That's funny because I can't remember what it was like either. I just remember that it was really good. I also think my past usage of 4-MMC might have contributed to my permatolerance.
I've been at it for a long time now too. Experienced a certain degree of loss of magic but luckily not nearly as severe as some cases I read about, for me it's still much more than just 'being high'. But I DO remember like it was yesterday how my first few times were. And I know I lost a certain something, some hard to grasp and undescribable feeling the substance gave me. A feeling I lost somewhere along the way, far earlier than I ever abused the stuff. I did so on a few occasions, but nothing really crazy other than rolling 3 back to back days once, never did anything else that even came close to that stupid weekend. But still the loss of magic is real, even though I didn't really abuse it apart from 2-3 occasions on a 9 year stretch and even though I remember vividly what the feeling was like when I first did it. I know what feeling is missing, I just can't describe it. It isn't one of the three main effects of MDMA I think: empathy, euphoria and some stimulation. It's some underlying feeling that gave an already divine feeling it's golden, shining finish. The closest I can get to describing it is 'clarity'. It's like I was looking at the world through a kind of mental glasses, which in turn even made my senses sharper. I could literally see, hear, smell better. Remember how your sense of touch seems to be 'improved' when you roll? Where everything you touch feels wonderful and interesting? In my case that decreased right around the same time. When rolling now everything feels a bit different, but that's about it. And the world does not appear more clear but sometimes even a bit more hazy, even at low doses and with 0 tolerance (6 month break).
In my humble(!!) opinion I believe this is something more than just psychological, I believe there is a physical component to it too because I've used and abused other drugs too and though the novelty does wear off which in turn changes the feeling slightly, in the case of MDMA this is much much more profound. With other drugs there is no doubt in my mind it is psychological, it even "feels" psychological, with MDMA I am not so sure...
I know one thing: though it can take years to fully regain the magic of MDMA it is possible. I have a mate that is proof. He quit for 7 years and he told me it was just like the first time, he had the magic back. He tried once before that after quitting for two years but that didn't work out at all, so it can take a long long time
Sorry for the long reply, I am a bit stoned here
