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December Getting/Staying Clean and Sober Thread v. Happy Holidays!

same here :(

We can do this though! One day at a time. :)

That happened to you too! I thought I was the only one! Before it would be me just trying to hit a vein and someone was about to come in the room and catch me...and I would wake up swearing that there was a full rig somewhere around my bed.

But now, The person is in the room and either cuts me with a boxcutter, or I am trying to fight them off but its like my punches are going through water and I can't move....I wake up sheets soaked in sweat after those and my fight or flight response is triggered enough that I keep a .5mg xanax next to my bed because the first time I had the violence in the dream I woke up screaming and just ran out the front door in my undies.
 
That happened to you too! I thought I was the only one! Before it would be me just trying to hit a vein and someone was about to come in the room and catch me...and I would wake up swearing that there was a full rig somewhere around my bed.

But now, The person is in the room and either cuts me with a boxcutter, or I am trying to fight them off but its like my punches are going through water and I can't move....I wake up sheets soaked in sweat after those and my fight or flight response is triggered enough that I keep a .5mg xanax next to my bed because the first time I had the violence in the dream I woke up screaming and just ran out the front door in my undies.

It's weird because this sounds so very similar to the using dreams I have.

In mine, I'll be trying to prepare a shot, and it won't work out (people interrupt me, or I can't seem to prepare it before I have to go do some other inane activity), in other ones I am able to inject successfully and feel effects (very realistic which scares me).

Often people will be chasing me around trying to shoot me with a gun, and for some reason it doesn't seem that bad and I just run around trying to shoot them back too,

Other times I am just "fleeing" others, and trying to avoid others.

It never seems to bother me too much in my dreams what's going on, and then I wake up and I suddenly come to, and the anxiety/panic starts.

Oh and everything you said about you try to punch but it's like you swing in slow-motion, like you're underwater but nothing else and no one else is, that's exactly what I experience too. This is a real-life phenomenon that is present in every-day life during anxiety/panic attacks, and I tend to experience it a lot. I believe this, as well as the shaking, sweating, panic/anxiety is all due to increased blood pressure/heart rate during the dream sequence at night.

Why does this happen? Cardiovascular health could influence this a bit, but it's likely PTSD. Recurrant nightmares which induce panic attacks are very typical for PTSD people like myself.

There are medications which can prevent dreaming altogether and should in turn prevent this effect, like alpha blockers. However, it is best not to use these medications, as your body does indeed become physically dependent on it, and you will have hightened BP/heart rate upon quitting alpha blockers.
 
Me too... thinking very seriously about trying to find a doctor who will fit me in quickly, no questions asked. Trying to breathe
 
I have 17 hours off cannabinoids

Severe depression, anxiety/panic, agitation

If I make it this whole week I will be amazed.

I will use shatter/wax again though. I cannot do this long term.
 
I will use shatter/wax again though. I cannot do this long term.

I had 4 or 5 months of total cannabis abstinence after near 20 years of continuous use, and I never felt so great as all the old negative behaviors were gone and it was so clear to see it was a negative part of my life.

I started smoking and after a few months it became a every night thing, and now I'm really pissed at myself as I don't want it, and it's nothing compared to an opiate addiction, but it's almost impossile for me to live 100% sober without seriously risking relapsing with pills/heroin.

For me hashoil concentrates were much more like nitrous or crack in that I would get such a rush, only to fiend minutes/seconds later.

.
 
Sup Captain? Cannaboids? What are those? Sorry for my ignorance. I know hash oil and stuff but is the cannaboid withdrawl got you messed up? 29 hrs is a long time man and dont let anybody tell you different. Just weigh the pros and cons of getting back on them and whatever list is linger, go with that. I know ill understand if you resume them so will others. Its all good man. If its that hellish why not try to quit again next week. Dont be miserable for holidays. You slept and thats good. Im just here for support bro. I support you whatever you do. I have no experience with them so idk but im here for you. Whether it be out here or PM. I can relate being chained to a substance man so just keep posting on where youre at so we know. You can do it man and if you cant right now, thats ok too. At least youre being honest so in my experience honesty always prevails. Hang in there dude!! Im with ya
 
I don't think I could live my whole life this way. I feel so awful.

And minutes later I am all right - these mood swing are too much
 
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I had an unsuccessful day as far as sobriety goes. A stupid thing to do, but it was right in my face... I had been doing well, almost 4 years. But I kept those new rigs *just in case*... knowing they were in my drawer at the house made it that much more tempting :-(
I'm just thankful my sweet friend understood and didn't get too upset at me for letting him (and myself) down. Thanks, ?
 
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Dont be too hard on yourself sweetzoe. Youre not the only person who slipped today. CH, hang in there buddy. The mood swings will chill longer you go. You know that though. I couldnt take it today like you but youre doing bettervthan me. Keep going my man.
 
yeah man my mood swings are gone, but only because I ate an edible and I am definitely feeling it now

a lot of <3 to everyone out there, hard times or not <3 <3 <3
 
Thanks closeau and Cap'n H, I just need to learn from what happened today and go from here. And next time choose the gas money offered instead of the bags offered....
 
Thanks closeau and Cap'n H, I just need to learn from what happened today and go from here. And next time choose the gas money offered instead of the bags offered....

Or you could avoid other people who want to use entirely, or not give others rides.

It might sound antisocial to do things like that, but trust me, it's how I've gotten a year off of needles and bupe (and much longer off meth/heroin/etc). Just my 2c

<3 <3
 
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