At first, I was shocked and scared. I only thought of the worst possible outcome and was beaten by that thought. I was so scared. I don't want to be in jail or prison. Not for something like that, so all I think of was suicide. You know sometimes when you're driven to the corner by paranoia and fear, you just want to end it so badly and make those emotions go away, you just think of the fastest possible way out. Now, I'm still scared. When I think of myself sitting there in front of the judges, I shit myself. I just feel so nervous thinking about it. So nervous that I ask myself what if this happens, what if that happen. There's just so much activity in your brain, at night you feel like you have insomnia. But when I spoke to my lawyer, I felt relief.
You know, in this entire thread, I said I'll not do stupid things anymore. But me thinking about suicide was another stupid thing that I did, and I'm sorry for making anyone worry and thank you so much for spending the time out of your day reading my words.
Right now, I'm a little bit more worry about my school work. As you may know, summer is approaching, and the semester is going to soon end.
My grades are not something I can be proud of, and I will change that. I might need to repeat an extra year, but it's okay. If that's what it takes for me to change and prove to everybody around me that I can change, then I'll take that chance.
One question I'd like to ask is how hard will it be for me to find myself a job? If you have a criminal record, how did you acquire a job? I know society look at sex offenses harshly, but I'll need to find a job.
