Detox and Recovery - Opiates

[AutoTripper]

@Knighty011 - Thanks for the clarity. I for some stupid reason thought this ALL would end after a week and I'd be a regular person again.
They won't give me more Diazepam. I have migraine reactions to regular muscle relaxants like methacarbamol and baclofen. They had no choice but to give me some diazepam. Initially it was a week a month, then 4 days, then this time it was a 3 day supply of 3 5mg tabs a day.
I bought my own at a point and controlled my spasms quite well with normalish cocodamol doses and 2 10mg tabs a day, sometimes 3 if it was a bad one. I was lucky to take those doses for a few months and not suffer any benzo withdrawal.
I am having little to no appetite during the day then after 7pm it's like attack of the munchies. Is that the kratom because wtf?

@AutoTripper - Just read up on Etizolam! Wow! I'll have to think that over. I'm recovering from an addiction. I'm afraid if I take something else I'll end up just replacing one pill with another. But I would love adaquate treatment. Being undertreated by doctors is the reason I got myself in this mess.
I was consideiring getting Kava to try actually but in my head everything I consider is DRUG DRUG DRUG

Kava may actually be the best thing and I think is misinterpreted has been more harmful than it actually is I think it's actually the safer and healthier option out of all of these type of substances and for this purpose and comes with less negative side effects and I don't think withdrawal is a particular problem with this one even with regular use and it has been used very effectively to help me with other addictions.

Definitely worth giving a shot I was just thinking with the etizolam not something to get into heavily or addicted to but just another potential option which is much cheaper and hopefully more accessible than diazepam but with less side effects and dependency and withdrawals.

Maybe annalernation system could work, between Kava and Etizolam, gradually fading out the Etizolam, and just making sure not to use it everyday with the help of the kava.

I don't know how that sounds to me that hold some promise housing approach. Definitely be open to the Kava, not replacing addictions I don't feel is accurate.

More like switching to a better meal programme.

Are you US based? I know of european availabilty for Etizolam but I think you can get it in the US. Buying the powder would work out very cheap, just mixing with distilled water.

So I caved in myself tonight and took 0.75 mg of Eitizolam. I only got 5 blotters to try along with a big order for clearnet Lysergamides.

I am by nature compulsive and very spontaneous. Ive had a dufficult fortnight due to cracked ribs in middle of my sternum and cartillage damage. Lot of of suffering but gettng better. No real sleep, little food and stress.

I have been feeling like I need drugs basically and have explored multiple options to see if there's anything I can tolerate besides organic cannabis and and just about the acid homologues.

Kratom made me dangerously ill although I absolutely loved the effects and would be taken everyday offers anxiety and depression and general pain and discomfort.

Kava I can enjoy but I think the instant car but I tried was a particularly sedative one which doesn't agree with me at all you can get more heady uplifting ones which I think I would prefer but I also suffer very adverse respiratory effects to all of these herbal medicines.

Etizolam I decided would be worth a try on paper and it has been interesting.
My body and especially nervous system , are exttemely sensitive to stimulants and downers, just nervous system antagonists in general so I have to be careful even 100mg of caffeine powder cause a severe adverse reaction with my nervous system a while ago which could have lead to medical complications

I took 1mg of etizolam the very first time and although I enjoyed the strong relaxation effects I didn't enjoy the fatigue and muscular weakness inducing effect because I suffer from chronic fatty and long-term sleep deprivation.

I was very debilitated when I finish my dinner late at night and it was extraordinarily hard to stay conscious and actually move and stay awake to digest my food and manage my respiratory symptoms before I dropped.

I have this battle every evening after eating because of long-term sleep deprivation and severe complications with actually getting food in. My lungs are always full of mucus as a result of eating and this makes me incredibly tired and fatigued and debilitated.

The Etizolam took this to the next level and it was such an extraordinary battle to get up and move. I was significantly affected still the following day.

I tried 0.5, and 0.25 mg. Both very effective still, less sedating and debilitation for me and always lingering into the next day.

But I am unique. I couldnt handle any other down and medications better. Most people report very few side effects and little hangover vs diazepam and other type drugs with less risk of dependence and tolerance and withdrawal.

Anyway, my anxiety has been so high today because of the total lack of sleep I've had from this sternum injury recently and I have been feeling desperately on heads most days recently due to the fatty and all-round situational discomfort, strongly feeling and so I need some sort of drugs to stop me going crazy with anxiety during the evening.

So after sufficient cannbis vapor and edibles today keeping me rather wasted, I spontaneous 0.25 mg of an etizolam blotter.

I felt the effect but I took it the wrong side another cannabis edible dose from a rather sedating strain. So the initial effects of the etizolam appear to be more sedating Warehouse I want something to stimulate some consciousness and a more positive mindset to help me me quell my anxiety.


Anyway as I sat down to eat and was too anxious to do so which results in almost permanent daily indigestion and malnourishment currently due to my severe anxiety disorder and allergies causing serious difficulties managing to eat every day, I took another half tab of Etizolam, 0.5 mg.

Within one hour I did experience a significant drop in my entire tea and an increase in mental relaxation euphoria and general positive feelings. The sedation is not too bad and I'm enjoying the effects which have been very calming and easing for my mind and anxiety.

 

[AutoTripper]

@Korana just remember, everything is at its worst level right now. It will certaonly improve from here. And you seem to be very mentally strong and resolute about this. Just stick it through. Maintain positive thoughts. Hold great hope. Visualise that happier, freer more comfortable place you desire.

Def don't rule out the Kava. I really think that could be very useful to mix and match with other more powerful but synthetic tools for the situation like the diazepines in order to wean off with more control and less dependence and withdrawal.

 

[Lizzy1Fair]

@Lizzy1Fair @babooon87
I'm using white Kratom for energy. It doesn't really help with pain. Used Red Bali for a couple of months before, didn't help with pain either. I've had Gabapentin on prescrption for a couple of years. Controls nerve pain quite well, doesn't do a damn thing for the intense muscle spasms and muscle pain. I'm healing broken bones in my foot atm... nothing compared to the muscular pain from Fibromyalgia.
Opiates were the only thing to ever help control my pain and keep me as a more functional person.

I follow a ketogenic diet anyway, I also have hypothyroidism and it's the only way I can control my weight and stabilise my energy.

I don't know how I'll be treating my fibromyalgia. I'm discussing steroid shots with my doctor tomorrow (Who has no idea whats been happening to me opiate wise) I get like 3 days of diazepam every month to work with. And Gabapentin.
I stretch, I rest. I just try to survive it. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this without opiates.
I had to stop though. After so long abusing I didn't have a concept of my actual pain at all.
Spolier alert - It's awful.

Goodness Korana, I'm sorry you're dealing with all this. What you have written sounds similar to my life.. chronic health issues and the rollercoaster we can't get off of. You mentioned steroids.. They have their own set of problems in terms of how they eventually break down the body. That might be a good short term solution for now though. What's the standard treatment for Fibro? I'm wondering if there's a biologic for this condition. would you even consider those drugs? Some people get real relief from them and go into remission for a few years . The issue is that the immune system is too smart to be tricked by them and they become ineffective. When that happens they end up adding another similar drug to the current. They didn't work for me so I won't even consider the new ones.
I went through that disconnect that you mentioned regarding being on the pain meds. I was on them for a year a long time ago. I was starting to flare and I knew it was coming, but I wanted to continue to work and have a life. i didn't realize the depth of how ill I really was until the fentanyl patch wore off when I was sitting at the table eating that damn spinach salad at my uncles house. I actually remember what i was eating when it hit me. I couldn't stand up or walk or do anything. I was laid out for a good 3 to 4 months. my intestines were a mess from the drugs. i really believe that all the hydros caused the damage on top of what was already messed up.
I get so much relief from kratom and it isn't destroying my insides. I take the smallest amount necessary to get rid of symptoms. . Maybe try different vendors until you find one that works for you. You don't want to suffer with the fibro pain. that's no way to live. Maybe the doctor will have a clue..
I hope you're not in discomfort tonight. feel free to pm me anytime if you need to talk. Support is so important during times like this. You're not alone

 

[Korana]

@AutoTripper - I'm sorry to hear you're also injured. It sucks on top of all this kind of mess. I always give advice I don't take myself but treatment is a priority. So whatever you're able to do to manage, do it. Sounds like the downers are maybe impacting your mood further? I know you have issues with Kratom but have you experimented with all the strains? Were your doses very high to induce sickness?
I hear great things about the green Kratom, a balance of energy and pain relieving properties. I don't get paid til next week so I'll be buying more Kratom and Kava then. I'll research a bit this week.
I'm in Northern Ireland Currently a part of the EU but that's remains to be seen for the future.
I had no issues getting the white Kratom in last year, they disguised it as 'colouring powder' in capsules.
I take 3.5 grams in the morning atm and 3 grams in early evening. Trying to reduce but it's difficult because Kratom is disguising the fatigue. I sorted piles of washing yesterday that would blow your mind. My partner isn't domestic so for 5 weeks while I've been injured it has piled up shockingly. I found being busy helped me mood though so even though the early day is a mess of low moods and no motivation I'm trying to get some routine together before I'm expected to be on the go at 8am in work next week.

Speaking of work. I've been off work for 5 weeks with the broken bones and I'm going back a little early next week, however they still want me to come to an HR meeting on Monday. The anxiety is real.

Hear you on the insomnia. Wake up every night at either 2am or 4am and mess about for an hour or two and go back to sleep. Wrecks the life out of you. Getting out of bed in the morning is a challenge.

@Lizzy1Fair - Which Kratom are you using?
I feel like I have no choice but to try the steroid shot. I've avoided it for a year and a half when my GP first brought it up. You know what my GP prescribed right after I broke my foot? cocodamol 8/500mg - 5 strips. Then the week after the 3 days of Diazepam which is when I finally just threw myself into withdrawal and said enough of this. I realised they would never consider Opiates as even a temporary treatment for a chronic pain sufferer with whatever injury I appeared with. It was so depressing because they are truly prejudiced. There are doctors who outright say they don't believe in Fibro. Great, give me an MRI then because I KNOW I have slipped discs in my thoracic spine too. My right calf has been so immobilised in my support boot when I take it off at night I literally can't stretch the muscle at all but I don't need muscle relaxants? Ah-ha. I really hate doctors.

I've been waiting over two years for a Rhuematologist referral and a referral to a physio team in Antrim. Great referrals but in the mean time I've just had to live with it and self treat.
Treatment options for Fibro are slim here. They tell you to stretch and swim and take paracetamol. Total joke.

I appreciate your kindness. I'm more mentally stable atm. It'll be when I go back to work next and those triggers and stressors hit like a truck. I am also taking on a L5 Health and Social Care to further myself in management. I haven't completed a qualification or training programme in my sector without codeine. How do you get past the fear that you're not good enough without it? That you won't accomplish anything as you are?

 

[AutoTripper]

@AutoTripper - I'm sorry to hear you're also injured. It sucks on top of all this kind of mess. I always give advice I don't take myself but treatment is a priority. So whatever you're able to do to manage, do it. Sounds like the downers are maybe impacting your mood further? I know you have issues with Kratom but have you experimented with all the strains? Were your doses very high to induce sickness?
I hear great things about the green Kratom, a balance of energy and pain relieving properties. I don't get paid til next week so I'll be buying more Kratom and Kava then. I'll research a bit this week.
I'm in Northern Ireland Currently a part of the EU but that's remains to be seen for the future.
I had no issues getting the white Kratom in last year, they disguised it as 'colouring powder' in capsules.
I take 3.5 grams in the morning atm and 3 grams in early evening. Trying to reduce but it's difficult because Kratom is disguising the fatigue. I sorted piles of washing yesterday that would blow your mind. My partner isn't domestic so for 5 weeks while I've been injured it has piled up shockingly. I found being busy helped me mood though so even though the early day is a mess of low moods and no motivation I'm trying to get some routine together before I'm expected to be on the go at 8am in work next week.

Speaking of work. I've been off work for 5 weeks with the broken bones and I'm going back a little early next week, however they still want me to come to an HR meeting on Monday. The anxiety is real.

Hear you on the insomnia. Wake up every night at either 2am or 4am and mess about for an hour or two and go back to sleep. Wrecks the life out of you. Getting out of bed in the morning is a challenge.

@Lizzy1Fair - Which Kratom are you using?
I feel like I have no choice but to try the steroid shot. I've avoided it for a year and a half when my GP first brought it up. You know what my GP prescribed right after I broke my foot? cocodamol 8/500mg - 5 strips. Then the week after the 3 days of Diazepam which is when I finally just threw myself into withdrawal and said enough of this. I realised they would never consider Opiates as even a temporary treatment for a chronic pain sufferer with whatever injury I appeared with. It was so depressing because they are truly prejudiced. There are doctors who outright say they don't believe in Fibro. Great, give me an MRI then because I KNOW I have slipped discs in my thoracic spine too. My right calf has been so immobilised in my support boot when I take it off at night I literally can't stretch the muscle at all but I don't need muscle relaxants? Ah-ha. I really hate doctors.

I've been waiting over two years for a Rhuematologist referral and a referral to a physio team in Antrim. Great referrals but in the mean time I've just had to live with it and self treat.
Treatment options for Fibro are slim here. They tell you to stretch and swim and take paracetamol. Total joke.

I appreciate your kindness. I'm more mentally stable atm. It'll be when I go back to work next and those triggers and stressors hit like a truck. I am also taking on a L5 Health and Social Care to further myself in management. I haven't completed a qualification or training programme in my sector without codeine. How do you get past the fear that you're not good enough without it? That you won't accomplish anything as you are?

Hello and thank you for your empathy and I'm very sorry you are dealing with with these problems and this pain. I can see some great mental strength in you however.

I fully empathize with your battle and fight with the mainstream medical establishment and their absolute indignant attempts to help you and others as little as possible in practical, useful, and adequate ways.

I have a similar experience myself with that establishment. I have had long-term Lyme disease, but I was denied an accurate diagnosis by the flawed mainstream testing for the bacteria.

I have had very little support and assistance and absolutely no real valid useful diagnosis from the medical establishment whose only interest is to give me drugs which I can't tolerate one bit due to severe intolerances to virtually all medicines and supplements and herbs and remedies with just a few exceptions here and there.

The kratom I just can't take at all all in particular it was causing problems with my ileocecal valve which is on the right side of the lower Colon and also there is a valve on the other side and these valves are basically like taps or stoppers which can get turned off and stay shut when something causes a problem in the body and a reaction.

I experienced problems with the valves not working properly and being closed years ago for which I received chiropractic treatment which fixed the problem everytime and I have not experienced any valve problems that I'm aware of for several years until I took the cross and recently which caused a massive issue and my valves were completely shut for quite a few weeks.

This is not a general side effect of crafting is just my own over sensitive and over reactive system. The crafting just severely messed up my digestive system and completely stopped it from working and absorbing any nutrients and I'm already severely malnourished and have been critically underweight for some time.

But I have the most severe difficulties actually eating food due to allergies intolerances and respiratory symptoms, not to mention an appalling digestive system and an inability to treat and remedy things due to my intolerances to virtually all supplements and herbal remedies which would otherwise get things working in order.

So the kratom just is not an option for me although I have been so tempted recently suffering in a lot of pain and with anxiety and depression because it really takes that away instantly but I know that it would lead me to getting seriously unwell physically in a very short time and I just can't take this risk.

I did the very well to pick myself up and climb out of a ditch I thought I might not be able to get out of just a while ago and this injury to my sternum Has Landed me back in a difficult position for the meantime but one just about treading water and it is improving.

The etizolam I took last night which was 0.75 mg in total eventually actually did work very well for my anxiety and enabled me to eat a decent meal without anxiety causing indigestion so it kind of helped me make a little bit of progress because it's so important that I'm able to get nutrition in now anyhow any time and build on that little by little.

I did really struggle to stay conscious after my food and to get up and move because of my already chronically sleep deprived condition and high fattigue levels. My chest is also very affected by the etizolam as it is by all drugs and remedies but actually it's just about manageable although I'm sure that the drug is not ultimately conducive for my better health.

I only picked up five blotter tabs for a little experiment, so it's not like there's any risk of me developing habits or doing any harm by the time they have gone I will decide whether or not to completely forget about it or have a little on hand for certain situations.

Im not currently planning on getting more Kava. The only adverse effects I experienced were respiratory and excessive mucus but it makes managing my symptoms much harder and more draining so it's best if I don't have the option there in a cupboard which I resort to spontaneously at moments of anxiety.

But I think kava is definitely worth having on hand to complement and mix up with kratom and anything else because the kava certainly appears to be a cleaner drug with less side effects and downsides vs kratom.

Supremely fatigued right now, like being sucked down a plughole. I took 50ug of 1cP-LSD again today, I have been microdosing and macrodosing for several weeks with interesting and mixed results but so many complications and obviously the condition I'm in and the level of pain and tiredness etc is not ideal.

But I don't seem to be developing a tolerance and this 50 micrograms today has hit me just as hard as 50 micrograms hit me on Monday when I took over 300 micrograms twice the previous week.

I'm thinking perhaps today's spontaneous dose immediately after my steam inhalation and before my shower was perhaps not best advised but my mental state is so low. The 50 ug dose I took on Monday was actually really beneficial and worthwhile and insightful in many ways I was curious whether I would get a noticeable effect from the same dose today.

It has taken all my strength away and hit me fairly hard actually.

 

[AutoTripper]

@Korana i am sorry by the way for hijacking your thread. I didn't mean to. Im really not quite myself right now, and strangely at the same time I am my self in the most literal sense.

My acid dose today came on strong, and not too agreeably. I was in some anguish when I posted above earlier, I was beong sucked down with immense tiredness, physical fatigue, pain and difficulty generating a positive outlook.

I just came back to post this now to say apologies for seeming so insensitive, but also to say that I am feeling much brighter and more positive in my mental state even though my body is very poorly and in lots of discomfort still.

I just have to heal from this injury which I am and keep making Better choices and recovery will be ensured.

The Acid has been intense for me today, with cannabis edibles as per usual for stomach and digestive support. But it really is doing something really wonderful and special for my consciousness and brain right now I can really feel it. If my body was feeling much better I would be having a really wonderful day.

And that is exactly why I have been exploring microdosing and macrodosing, to keep my mind as positive and free as I can while I pass time and focus on healing.

Also I realise that the acid I have taken at various dosages over the past few weeks has really helped me to cope with the pain I have been in. I think it may be possible that microdosing psychedelics could help people living with painful conditions by whatever mechanism maybe an action on the brain or something different to do with lifestyle and management and perception.

 

[AutoTripper]

Also, I really likes the green Malay kratom the most because it was very stimulating and uplifting and energizing I think that it has some pain killing properties as well, possibly more than the white strains, yes Im sure it does.

But it was not too sedative like the red strains can be, although the green Malay kratom does have a sort of sedative fuzziness to it as well especially at larger doses and it really helped me with sleep as well as being a good day time Energizer and Motivator.

Mine also came as coluring powder, we may have used the same people. Great service, next day signed delivery. I have a ton under my bed which will be useful because I can introduce it to people gradually how I feel may benefit more from having it in their lives than not but educate them about the pros and cons from the start so as not to to have a negative influence.

 

[babooon87]

Hey folks. So sorry you all have such high pain levels and difficult conditions to live with.

Just a point on the diazepam because I see lots of people struggling to get adequate prescriptions from the doctors.

But I recently tried Etizolam for the first time ever to see if I can tolerate it because I'm generally intolerant or allergic to all drugs and substances.

I would not be able to take any Diazepam because of the other ingredients in the tablets especially lactose I'm intolerance to virtually all supplements and additives and I only considered the etizolam because it is completely free from excipients just 1 mg of etizolam on blotter paper, identical to acid in that sense.

Anyway, etizolam is very cheap you can buy it by the blotter or get the powder and make up your own solution it would work out very cheap like that much cheaper than Valium and is also I believe less harsh on the body when it comes to withdrawals and side effects.

Etizolam is available on the clearnet. I just thought I would mention it in case some people have not heard of this and it could possibly be a viable alternative to diazepam when doctors are not prescribing enough and other meds are not working.

I second the Etizolam recomendation. I find it better than most prescription benzos. Just be careful and don't eyeball your doses if you get it in powder. Dissolve it in liquid and dose by volume. A few years ago I was eyeballing it doing fingers of it sometimes so I would always end up doing way too much and doing pretty stupid shit.

 

[Korana]

@AutoTripper - I'm happier to focus on someone elses issues than my own for a few moments.
I have high grade panic today. It's a feeling as if you're in a scenario knowing someone is going to burst through your door and shoot you. That pre panic where you can't think or calm yourself. Also experiencing 'pain in the brain'
My supplements are the same. I got a better night of sleep.
I just don't know. I keep thinking, 'What the hell do I have in my house to knock me out, I need to get away from this'

I can't imagine living with your issues. Not being able to use treatment that is there.
The LSD though, I was asking about this. I'm up for microdosing, damn can I find a vendor here atm though. The easiest drug to get is effing heroin and fentanyl and no thanks. But right now I'm likely very vulnerable to influence. I'd probably take anything anyone offered but luckily I'm far too panicked to leave my house today.
Is LSD a general benefit for your mental health?

So if the Kava was okay for you to take, did you have a mix not suited for you? I'm hoping it can be used as a muscle relaxant treatment while still maintaining functionality.

Honestly I'm terrified of the Etizolam but if this kind of anxiety is going to keep coming back then I'll need something to keep my job because I don't think I'd survive this at work

Helpful hint - For mild anxiety - If you know someone with citalopram or you can get it yourself. It doesn't need to be taken every day to help with lower grade anxiety. I just took one and hope to hell it can help I used to take it from time to time anyway. Right now I need benzos I don't have.

 

[babooon87]

Microdosing could indeed be very beneficial. However I don't suggest you start it before your anxiety is somewhat controled because if you are already very anxious it could make it worse.

 

[Jabberwocky]

aarrrgghhh you're so lucky to have been taking that much paracetamol and ibuprofen without serious problems. I understand that the benzos have a muscle relaxant effect for you as well as the anti anxiety but they are a horrible horrible drug to get become dependent on and its easy to cross addict if you're trying to get off one drug. I cross addicted from benzos and alcohol to heroin, so I know how easy it is and how fundamentally self defeating in the long term.

are you getting any help from the drugs services? their doctors may be able to give you more appropriate help than a GP because they understand the addiction angle of the types of drugs you need to be able to function. I had an awful opinion of drugs services but went after rehab and they were really good.

 

[AutoTripper]

@AutoTripper - I'm happier to focus on someone elses issues than my own for a few moments.
I have high grade panic today. It's a feeling as if you're in a scenario knowing someone is going to burst through your door and shoot you. That pre panic where you can't think or calm yourself. Also experiencing 'pain in the brain'
My supplements are the same. I got a better night of sleep.
I just don't know. I keep thinking, 'What the hell do I have in my house to knock me out, I need to get away from this'

I can't imagine living with your issues. Not being able to use treatment that is there.
The LSD though, I was asking about this. I'm up for microdosing, damn can I find a vendor here atm though. The easiest drug to get is effing heroin and fentanyl and no thanks. But right now I'm likely very vulnerable to influence. I'd probably take anything anyone offered but luckily I'm far too panicked to leave my house today.
Is LSD a general benefit for your mental health?

So if the Kava was okay for you to take, did you have a mix not suited for you? I'm hoping it can be used as a muscle relaxant treatment while still maintaining functionality.

Honestly I'm terrified of the Etizolam but if this kind of anxiety is going to keep coming back then I'll need something to keep my job because I don't think I'd survive this at work

Helpful hint - For mild anxiety - If you know someone with citalopram or you can get it yourself. It doesn't need to be taken every day to help with lower grade anxiety. I just took one and hope to hell it can help I used to take it from time to time anyway. Right now I need benzos I don't have.

Hey, thanks and sorry for the delay.

I couldn never even think about taking the citalopram, I would be allergic to every ingredient in it and have a serious problem with the lactose on top.

I just can't take medicines or drugs except for a tiny few exceptions and even then I have to be absolutely pure with no additives or excipients which is the only reason I tried the etizolam and am able to just about tolerate the LSD compounds.

The Kava, I don't tolerate it in that it causes me major lung congestion and respiratory aggravation which is the basic symptom I get with all of these herbs and supplements and remedies. My life revolves around managing these unusual and extremely severe respiratory and excessive mucus symptoms in response to anything which enters my body except water and air.

The kava typically causes too much mucus and lung congestion so I was only taking it occasionally when my anxiety was high at night but suffering overnight and the next day with extra symptom management and respiratory pain and congestion to deal with.

But apart from this regular symptom I did not suffer any negative physical side effects or harms from the kava, and I know it is a much easier substance on the body to take and leave than kratom. For those who tolerate kava well I don't think it really has much Downside or negative effects on the body, unlike kratom which as we know has some side effects and a potentially nasty side.

However I did not like the sedating effect of the particular strain of instant kava I had I don't know for sure that it was a sedating variety because I was not told anything about it except it was instant kava which was easier for me so I didn't have the mess with extraction in order to see if I could tolerate it.

But I know you can get more uplifting, heady varieties as they call them. And I suspect that the one I had was particularly sedating which doesn't help me with my tiredness and fatigue condition this is why I much preferred the kratom for its stimulant and uplifting and energizing effects.

But the kava was very nice and smooth and relaxing just didn't help me staying conscious late at night when I'm tired and trying to eat food and stay awake to digest and manage my symptoms and it made it especially hard to breathe overnight and into the next day because of the extra mucus production in my lungs.

But I still strongly recommend kava to people in situations like yourself looking for relief with the least side effects possible and it's good to have options to mix and match and I think kava is a very good one to have on the table.


Heavy trip in the end, I started with 50ug 2 days ago as you saw, I ended up taking 650ug total by last night. Which was by far my heaviest trip for many years.

I'm feeling totally wrecked today still and will be for a few days I'm sure pretty slow and lethargic, not in a bad way just slow and retarded but I did have a much better sleep than I ever usually get.

Just resting now, I spend the first 3 hours pretty much of every day managing my respiratory symptoms and general symptoms and getting washed and just tidying a few things up before I am free to rest or do anything else it's always a major or deal to get through to clear my lungs of the mucus so nice to get to this point and I can rest with a nice cup of black tea and some cannabis edibles to follow.

Any cannabis I use today will really brings the acid back up again.

And thank you for letting me spam your thread by the way haha! I am really sorry for your difficult situation and I admire your strength and integrity in handling it and facing it head on and being very open about what you are experiencing and feeling.

I really hope you experience some healing and relief with your broken foot I'm sure it will improve and be long forgotten hopefully and I sincerely hope that you are able to gradually feel better as you come off of various medicines and maybe find A more suitable strain of kratom and hopefully get some relief from the kava as well.

I imagine that your pain receptors and ability to handle pain will also improve somewhat at least because it will surely be at its worst right now.

Best of luck with your return to work next week and your meeting on Monday I hope you are able to manage and not feel too distressed or put out. I will be thinking of you and wishing you well.

Just doing some electricity treatments on my lungs which are permanently infected with multiple chronic infections since 2005 at least two infections have been in my lungs every single day without exception it's between 4 and 6 simultaneous infections virtually all the time for several years now I just have to stay on top of it.

My immune system is so heavily compromised as a result of long-term lyme disease that I am permanently developing new infections and although I can treat and clear the infections with various measures I never actually get the overall load down by much because new infections are coming as fast as existing ones can be treated and kept under control so it's just treading water really trying to breathe and stay aloat as comfortably as possible.

 

[Lizzy1Fair]

Definitely going through PAWS. Up. Down. Up. Down. Down. Down. Down. Okay. Down. Up. Rinse and repeat.

There are these lovely moments of clarity after a full week off Opiates where you laugh really authentically, like you feel the humour deeply and it's great. I haven't giggled in over 5 years. My dog farted, scared herself and raced under the table. I just lost it, eyes were streaming with laughter tears. I'm enjoying those moments.

Large chunks of the day are swept away by cravings, discomfort and sadness. I want that part to end so badly.

I've upped my L-tyrozine dose from 1 500mg tablet to 4 500mg tablets a day which has stopped the incessant sad cries. I'm still taking 5-htp.
Have introduced higher doses of Vit C along with my multi vitamin and have reduced my kratom intake.
I still need immodium at night time - useful tip, it helps if you're going through prolonged or recurring night sweats. I think the night sweats can be triggered by eating close to bedtime too.
Regardless clamminess in general still comes and goes. Hands are slipping on the keyboard atm.

Motivation and energy is generally still quite low which is why I'm still using white Kratom. Together with the L-tyrozine it helps somewhat. Getting anything done takes enormous willpower. Like enormous.
My stubbornness is to my detriment. On top of a bunch of physical house stuff I pushed for a dog walk (Mastiff lab mix and an akita mastiff mix puppy... big strong active kids. Send help) and by the time we approached the car my legs were quaking and giving out. Even with a special waist harness I have for myself and a shock absorbant leash. Nope, barely made it. Also... picture that I wear a massive support boot on my right foot. And it's dark and slippery. You can laugh.
Anyway I almost cracked and demanded pain relief from the partner.
Instead I told him how I was feeling, was cranky, moaned and eventually lay down to cope with the muscle spasms and sharp pains

Have a telephone app to sort out my steroid shot with my doc tomorrow. Hopefully it has a positive impact on the fibromyalgia cause I miss being able to be in charge on the physical responsibilities in my life. I love my partner but... he's not great at it. He's sicker than me. It's invaluable to be in a relationship where the other person literally knows what you're experiencing. But I went the route of over medicating to take care of everything and now I have to replan how I'm going to sort out our lives and what each of us can actually do to deal with the responsibilities.

Fun fact - find an old hobby you loved. Opiates strip the passion and love out of you.
I was artistic as hell. Wrote poetry, was working on a fiction novel and sang.
I'm scribbling here and there but recording is a great distraction.
I can really feel music atm. I was listening to old recordings before Opiates and then through and damn... I lost a lot of soul. Now I'm recording here and there and finding my voice again.

I don't know if anyone considering detox is listening to me but no matter how hellish it is, there are moments where it's beyond worth it. This ends somewhere right?

You are pushing through and getting there.. You're awesome! This is really good despite feeling so bad.
Benzos stripped me of passion when i was physically addicted to them. Oh, I remember the day when I was driving (i was gradually tapering off them.. had to do it myself. no dr. assistance) on the interstate in upstate ny. No idea where I was heading to, but i clearly remember everything looking so lush. All the colors were increased X10. I had not realized that I was walking around with a veil over my senses. this veil didn't come on quickly.. it slowly happens where you don't even realize it's there until it comes off. And when it comes off it stamps a memory print in your brain. I'll never forget that day.

I hope your days are getting brighter, happier and more free with less sadness and discomfort. My prayers go out to you my dear. Sending good vibes your way!
PS: Sorry for such a delayed response. Sometimes I miss blocks of messages. I'm gonna follow you so that doesn't happen.

 

[Lizzy1Fair]

@Knighty011 - Thanks for the clarity. I for some stupid reason thought this ALL would end after a week and I'd be a regular person again.
They won't give me more Diazepam. I have migraine reactions to regular muscle relaxants like methacarbamol and baclofen. They had no choice but to give me some diazepam. Initially it was a week a month, then 4 days, then this time it was a 3 day supply of 3 5mg tabs a day.
I bought my own at a point and controlled my spasms quite well with normalish cocodamol doses and 2 10mg tabs a day, sometimes 3 if it was a bad one. I was lucky to take those doses for a few months and not suffer any benzo withdrawal.
I am having little to no appetite during the day then after 7pm it's like attack of the munchies. Is that the kratom because wtf?

@AutoTripper - Just read up on Etizolam! Wow! I'll have to think that over. I'm recovering from an addiction. I'm afraid if I take something else I'll end up just replacing one pill with another. But I would love adaquate treatment. Being undertreated by doctors is the reason I got myself in this mess.
I was consideiring getting Kava to try actually but in my head everything I consider is DRUG DRUG DRUG

@Korana i read what you wrote. that you were prescribed 3 diazepam a month or something. REALLY?! Can i suggest to you to find a psychiatrist. Make an appointment with any psychiatrist and get a regular script. Is the Etizolam the RC? if it is, i'd be careful of that one.

 

[AutoTripper]

@Korana i read what you wrote. that you were prescribed 3 diazepam a month or something. REALLY?! Can i suggest to you to find a psychiatrist. Make an appointment with any psychiatrist and get a regular script. Is the Etizolam the RC? if it is, i'd be careful of that one.

Hey Lizzy. Just on the etizolam. I really dont think it is as bad as valium you know. Less addictive, less side effects, and way way cheaper. You can get a gram and make your own solution and a dose is only a few pennies.

From what I have seen on it it may be a better option than diazepam. It may be worth looking into if diazepam is hard to get at least.

 

[lovemissile66]

Just wanted to say "hello", and let you know that you are an inspiration to me right now, as I too, am going through the detox phase of opiate (heroin, then a short stint of 15mg oxy use). I gotta say those
little oxy pills did nothing, or rather, if I took like, 4 at a time, then I felt like I could be somewhat productive. Well, that was two days ago. I had Gabapentin (40 pills), Clonidine (90), and some Zofran
for nausea. I'm hanging in there. I actually think the oxy made my heroin detox slightly gentler. I only ate oxy for a week. The heroin for 16 years. I'm getting away from my main point: YOU MATTER!! And
your posts are very motivating and I hope you continue to post and let everyone here know the happy ending. Good Luck and Thank you for sharing.

 

[Korana]

I've avoided updating for a couple of days because I've felt so crap

Honestly I've googled Opiate withdrawal a hundred times and I haven't found any information about this phase beyond some odd lines of 'anxiety and depression can continue for another 2weeks and beyond' PAWS seems to be unique to each individual. I have felt lower these past few days than I can ever remember feeling. I don't remember a lot of emotions before Opiates. I don't remmeber a lot of my life on them, but I definitely never experienced the anxiety and depression I do now.
Getting out of bed is a struggle, interacting with people, getting myself to wash and dress, even going outside. Had some serious agoraphobia moments. Lingering sweaty palms and feet.

I'm really touched by the support here.

@AutoTripper - I'm so sorry for your extreme health issues. It's a huge trigger for drug dependence. Mainly because they can't figure out how to treat us or what we need is illegal, right? I hope you're managing okay atm.
I trust your recommendation of Etizolam. I sourced it already and will order Wednesday. I'm managing my anxiety better. It's less constant but I think the support is needed for at least a few weeks. I'll come looking for dosing support when it gets here. And how to avoid dependence for sure. I'm less suspectible to benzo dependence but I won't eff with that kind of thing again.

@Lizzy1Fair - Thank you so much. Do you remember when your mood starting improving?
Yeah no, they won't give me any more diazepam, no one will. This is N Ireland, the land of, 'Nah, not prescribing that. It's addictive' no matter what the need. Having a psychiatrist in my medical record would make my health care more discriminatory. I know it's awful but it's true. Chronic pain and psychiatric conditions create so much bias it's unreal. You should have seen how I was treated at A&e when I broke my foot because I take Gabapentin for chronic pain. Horrible horrible Triage nurses.

@lovemissile66 - Please, coming off heroin and oxy is a million times this. You're the inspiration. I'm so happy for the upbeat tone of your reply because I know how much detox zaps the life out of you and you shound like you're doing great. I want to hear your happy ending too.

So it's been 2 weeks! I've fully physically detoxed I think, lingering muscle tension on top of my condition. No longer using Kratom at all. Didn't use weed much of last week, likely will this week for anxiety support until my new supplements get here.
I'm definitely getting Kava. Sourced a reputable vendor and am very confident about taking it. Read great things about it for Fibromyalgia. Mostly it'll be nice to have anxiety support that isn't codeine or Diazepam.
I'll pick up Etizolam too. And use it very cautiously.

Originally I'd planned to include Green Kratom in my life but considering how you end up dependent after daily use too... I don't know, unlikely it'll be in the mix.

I've read a lot about Ibogaine. I'm eager to try it first and foremost.
My partner isn't down for it at all. He'd have to look after me and is concerned because my heart beat is rapid, even in my sleep. It's a side effect of my high doses of thyroid medication. I've had it for 16 years but he's concerned it's an issue. As far as I know my heart and liver are healthy so I think it's worth a shot. I may still make that decision. Something about the promise of reducing or eliminatings the PAWs has me. I've sourced it too.

Anyway, the second week of detox was a blur of pain, anxiety and depression.
Honestly the hard part isn't the physical detox in the first few days. It's the lingering hopelessness and depression that pushes you back towards the drugs. You start to consider that you'd do anything to feel 'good' again all through week 2.
Hoping heading into week 3 this week that mental symptoms improve.

My meeting was cancelled at work btw. And I'm using annual leave this week to stay off. I'm no where near mentally ready. I can just about leave my house for an hour atm... I need to put in a lot of work this week on preparing for a work return.

 

[Painful One]

Hang in there Korana!
You are doing great!!
Keep on going!

Sending you love and support.

 

[AutoTripper]

@Korana yes hang tough. You are tough I can tell. I feel you strongly on the level of anxiety and depression you are experiencing currently and specifically how are you say you have never felt so low because I did feel exactly the same recently when I got myself addicted to kratom with four weeks of daily use and had to stop cold turkey because it's seriously messed up my digestive system and made me dangerously ill like I was almost at death due to severe malnourishment and sleep deprivation.

The kratom was such a good send for my anxiety and depression at the time it was the only thing each day that was enabling me to cope with unbearably extreme anxiety and panic, and an inability to see light and generate positive thoughts and feelings.

When I had to stop the kratom in the condition it led me to I was honestly feeling so incredibly low mentally and emotionally more than ever in my life and also physically I was in the worst condition I've ever been in.

But that mental low though I was there and I can relate to what you are feeling a little bit but I'm not trying to say that what I felt was equal to what you are going through.

This particular lull and phase will certainly pass and get better I'm sure I really feel like I can on almost tune into how you are feeling at present and I just want to say hang in there, you will feel much more grounded and less anxious and more positive when this phase has passed and resolved.

Is all part of the healing process and healing will always come with pain the more extreme the pain the faster we are progressing through the healing.

I think you have probably made a wise decision to leave the kratom alone now because in a way it's just more of the same with dependency and potential uncomfortable with drools to face at some point while still being physically dependent.

I'm really pleased that you I'm going to try the kava now that you have seen it appears to have much more benefits than Downside vs kratom and some other options.

I really hope it helps you and I also think it does make sense in your situation to try the etizolam well at least keep it on hand for flexible and occasional use I feel that you may be able to get more assistance and smooth transition through this period with the etizolam vs the issues you may have with it.

With the kava on hand you hopefully we'll be able to just use the etizolam occasionally and minimally and prevent dependence and withdrawals.

So, we truly empathize, and we can relate as well because in very different ways we all have extremely intense and difficult lives and conditions with much of the same experience regarding Society and the establishment and general diagnosis and treatment etc.

Just hang tough now. Hang tough! It will get better it will get easier and I'm certain there is hope for you to feel much happier and more relaxed and more confident and comfortable in the future you'll just have to ride this out now and make as many little positive lifestyle changes as you can on and let time and healing do the rest.

You have to believe and tell yourself that this is the case because I really believe it will be you just needs time and to stay committed.

You are doing a very good job with your discipline and determination and also your willingness to explore options. I am proud of you actually and you can be proud of yourself.

So while I feel your pain I just want to encourage you to hang in there and give it time and I know that things will ease up and it will all be so worth it ultimately and probably much sooner than it feels right now.

I'm doing ok myself just about although I'm still completely off my head from taking too much acid last week I underestimated the power of the drug despite extensive experience.

I didn't need 650ug after all. I mean it was all good and well but I'm still feeling totally cained 3 days later, my head is pretty useless. I expect I will be off my head for a good week.

Lesser doses will be fine from now on which is good I wanted to feel this way without craving heavier trips, to be perfectly satisfied with the lower doses which is more ideal going forwards for many reasons.

Battling on all fronts physically, treating out of control respiratory infections the last 2 days which I have lowered a little bit but I'm having a rest from treatment now today.

Cannabis edibles coming up. Still very stoned from our 2 strains which I vaporised before bed and again this morning to get back to sleep.

Our herb from this summer is remarkably potent, absolutely blows my head off even without this much acid still working in my system lol. On top it's proving a bit heavy.

I am addicted to cannabis though, it has been the only drug I have been able to tolerate throughout my illness, with the clearnet lab grade Lsd homologues being the only other drug it seems I can use.

@Korana we are here for you and we care whenever you feel you want to update or share anything we will be here and listening with open arms and heart.

@Lizzy1Fair has a huge warm heart and so much empathy and compassion for everybody else despite her own extremely hard life and conditions.
I see she has been offering you some excellent support and very good on her always she spreads her wings as widely as she can. Commend that girl!

 

[Lizzy1Fair]

I've avoided updating for a couple of days because I've felt so crap

Honestly I've googled Opiate withdrawal a hundred times and I haven't found any information about this phase beyond some odd lines of 'anxiety and depression can continue for another 2weeks and beyond' PAWS seems to be unique to each individual. I have felt lower these past few days than I can ever remember feeling. I don't remember a lot of emotions before Opiates. I don't remmeber a lot of my life on them, but I definitely never experienced the anxiety and depression I do now.
Getting out of bed is a struggle, interacting with people, getting myself to wash and dress, even going outside. Had some serious agoraphobia moments. Lingering sweaty palms and feet.

I'm really touched by the support here.

@AutoTripper - I'm so sorry for your extreme health issues. It's a huge trigger for drug dependence. Mainly because they can't figure out how to treat us or what we need is illegal, right? I hope you're managing okay atm.
I trust your recommendation of Etizolam. I sourced it already and will order Wednesday. I'm managing my anxiety better. It's less constant but I think the support is needed for at least a few weeks. I'll come looking for dosing support when it gets here. And how to avoid dependence for sure. I'm less suspectible to benzo dependence but I won't eff with that kind of thing again.

@Lizzy1Fair - Thank you so much. Do you remember when your mood starting improving?
Yeah no, they won't give me any more diazepam, no one will. This is N Ireland, the land of, 'Nah, not prescribing that. It's addictive' no matter what the need. Having a psychiatrist in my medical record would make my health care more discriminatory. I know it's awful but it's true. Chronic pain and psychiatric conditions create so much bias it's unreal. You should have seen how I was treated at A&e when I broke my foot because I take Gabapentin for chronic pain. Horrible horrible Triage nurses.

@lovemissile66 - Please, coming off heroin and oxy is a million times this. You're the inspiration. I'm so happy for the upbeat tone of your reply because I know how much detox zaps the life out of you and you shound like you're doing great. I want to hear your happy ending too.

So it's been 2 weeks! I've fully physically detoxed I think, lingering muscle tension on top of my condition. No longer using Kratom at all. Didn't use weed much of last week, likely will this week for anxiety support until my new supplements get here.
I'm definitely getting Kava. Sourced a reputable vendor and am very confident about taking it. Read great things about it for Fibromyalgia. Mostly it'll be nice to have anxiety support that isn't codeine or Diazepam.
I'll pick up Etizolam too. And use it very cautiously.

Originally I'd planned to include Green Kratom in my life but considering how you end up dependent after daily use too... I don't know, unlikely it'll be in the mix.

I've read a lot about Ibogaine. I'm eager to try it first and foremost.
My partner isn't down for it at all. He'd have to look after me and is concerned because my heart beat is rapid, even in my sleep. It's a side effect of my high doses of thyroid medication. I've had it for 16 years but he's concerned it's an issue. As far as I know my heart and liver are healthy so I think it's worth a shot. I may still make that decision. Something about the promise of reducing or eliminatings the PAWs has me. I've sourced it too.

Anyway, the second week of detox was a blur of pain, anxiety and depression.
Honestly the hard part isn't the physical detox in the first few days. It's the lingering hopelessness and depression that pushes you back towards the drugs. You start to consider that you'd do anything to feel 'good' again all through week 2.
Hoping heading into week 3 this week that mental symptoms improve.

My meeting was cancelled at work btw. And I'm using annual leave this week to stay off. I'm no where near mentally ready. I can just about leave my house for an hour atm... I need to put in a lot of work this week on preparing for a work return.

Korana! God bless you girl and I must say you are a very strong woman and you're breaking through and making headway even if you're not exactly feeling like you are. YOU DEFINETLY ARE! .. I'm glad you're not working while you're going through this, you need the rest and down time. You asked when i noticed improvement in my mood. I cannot even say when I started to feel better. My life was a big blur during that time. I think i was also tapering off of that shit, Effexor (which of all the drugs I have gotten free from, that damn stuff took me a year to fully get off of it and the horrible w/ds were debilitating. My Dr. couldn't help me with benzo tapering and was totally clueless about how to properly slowly reduce my mg of the antidepressant in a safe way. Had to figure out the effexor myself. I had to remove the beads inside the capsules to make my doses tolerable enough to function. I kinda have a hatred for doctors too. I've had some decent ones, but the majority of them were clueless. So did you end up getting the steroid shot? WHat's the mg? I ask because steroids can make you feel anxious and that feeling of impending doom when the doses are high. I consider 30-60mg a high dose. The depression and hopelessness, ughhhhhh that's the hardest part imo. I tried to sleep through the really difficult days. I took supplements and maybe pot too. such a blur. Currently, I struggle a bit with brain fog,mild depression and feeling overwhelmed which translates to anxiety. I take supplements nootropics, and some medications to help keep myself positive. I am not in the position to let my mental health slip, it will impact my physical health and I'm already struggling with it. I have to press enter now, but will answer/comment on the other stuff in a little while. Hang in there darlin, you're doing great. more later ((((hugs))))