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Addiction Changing my ways of living

Coffeeshroom

Coffeeshroom

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
4,149
Hey Blue World

Where to start, I'm addicted to painkillers due to chronic pain or daily pain that can make daily chores or living harder than it needs to be and at times even stops me from working all together (manual labor).

I have an old injury where i got shot and it basically messed up my whole left side of my pelvis and hip. I have daily pain in my leg and sometimes making it hard to walk. I have always been on opiate painkillers my whole life, anything from Morphine to Panado ( headache tabs that doesn't help jack obviously). So my whole life since my "accident" i have been on Morphine (inj and tablets), hydromorphone, pethidine, tramadol and codeine.

Due to financial restrains at times in life i used H for pain plus the euphoric and overall enjoyment of it and plus I use it with benzos and booze to numb me body, mind and soul.

But I'm fed up with this now.

I want to move over to just managing my pain and get back to living a healthy and maintainable lifestyle where I'm in control of what i need and want and not the other way around.

Now in the last few month i have been experimenting with certain meds and combo's to see what gives me the most relieve in a legal way and just to get away from H. So I'm not trying to stop my opiate use but rather cut out H completely and only use what im prescribed. And as for recreational times, well that will be far and in between as that is no longer a main concern of me.

So at the end of the day i want to be on my meds but stay away from H in general.

From my own research and experimenting with different compounds i think i will be able to come up with a regime that will work and that my doc can agree on and not cost me an arm or a leg. I don't have medical aid so all doctor appointments and meds prescribed I pat cash that can be costly but I will rather spend that money on a proper pain management program with my doc then wasting it on H ( though to me it was never a waste) but think you know what I'm saying

So far i have noticed that the following helps and in certain ways and certain times.

Gabapentin: pain - 3/10
Pregabalin: pain - 4/10
Tramadol: pain - 5/10
Codeine: pain - 2/10
Pethidine: pain - 6.5/10
Morphine inj: pain 9/10
Morphine tablets: pain 7/10
Hydromorphone ER: pain 8/10
Subutex: pain 3/10
Methadone: 6/10



So with all that said i will discuss this with my doc and look at options but till then I'm currently on this as i can only get an appointment friday.

An opiate
A Gabapentinoids
A benzo

Today i started with:
5mg valium
100mg tramadol
400mg gabapentin
1 joint

I will redose in say 3-4 hrs and gauge my pain from there.

I'm still in pain and its a 7/10 atm but will give it more time.

I know some think its stupid just going from H to another opiate but the reality is, I will always be on pain meds so i might as well do it now in a controlled environment and look after myself and only use them for pain and nothing else. I'm over the most part of always just getting high on my meds. Yes they work and take away pain to a certain degree but then i also use more then i should just to get some high with the relieve that isn't really needed

So Starting today I'm done with H. I will and want to get this H out of my life.

If this thread or Log gets the thumbs up, i would like to use it as a journal too. Keeping a diary of sorts of all daily experiences, diets, exercise and general life and how i feel and how I'm coping.

If there are anything I need to change or that's not right please let me know, as i want to start this journey and share it and also think that i will get some much needed motivation on hard days.
 
good luck mate. well done for making the decision to stay off H. its probably going to help your pain in the long term because opiates actually decrease your tolerance to pain.

its really difficult when there is a genuine pain issue to contend to, navigating that crap must be a nightmare. have you ever tried any mindfulness based pain management?
 
chinup said:
good luck mate. well done for making the decision to stay off H. its probably going to help your pain in the long term because opiates actually decrease your tolerance to pain.

its really difficult when there is a genuine pain issue to contend to, navigating that crap must be a nightmare. have you ever tried any mindfulness based pain management?
Click to expand...
I have never even heard of mindfulness pain management but had a quick look and will do further research on that more if that could help.

Thanks for the help so far
 
Okay so far today im feeling depressed but mindful but hesitant all the same time, weird to try and explain. I know at least 50% of the emotions I'm feeling at the moment are because of my drug use this weekend. But it won't last and only the real reality will remain for me to deal with.

So far i have increased dosages by dbl. The pain factor has decreased but not a lot.
 
Hey Coffeeshroom! I don't have any advice, just wanna say I empathize with your pain issues. I'm having a time getting my pain under control lately. I started seeing a chiropractor bc my pelvis keeps moving and causing chaos all the way up my spine lol. It does help some, but I'm still struggling. I did get some relief from a TENS unit the other day...have you tried that? Going to try that again and can do that while I watch TV. I hope you can get some real relief for your hip pain and do keep us informed what works! I will follow your thread and am pulling for you!!
 
Hey @bamadoll, firstly thanks for the support. I have never heard of TENS (Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) if that is what you referring to but had a quick google and looks interesting. but a bit expensive or at least atm for me. But will look into it further

Yesterday
i ended up using the following
5mg valium
1200mg gabapentin
300mg tramadol
lots of weed (different strains)
5mg nitrazepam + .5mg alzam 30 min before bed

My pain over all during the day was 6-7/10, manageble but not completely comfortable and still had issues will physical labour. Later the day, like early evening there was a stage that my pain level was down to 4/10 but only for an hour or so. So my current combo works overall 6/10.

Sleep is still a issue too as i wake up from pain needing to change positions constantly and then there is the RLS that i find to haunt me from 3am till i decide to get up. But i will deal with that too as time continues.

Today i will keep dosages the same as yesterday and see how today goes. At least i don't have a lot of physical work to do today

Plus side: I went for an early morning walk and got a number from another lady that was running. Long story short, she wants a running buddy and i think it will do me good more then just exercise. Told her im not fit but she said she will try not outrun or mock me by running circles around me lol. Made my day
 
^^^ okay

well my day turned out to be a lot more physical then i expected but also have only myself to blame. Seeing as work is scarce and any penny or income counts, i offered to mow the lawn of two houses up. They paid me above a "peace job" amount and i got it done. But as I'm typing this im fiding it uncomfortable and painful just to get a comfortable way of sitting. Yes i know i agrreviated my pain today with the psycical labour but like i said, any penny counts atm.

So I have extreme lower back pain moving down into my pelvis area and also right shoulder blade pain.

So far i have taken;
10mg valium
800mg gabapentin
200g tramadol
weed

im about to take another dose of
400mg gabapentin
100mg tramadol
dbl brandy and litchy juuice (weird mix i know but tastes nice)

atm my pain is 8/10 but lets see if my next dose brings it down
 
I just added .25mg Halcion (insufflated) to try and maybe get a quick hr or 2 of sleep
 
Hey all

So last night after my .25mg triazolam dose i added another .5mg alzam to that as i just couldnt relax and fall asleep. But i did fall asleep only to wake up to a pitch dark house. So from 07:30pm last night till about 9ish this morning we had no power. So when i woke i had a single brandy and coke with a J and made a fire outside and chilled there till it got to cold.

This morning i woke up with severe pain in my pelvis and lower back towards the left side. Obviously this pain today is from yesterdays physical labour. Can't bend or have full motion off my left leg that is giving me a slight limp atm. Today i will still follow the same meds and dosage routine from yesterday except maybe adding either more tramadol or adding pregabalin to the mix.

Yesterdays total med intake was
tramadol 300mg
Gabapentin 1200mg
valium 10mg
Triazolam .25mg
Alzam .5mg

Todays shchedule should be as follows;
10mg valium
Tramadol 400mg
Gabapentin 1200mg
25mg pregabalin x2 ( but only if i feel its needed)
Arem 5mg for sleep

But yeah, pain at this moment is about 8/10 but im sure the meds will start working soon or give me some relieve. If i can get it down to 5-6/10 then i will be happy and functioning

@bamadoll im doing okay thanks. The pain factor is a lot more then im use to but then again im not dosing myself everyday anymore and mixing and matching to kill the pain and get high. Now its just kill or make pain manageable and not worry about the recreational effect. will keep recreational times to maybe once a month and also then make it worth it and also do things i dont normally do. Plus when this how lockdown is finished and we know its safe i also want to book myself in for a Ayahuasca retreat for a weekend. We have Ayahuasca journey clinics here. So that is on my list and also hope for it to maybe alleviate some pain wether its physical, mental or emotional.

This morning i went for a 20 min walk too. Not sure if thats good or not in making my pain worse or not. But the exercise aspect must be good and loosening the joints and so on.

as finishing typing this my pain is 8/10
 
Day 3 - no H

Okay so I just took my 3rd dose for the day which was;

100mg tramadol
400mg Gabapentin
5mg diazepam

Pain level is okayish but still uncomfortable, so a 7 to lower out of 10. I have one more dose left for the day which is my night dose but normally only contains benzos for sleep and sometimes a gabapentinoids.
So tonight i will be adding.

BUT
Just for general outline, this is my current protocol

Dose I:
100mg tramadol
5mg diazepam
400mg gabapentin

Dose II:
100mg tramadol
400mg gabapentin

Dose III:
100mg tramadol
5mg diazepam
400mg gabapentin

Dose IV:
5mg nitrazepam

This is what i am aiming for and so far so good, in the ways of the sticking to these meds and nothing else and looking at what my future budget would have to be to carry on and if need be to have enough funds if dosages needs to be raised or if other meds come into play but thats me getting a bit overboard or ahead of myself.

Back to today.
I just took my 3rd dose as mentioned above but I will be adding to my 4 dose so it will look as follows
Dose IV:
5mg nitrazepam
400mg gabapentin
50mg tramadol

So this will bring my daily use of meds down to the following
Tramadol 350mg
Gabapentin 1600mg
diazepam 10mg
nitrazepam 5mg

I hope for this to help more with the night time pain and uncomfortability during sleep. I will also be looking at getting EX gabapentin as soon as they have stock again. I also got some Pregabalin today to maybe try out later and when i do i will swap it out with the gabapentin and not stack so I can get the individual effect of both meds during use and see what areas in my life and current situation will it help more.

I can get heavy heavy stuff like morphine, pethidine, hydromorphone, methadone, fentanyl and so on prescribed but im trying not to and to go with the lighter stuff. AS i know this is gonna be a long term/forever future issue. So i really need to look at this from all sides and weigh out my options.
 
Yo dude, I’m also a chronic pain sufferer and I’ve done my best to keep my opioid need down. Currently on tapentadol 350mg a day and I take 10mg PRN diazepam for muscle spasms. That’s it. I do so much to manage my pain that isn’t drugs which do help and it has made it so I don’t need to increase my meds too often. There are people with my condition and issues on fent lollies so I’m pretty pleased I’ve managed to keep myself and my pain managed.

One thing that helped the most was physical therapy, weight training and building up muscle was the best thing I’ve done. Stretching, massage and what not to keep the muscles in order helped loads too. Running has also helped me.
I do cold water therapy nearly every day, sitting in a cold bath for 15 mins or having a shower. When the cryospa is open again I’ll be going back to it, it’s 1C water for 10mins and it’s amazing for pain and inflammation! Honestly, it’s so so good. On the flip side of that there’s the infrared sauna which I use 3 times a week. Luckily the guy I go to has kept it open for me to use, it refreshes me so much and it really does help the pain also.
Yoga, meditation and mindfulness are also amazing tools for pain management. Sounds stupid but if you put your heart into it it does work.
All this has kept me from being on much heavier meds and I suffer from a condition that causes dislocations of loads of my joints.

So I definitely think you will be able to manage your pain without the H. It might be hard at the start, your pain might go up but it will come down again. Takes your body a while to get used to it.
 
Thanks @PrincessDiz for your input and time to read all my blanter. Almost went on a rant or off course discussion but stopped myself. Tapentadol isnt available in S.A. so thats not an issue. when it comes to meds like i mentioned i can get "hardcore stuff' that i know will work but at what cost and not just talking financially. But i really just wanna start at the bottom and work my way up and get to a comfortable dose of a certain "cocktail of meds to deal and manage this pain but also stil have times were i can still enjoy life and have a good time nut all that now will come with limits and restrictions.

My midset has changed a lot in the last 4 days roughly and i believe it to be for the better. I have a new path i want to walk and it involves a lot of changes but all with time.
 
Coffeeshroom said:
Hey all


@bamadoll im doing okay thanks. The pain factor is a lot more then im use to but then again im not dosing myself everyday anymore and mixing and matching to kill the pain and get high. Now its just kill or make pain manageable and not worry about the recreational effect. will keep recreational times to maybe once a month and also then make it worth it and also do things i dont normally do. Plus when this how lockdown is finished and we know its safe i also want to book myself in for a Ayahuasca retreat for a weekend. We have Ayahuasca journey clinics here. So that is on my list and also hope for it to maybe alleviate some pain wether its physical, mental or emotional.

This morning i went for a 20 min walk too. Not sure if thats good or not in making my pain worse or not. But the exercise aspect must be good and loosening the joints and so on.

as finishing typing this my pain is 8/10
Click to expand...

I'm so sorry it's still an 8/10...those make for some awful days. I hope you get some relief asap and can rest well. I got all sucked into this infomercial-type thing on social media and ordered a flexible brace for the hips/pelvis. Supposedly it's a miracle lol. I'll let you know if it works at all and post a link. Is physical therapy an option?
 
@bamadoll i would like to hear your feedback on that infomercial stuff, i believe most to be quack sciance but you never know, you might just find a diamond in the rough.

Yeah 8/10 was not on. the extra 50mg tramadol and 400mg gabapentin with my night dose helped to bring down pain more and made for a comfortable sleep the first half of the night and then pain returned and it turned into a tossing and turning match till i eventually got up and just kept busy

I woke up with 8/10 pain again but today im going to adjust my dosages for the day, kinda have it worked out as follows:
Dose I:
weed
5mg diazepam
400mg Gabapentin
200mg tramadol
will see how i feel just now as i have to mow the lawn of the backyard today, which is gonna leave me in pain again but this stuff needs to be done. If i feel pain or more uncomfortable as im working i will add some pregabalin to the mix. But as I'm sitting here i can already feel pain going down so atm its 7 if not less out of 10.

Also went for a morning walk for roughly 30 min. Nothing intense, just a light brisk walk around the neighbourhood for a while (lol and maybe see for more walking/running partners ;)

Food intake has been low as i find myself to only really have any form of appitite after like 5ish in the afternoon. Before that im not really hungry. I always only use to eat late in the morning or midday as my first meal but now its just moved along with a few more hours. So also think im not getting enough food in atm
 
Well I finished my work in the back yard. Feeling a bit more pain then usual so decided to add the following;
50mg tramadol
50mg pregabalin
5mg Valium

Just will be adding a dose on top of my normal routine but I feel like I need it, even if it just helps 10-20%

So total of Dose II:
150mg Tramadol
400mg gabapentin
50mg pregabalin
5mg valium
weed
 
Last edited:
Okay its like 18:10pm. Busy chowing down on some ribbon pasta with mushrooms and spinach. ALso boiled two eggs and added that, my first meal for the day but a decent one. Think the weed also helped.

Just also had my 3rd dose for the day which was;
dose III:
100mg tramadol
400mg gabapetnin
5mg valium
weed

pain level atm is about 6/10 which is nice as i can chill on my bed watching movies or checking in here now and then without of having to turn around to much or my lower back aching up. I also use these like bean bags that are roughly 20cmx10cm and these bean bags you heat up in a microwave for 5 minutes and then take it out, place it into another bag of similar size and yeah, just place that one your area of pain, where in my case would be my lower back. It does help alleviate the pain with 20% which is low but that on top of what else you might else be using can just be what you need at that time to get by. But the last few hours of warm bed rest has done me well too.
 
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