What I've witnessed the most destruction stem from is benzos. Someone who I used to hang out with a lot, who I still care a lot about but don't really wanna be around much anymore, is horribly addicted to them- he's able to have time off them, but he always goes back & makes the same mistakes again & again.
First, he starts using them, says he'll just use them therapeutically this time, but that only lasts a few days at most, before he's doing shitloads in a day again. The thing is, when he's on the therapeutic doses he genuinely does function better, more productive, more creative, less depressive. But it never stays that way for long.
When he's getting really high on them, he can still be mellow but it's always balanced out with...insane periods, and they're far worse then his good periods are good. He gets very self destructive & does things that don't make sense. Then comes drinking on his benzos, and all hell breaks loose. About 5 or 6 times in the last year he's tried to kill himself, everyone of those times he was on a shitload of benzos & had done some drinking (sometimes quite heavily too). Then he goes to the hospital, spends time off benzos, only to go back, but of course "this time" he'll stick to the therapeutic dosage (riiight).
As far as what's been most destructive/"soul crushing" for me personally, I'd go with Methoxetamine, and marijuana. Methoxetamine grabbed a hold of me like nothing else, it's a good thing I was able to pull myself out of that hole or I'd probably be on it every night by now. Used infrequently dissociatives are amazing tools for sorting out emotional problems, and becoming comfortable with the darkness within you, but using them heavily will fuck your head up like nothing else, and have you acting like an idiot even when your completely sober. Being on MXE feels like home in a way no physical place ever could, and now I have to live the rest of my life knowing just how bad for me that beautiful place really is. Heaven & hell are one and the same.
As for marijuana, it is my biggest vice. I've learned to moderate kratom & amphetamines, alcohol doesn't have too much of a pull for me outside of certain situations & occasions, yet "non-addictive" (ha) marijuana really has a hold on me, I can go all day without smoking but there are very few circumstances in which I could go without smoking come evening. Shit once I get started it's hard not to smoke a fat bowl every hour, I can barely fall asleep if I haven't been smoking, and the way I fiend on rare occasions when I'm low or out of weed is horrible. It's so funny to me how most people fear psychedelics but view weed as fine, I've abused the shit out of psychedelics (use them more wisely now) and always come out of it the better, even if I had to struggle for a bit first, but weed is really just a vice & harder for me to control then all my other vices.
