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does this count as sexual harrassment?

You need to chill out. Your mom seems normal to me. She should tell you if your pubes are sticking out when sitting a certain way, so you don't embarrass yourself elsewhere. IT'S YOUR MOM FOR GOD'S SAKE! Unless you have other things that happened which you haven't mentioned here, leave the poor woman alone.
You sound like a brat.
 
You know, we seem to be forgetting that we just don't know the situation. This girl, no matter whether or not there were boundaries crossed, is having trouble with some memories. And regardless as to whether or not what the Mom did was normal or not, the girl is grappling with certain things and we've done very little aside from rip her apart. Not very nice is it. No it is not.

Bottom line. We don't know what happened. She came here for advice and we've done a shit job of it.

We seem to be forgetting something. If she feels awkward about certain memories, if what was done made her feel 'odd', then they did. I'm not saying that it's abuse to pat your child on the bottom or that pointing out changes in the body are overly inappropriate as I would assume most parents do these things. But there are many possible variables here and we have no right, none whatsoever to cast unjust shame to the girl. She obviously is having some issues here and I must ask, where did our compassion go?
 
So what do you suggest ubi? Does she storm into her mother's nursing home, look her in the eye while she dribbles on her chin and demand and apology for why she was a shit mother and teased her for starting puberty?

Her mother is dying in a home, and while she might not have been carol Brady to her growing up, nothing this girl has described is even remotely abuse.

My advice would be suck it up, remember actual events that happened and try not to imagine terrible abuses that obviously never existed. Even if she doesn't want to mend bridges with her mother before she dies, nothing can be gained from dragging up insignificant incidences from childhood. Do you really want the last memories of your mother to be negative?
 
Geez the OP had it easy if that was the worst part of their childhood.

My father literally beat me with blunt objects. He also liked to sneak up behind me and sucker punch me.

Your mad your mom called you fat jokingly. Maybe she was saying you need to exercise.

If I did anything wrong I had to do yard work from sunup to sundown every weekend and still got my ass beat when I was a kid.

My father would ask me if I was jacking off all the time. One time he said at dinner "You got some jizz on the floor, use more tissue for fucks sake."

I put a lock on my door and my father took a crowbar and pried it off. He thought it was funny as hell to catch me jacking off or smoking weed.

My father cut my baggy clothes to shreds and I had to buy new ones when I got caught shoplifting.

I could go own but I think you catch my drift. Get over your shit. It doesn't sound that bad. I have heard way worse stuff from some of my friends about being raped and/or beaten brutally as kids so I really do not think you had a traumatic childhood.
 
dopemaster said:
My father literally beat me with blunt objects. He also liked to sneak up behind me and sucker punch me.
Click to expand...

You think that's bad? My dad would take a blow torch to my face on a regular basis, and a few times broke my legs with a baseball bat until the bones poked out. He would also sexually assault me with a fireplace poker. 8)

See how easy it is to negate someone else's problems?
 
Do you really think the OP had a traumatic childhood being called jiggly ass and being called out for having pubes?

Seems pretty harmless, not neccesarilly nice, but not really sexual abuse.
 
If you are that wierded ot by your mom letting you know your pubes are showing, what are you doing wearing "short shorts"? Short shorts or "daisy Dukes" Do nothing but say Hey look at me, look at my ass, look at my legs and look at everything else you can almost see! To be able to wear things like Short shorts, all areas need to be neatly trimmed and shaved. I'm surprised your mom didnt dial you in on that when she bought you the shorts and let you wear them. Unless you didnt have pubes at the time, but for someone that seems overly sensitive to personal things it doesnt make sense that you're sporting Daisy Duke shorts. I'm a Butt and Leg guy and let me tell ya, short shorts gets my attention :)
 
One Thousand Words said:
So what do you suggest ubi? Does she storm into her mother's nursing home, look her in the eye while she dribbles on her chin and demand and apology for why she was a shit mother and teased her for starting puberty?

Her mother is dying in a home, and while she might not have been carol Brady to her growing up, nothing this girl has described is even remotely abuse.

My advice would be suck it up, remember actual events that happened and try not to imagine terrible abuses that obviously never existed. Even if she doesn't want to mend bridges with her mother before she dies, nothing can be gained from dragging up insignificant incidences from childhood. Do you really want the last memories of your mother to be negative?
Click to expand...

Nope, not suggesting she storm the gates at her Ma's abode. I'm suggesting she seek some form of therapeutic help from a pro of sorts to discuss things. To gain some insight and closure so she can get on with her life. Find out if she's over reacting or if there's merit. Perhaps by gaining help, she'll rest with it and find a way to focus on the good bits, not the possible bad one's.
 
I do know confronting your parent's about abuse from when you were a child is very unproductive. So I would say confronting a parent especially at the OP's parent's age is not a good idea. I did draw from my own personal experiences as to why.

I did eventually ask my father as to why he had been so abusive. I wasn't that confrontational the first time but I got some crap about it being for my own good.

The second time and as an adult I got rather specific and he played it off like none of it ever happened. It was just a complete firm denial of anything. I did explain the damage and trauma it had caused me. I know his parents were worse in some ways.

If anything it did more harm than good as it just seemed to upset him and he took it out on my mother over the next few months.

Once people get old they may have regrets but they are not going to verbalize them. It seems to be a firm system of denial and reassurance they were not a horrible person.

It eventually got to the point where I had to tell my father that I would have nothing to do with him if he continued to be the way he was to me or my mother. He seems to have become delusional about the matter. He often asks my mother why she won't let him speak to me but even after sending him a brief email explaining why neither one of us wants anything to do with him, he puts it all on my mother now.

If my grandmother can remember what my father did to me, I am sure he can unless he has a very strong denial mechanism as self defense. He is a rather sad old man. I almost feel sorry for him but I can't speak to him as he brings out the worst in me. I cannot remember a conversation with him that did not lead to either violence, threats of it, or him yelling at my mother for hours on end.

I suppose the only real answer to the dilemma would be to change the cycle of violence. Once you become an adult you have to check your childhood at the door. It is ok to talk about it but I hate when people get in pissing contests about how rough their childhood was.

Just as an example I had a girlfriend whose family was rather well off financially and she would always tell me about her dirt poor childhood. I suppose it was some sort of pity party or her trying to say she had things bad. I never really spoke to her about my childhood except when she asked. I never really discussed the matter as it is not like she went without even though she feels like she did.

So I suppose if you can't get over things that bothered you ask a child to see a therapist for a while. I think that would put things in perspective. In my opinion it is fucking stupid to mope about the past and let it keep you from becoming or being the person you want to be.

I suppose for a lack of better words I would suggest growing the fuck up. I know that sounds coarse but I think it is just to best get over things. If you need help to do it, get it. I personally would not want to speak with a therapist or psychologist. I already know what they are going to ask and then how they will reply. I suppose since both my parents were psychologists and I majored in psychology for a while I am sick of what I consider a waste of time.

All the same I think some people greatly benefit from talking to someone about something they did not feel comfortable discussing with someone else or had no one else listen. It is their job to. Usually I find that therapy that I could afford was 15 minutes a month and usually my therapist would talk about himself more and then ask me to sell him a bag of weed, so these people are not really to someone I would hold in high regard. Than again the only reason I went to therapy was to get a referral to a doctor to prescribe me benzodiazpines which worked out pretty well for me as I suffered from panic disorder.

Anyways I do not think that the OP has a serious problem. I suppose it is a matter that needs to be addressed for them. I just do not see any sense of clossure coming from confronting their mother. It would best be worked out in therapy so the OP could move on. Also it never hurts to talk to a trusted friend. As far as trusted friends, those are hard to come by, but that is a whole other subject entirely, so once again therapy might be best if the issue is persistent.

I didn't mean to trivialize the OPs problems so much as to say that is was not something that was beyond repair and certainly should not haunt the OP for the rest of their life.
 
My father was a great guy..hard worker, well known, amazing dad with a killer personality. Rest his soul.

Because he was a single father, with a daughter that was trying to mature, he was very blunt with his words about certain things.

He commented "LiLi, you're getting boobs, go find a bra" , "Lili, go shave under your arms", "Lili, you better have not had sex yet". He was just blunt, nothing sexual. If anything, it was hard for him to deal with a maturing young daughter.

Where your mother is concerned, is it possible she was just blunt like that? Maybe she was in shock that her kid was maturing so fast?

It's hard to determine if this is sexual, maybe if she has groped you or used different wording, yes. It sounds like it made you really uncomfortable.

The shape your mom is in, you have to be careful with your approach, due to stress possibly setting the stage for another stroke.

It also sounds like she made a few mistakes in her life. Question is, can you forgive her? And be careful, the mind plays tricks, and can give false memories.

Sorry that you're having issues, hope you can resolve it peacefully.
 
@swangin12 - from your comment about your childhood, most of the innocent explanations go out the window. If'd you'd had an otherwise good early life, I'd be tempted to think maybe you were misinterpreting, but this, " I had a pretty shitty childhood and was severely emotionally abused by my mom and her family" implies there was something else going on.

Hope the counselling works out - they can be a bit hit or miss in results.
 
The OP doesn't seem to be around anymore... Her last post was in this thread. She did pm me to which I replied with some advice I thought might be helpful but never heard anything back. Either way, good job guys on running off someone who could have potentially benefited from the site. Usually this section and the mental health type sections seem pretty helpful, but this thread was just atrocious. I have no problem calling bullshit, but I think a lot of people here just totally wrote off the OP without hardly even knowing anything about them.

The fact that she's seeking counseling to me indicates that there must be SOMETHING to what she was feeling, and if she suffered worse abuse there's a good likelihood she might not have been comfortable sharing it. Sure she could be fabricating everything, but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt if it's just something like this on a message board. After all, it's not like it's going to affect me if I'm wrong, but comparing who had the worse abuse doesn't do anything for anyone and is just asinine. I think everyone fucking person alive experiences some sort of abuse, from a manager at work that treats you like shit on up to physical and sexual abuse by spouses or family members. But everyone has their own story and experiences things differently, so who's to say that what one person experiences doesn't count? It's pretty easy to do, but whatever, I'm out.
 
@nutty

Grr, I can't PM you on mobile, so expect a PM from me later. The OP posted a few other places, I'll tell you about it later.
 
A lil, but I meant IRl.

I actually appreciate you calling me out on negating the OP's problems.

No one is perfect and we all have our character flaws. I am working on fixing some of mine so I don't mind if someone tells me if I do something that might not be the right thing to do. I don't mind constructive criticism but I do take people's advice with a grain of salt.

I did consider what you said and thought about it for a bit and you do have a valid point, so I did address in the previous post I had made in this thread.
 
OP, if you're still reading this thread, check out this forum:
http://www.bpdfamily.com/content/have-your-parents-put-you-risk-psychopathology

I get it. Narcissism/ BPD are insidious and subtle. When you grow up in a dysfunctional environment, it can be hard to understand why it's dysfunctional, since it's what you've always known…but you sense something is very wrong. Most people don't understand. Fuck em. You know what you know.
 
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