Clonazepam

[p3rs0c0n]

So, I hate weed and its not possible, cheap or a good idea for me to drink everyday to be high, so I decided to try Clonazepam. Easy to find, cheap, whatever...

Some background on my drug use... one time I self prescribed Ritalin but it only made me sleep (I was on the night shift, took the pill and woke up 4 hours after my shift started lol), then I felt guilty for trying to use it to function on a job that I hated so I just dropped it. That's the only "medical" drug I've tried, besides that just weed, acid, MDMA, ecstasy and one time I snorted "cocaine"... oh, and that time I IV bupe because it was prescribed for my cat and I had a ton left (it was not a good idea, the high lasted maybe a few hours and I had nausea and vomit for two days, probably the stupidest drug related thing I've done) buuuut overall I've had good experiences and I have never been an addict. Except maybe weed and alcohol for a while but it was not that much of an issue really.
About me: I am nb femme, 25. Very anxious and depressive person, have PTSD and undiagnosed ADHD.
Now, I really need some help here. I've been looking for ways to get my shit together, for my emotions to not overthrow me and just to stop feeling so depressed, pathetic and sober. In my country its not that easy to find a good psychiatrist or even to be able to pay it so my best option is to either cope with it or buy drugs illegally. I got 15 2mg pills... I know the scary stories about this drug so I am trying not to do something stupid, and instead of doing it recreationally, I want to see if it becomes beneficial for my mental health, although I very much understand its a dangerous route, at this point I don't care I need to start looking for alternatives for my shit brain besides all the introspective work I do every god forsaken day.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ Trip report ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆​

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Day 1​

Had a beer, something to eat then 3 hours later took 1mg. Fell asleep, can't remember when and that was about it.​

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Day 2​

Took 1mg around 11AM. I started to feel a little bit odd, maybe dizzy and funny but nothing out of control. Very relaxed. I felt funny all day, but not like the initial feeling, like I said, just relaxed overall.​

​

Day 3​

Took 2mg around 2PM because I was feeling very anxious and sad. It was ok, the dizziness was increased this time and I felt like I was not coordinating properly, almost as if I was a little drunk. I was feeling funny and whimsical, lol. After the initial effect, just relaxed. I have to say after I took the pill I had a discussion with my partner about an issue we were having and I actually felt very chill... I tend to get super emotional when we talk about our problems but I felt like I managed to have a conversation without bursting in emotions.​

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Day 4​

I took 1mg at 11AM and 1mg at 5:30PM... I wanted to try this way of taking it bc of some videos I've been of people who had it prescribed. During the day I've been feeling sad because my partner is in a really bad mood and we are barely talking to each other. Instead of sadness I feel almost numb, like nothing really matters, so I have managed to brush it off although its always on my mind. I tried talking to her but it was no use, I thought my calmness was going to help but this girl has issues too so I can't fix everything really. ​

Since I just took my 2nd dose, I decided I will go outside to try to distract myself and see what happens... like I said, I'm just numb.​

 

[AlsoTapered]

Clonazepam is a second-line treatment for certain forms of epilepsy... let that sink in. SECOND LINE.

 

[Littana]

be careful with it, taking clonazepam that much and that often will get u horribly addicted and will give u horrible anxiety etc... its really not something to take just cos weed or alcohol isnt an option... and then theres the delusion of sobriety and blacking out where u can really ruin ur life and lose people around you

 

[p3rs0c0n]

Update: I finished all the pills and before I got my 2nd stash (now with 30 pills) a friend talked me out of it on trying something less dangerous. I will now try CBD oil because I'm really not trying to fuck up my life I just want to feel better, to function and be able to do the things I need to do. It has never been my intention to belittle how dangerous it is, I was aware and ready to just go through an addiction if it was necessary because im really not making it sober.

 

[AlanaaBanana]

Update: I finished all the pills and before I got my 2nd stash (now with 30 pills) a friend talked me out of it on trying something less dangerous. I will now try CBD oil because I'm really not trying to fuck up my life I just want to feel better, to function and be able to do the things I need to do. It has never been my intention to belittle how dangerous it is, I was aware and ready to just go through an addiction if it was necessary because im really not making it sober.

Good call to stop it. I've been dependent to Clonazepam since 2015-2014, and it was probably the worse decision I've made in my medical history in terms of medications, after it was pushed onto me by a doctor for tourettes + OCD.

It is an extremely risky drug, and it doesn't take long to go from occasional use to full blown dependency. It has really ruined my life in a way where my anxiety is now less OCD, but more "What happens if I run out?". My life has revolved around the anxiety of takin my next dose. I've abused it quite a lot my self, and that had only made everything worse, including my baseline anxiety.

You may feel "Ready" to go through it's addiction, until you really actually face it. It's one that words cannot do justice to describe.

 

[p3rs0c0n]

Good call to stop it. I've been dependent to Clonazepam since 2015-2014, and it was probably the worse decision I've made in my medical history in terms of medications, after it was pushed onto me by a doctor for tourettes + OCD.

It is an extremely risky drug, and it doesn't take long to go from occasional use to full blown dependency. It has really ruined my life in a way where my anxiety is now less OCD, but more "What happens if I run out?". My life has revolved around the anxiety of takin my next dose. I've abused it quite a lot my self, and that had only made everything worse, including my baseline anxiety.

You may feel "Ready" to go through it's addiction, until you really actually face it. It's one that words cannot do justice to describe.

Thank you for sharing this and Im very sorry you are going through this, are you still using?

I just sprained my ankle and I guess that hasn't help with the anxiety but im confused on how much is it really because im stuck in my room most of the time with my routine completely frozen or if im actually having withdrawal from the drug itself, because I find myself thinking damn if I just had some right now it wouldn't be that bad... I just took some dramamine only to fall asleep... its embarrassing but that's where im at right now.

Again, thank you for taking the time to open up about your experience, its fucked up how you got hooked because of a doctor, that's one of the reasons why im so afraid to go to an actual psychiatrist im my country they are either really expensive or the free therapy is fucked up, they barely treat you as a person. I was starting to consider buying again but nah, I will hang in there and think about your experience. I just wish there was an answer, I've been avoiding certain drugs for years because im trying to be cautious but now I can't even believe myself to consider addiction. I guess I'm at my limit :/

 

[AlanaaBanana]

Thank you for sharing this and Im very sorry you are going through this, are you still using?

I just sprained my ankle and I guess that hasn't help with the anxiety but im confused on how much is it really because im stuck in my room most of the time with my routine completely frozen or if im actually having withdrawal from the drug itself, because I find myself thinking damn if I just had some right now it wouldn't be that bad... I just took some dramamine only to fall asleep... its embarrassing but that's where im at right now.

Again, thank you for taking the time to open up about your experience, its fucked up how you got hooked because of a doctor, that's one of the reasons why im so afraid to go to an actual psychiatrist im my country they are either really expensive or the free therapy is fucked up, they barely treat you as a person. I was starting to consider buying again but nah, I will hang in there and think about your experience. I just wish there was an answer, I've been avoiding certain drugs for years because im trying to be cautious but now I can't even believe myself to consider addiction. I guess I'm at my limit :/

I'm still currently on Clonazepam, yes, though I'm tapering down, I stopped all abuse in june/july. I've just finally stabilized on 2mg, and that was pure hell jumping down.

What symptoms are you experiencing that has you to believe there may be withdrawal if ok to ask?

Don't be embarrassed though, we've all been in your spot, it's nothing to be embarrassed about, and it's amazing you're opening up about it!!

But isolation can absolutely be a factor in anxiety, where even just stepping outside just for some fresh air, taking in the vibes of the outdoors can absolutely help. Do you have anyone online you can speak to in the meantime? Video chats, voice calls?

What country are you in? As I'd recommend some CBT/DBT therapy, with what you talk about. It is absolutely terrible on how they treat us, but it's possible to find someone who's compassionate, just trial and error and you'll find that one perfect doc! Be sure to go through reviews of course on clinics.

 

[cdin]

as a person with cPTSD, i can say without hesitation that treating PTSD symptoms with GABA agents (booze, benzos etc) is a disaster. Your GABA and glutamate systems are already out of whack which is part of the symptomology (not all, but part)
I do hope that you have not been on them long. Benzos are terribly physically addictive, and after a few monthsa produce a withdrawal syndrome that is far worse than opioids even. I just went through one. It was absolute hell.
Use of benzos further damages the gaba/glutamate system, creating MUCH WORSE anxiety/sleep patterns etc. over time. The things that actually worked for my ptsd are: exercise, meditation, ibogaine, therapy of multiple types (CBT, EMDR especially, ART), time.
The ibogaine was the most helpful.
If you are seeking GABA agents that are not damaging, but still relaxing and even helpful to your GABA system - look at Kava and Amanita Muscaria. Properly prepared (or purchasing a premade extract) I strongly prefer muscimol to ethanol. Shit. I need to get some more.

 

[p3rs0c0n]

I'm still currently on Clonazepam, yes, though I'm tapering down, I stopped all abuse in june/july. I've just finally stabilized on 2mg, and that was pure hell jumping down.

What symptoms are you experiencing that has you to believe there may be withdrawal if ok to ask?

Don't be embarrassed though, we've all been in your spot, it's nothing to be embarrassed about, and it's amazing you're opening up about it!!

But isolation can absolutely be a factor in anxiety, where even just stepping outside just for some fresh air, taking in the vibes of the outdoors can absolutely help. Do you have anyone online you can speak to in the meantime? Video chats, voice calls?

What country are you in? As I'd recommend some CBT/DBT therapy, with what you talk about. It is absolutely terrible on how they treat us, but it's possible to find someone who's compassionate, just trial and error and you'll find that one perfect doc! Be sure to go through reviews of course on clinics.

You have accomplished a lot, I'm so happy for you!!!

To answer your question, the reason why I think I may be experiencing withdrawal is mainly because I am now feeling desperate to obtain a substance... on a daily basis I would just go on with my life with either caffeine, weed or alcohol and didn't think much about it and it was always recreational, I could go on days without either and it wasn't a big deal u know. After I finished all my clonaz its not like I immediately felt anxious or experienced physical symptoms but now I just can't stop thinking that I NEED drugs. Having to be still and without my usual activities is what I think is making it harder, but to sit so much with the initial reason why I started to take clonazepam on the first place over and over, its like im constantly reassuring that I will not make it without drugs. It has always been addict behavior for me, either to substances, people, food or sex. Now I'm not doing any of that as a way to cope bc instead of helping me it made me go through a lot of shit and somehow im now thinking wow maybe I need to self medicate benzos!!!!!!! Its stupid if I think about it but well, you know how it is.

The good thing about my situation is that im not alone at the house I live in, I see my partner everyday and a friend has come by to visit the past 2 days! As well as a few friends I have talked to online and the responses on this thread have made it much easier to not just go back to the pill. Also I'm going on a date tonight! So there are people holding me together, the problem is always inside my head I guess.

I live in Mexico... psychiatric help really sucks here and the one that doesn't I cannot afford it. I use to have a psychologist and they helped me a lot plus it was not expensive, it was CBT therapy actually. I don't know if I want to go back with them mainly because I would like another focus on what the problem is, with him what I would go through was how my external circumstances affected me internally, and that gave me a lot of tools to change my life and understand myself better buuuut they couldn't tell me if I had ADHD, PTSD or anything like that because they were not a psychiatrist. Also on our last appointment I took my mother and he cried when she started to talk about her issues, and that was very conflicting to me lol so im kinda done with him.

Now I can say I understand my circumstances and surroundings better and I am pretty sure there's more to it than that, that there is really something wrong with me and that I need a different treatment. Its very conflicting bc I am usually very against psychiatrist due to all the history around them and the medications they prescribe but like I said before I have reached my limit. I guess that's why im here... I truly truly trust much more other addicts and mentally ill on the internet than doctors and I have good reasons to do so. Everyone so far in this thread has been trying to give me their best advice and telling me not to do stupid shit because y'all understand. I'm sure there are a lot of trolls too lol but so far this has been very helpful and a big guidance for me. And for that I want to thank you again AlanaaBanana

 

[p3rs0c0n]

as a person with cPTSD, i can say without hesitation that treating PTSD symptoms with GABA agents (booze, benzos etc) is a disaster. Your GABA and glutamate systems are already out of whack which is part of the symptomology (not all, but part)
I do hope that you have not been on them long. Benzos are terribly physically addictive, and after a few monthsa produce a withdrawal syndrome that is far worse than opioids even. I just went through one. It was absolute hell.
Use of benzos further damages the gaba/glutamate system, creating MUCH WORSE anxiety/sleep patterns etc. over time. The things that actually worked for my ptsd are: exercise, meditation, ibogaine, therapy of multiple types (CBT, EMDR especially, ART), time.
The ibogaine was the most helpful.
If you are seeking GABA agents that are not damaging, but still relaxing and even helpful to your GABA system - look at Kava and Amanita Muscaria. Properly prepared (or purchasing a premade extract) I strongly prefer muscimol to ethanol. Shit. I need to get some more.

Wow thank you so much for the advise! I had never heard about ibogaine, kava or amanita muscaria before and I will definitely look that up, its good to have other places to look besides the CBD drops option... I am curious about LSD and mushroom microdosing but haven't payed much attention to it, I have considered it but because its kind of hipster, its expensive.

I really went directly to clonazepam because of the price and how easy it is to find much cheaper than Ritalin, for example.

Good news is that I only took clonaz for almost 2 weeks and have been without it for almost a week now so, I think I will be ok in that area hopefully haha. Booze is a big part of my life I guess because of how normalized it is but I don't consider myself an alcoholic (there is a big history of alcoholism in my family, so I have become hyperaware of this particular substance and my relationship to it)

Can you tell me more about the substances you mentioned? I will look for them myself but it will be nice to hear about your experience. Thank you cdin n.n

 

[swimmingbird421]

For me k pins have been A God Send I get them for free thanks to cvs
it is my anti opiate and helps me cut down on my hash intake which I desperately need to conserve

 

[cdin]

Wow thank you so much for the advise! I had never heard about ibogaine, kava or amanita muscaria before and I will definitely look that up, its good to have other places to look besides the CBD drops option... I am curious about LSD and mushroom microdosing but haven't payed much attention to it, I have considered it but because its kind of hipster, its expensive.

I really went directly to clonazepam because of the price and how easy it is to find much cheaper than Ritalin, for example.

Good news is that I only took clonaz for almost 2 weeks and have been without it for almost a week now so, I think I will be ok in that area hopefully haha. Booze is a big part of my life I guess because of how normalized it is but I don't consider myself an alcoholic (there is a big history of alcoholism in my family, so I have become hyperaware of this particular substance and my relationship to it)

Can you tell me more about the substances you mentioned? I will look for them myself but it will be nice to hear about your experience. Thank you cdin n.n

yeah. ibogaine is a west african rootbark, psychedelic and is HEAVY medicine. should not be taken without a trained person to administer/watch out for you. it can have serious medical ramifications.
but it did more to actually restructure/reset my brain than anything else.
kava and amanita are gabanergic, like booze or clonazepam, but they do not damage the brain. I just enjoy drinking them, but they calm down some hypervigilance etc.
CBD can be helpful and relaxing.
But really - EMDR therapy, Ibogaine and keeping the eff away from booze/benzos and healthy personally (food, exercise etc) etc. is what broke me out of the ptsd brain cycle.

The absolute worst thing for me personally in PTSD was ethanol. like - don't get me wrong - it subdues the symptoms for a few hours while drunk, it's just that things are SO MUCH WORSE not drunk/hangovers are so close to PTSD symptoms... eff, booze was a disaster for me in that state (still isn't good for me now)

 

[p3rs0c0n]

Update: Having to take dramamine to sleep again I really think this is happening because my routine is out of control due to my sprain ankle but its been maybe 5 years since i took dramamine out of desperation instead of a trip report this has become a diary to cope with what I’m going through… It all started with clonaz but now has not much to do with that, and at the same time everything. I guess I have to accept one of the reasons why I got injured, placing my business at risk (my work requires for me to be well physically) was because I was walking down the stairs after drinking all night. Yes it was an accident but come on… I’m I fooling myself? Or I’m I being hard on myself? I was drunk walking down the stairs looking at my phone, I guess I thought I wasnt doing anything risky because I know how to drink without passing out or puking but ok… Was that part of an addiction I am not accepting? Or really just a dumb fall because I was going down the stairs on my platforms without looking?

Late night-early morning overthinking is the worst. Dramamine just hurt my stomach instead of making me sleepy, now i think I’m starting to feel it… I’ll try to close my eyes now and do my best tomorrow to have a good day. I just hope I’m not an alcoholic like i have been denying.

Good night

 

[p3rs0c0n]

Hungover from drinking beer and sniffing glue (first time)... lol. I was with a friend and we even ended up having sex (something I would have never done with him, im practically a lesbian...) and it wasn't something actually negative, it was ok and we talked and bonded that day in a different level, so it just happened but im wondering if I just went through with it because of the immediate gratification and just addict behavior, or if I did it bc of the substances or what... im so confused with myself. Now I feel incredibly sad, I guess that's what comes after the rush... but I wasn't prepared to feeling THIS bad. I should have known better, if I already now im so vulnerable why do I keep exceeding myself? I guess I already know the answer. But well, I feel like shit. IDK if sniffing glue affects the stomach but I feel a hole inside. I feel very sad and miserable and will just go on and take dramamine to sleep, again.

 

[DeathIndustrial88]

I've used clonazepam off & on since I was 16.
I'm now 35 and can still take or leave clonazepam most days.


I still have yet to experience a withdrawal syndrome from it. At least not one on par with opioids.
I think people who end up with problems from benzos are people who abuse the hell out of them or who take higher doses regularly. Not people who take them as needed for anxiety.


I love how any time some one mentions clonazepam, there's a certain user here who gets right on trying to demonize it & make people second guess whether or not they should be on it. lol

Just because you had a shitty experience with a drug, doesn't mean everyone else automatically will.

 

[TimTim1993]

Sounds like your usual Klonopin high. I used to get prescribed 1 mg 3 times a day for a year and coming off of them was a nightmare

 

[cdin]

I've used clonazepam off & on since I was 16.
I'm now 35 and can still take or leave clonazepam most days.


I still have yet to experience a withdrawal syndrome from it. At least not one on par with opioids.
I think people who end up with problems from benzos are people who abuse the hell out of them or who take higher doses regularly. Not people who take them as needed for anxiety.


I love how any time some one mentions clonazepam, there's a certain user here who gets right on trying to demonize it & make people second guess whether or not they should be on it. lol

Just because you had a shitty experience with a drug, doesn't mean everyone else automatically will.

im glad you havent had problems, but this statement is simply incorrect. plenty of people use exactly as directed and have a horrendous time getting off. my last was from diazepam after only 4 months, and it was beyond hellish. I could not sleep for literally 3 mos. I'm JUST to where I can get more than 2 hours
broken sleep a night. glad you have an easy time with them, but some of us do not.

 

[p3rs0c0n]

so CBD oil has a cost of $40 dollars the bottle, and it will last maybe a month... while 30 2mg pills of clonazepam have a price of about 17 dollars.

im out of money, this is fucking stupid. its like they really want people to become drug addicts.

im starting to feel desperate.

 

[cdin]

so CBD oil has a cost of $40 dollars the bottle, and it will last maybe a month... while 30 2mg pills of clonazepam have a price of about 17 dollars.

im out of money, this is fucking stupid. its like they really want people to become drug addicts.

im starting to feel desperate.

quick tip - consumer CBD products are ass. purchase full spectrum CBD hemp extract for a fraction of the cost, like 4$ a gram was my last. i got a kilo, has lasted years.

 

[DeathIndustrial88]

im glad you havent had problems, but this statement is simply incorrect. plenty of people use exactly as directed and have a horrendous time getting off. my last was from diazepam after only 4 months, and it was beyond hellish. I could not sleep for literally 3 mos. I'm JUST to where I can get more than 2 hours
broken sleep a night. glad you have an easy time with them, but some of us do not.

I said not everyone has problems with benzo withdrawal. Which is true.
People who abuse the fuck out of them are more likely to have issues, obviously.
Did I say that people who use them as directed can't have issues? No, I didn't.

Yeah, my mom was on clonazepam for 30 years. I watched what she had to go through during withdrawal periods. It was pretty brutal.
She didn't abuse them either, or at least she didn't think she was "abusing" them since she was taking them as directed. But taking high doses of benzos for 30 years, even if it a doctor says it's okay, is obviously not good. Yet she was old, uneducated & didn't know any better. She thought doctors knew what they were doing. She didn't see klonopin as a "drug" either. So she took it even when she didn't even need it, since the directions told her to.

Yet ironically I haven't had any of those problems going on & off of it. I wouldn't wanna be without access to it since I have a legit panic/anxiety problem.

So I said not everyone is going to have problems. Which isn't an "incorrect" statement when it's obvious that everyone has different reactions. More like, that's my OPINION.

I've known plenty of other people who've taken & left benzos without too many issues. Yet I'm totally aware how dangerous benzo withdrawal is, even deadly or at least is suppose to be.

Just like some people can get through opioid withdrawals like it's nothing, yet I'm completely dysfunctional during opioid withdrawal.

Pointing out the fact that not everyone will have brutal withdrawals from benzos is important because there's some people on here who love to fearmonger & try to get people to quit their fucking medications (that they probably need) by projecting their own fears & even flat out lying to scare the original poster. Which seems highly unethical.

I really love how people on here are quick to jump right down my fucking throat, including staff members, any time I speak my mind about shit, yet other users (like one in this thread) can go around saying klonopin causes liver damage (which is a highly untrue statement) to scare people off their meds and yet nobody "corrects" that. Some selective harassment that goes on on this site. Hilarious.