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Chasing the feeling of first love

xammy

xammy

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 28, 2013
Messages
2,225
I'd like to write a long post but I'll keep it short today

What do you think, can you ever get that feeling when you first fell in love? I dont mean a crush when you were a kid or anything, but that full blown first love that I believe almost everyone of you know, though I know there are many people who are even well over their thirties and have never fell in love.

This first love that hurted so much. I never stop chasing the feeling, but I'm afraid that I might never feel that again. It was so strong, stronger than any drug could give (well, I would compare MDMA to that feeling somehow, like making me feel the emotions of many years for this one girl compressed in a few hours) maybe because it was the first time when you had these sensations, so strong that they made you shiver. Just a thought about that person made you smile, you know the drill, words can't convey. But a lot of that was just a illusion, your fantasy which could never be true

So, have any of you felt that twice in their life? I sure don't, but the though of the girl who once more will take my breath away and flies me to the moon lives on.
 
Looking at "love" as something that is external to my current life that I have to "chase" sets me up for disappointment, suffering and pain. What happens is that I'll exaggerate the positive qualities of things that make me think I was "in love" and after some time, I'm obsessing over an illusion, obsessing over something that doesn't actually exist. And the real thing, with its positives and negatives, will make me feel disappointed, cheated, etc. Similar can happen if I try a relationship and it loses its spark over time. The whole concept of a relationship can make people stress about longevity and preservation, so much so that the passion-of-the-moment gets lost. I find that not thinking too much of what love could mean on a philosophical level, or on a scientific level, is best for me.

"Love," as I try and see it, is simply the stuff we experience on a daily basis that makes us feel good. As such, love can be anything from watching the sunrise to getting butterflies standing close to an attractive person. It exists between humans, but not only between humans. To me, it's like a buzzing that exists all through the universe, and is especially strong when people make the mutual effort to really work it up. It's best felt when it spontaneously finds its way into our lives. It's best (in my opinion) when shared through as many people as possible. We're all good at understanding and working with certain flavours of love (or lust or whatever), and as life is most rewarding when we are challenged to experience as wide a variety of positive feelings as possible, we should share love and our masteries of it with as many people as possible. And I see pure love as consistent with wanting someone we love to do the same (this is how I think my way through jealousy).

I don't believe in concepts like "soul-mate" or "first-love" or whatever. I find that stuff too restricting. Perhaps my first love was the first time I saw the ocean in person and felt those unique emotions. Or maybe not. But I just try and take the best care of myself as possible and remain physically and spiritually healthy, and when sources of love cross paths with me, I often decide to tango.
 
Well, I stopped a long time ago for actively "looking for love", as its not something you go and find - its something universe throws at you when you least expect it imo. What fascinates me is how unique and strong was the first love, as nothing has ever even came close to it and its been almost a decade. I lately reconnected with this one and only, and yeah, it wasnt there with her anymore. But I remember how it was almost an obsession back in the day.
 
I personally have never felt love as powerful as I did with my first love and I don't think that I ever will.
I don't know why a first love is so hard to live up up to.Maybe it's because it is the first time your body and mind felt those emotions and it can never feel as strong again.
I have loved since my first love but it never seemed to encompass me the way my first love nearly 30 years ago did.
 
My answer: No. The first cut is the deepest. There's nothing like the "riding a rocket ship of love" feeling again.

But you can get a deeper and more lasting love later on because you can be more in love with the person, who they really are, and build up a history with them over the long term, as opposed to something that's so based on chemistry and hormones.
 
I had two girlfriends who I thought I loved, sincerely loved, until I met a girl that just blew my mind. Sadly she never was mine, she knows how I feel - I have made it as clear as possible - but she is only my friend, and I'll take it. I'm with someone else now. But I still love The girl. I love her like nothing else, she makes my heart flutter every time I think of her. It's an unbelievable feeling. We dated for a week until she saw how much I was in love with her and that she would never love me the same way. I treasure every memory I have of her, she is simply amazing. This feeling I have makes me understand all those songs of heartache, I have suffered so badly over her, but at the same time she has made me feel ALIVE, and for that I am grateful.
 
My first love contacted me today, she wants to see me.. I dont know what to do. I definitely dont have the super strong feelings towards her anymore, but everytime we see its magical somehow. +hUh+

I personally have never felt love as powerful as I did with my first love and I don't think that I ever will.
I don't know why a first love is so hard to live up up to.Maybe it's because it is the first time your body and mind felt those emotions and it can never feel as strong again.
I have loved since my first love but it never seemed to encompass me the way my first love nearly 30 years ago did.
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I had two girlfriends who I thought I loved, sincerely loved, until I met a girl that just blew my mind. Sadly she never was mine, she knows how I feel - I have made it as clear as possible - but she is only my friend, and I'll take it. I'm with someone else now. But I still love The girl. I love her like nothing else, she makes my heart flutter every time I think of her. It's an unbelievable feeling. We dated for a week until she saw how much I was in love with her and that she would never love me the same way. I treasure every memory I have of her, she is simply amazing. This feeling I have makes me understand all those songs of heartache, I have suffered so badly over her, but at the same time she has made me feel ALIVE, and for that I am grateful.
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Thats what i'm talking about, its so intense!
 
the problem with first love is that you bring so many ideas of what love is/should be to the table...it almost certainly is going to blow up in your face.

also, at least with heterosexuals, when you have your first love, you're automatically going to think about having a family with them...it's really heady stuff. It's just kinda crazy when you start getting into those thoughts, just about being a biological person whose only actual purpose is to reproduce and carry on the human line.
 
I would say yes. I felt it a second time. But after being hurt by him I can't imagine being open or trusting enough to have it happen again. It's all just hormones, so it should be able to happen over and over, but you have to be willing to take the risk.
 
After being hurt really bad, I think one just learns how to avoid it. You discipline yourself, tense up. Same will happen to a dog if you hit it with a newspaper. It'll learn how to behave (No I don't have a dog). Quite sad. I think everyone still has the same potential, like in theory. But it's so debilitating and its a rough place to exist this world, maybe easier when one was young. We have stuff to do. There's no room for it
 
If I'm not mistaken, love is a chemical process in the brain. Therefore, it is possible to love over and over again
 
The first time. Pricks of mates but the girl was no way to describe her. Was it the oh shit think I'm in the wrong thread
 
soul mate said:
If I'm not mistaken, love is a chemical process in the brain. Therefore, it is possible to love over and over again
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MedicalCoding said:
You never forget your First Love. :\
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You never forget anyone you've truly loved.
 
No, I don't think the first love is always the best one. I mean, as long as you're not looking at it through rose coloured glasses (or whatever that saying is). Don't try to pretend your first relationship was something it wasn't and you WILL find a better relationship. My current relationship (not my first) is the most amazing relationship. It is more fun, more exciting, and just generally BETTER than my previous (or "first") relationship. We make it that way. No, I won't forget my first love, but it's the past, and there is a reason for that.
 
A few times a year it seems like I meet someone who ends up becoming the object of my affection. Sometimes I'm given a shot at it, usually I'm not.. All times so far have crashed and burned for various reasons, but mostly because either one or both of us was enmeshed in another relationship or we were cockblocked.. or both.

You see, not being single changes the game a bit. I'm not a deceitful person. I don't go on dating sites or actively seek single women. I look for love in my daily life. Work, school, sports, friends.. It doesn't matter if the venue is appropriate, I am always wide open to the possibility of falling in love and I think it should happen naturally, even though everyone I know (including myself) is in some sort of relationship. I guess that's how it is in your early 30s. If you haven't at least shacked up with someone at that point, society thinks you're a weirdo.

Take now for example. There's a nice young female at work, engaged, who spends about 30% of her workday at my desk, with a huge grin on her face, talking to me about absolutely nothing. Usually we're teasing each other or she's telling me how much she doesn't like me, making and breaking lunch dates, or babbling to hear each other speak. On my part, I constantly drop hints and try to build chemistry, pushing boundaries the entire way. I genuinely like her. It has turned out to be a very pleasant (albeit time-consuming) game of grabass, and despite myself I'm starting to crush on this girl..

All the while I know its silly. I'm in a 7-year relationship, she's engaged to be married soon, and I can see her constantly trying to talk herself out of falling for me, even though she constantly comes back to my desk, texts and chats with me. So I've built up all of this apprehension and I'm feeling that heady elation that comes along when you first meet someone and well.. and I love it. Today, I spent most the day just daydreaming about her, and the rest talking to her. It's almost like an opiate high - a bit more cerebral. Is this is what I'm looking for? Do I just want to experience the rush? At the end of the day, all I know for sure is that we want to fuck each other. That much is clear.

Like most, I'd like to think that I'm looking for that great relationship that just hasn't happened yet.. The one where everything kind of comes together. Worst case scenario, I'm looking for someone to lose myself with for a while.. Even if things turn sour, I just want to have that again one more time. I can settle eventually, but just give me that feeling once more.


xammy said:
I'd like to write a long post but I'll keep it short today

What do you think, can you ever get that feeling when you first fell in love? I dont mean a crush when you were a kid or anything, but that full blown first love that I believe almost everyone of you know, though I know there are many people who are even well over their thirties and have never fell in love.

This first love that hurted so much. I never stop chasing the feeling, but I'm afraid that I might never feel that again. It was so strong, stronger than any drug could give (well, I would compare MDMA to that feeling somehow, like making me feel the emotions of many years for this one girl compressed in a few hours) maybe because it was the first time when you had these sensations, so strong that they made you shiver. Just a thought about that person made you smile, you know the drill, words can't convey. But a lot of that was just a illusion, your fantasy which could never be true

So, have any of you felt that twice in their life? I sure don't, but the though of the girl who once more will take my breath away and flies me to the moon lives on.
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