sadstoner, I am going through similar pain. This breakup for me was like no other as well. We are such quirky individuals together, with so many inside jokes and common interests it was like we were made for each other. She used to say we were each other's antidote. I used to drop her off love letters at 4am when I couldn't sleep in withdrawals. If I was actively using, we couldn't stand to be in the same room together, but otherwise we were an awesome team. I ruined this due to my incompetence in the relationship from relapsing on oxy's three times. When she left I went on a heroin binge, quickly realizing it was a stupid idea I have been clean since then.
I was still withdrawing from earlier heroin abuse when I met her. I am ruined by this. As horrific this past week of heroin withdrawal has been, all the physical symptoms, by far the worst part has been not talking to her and not knowing what she's up to.
I will stick to my weed too from now. I have been smoking at least 20 joints a day, but really nice outdoor (to me) that probably wouldn't sell in dispensaries as it is more balanced and not as strong. I love weed a lot and it helps me deal with this sort of loss. I know it probably sounds stupid because there are a million fish in the sea but I don't want anyone else. My heart is torn our of my body, I don't even believe in love anymore. My body surges with hatred and regret, so I get lit. Just wish I didn't have this fucking benzo habit too.
I can't stop thinking about her and I don't even know if she thinks about me much at all. I feel like she doesn't. Like you mentioned, I can feel that something is different, even without talking with her. I just know. I relapsed each time on pharmacy day, I couldn't say no to a lower tolerance and free pills that enabled me to actually get high since I had been off heroin for so long. Immediately, my relationship with her was decimated within a day, two tops. I'm just a different person on that shit, I don't have any fight in me. At this point I am so physically, spiritually, emotionally wounded that it's tough to carry on. When I was hanging out with her, we were hanging out every night and most days since we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We were having so much fun and feeling so happy together that most of the time I forgot I was supposed to be in heroin withdrawal. It was so severe that I wasn't planning on meeting her but it just happened and I got my sick ass out of bed to invest time in her even though my body didn't want to because I was envisioning a whole new future for my life with her.
It fucking sucks that opiates tear relationships apart. It goes to show how powerful they are because even the happiest of couples can become miserable if someone is using. It wasn't even heroin this time, it was percocets because I had lowered my tolerance so much. I will die before going back to those drugs because of this occurrence, and I fantasize every day about where I would be if I had kept clean. How much happier things were. How we made such a good team making up for each others strengths and weaknesses and we enjoyed a lot of romantic time together. This has devastated me. I am a week clean as of tonight. I think I finally learned my lesson because this act of choosing a pill over someone I viewed as my future wife was a fucking desecration. I can carry on, but this is something that will never leave me alone. I am scarred by it and I will never forgive myself. I'm not interested in relationships anymore unless this one comes around by some miracle. I am not interested in other women either, I don't think I could do that right now because I still long for my Annabel. It is HELL.
If he really likes you, this would likely be his wakeup call to get clean. Perhaps. I can't forgive myself for relapsing and I sure as hell wouldn't go and screw someone else. Anyways, your story is sad too. These drugs possess people like evil spirits but if he had sex with someone else so soon well maybe I'm an anomaly because I have had very few partners but that shows a lack of respect for you and what just happened even if he doesn't personally care and wants heroin more, it's just not cool at all.