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Recovery Clean and on Auto-pilot

JessTD

JessTD

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 20, 2020
Messages
137
So I've recently quit opioids cold Turkey and I think it's been a little over 2 weeks without them. I no longer have any really physical symptoms but I feel like a robot. I feel no joy. I hardly speak. It's like pulling teeth to interact with me. I feel in this complete "blah" state and I'm worried it's going to effect my relationships. I just want to be normal and I hate that I'm like this. I hate that this thing moved into my brain when I was 15 and I've been fighting it ever since. Why can't I just be normal? Where would I be in life by now if I had never done all the drugs?

I don't even know what I'm talking about at this point 😔
 
Right right Rsho is hash oil that may be Abailable. Cannabis but I don’t know heroin others like once
 
JessTD said:
So I've recently quit opioids cold Turkey and I think it's been a little over 2 weeks without them. I no longer have any really physical symptoms but I feel like a robot. I feel no joy. I hardly speak. It's like pulling teeth to interact with me. I feel in this complete "blah" state and I'm worried it's going to effect my relationships. I just want to be normal and I hate that I'm like this. I hate that this thing moved into my brain when I was 15 and I've been fighting it ever since. Why can't I just be normal? Where would I be in life by now if I had never done all the drugs?

I don't even know what I'm talking about at this point 😔
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Been there, it takes time for your brain to get back to normal functioning after long periods of use. It's like something is simply missing at all times and it gets frustrating trying to play normal.

But you are making progress and that is what's most important. Keep at it, you will feel better 💯
 
You may think that you're clean, infact you're just past the acute phase. Now comes tje hardest part, PAWS.id say at least you're gnna feel dysphoric for a couple months. After so long being on opiates, it's normal to feel like shit. Just keep going Jess, you're at least 30% from recovering completely :)
 
Do the things that make you most uncomfortable and you will get back to normal quicker, if their is any kind of exercise you find you can enjoy I seriously recommend doing that every single day. Not gonna feel like doing it most of the time but if you JUST DO IT enough times you will learn that its better to push through because it makes you feel so much better every time, the worse you feel before you start the better you will feel after.
 
JessTD said:
I feel in this complete "blah" state and I'm worried it's going to effect my relationships.
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That is totally normal. As your brain starts producing neurotransmitters more and body starts the receptor up regulation to regain equilibrium, you will slowly and slowly start feeling more normal. It definitely feels line autopilot for a while, the more you push through it and start returning to normal life, the faster you will start feeling normal again.

Seriously, you're doing awesome and it does get so much better, especially at your stage almost every day gets better and better.

They don't call it the "honeymoon phase" for nothing. From around day 21 to day 60 is amazing, then the honeymoon phase wears off and life gets boring again temporarily.

If you can make it to day 90, statistically your chance of success raises significantly at that point!
 
Personally the self-congratulatory remarks being after 5 days or so...thus 2 weeks is great. Now that you arent sick per say id recommend exercise as it is hands down the most effective action one can take against post acute opioid withdrawal. It helps cravings too.

Take pride in your accomplishments and start exercising as MUCH as possible. Pushups, running, anything. I quit inhuman amounts of methadone with the great aid of exercise...
 
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ok, honestly donl't think about where you could have been if you hadn't done drugs. i'd likely have a permanent position at a prestigious research institution and freedom over the work i do, or in industry a fuckton of money and still a really cool job. instead i'm stuck at, albeit a top 50 uni globally, as a lowly post doc with an abusive boss. but, me without drugs would have fucked up some other way. there isn't a 'normal' you that would have been fine had you never got addicted to heroin. we don't do this shit for fun, we do this because there is something really painful going on that we can't cope with, and that would have come out in another way.

have you tried meditation? i had to force myself in rehab but quickly noticed benefits so its worth a shot.

as others have said, what you're going through is normal. i was completely joyless for at least a month after getting clean, like i didn't laugh at all. mine was a bit different cos i was badly addicted to crack too so my dopamine receptors were fucked. at this point in your recovery, you r brain chemistry is still fucked and you haven't yet had time to do any of the psychological work that is needed. I wouldn't worry yourself too much, be patient, you're doing the right thing, if this was easy the relapse rate wouldn't be over 95%.
 
I didn't get this feeling last time I got clean. But then, the stakes were much higher. My children had been removed from my custody as a result of an overdose I had and previous run ins with DCF as my son's father was extremely abusive and would hurt me in front of my son and when I called the police, we both had to jump through DCF loopholes because a child was present. Despite the fact that I was the victim and not the abuser. I guess last time I got clean I was so laser-focused on getting my kids back I didn't even have time to feel "blue". I'm really disappointed go find myself back here again as I thought once I was awarded custody again I would never put myself or my kids thru that hell again.

And here I fucking am. Venting to strangers on Bluelight...
 
your not alone. it feel kind of like your just going through the motions of everyday life but nothing feels right. it gets old fast. i think that can be the riskiest time for relapse. being so used to those large amounts of happy brain chemicals to nothing is a big thing for the brain to overcome. good news is time heals all.
 
shroomyboom said:
It's like something is simply missing at all times and it gets frustrating trying to play normal.
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Yeah exactly, it's having to cope with life without drugs to soften the harsh fucking cruel world we live in, the more drugs you take to try and feel better the worse you feel and getting your brain chemistry back to normal may take a while

You feel bad for wanting drugs when you have kids, my son is 17 and I basically just told him I take ketamine to escape the cruel world we have to live in, I said I can't cope with real life it's all to much, and he said he's scared he'll find me dead in bed with a packed up liver or something, how bad is that, that's so sad, being an addict is fucking shit, I'm 18 years clean off smack but here I am, with a bit of a ketamine addiction trying to explain to my son why I can't live life on life's terms

I just want to be normal too, be happy without drugs but it's just to hard
 
Jus’ saying, most people turn to the needle when all they want was a bag of grass
 
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