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Did I ruin my chances with the girl of my dreams??

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Shadowboxxin

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 14, 2015
Messages
3
This is really eating me up inside, any advice/comments/suggestions/comfort is welcome. Thank you in advance.

I've been dating this girl for about 2 months now. She moved here to start work at my place of employment. We have all the same friends and we hang out together all the time. She is beautiful, funny, and charming; I liked her instantly. The crazy thing is, she made the first move on me when we were out about 3 weeks after I met her. We didn't have sex right away but we have been for the past month. I have really started to like her, but it seems that some lapse in discipline has possibly put a future with her in jeopardy.

So last Saturday a group of a bunch of my friends and people that I work with all went out on a party barge on the lake for the day. There was a lot of drinking to say the least. I ended up getting blackout drunk on accident and made a fool of myself in front of her. Most people make poor decisions when they are blackout but mine are the worst, about 3 or 4 of them have been some of the worst days/nights of my life. I told myself before I even started drinking that I was going to stick to beer so this didn't happen, was not the case. The girl in question and her roommate both pressured me to take shots with them and I was reluctant at first but eventually gave in. That was the last memory I had that day.

I woke up on my buddy's couch at 4 AM the next day, I had passed out around 8PM from all my drinking and the sun. I tried calling her when I woke up to try and set up a date for that night (we always watch Game of Thrones on Sundays and she is excited as **** always for this.) She said she had other things going on, same thing happened the next night. This is where I knew I had done something wrong.
That week at work she was still really nice to me and would talk to me but the great connection we had was clearly gone. Instead of confronting her about it I just kept trying to talk to her and invite her to do things. We got a couple of beers on Wednesday and she came over to watch GoT the next night. After it was over, she gave me a hug and said she was going home (she used to always spend the night at my house.) The next day I took her out to lunch, mainly to talk about what was going on. This is where she finally told me what was up.

During the barge party, I ended up getting realllly touchy feely with people, including her roommate, and acting like a sleaze ball in front of everyone according to her. I didn't kiss or make out with anyone but it was enough to change her opinion of me. This is NOTHING like my normal personality. I am normally pretty reserved and never aggressive with women. Alcohol in large quantity can turn me into someone who i hate. I am so upset with myself that I can't eat.

She has since told me that she still likes me and cares about me but wants to take some steps back with me. She is not sure that she can trust me since what she saw. i understand where she is coming from but I know in my heart that I am a trustworthy and loyal person, I have never cheated on any of my girlfriends and have not been seeing anybody else since I started hooking up/dating her. When I asked her if I still had a chance, she replied "maybe sometime down the road, babe." "Time will tell."

And now I ask all of you beautiful souls, did I completely ruin my chances with her? What should I do if I want to get back with her? I am going to give her some space in the mean time but I need to formulate a game plan if I want to win her back. Thank you for reading me rambling alone in my room on this Saturday night.
 
this is why I dont drink alcohol,not even single beer

its all your fault dont blame them that they forced you to blackout drink,trust is most important thing and you fucked up,problem is she doesnt love or trust you that much since its been only two months you two date,personaly if I was her I would be disgusted,you would repel me like bag of dog poop and whatever trust she had is gone.... dont drink,act trustworthy and pray for miracle.
 
You played a risky game..... why would you risk drinking when you know what happens? Peer pressure. You let yourself be pressured instead of thinking rationally.

Maybe you will have to just wait it out. Maybe she will come around sooner. You have apologized. Don't apologize like 24/7 but let her know, in a few days, that you are still very sorry about what happened. Own up to your mistake about drinking.
 
You haven't necessarily ruined your chances but it will take time to earn her trust back. Just sit down with her and talk to her about it, it would be a good idea to not drink either unless you have the self-control to only have a few and not get smashed (doesn't sound like it).
Good luck! And don't give up! You need to give it time to redeem yourself.
 
Don't EVER drink again... tell her that can happen when you have hard booze... and was trying to stay with beer.

Not all is lost.
 
I really want to tell you that you didn't blow it, but I would be lying. I'm trying to compare it to a similar situation that happened to me, and afterwards I was totally over the guy. People make mistakes when they are drinking, but our relationship was so new and fragile that his mistake shattered it, and it sounds like that's how this girl is feeling.

The only thing I would advise you to do is not harp on her about it and to forgive you/move forward. She has to do it in her own time and because she wants to, not because she feels like you're pressuring her. Stay friendly with her and remain kind, don't turn into a dick around her because she shut you down.
 
How do you know what she's saying is true if you can't remember it? Tell her that she's over reacting and you never acted like that and that she must of been drunk to even think that. Maybe her friends made up BS cuz there jealous and wanted to put a wedge between you.
 
^ that's a terrible idea. Accusing her isn't going to get her to think he didn't do anything wrong. Whether he did or not isn't the issue, it's that she perceives he did.
 
At the end of the day they were all drunk things can get twisted and memories can be hazy just straight up deny it. You can't remember it anyway and unless anybody has stone wall proof like a video or more than one sober witness then its not true.
 
Yeah, blaming THEM for being drunk too will not get you anywhere.

Now, my thing is this... unless you are a complete asshole (getting into fights / assaulting others) - drunk people do stupid shit.... which is part of the fun. People should learn to HAVE fun and simply go with things (within reason).

I've seen a drunk girl at a party say it was okay to put a cock in her hand (something like that, I forgot the details - I was drunk), and a guy did and photos were taken. She got pissed off. We, men and women were like "well, YOU said it would be fun / etc" - we thought IT was funny at the time. Oh well.

Agreed thou, drunk people aren't the best in knowing what reality is.
 
My gf when she's really drunk thinks when I so much as even talk to another female that I'm flirting so go figure.
 
Perhaps the best thing to do would be to leave it a few more days, then have an honest & open discussion with this girl.

Let her know that you really understand & acknowledge how badly you behaved (even if you don't remember), & that you don't like the person you become when you drink.

You had good intentions on that night, but succumbed to pressure & lacked judgement. This, in & of itself could be enough for you to decide to leave alcohol be for the time being.

As the girl & others have pointed out, time will be the deciding factor. Ditching the grog & telling this girl how much you really are into her may be the redeeming factors that would work in your favour.

Rtp
 
I know that feeling... I've made a fool of myself countless of times when drunk or on X. It sucks, and I still get red with shame when I think about it. But you have to get over it, learn your lessons and limit your drinking. Which, admittedly, sounds hypocritical coming from me, but it's good advice nevertheless. I feel your pain, and many others do as well. At least take comfort knowing that this is a common thing and you are not alone, which makes making up for being the way you were a bit easier.

I hope she'll understand, just be honest but don't be too bitchy about it.
 
I haven't gotten drunk to the point of blacking out in 2 years. I am going to stick to beer for the future, I don't enjoy drinking liquor and it has extremely negative effects on me. She has been talking to me more and more and seems to be coming around at least a little bit. I plan to take her out to dinner some time soon and tell her exactly what all of you have told me. I really hope she understands. Thanks to everyone who gave me encouragement. I was in a really low place when I wrote this post and I feel a lot better now than I did a few days ago.
 
If beer is a SAFE thing for you to drink or wine.... then you either stick it, or nothing at all. And tell her its been two years...

You were a HAPPY drunk at first... you were sharing a moment with this woman you care about, have feelings for - and so you drank and drank and drank.

She can be sure to make sure you DON'T touch the hard stuff... ever again.
 
Dude im hating myself completely hottest red head sweetest girl I ever met..we went on a few dates..im obviously crazy about her I don't hide it. .2 weeks go by I don't hear anything. .im bummed. .one weekend night I have buddy's that offer me a stimulant. .im on vacation so I'm like sure why not. .im not a habitual user I just drink..that night she invited me to herhouse..out of nowhere. .im like hell yes! She's nervous when I get there i can tell..but I freak out she could tell my heart was racing. .. I'm high.. I never thought she would contact me..she's like what's wrong is it me. .starts to cry. .im feeling really bad so I tell her the truth. .no its not you I am high n freaking out n i feel guilty..she's a good girl..but she did booty call me .maybe I didn't deserve her...but a drug ruined my chances with the girl of my dreams
 
Well alcohol and meth can have an interesting affect on a person's mind, most reasonable adults know this. You can stop drinking/smoking meth(above) or whatever, lesson learned. It really shouldn't be a deal breaker. If a girl gets all bent out of shape over substance use, that's a fairly common bluelighter problem. Find a girl that likes to rage or join AA or whatever.
 
I don't think your chances are ruined (tbh, tl;dr)

You said that she said, maybe down the road in regards to your chances. So isn't that the answer right there? Give it a few months of you being a good boy and try again!
 
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