does this count as sexual harrassment?

[Bearlove]

It's good that you have decided to see a counselor, getting these things off your chest with a professional will really help you put things into perspective. Parents, family members can be complete assholes to their children / siblings / relatives.

Good luck - if you feel that you would like to update the thread after having some sessions with your counselor please do so. It could be useful at a later date for people in a similar situation that read your post.

Bearlove

 

[nuttynutskin]

Every member of my family has emotionally abused me if that's your definition of it nutty, that's the point.

Well maybe they have... I don't know your family do I? But either way I stand by what I said. If a family member is touching you inappropriately and you ask them to stop and they continue doing it then that is indeed abuse. Maybe not abuse in the way most people think of it, but still abuse. But either way debating whether the OP was abused emotionally or not isn't really going to help them.

 

[DuckieMan]

Since when is patting a child in the butt an abuse matter? How sensitive are the kids nowadays, not to be rude but the things you are making a big fuss about are NOTHING you seem to be trying to nit pick about the smallest things. Whether your mother is a legal resident should have no effect on you. You seem ungrateful that she gave birth to you which is a shame.

If you want to k ow what real abuse is look at my childhood, sexual, physical, and extreme mental. And I guess even more sexual abuse if you count when my family would tease me. My mother died at 43 be greatful yours lived through having a stroke instead of complaining about her not getting medical attention because no health card.

 

[pill_billy]

its a pretty heavy/ fucked up thing for me to talk abt but here it goes

talking about your mom being an illegal alien is a heavy/ fucked up thing to talk about?? jesus its not like you were moving all around the country trying to stay one step ahead of the mounties... itd be fucked up if she did get deported and you two were seperated while you were growing up... but i think you blowing shit way out porportion, lots of little kids get annoying and there parents literally tell them that their raising their parents blood pressure... i use to get my ass beat with a belt for real and i dont consider that abuse because i was being bad as shit at the time... anyways is cananda not like america where no matter the parents legal status, a child born in the country is automatically a citizen?? and did you ever think mabe your mom had some petty criminal charge when she was younger and thats why she was scared to apply for status?? you could always just ask her why she never did it... BTW where is you mom from anyways? but IMO your making a mountain out of a mole hill, with all due respect mabe your looking for a reason/ excuse why things in your life arent going the way you want them too...

 

[Bearlove]

I don't understand why people are being as hostile on this thread? This is not a who got abused more thread and the OP was asking a genuine question - could what her mother did be considered sexual harassment.

If the OP finds a certain subject heavy or fucked up to discuss - then it's a heavy and fucked up thing for them to discuss (regardless of how minor it may seem to other people).

 

[pill_billy]

^ i dont consider what i went through to be abuse... and i was just saying that because her mom was an illegal alien that isnt really all that fucked up and that mabe things in her life arent going the way she wants them to so shes looking for a reason why... like i said in my OP she was the only one there so no can tell her if it was really abuse or not, but the more she says the less i think it was...

 

[nuttynutskin]

I don't understand why people are being as hostile on this thread? This is not a who got abused more thread and the OP was asking a genuine question - could what her mother did be considered sexual harassment.

Yeah, really. In threads like this if I choose to respond I try to give the OP benefit of the doubt. There's really no purpose in arguing about it and even less to try to lessen what someone else went through IMO especially without knowing their whole story. It's not helpful to anyone. Also, being the victim myself of narcissistic abuse myself, it irks me when people say shit like "Oh yeah, well my dad used to beat the shit of me, hurrr". Guess what? Both is abuse, just different forms/degrees. From what I gather, people in this thread at least seem to think it's only abuse if it's if it's extreme and physical, but that's simply not the case. Like I think I already said emotional or psychological abuse can be extremely subtle, sometimes so much that the victim themselves questions whether what the other person is doing is actually abuse. I believe that this is the case with the OP. Narcissists, which I believe the OP's mom is from what little I've read are masters of this.

 

[One Thousand Words]

The original post wasn't "Was this abuse?", it was "Did my invalid mother abuse me and I don't remember it?"

Repressed memories are real, but without any history of traumatic abuse, such claims are an insult to those people who have truly suffered. So far her biggest gripe is that her mother entered a country illegally, most likely in order to improve her own family's lives, and refused medical attention in case she was caught and her family deported. What a fucking bitch! It's almost as selfish as that father who escaped a war torn country buy paying people smugglers to carry his family in a leaky boat or that mother who went without dinner every second night so that her children had enough to eat.

I'm all for action against child abuse but I won't sit here and hold the hand of someone who thinks she might have been abused, if only she hadn't forgotten about it.

 

[nuttynutskin]

But would you say it was ok that her mother at the very least was clearly inappropriate and sexualizing her and not respecting her personal boundaries?

 

[One Thousand Words]

What teenager doesn't think their mother is rude and inappropriate at least half of the time? Telling your daughter she is getting "jiggly" isn't exactly how I would approach the subject of my daughters weight, but then again discipline in my house involves push ups and sit ups. But thats the beauty of being a parent, your kids owe you a hell of a lot more than you owe them.

Right up until they remember how much of a bitch you are, and end up in a home eating dog food until you die, alone, watching Wheel of Fortune.

 

[nuttynutskin]

What teenager doesn't think their mother is rude and inappropriate at least half of the time? Telling your daughter she is getting "jiggly" isn't exactly how I would approach the subject of my daughters weight

How about smacking your teenage daughter's ass for no reason after she asked you to stop? And how do you know she was overweight? Just because of what her mom said?

but then again discipline in my house involves push ups and sit ups. But thats the beauty of being a parent, your kids owe you a hell of a lot more than you owe them.

I didn't read where the OP stated that anything she mentioned was a form of discipline. And your own views on being a parent sound pretty skewed honestly.

Right up until they remember how much of a bitch you are, and end up in a home eating dog food until you die, alone, watching Wheel of Fortune.

I don't even know what you're going on about now but you're clearly taking things out of context and dodging the real issues that were raised.

 

[Mysterie]

nutty, nowhere did OP mention that her mum kept patting her bum after she said to stop, what you said is purely conjecture.

how would you raise your kids? in a glass bubble? one of my favourite teachers at school used to give kids 50 push ups when they acted up in class. he was one of the most well liked (and respected) teachers at the school. then some kids parents made a fuss and the school made him stop dishing out the punishment, which is a shame imo.

bubble wrap helicopter parenting will be the death of the next generation of kids.

 

[swangin12]

The original post wasn't "Was this abuse?", it was "Did my invalid mother abuse me and I don't remember it?"

Repressed memories are real, but without any history of traumatic abuse, such claims are an insult to those people who have truly suffered. So far her biggest gripe is that her mother entered a country illegally, most likely in order to improve her own family's lives, and refused medical attention in case she was caught and her family deported. What a fucking bitch! It's almost as selfish as that father who escaped a war torn country buy paying people smugglers to carry his family in a leaky boat or that mother who went without dinner every second night so that her children had enough to eat.

I'm all for action against child abuse but I won't sit here and hold the hand of someone who thinks she might have been abused, if only she hadn't forgotten about it.

You really cant read.

No where did i say that my mom entered the country illegally

She came here on a student visa. Originally from asia. Came here to study and then overstayed her visa. Was too scared to apply for permanent residence/citizenship and yet did not want to go back to china

Everyone in my famly has status except hern if she got deported no one else would be at risk

 

[swangin12]

anyways.. im done w this thread. thanks bearlove and nutty for the support. other than that i didnt think opening up on here meant being berated for what i experienced as my own struggles, or turning it into a discussion on whether if i have it the worst (because otherwise it doesnt count if its not extreme right?)... or in one thousand words case, being illiterate or skewing what ive actually said to be hateful

 

[Bearlove]

Swangin12 - If you would like to discuss this further with me - please feel free to PM me. As you can see from my previous posts, I cannot get my head around some of the posts. I have reported this thread to the Mods - not for your post, but simply for the abuse you received.

Take care
Bear

 

[pofacedhoe]

OP with regards to abuse-

if you post a question about something that is not clear cut then you will get different opinions. When i read your original question i personally thought it was not that bad and repressed memory stuff was very very dodgy http://cogprints.org/599/1/199802009.html . ive see worse in real life and heard of some very bad examples of abuse - like not being fed and being raped by stepdads/grandparents.

dont take too much offense as people will give opinions and they will vary especially with regards to parenting.

all you have mentioned is that she treated you in a way that you found embarassing. thats it. its not surprising that people will react in a fiery way.

i think you should put it behind you because while it may have been not a pleasant way for her to treat you ultimately parents are not perfect and her life sounds shit so really what will you gain from confronting her?

 

[sekio]

I kind of agree here. Not to downplay how you feel about it, but being embarrassed by your parents is a normal part of growing up. I wouldn't call it abuse.

It also sounds like you have literally nothing to gain by pursuing this. To me it reads like your mother was just trying her hardest to stay with her family.

 

[nuttynutskin]

nutty, nowhere did OP mention that her mum kept patting her bum after she said to stop, what you said is purely conjecture.

Jesus, can people even read in this thread?

i remember a few times she would lightly pat/spank my butt in bed and joke that its jiggly. this always made me rly angry and i would tell her to stop. it made me angrier that she didnt seem to think it was inappropriate.. and still repeated it in a few other instances.

That shows a clear lack of respect for personal boundaries, something that believe it or not is important to teach kids.

how would you raise your kids? in a glass bubble? one of my favourite teachers at school used to give kids 50 push ups when they acted up in class. he was one of the most well liked (and respected) teachers at the school. then some kids parents made a fuss and the school made him stop dishing out the punishment, which is a shame imo.

No I wouldn't raise kids in a glass bubble ffs, but what you mentioned has nothing to do with anything, you just sound like a parrot. This whole thread is a fucking abomination.

 

[Ubi]

O.P
I'm glad I came on today. May I start with this. I am sorry your going through this turmoil. It must not have been easy for you to share even though we all be anonymous here, your concerns would be a rough thing to live with and I applaud your decision to seek therapy.

My initial thoughts were, if you felt 'things' went too far, if you felt a violation, then you did and that's that. Whether or not she knew her actions were borderline inappropriate or not, they were to you and that's what matters here. Makes me wonder how she was raised. However, you need to seek some outside help. If damage has been done, you must do what you can to remedy as this is your life and you must live it without regrets.

You were a child but old enough to know what felt normal and what did not. Listen to that. May healing come to you lady. Good on you for addressing things. It is a shame some people here were such f__ing pricks. Not all but too many and though everyone is entitled to their opinions, many seemed over the top harsh and lacking common compassion to the point of shame; and i'm sorry you had to read some of those responses. Do NOT take them to heart.

hey, I wish you every success in figuring this out. Therapist' will be a great start.
good luck

 

[sailor bugg]

You're joking right? That isn't abuse, wooow.