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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Cocaine Cocaine really digging it’s hooks in me

ageingpartyfiend said:
a legendary achievement given where you live for sure, awesome (and I'll admit it's not the way I saw your journey going some time ago)

don't ever get complacent though man, even though you don't miss it one little slip could cost you dearly
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Thank you brother. I know, that's why I completely change my social circle. I hang around with positive ppl now, real friends. And ofc I stay the fk away from it as much as I can
 
thestranger said:
Then you have that tranq dope thats going around the country. It makes people fall out off one rip. Its Fentanyl mixed with horse tranquilizer, Xylazine
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I hate that tranq dope

It’s common in Philly area n ugh

I don’t do “dope” or whatever it is these days in order to pass out for 3-4 hours

It’s just not all good unless u just want to pass out
 
I just do not know how to deal with the cravings. My life is so empty that cocaine always finds a place. I thought I was under control, but I am not. I am totaly lost, I do not even enjoy anymore, it is more a matter of being not anxious thinkg about the next line
 
OpiateKiller said:
Cocaine was always a drug I could take it or leave it, never felt the need to reup once it was done..

But I’m finding my IV cocaine use is becoming seriously overwhelming.

Friday I even did a fat blast at 6 am right before work and needless to say it was not good. Not good at all.

Cocaine is a bitch man I’d rather be shooting dope..
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IV cocaine use is the fucking devil. IVing dope will go easier on your veins than IV coke ever will. Within months your arms look like a warzone. Horrible shit, i could never get into that habit. Speedballs are different, but without real dope, which i havent seen around in 7 years, those are just as pointless.
 
Just a little pinprick said:
Totally agree,for me shooting coke was the worst I use to get super paranoid after the first shot and things only got worse as time went on ,and it went on forever from 16 to 44 years old and even though there’s no physical withdrawals the mental B/S was terrible ,it always ends the same way with me swearing it off for good only to buy a couple more bottles the next day, for me coke was the devil on the planet…
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After that first hit people will do literally anything for more, I've seen it and it's so ugly. I would never bang coke by itself ever again in life or anything else for that matter. Everyone's recovery is different but just memories of that kinda shit is enough to make me never EVER go down those roads again.
 
jose ribas da silva said:
I just do not know how to deal with the cravings. My life is so empty that cocaine always finds a place. I thought I was under control, but I am not. I am totaly lost, I do not even enjoy anymore, it is more a matter of being not anxious thinkg about the next line
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Buprenorphine&samidopharm or somethin' simmilar are quite interesting like a tool for coke dependence...but it probably bring other dependence....Welbutrin is often prescribed offlabel for treating coke cravings...iboga if u are crazy enough&take the risk....other is winnin' times battlin' every fuckin' day abstainin' from coke&feel bad 'cause of the cravings...leaving enough time for ur brain to healing....it could be a month or even couple of months.....but is possible.Success man....coke addiction is beast i know that.👍❤️👍
 
Phoenix_03 said:
After that first hit people will do literally anything for more, I've seen it and it's so ugly. I would never bang coke by itself ever again in life or anything else for that matter. Everyone's recovery is different but just memories of that kinda shit is enough to make me never EVER go down those roads again.
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Totally agree,
I stole this from NA but always felt a recovering coke fiend came up with “One is too many and a thousand never enough”
 
OpiateKiller said:
Yeah man I ripped through an 8 ball of some straight Colombian this weekend and usually drugs don’t get me down but honestly suicide sounds pretty good right now my dopamine is 0
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Never did IV coke but I remember this feeling from after a crack binge, especially a prolonged one. That’s when you start carpet surfing because it’s all gone and you’d give anything, ANYTHING, for just a lil bit more
 
xtcgrrrl said:
Never did IV coke but I remember this feeling from after a crack binge, especially a prolonged one. That’s when you start carpet surfing because it’s all gone and you’d give anything, ANYTHING, for just a lil bit more
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So accurate
 
oxyfen said:
GL OpiateKiller.

Just curious, How much worse is slamming Cocaine than snorting it?
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IV cocaine is the worst drug related experience of my life.
You only enjoy your first shoot, then it is all anxiety, fear and paranoia leading to full blown persecutory allucinations, shakes, lost shots, madness, maniac behaviours, abscesses...
when you finish a serious iv cocaine binge, you have poked yourself over 100 times looking for register, you and your place are covered in blood, you have spent $ hundreds or thousands. You hate yourself with a passion. But this is only if you don't OD and seize to death.
You may think this is an overdramatic picture, but just check this one out:
Officer Donut said:
Some junkies I know taught me how to shoot crack, by mixing it with lemon juice(oh, and don't take offense to my using of the word junkies. Ya' see there are junkies, and then there are drug users. I am user, most of you are probably users, the people im talkin about are fuking dirty ass, skanky junkies. The one girls a fuking hooker, and that shit's just nasty. She does her hooker tricks to try and get me to bang her, but im not a very big fan of AIDS and Hepatitus, so I do my best to turn the nasty whore down(it's harder then stopping my use of drugs!) ;) I'd rather shoot rock than actual powder because it's cheaper(with the shitty quality of the powder around here, I usually need to do a whole $20 in one shot, even for my first time!) =( I used to do dope, up until very recently. Now my mom makes me take a Naltrexone pill everyday(opiate blocker). It's all good though, because im on prohbation, and I get tested twice a fuckin week(they are f'in nuts man). I gave my PO 19 dirty urines so far. When I gave him my 10th, he dropped a detainer on me for violating, and I spent a month in jail, which I guess isn't bad because I think he could have done that after my 1st dirty urine. So now I stopped using dope because the Naltrexone won't let me get high, and I thought I was in the clear. But unfortunately, since I couldn't use dope, I started using coke. So I guess im probably going to get locked up again prob this week or next, which means I will be in jail for X-mas, but anyways, my question is...
Is it cool to be shooting crack? I mean it works, I get high and all, but are you not really supposed to shoot it? I shot 30 rocks within the past 2 days. I just want to make sure im not fukin myself up by doing this...thanks
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He was a Bluelighter. A kid. He was new to iving this hell and was apparently loving it.
This is his very last post.
Found dead in an alley, alone. 19 years old.
You can find it on the Shrine.
And it is not the kind of death that fentanyl or benzodope provide.
This is what IV cocaine means, no peace, not even in your last act.
 
I can take breaks but at the end of the day I crave it and eventually it gets me. A few times a month.
 
Keif' Richards said:
You've got a whole family here to help you fix this shit. At my worst, I would've pushed my grandma off a cliff for a single gram of Heroin. I imagine that's how you feel when you run out of Coke to shoot. Hit me up and I'll give you my cell number, I've got a few other folks here from BL who kind of mix in with my 12-step folks and we love and support each other.

With IV Coke, doing a blast big enough to kill you is often better off than the decades of debauchery required to stay high.
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your good people just watch out that people don't try to scam you etc
 
Delmonte421 said:
your good people just watch out that people don't try to scam you etc
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This thread is full of old timers who already know each other personally in a lot of cases. You’re right, but keep in mind the same ethos applies hooking numbers and vulnerabilities up anywhere in any kind of recovery circle. There’s actually a safety net here with the distance people have and the years of personal history that develop by continued use of these forums.
 
Keif' Richards said:
Yea, I'll admit, there was a time in my life in which my use of Opiates, specifically, was a big part of my identity. I'm not sure if I would call it "cool" exactly, but there was a certain amount of pride that comes with existing on the outside of normalcy if only for the reason that that's the only thing you really can take pride in.

I've used all drugs in the course of my life, but Opiates always had a very ritualistic, mythical sort of quality in my mind. It was ancient medicine. It had the power to literally stop pain. There are lots of other drugs, that do lots of different things. I would say my subjective opinion is that these substances kill pain in a more secondary way to how Opiates do. That is just how I've always felt. So, there has always been this sort of delight in knowing this carnal knowledge.

Now my town is so littered with homeless junkies, there really can't be anything cool about it. I read an article about the Heroin situation in urban Switzerland from a couple of decades ago. It was similar to my town now, so many addicts that they're permitted to inject and live in parks openly so long as they don't interfere with civilian life.

It's really not cool.
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is that true? that openly in Switzerland you can shoot up in parks?
 
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