs, particularly in big groups but in the right setting, with just her and I it's always beautiful.

All the girls I was with in between our getting back together all hated my drug use and I found it really hard to move on because of my new found interest in mind expansion, but never with her. Even though she doesn't always agree with the degree of my use, she always supports me and accepts me.

It's a pretty crazy and from my experience unusual situation, all my mates said if a girl did that to them it'd be over immediately, but when it feels right it just feels right
Tying it in to the topic at hand, I think the break we took to experiment with drugs and other partners separately, and then coming back together and experiencing drugs together has made it all the more clear that if there's someone better out there for either of us, neither her or myself have even come close to finding them.

I actually love telling this story because it reminds me that no matter how fucked up or difficult things seem, love prevails in the end, absence only makes the heart grow fonder and there is always an answer when two compatible people find each other and even better I found this true for when we both were totally foreign to drugs and after we'd both experimented with use.

And that's my little story, I hope it was on topic...

 

[footscrazy]

^ That's nice, I like how you say love prevails, because it really does. Anyone who has known me for longer than a year knows that I was the biggest unbeliever in love/relationships, or what have you, and now I am a pathetic google eyed member of the love parade. Yaya, oxytocin is my favourite drug of all

 

[TangerinO]

Suffice to say I learned a lot in the last year and a half, and like pretty much everyone here drugs have become an integral part of my life. I can easily pick out plenty of ways it has negatively affected me, but hey I can't begin to count the ways my use has helped me understand and re frame myself, my friends, my emotions, my partner, and the world around me.
I'll never forget the last year and a half of my life... Although parts of it are a little hazy

EDIT: Also footscrazy I didn't know you were a girl actually, or that you were partnered with PsiloSub. The more I engage in this community the more I realise how close it is. It felt damn good to find people who share a passion for intelligent and responsible drug use like myself.

 

[Divine Moments]

EDIT: Also footscrazy I didn't know you were a girl actually, or that you were partnered with PsiloSub. The more I engage in this community the more I realise how close it is. It felt damn good to find people who share a passion for intelligent and responsible drug use like myself.

Bluelight group hug?

 

[Crankinit]

Bluelight group hug?

I'll join in if you pretend to not notice when I pickpocket your stash

 

[hunter1]

Interesting thread. One very close to my heart.

Ive had 2 proper relationships throughout my 20's.

Girlfriend 1, Ill call her Samara did not do drugs for the first few years of our relationship. I was a daily pot smoker for the length of our relationship. She had no issue with my drug use at all. She suffered from depression and an eating disorder and would drink occasionally. Towards the end of our relationship we both got into pills, coke and speed, me more so than her. Since we broke up we have kept in touch and I believe she is partying more and more these days.

Girlfriend 2. Ill call her Steph. She has never done anything besides drink, very rarely. Throughout the 5 years of our relationship I constantly battled with the fact that she had no understanding of the highs, lows and insights that recreational drug use can and does bring. As she had never even smoked a cig this was always a major issue for us. She was a control freak who did all the (right) things after finishing school and as such owns her own house and as a good job ect.

The fact that girlfriend 2 did not do any drugs was a major issue for us in that it was essentially her lack of curiosity of spirit and no sense of exploration of the senses and the feeling to occasionally say, fuck it, lets cut loose. She took this as being only about drugs but it was this but something greater. It was the straight up and down, boring and sensible outlook on life that was my issue.

I have been single for a year and in future would only ever enter into a relationship with someone who has at least had a decent peep down the rabbit hole.

I just seem to never meet girls who like to party with anything past boring old booze.

To answer the question finally.

If a girl uses drugs i think it is ridiculous to assume she's loose, a slut ect.... I will say that it is generally girls bitching about other girls that make those connections not guys.

Guys are more likely to engage in risk taking behaviour. fact. The key here is more likely.

I think most guys would not care less if a chick did drugs as long as she was interesting, well informed, intelligent and FUN to be around. I'd prefer her to use some gear or what not as opposed to binge drinking. errrrrhhh.

If I ever pull myself out of this tunnel of depression my next girlfriend would definitely be experienced. If a partner has not done so I find there is a major hole in life experience that only grows deeper the longer the relationship goes.

That is my long winded experience.

I will say that having done 2 rehab stints i was amazed at how many heavy users had significant others that had no history of drug use at all. Seems a major trend at least in males who go through drug rehab programs.

 

[footscrazy]

Girls that use drugs are in a way unnattractive to me, although i've never voiced this as I am constantly using.

Why so? I'm genuinely curious, and it's why I sort of touched on this in my original post. I'm not saying this is why you think this...but this opinion generally pisses me off, as it comes across to me as the girl should be 'seen and not heard', and stay at home and do 'womanly' things, and generally be the person to be sensible and take care of everyone else. I'm not good at putting this into words...but I've often felt the underlying message from men, that it's somehow 'unfeminine' to get wasted, that a messy girl is somehow worse than a messy bloke; that if I'm willing to get smashed, that somehow equates to being more willing to open my legs to any passing penis.

As you can see, this is a sore point for me, and I'm in no way accusing you of holding these views, but once again, I'm really interested as to why it's unattractive for you that a girl uses drugs.

If a girl uses drugs i think it is ridiculous to assume she's loose, a slut ect.... I will say that it is generally girls bitching about other girls that make those connections not guys.

I completely agree it's ridiculous. In just my experience though, it's never been girls assuming this - I've only heard this opinion, or underlying feeling, from men.

 

[hyroller]

I guess I kind of posted about this in the other thread you made, but the point being: they need to be on the same page in terms of use/frequency/attitude to drugs, for things to work. I couldn't date someone who didn't have an open mind, or didn't understand how & why I could have become addicted to anything, if not stimulants. The brain chemistry needs to be at least somewhat mutual, I believe.

 

[thestudent14]

Why so? I'm genuinely curious, and it's why I sort of touched on this in my original post. I'm not saying this is why you think this...but this opinion generally pisses me off, as it comes across to me as the girl should be 'seen and not heard', and stay at home and do 'womanly' things, and generally be the person to be sensible and take care of everyone else. I'm not good at putting this into words...but I've often felt the underlying message from men, that it's somehow 'unfeminine' to get wasted, that a messy girl is somehow worse than a messy bloke; that if I'm willing to get smashed, that somehow equates to being more willing to open my legs to any passing penis.

As you can see, this is a sore point for me, and I'm in no way accusing you of holding these views, but once again, I'm really interested as to why it's unattractive for you that a girl uses drugs.

I've often wondered about this too. It's not just with drug use, but also alcohol and cigarettes.
I personally have never had a problem with one of my partners being every bit as wasted or more so then I am.
But I see it all the time where mates of mine get shitty at their gf's for getting drunk, or ever mates that only smoke cigarettes saying they will not date a girl unless they quit smoking and yet continue to smoke themself.

To me it's selfish and doesn't reflect how I see a good relationship, I can't understand why people have a problem with their gf cutting loose and having a good time.
I hate to say it, but I think you're right in saying that alot of guys that see girls use drugs instantly think of them being trashy/slutty when they wouldn't give a shit if a bloke was just as wasted and see it as them just having a good time.

 

[Nimrod4154]

Such a tough situation...Yeah drugs ruined all of my relationships. The best relationship I had, was ruined by spiraling into an awful oxycontin and eventually IV heroin addiction. She was using too, and she was becoming crazy. Also, its real hard to find a new girlfriend - Not much to relate to, and what if they found out about my extensive use? Most would probably be scared or want nothing to do with me...

 

[zilog]

Interesting thread footscrazy - you must be in a reflective mood to have started a few thought provoking threads (and posts).

I was really getting into the music/rave/party scene along with the pills/thrills and bellyaches that went with it when I met my very straight laced significant other. I tried to interest her in what I was excited about but for a couple of reasons she didn't quite get there and so I promised not to do drugs again*

*not a real promise.

What I actually meant was I promise not to tell her about doing drugs again! And kept my relationship and drug use completely seperate. Inevitably this involved a lot of secrecy and what I termed "stealth missions" out on the town/outdoor raves with friends on nights we weren't going out. Because she was/is so naive about drugs she never picked that I'd be out all Saturday night without her and then just keep on the gas for a lovely Sunday picnic in the botanic gardens together. In hindsight this put rather a fracture in some aspects of our relationship and despite getting married/kids/house and cat stuff it still seperates us in some ways. I have cut down a hell of a lot since the dating days and only really get it on once or twice a year when I have the means, motive and opportunity - still I really look forward to those times. Not being honest about what I wanted way back at the start of the relationship is something I really regret now as even though we have all the appearances of a happy family our marriage is nowhere near what it should be (in fact it teeters on the edge of being over quite often).

Then again sometimes I just love the challenge and thrill of having a secret life too - I have been in some utterly crazy situations balancing drug use and relaionship and always managed a way out of them. I guess this is why Dexter is my favourite TV show...

 

[rachamim]

I'm 44 and have never, ever been involved with a woman who even smokes cigarettes. My feeling is that I am an opiate/opioid addict. I maintain wonderfully and am a productive member of society. Had I had another addict to take care of the entire relationship would focus on use. What is the point of that? Relationships should be well rounded and I don't believe its possible to be so if both are wrapped up in a life consuming obsession. As far as other substances, cannabis would be OK but just haven't had the opportunity to be involved with such a person. Most women in SE Asia are either all in or not at all. There is no middle ground where drug use is concerned.

 

[chugs]

I'm 44 and have never, ever been involved with a woman who even smokes cigarettes. My feeling is that I am an opiate/opioid addict. I maintain wonderfully and am a productive member of society. Had I had another addict to take care of the entire relationship would focus on use. What is the point of that? Relationships should be well rounded and I don't believe its possible to be so if both are wrapped up in a life consuming obsession. As far as other substances, cannabis would be OK but just haven't had the opportunity to be involved with such a person. Most women in SE Asia are either all in or not at all. There is no middle ground where drug use is concerned.

fair but unfair at the sametime.

what if your partner wanted to try being the heroin addict and you play the part of the straight one?

 

[Beat Narrative]

My partner uses drugs recreationally, i have a daily opiate habit, smoke weed and drink every day. My partner is probably the most level headed and reasonable person i have ever met.
I am glad i am with someone who is not anti drugs but i think my life would be a lot more chaotic if she used drugs in the same manner i do.
She does not really like my daily drug use, she accepts it but i know i need to make changes for the benefit of our relationship, if i lost such a wonderful woman because i prioritised drug use over her i would live to regret for the rest of my life.
Taking LSD with her is one of my favourite things to do, having a psychadelic experience with someone you love and feel 100% comftable with is one of lifes great pleasures
She has tolerated me for 8 years now (which an amazing effort because i know i am difficult to be around) i have to not take that for granted and realise my drug use is not sustainable and i have someone very special who is waiting for me to sort my shit out