Exhausted Can I still drink

[Ray1997]

So I'd really appreciate some advice from some seasoned drunks on this one.

I was recently hospitalized for ascites and they told me I had alcoholic hepatitis and early stage liver chirrosis.

The doctor at the hospital told me the liver can still function and will eventually heal back. But that was one doctor that I never saw again. The others either straight up dodged my questions or told me something incredibly vague. My own doctor also continues to be useless. At this point I know better than to ask. Also she now refuses to prescribe me valium cause they caught me doing heroin at the hospital. She also refuses to prescribe me any serious pain medication for the mess ascites caused so I'm in constant pain. She came up with some bullshit reason for that too. But anyway.

So here I am, 43 days off of booze, confused, frustrated and in constant pain. And also missing booze. I tried smoking weed all day, still don't like it, I tried heroin, effective against pain but I feel like I don't really want to start using it unless there's no other option. I tried shrooms, still hate them, ketamine, still hate it. I literary feel nothing inside. No hope, no desperation, no joy, nothing except tired frustration at not being able to drink. I NEED it. Or at least I need to know when to be able to look forward to it again.

The thing is I'm scared shitless of ascites coming back and having to go back to the hospital cause the three weeks I spent in there were literal torture. But maybe that's a good thing. Maybe the fear will keep my drinking in moderation. I mean I used to drink more than half a gallon of hard liquor a day so what's a bottle or two every weekend, right? I'll be so fking si k of life if my drinking career ends at 26, that's fking crazy.

So please, if anyone has any (preferably first hand) info on the subject I'd greatly appreciate it.

 

[Eryximachus]

One of my best friends had that diagnosis around 30-32. He toned it down, but not enough and died from liver failure at 39.

Also, for fuck's sake bro - you're doing heroin in the hospital???

 

[Ray1997]

One of my best friends had that diagnosis around 30-32. He toned it down, but not enough and died from liver failure at 39.

Also, for fuck's sake bro - you're doing heroin in the hospital???

Sorry for your loss, man. You mind telling a little more about your friend's drinking? Cause I just genuinely feel so clueless about what to expect if I get back to drinking.

Also yeah, doing heroin in the hospital was the only time I wasn't in agonizing pain and was able to sleep. Cause they didn't give me shit for pain even though I spent whole days just moaning and almost crying from the pain. I feel like doctors and nurses treat junkies way better than drunks, the fuckers were practically laughing at me while I was begging them for something, anything to give me some relief.

 

[Eryximachus]

Sorry for your loss, man. You mind telling a little more about your friend's drinking? Cause I just genuinely feel so clueless about what to expect if I get back to drinking.

Also yeah, doing heroin in the hospital was the only time I wasn't in agonizing pain and was able to sleep. Cause they didn't give me shit for pain even though I spent whole days just moaning and almost crying from the pain. I feel like doctors and nurses treat junkies way better than drunks, the fuckers were practically laughing at me while I was begging them for something, anything to give me some relief.

We were best friends and roommates in college. He ended up moving to the pacific northwest and became a bartender for years. He ended up getting a DUI at around 32 (more accurate I think), had no money, and did 30 days. Ended up marrying his girlfriend and moving back to St. Louis. I hung out with him one weekend when we were 37. He was not as sharp as he used to be by any stretch, and I didn't know how bad the drinking was. We did not drink much. The way he phrased it, it was reckless. Then 2 years later, his wife called me saying he had days to live. At the funeral, she described his drinking as infrequent after say 32/33. But the damage was done. Liver stopped working, then his kidneys stopped working, and he bloated into a ball. Then died. When I flew out there for his funeral, that wasn't even the intent. It was to support him in the hospital, but I was too late.

So, I guess the moral of the story is the damage is more insidious than you think. He was told the same thing, just quit drinking. No one told him the liver damage may not be repaired.

 

[Ray1997]

We were best friends and roommates in college. He ended up moving to the pacific northwest and became a bartender for years. He ended up getting a DUI at around 32 (more accurate I think), had no money, and did 30 days. Ended up marrying his girlfriend and moving back to St. Louis. I hung out with him one weekend when we were 37. He was not as sharp as he used to be by any stretch, and I didn't know how bad the drinking was. We did not drink much. The way he phrased it, it was reckless. Then 2 years later, his wife called me saying he had days to live. At the funeral, she described his drinking as infrequent after say 32/33. But the damage was done. Liver stopped working, then his kidneys stopped working, and he bloated into a ball. Then died. When I flew out there for his funeral, that wasn't even the intent. It was to support him in the hospital, but I was too late.

So, I guess the moral of the story is the damage is more insidious than you think. He was told the same thing, just quit drinking. No one told him the liver damage may not be repaired.

Man, that's rough. Sorry to hear it. That sounds like hell, just not knowing if and when you'll find yourself on your death bed. Also I wasn't ready for this shit, I was hoping to get at least 5-10 more years of drinking before anything like this happened. No Mickey Mantle gene for me apparently. Future looks bleak as shit especially cause I know I'll never be able to be as happy as I was when I was drinking. Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience.

 

[Eryximachus]

Man, that's rough. Sorry to hear it. That sounds like hell, just not knowing if and when you'll find yourself on your death bed. Also I wasn't ready for this shit, I was hoping to get at least 5-10 more years of drinking before anything like this happened. No Mickey Mantle gene for me apparently. Future looks bleak as shit especially cause I know I'll never be able to be as happy as I was when I was drinking. Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience.

You'll get over it man, don't worry. I've had drinks a few times since I quit drugs of all types 14 months ago. I honestly didn't enjoy it. No big loss really.

I had a pretty bad heroin problem age 22/23, and got clean. I drank only sporadically when I was in my late 20s. It was honestly one of the best times of my life. Now I'm an old fuck starting over. Don't be me. Choose life and all that.

 

[Iceman1216]

@Ray1997 , hey I hope you wake up? You are decades ahead of most alcoholics in physical damage to your body !!
WTF: drinking 1/2 gallons ( we call them Handel's) and you wonder if you have a problem ??
I got sober at 22, and thought my life was over, TBK my life started them. I am now 63 .
Your liver will stop deteriorating when you stop , but will Always be of a weaker state if you had not damaged it.
What turned me around was when I discovered that I enjoyed being sober more than Drunk !!
No one can give you that or do it for you, it takes work that only you can do.
You are so young and such a wonderful life and world out there to discover and enjoy.

You can give up One thing to have everything
Or
You can give up Everything for one thing ?

All is Well

 

[paranoid android]

Fuck man after doing that much damage to yourself you may want to lay off the booze altogether. You mentioned you do heroin do you find that helps with staying off alcohol at all? Ive never had heroin but ive had about every script opiate on the market and am currently on morphine. I can't drink at all on morphine as it just makes me sick and tired. I was never a alcoholic bujt i did binge drink alot.

 

[Ray1997]

Fuck man after doing that much damage to yourself you may want to lay off the booze altogether. You mentioned you do heroin do you find that helps with staying off alcohol at all? Ive never had heroin but ive had about every script opiate on the market and am currently on morphine. I can't drink at all on morphine as it just makes me sick and tired. I was never a alcoholic bujt i did binge drink alot.

I've done heroin only like a couple dozen times really. When I was still drinking and started to feel pain I snorted it a couple of times and it went well with alcohol for me. When I did it in the hospital without alcohol it helped enormously with the pain but I wouldn't say it removed the desire for alcohol(I couldn't physically drink anyway but I craved its effects and obviously the whole process of drinking as I was used to having a glass or a bottle near me at all times for years) . Honestly probably the only drug other than alcohol that I actually like. And I know it's bad and leads down a dark path and whatever but goddamn if I'm not jealous of the 20 or 30 year junkie veterans I hang out with who are still mostly healthy and even kinda functioning while I'm half dead after 10 years of drinking.

 

[paranoid android]

I've done heroin only like a couple dozen times really. When I was still drinking and started to feel pain I snorted it a couple of times and it went well with alcohol for me. When I did it in the hospital without alcohol it helped enormously with the pain but I wouldn't say it removed the desire for alcohol(I couldn't physically drink anyway but I craved its effects and obviously the whole process of drinking as I was used to having a glass or a bottle near me at all times for years) . Honestly probably the only drug other than alcohol that I actually like. And I know it's bad and leads down a dark path and whatever but goddamn if I'm not jealous of the 20 or 30 year junkie veterans I hang out with who are still mostly healthy and even kinda functioning while I'm half dead after 10 years of drinking.

You don't want to get into street heroin anyway. Probably the reason im alive and many others are dead is because i always had prescription opiates i never needed heroin

I would much rather be addicted to opiates though then alcohol. I used to be a opiate addict and honestly i can't really say it fucked me up or anything. Alcohol however is absolutely fucked with all the organ and brain damage. Have you thought about getting of alcohol through a phenobarbital or maybe valium taper? Medically supervised of course. Honestly anything would be better then drinking with the organ damage you have.

 

[Ray1997]

You don't want to get into street heroin anyway. Probably the reason im alive and many others are dead is because i always had prescription opiates i never needed heroin

I would much rather be addicted to opiates though then alcohol. I used to be a opiate addict and honestly i can't really say it fucked me up or anything. Alcohol however is absolutely fucked with all the organ and brain damage. Have you thought about getting of alcohol through a phenobarbital or maybe valium taper? Medically supervised of course. Honestly anything would be better then drinking with the organ damage you have.

I've been off alcohol for 44 days. They gave me clomethiazole for three weeks(shit causes an awful hadache but it did kinda work, the only medicine they didn't skimp on). My current problem is finding something to replace it until I'm kinda convinced I can drink again. But nothing will ever be as good as alcohol for me. Sound kinda stupid and corny but I always thought alcohol and I were a match made in heaven cause I loved every single second of it, was always almost cheerful in any given situation, it stimulated me intelectually and I was never violent or annoying. Per example I spent most of one winter sleeping in a wet blanket outside in the bushes in freezing temperatures and an hour after getting up I was the happiest guy around. Just don't see ever getting anything better than that.

 

[paranoid android]

I've been off alcohol for 44 days. They gave me clomethiazole for three weeks(shit causes an awful hadache but it did kinda work, the only medicine they didn't skimp on). My current problem is finding something to replace it until I'm kinda convinced I can drink again. But nothing will ever be as good as alcohol for me. Sound kinda stupid and corny but I always thought alcohol and I were a match made in heaven cause I loved every single second of it, was always almost cheerful in any given situation, it stimulated me intelectually and I was never violent or annoying. Per example I spent most of one winter sleeping in a wet blanket outside in the bushes in freezing temperatures and an hour after getting up I was the happiest guy around. Just don't see ever getting anything better than that.

Be fucking careful with that chlormethizole and whatever you do don't drink on it. Mizing chlormethizole and alcohol is what killed keith moon.

Also you probably wont ever be able to safely drink again with all the shit youve had wrong with you from it. Maybe take up smoking alot of weed and exercising instead? Helped me to not get addicted to morphine and benzos again i have to say

 

[Ray1997]

Be fucking careful with that chlormethizole and whatever you do don't drink on it. Mizing chlormethizole and alcohol is what killed keith moon.

Also you probably wont ever be able to safely drink again with all the shit youve had wrong with you from it. Maybe take up smoking alot of weed and exercising instead? Helped me to not get addicted to morphine and benzos again i have to say

Be fucking careful with that chlormethizole and whatever you do don't drink on it. Mizing chlormethizole and alcohol is what killed keith moon.

Also you probably wont ever be able to safely drink again with all the shit youve had wrong with you from it. Maybe take up smoking alot of weed and exercising instead? Helped me to not get addicted to morphine and benzos again i have to say

Not gonna lie, the not ever being able to drink safely again line hit hard. What I initially planned to do was wait until I'm 60 days sober and then slowly get back into it, just kinda testing my limit, see how it feels. I know my gamma GT dropped from being like 30 times over the limit to just three and I thought that was a huge thing. Again my doctor won't tell me shit so I guess I'm just looking for someone, anyone to tell me that I can still drink.

Also I must've smoked at least 50, maybe 100 grams of all different kinds of weed in the last month and I still hate it. Literary the only person I know who doesn't enjoy it and it sucks cause I'd love nothing more than to just smoke weed all day and not need anything else. Thanks for trying to help, though.

 

[paranoid android]

Not gonna lie, the not ever being able to drink safely again line hit hard. What I initially planned to do was wait until I'm 60 days sober and then slowly get back into it, just kinda testing my limit, see how it feels. I know my gamma GT dropped from being like 30 times over the limit to just three and I thought that was a huge thing. Again my doctor won't tell me shit so I guess I'm just looking for someone, anyone to tell me that I can still drink.

Also I must've smoked at least 50, maybe 100 grams of all different kinds of weed in the last month and I still hate it. Literary the only person I know who doesn't enjoy it and it sucks cause I'd love nothing more than to just smoke weed all day and not need anything else. Thanks for trying to help, though.

I doubt you will ever be able to drink at all again safely. With the amount of damage you did to yourself i seriously doubt any alcohol will be safe in the future. If you can stay off it this long though why not stay off it altogether? I also seriously doubt your doctor will be like ya man it's totally cool to drink even though your liver is fucked. With alcoholic hepatitis and cirrosis of the liver i can't see any ammount of alcohol would be safe. If i where you id just take the chlormethizole for now and chill on those.

What strains of weed have you had sativa, indica or hybrids? They all have different effects especially pure sativas and indicas. Also hash tends to be more sedating then weed. What effects do you get from it that you don't like anyway?

 

[neversickanymore]

your liver may have the ability to heal, but that’s not guaranteed. Some can some don’t. This may be why the medical professionals shied away from your questions.

I’d say it’s time to address the alcohol
addiction and see if you can pull this out if you desire more life. If not dying this way isn’t going to be pleasant.. but then again dying isn’t generally pleasant.

Any ideas on how you’re going to approach this?

 

[SunriseChampion]

I'm not an alcoholic and never have been but I have binge drank for years (....and years....decades, actually, at this point).
I have always had a weird relationship with alcohol in that I can binge drink mass amounts and stay out of trouble. Meaning the incentive to not drink isn't quite there. My hangovers aren't even that bad anymore. They've somehowe gotten better with time. Central European genes, I guess.
I do like me some drink. Beer, wine, rum, or gin. I'm down. Goes great with a cigarette.
However, I regularly take breaks.

I'm currently on my regular two month winter break from drinking and I don't mind telling you that 60 days is not enough of a break.
Your tolerance will not have budged. Which is something you would hope would diminish so as to help control the amount you drink.

This bothers me to no end when I do hit the booze again after my breaks. Even my longest 3 months breaks don't reduce tolerance.

So there's that. From what I've heard, it takes a good year plus to moderate tolerance. Maybe increase the time limit of abstinence for yourself.

I'm normally active and athletic (I like to think of myself as an old school footballer from the 70s who drinks and smokes and still can manage a decent clip on the pitch) so during my breaks I double up my physical activity and concentrate on that as the focus of my life (not that alcohold is the focus when I am not on my break).
The endorphin high from a good hill hike/run or a football match are greater than any drug I've ever done.

Believe me, life without booze is just fine. In fact, it's better than with it. My sleep right now is again better than any drug I've ever done.

As I am able to turn off my alcohol use at will, I can't say I understand your particular struggle. I just wanted to assure you that as someone who also quite enjoys it, life without it is just as good....nah, better.

Best of luck.

 

[paranoid android]

^ I was never a alcoholic either but i was a binge drinker sometimes. But now that i have far better drugs alcohol just doesent have the same appeal to me. With Cannabis being legal i can always just get weed instead of alcohol which i know will result in s 2 day hangover now.

If i was the op i would chill on those chlormethizole and smoke some hash or a strong indica like northern lights to help sedate me. Chlormethizole has action similar to barbiturates by the way so ffs do not drink alcohol on those! But those pills have good sedative and muscle relaxant and aticonvulsant effects so they should chill you out.

 

[Ray1997]

I doubt you will ever be able to drink at all again safely. With the amount of damage you did to yourself i seriously doubt any alcohol will be safe in the future. If you can stay off it this long though why not stay off it altogether? I also seriously doubt your doctor will be like ya man it's totally cool to drink even though your liver is fucked. With alcoholic hepatitis and cirrosis of the liver i can't see any ammount of alcohol would be safe. If i where you id just take the chlormethizole for now and chill on those.

What strains of weed have you had sativa, indica or hybrids? They all have different effects especially pure sativas and indicas. Also hash tends to be more sedating then weed. What effects do you get from it that you don't like anyway?

I only stayed sober this long cause I was hospitalized for most of the time and taking clormethizole(which I hate cause it gives me bad headaches)
As for the weed I'm not an expert but I must've smoked over a thousand joints of all different sorts in my life and I dislike it every single time. It makes me foggy, edgy and just stupid. Sometimes like today it makes me nervous and raises my heart rate. I never sleep well from it and most of the time I have to make a real effort to concetrate and act normal whis is exhausting. I also just simply hate inhaling smoke.

 

[Ray1997]

your liver may have the ability to heal, but that’s not guaranteed. Some can some don’t. This may be why the medical professionals shied away from your questions.

I’d say it’s time to address the alcohol
addiction and see if you can pull this out if you desire more life. If not dying this way isn’t going to be pleasant.. but then again dying isn’t generally pleasant.

Any ideas on how you’re going to approach this?

Yeah, I've had a glimpse into what dying from it looks like and let me tell you that it's nothing like in Leaving Las Vegas lol. But as you said it depends on the individual. And I'm almost certain that at some point I will just have to try again to find out wheter I'm one of the lucky ones.

 

[Ray1997]

I'm not an alcoholic and never have been but I have binge drank for years (....and years....decades, actually, at this point).
I have always had a weird relationship with alcohol in that I can binge drink mass amounts and stay out of trouble. Meaning the incentive to not drink isn't quite there. My hangovers aren't even that bad anymore. They've somehowe gotten better with time. Central European genes, I guess.
I do like me some drink. Beer, wine, rum, or gin. I'm down. Goes great with a cigarette.
However, I regularly take breaks.

I'm currently on my regular two month winter break from drinking and I don't mind telling you that 60 days is not enough of a break.
Your tolerance will not have budged. Which is something you would hope would diminish so as to help control the amount you drink.

This bothers me to no end when I do hit the booze again after my breaks. Even my longest 3 months breaks don't reduce tolerance.

So there's that. From what I've heard, it takes a good year plus to moderate tolerance. Maybe increase the time limit of abstinence for yourself.

I'm normally active and athletic (I like to think of myself as an old school footballer from the 70s who drinks and smokes and still can manage a decent clip on the pitch) so during my breaks I double up my physical activity and concentrate on that as the focus of my life (not that alcohold is the focus when I am not on my break).
The endorphin high from a good hill hike/run or a football match are greater than any drug I've ever done.

Believe me, life without booze is just fine. In fact, it's better than with it. My sleep right now is again better than any drug I've ever done.

As I am able to turn off my alcohol use at will, I can't say I understand your particular struggle. I just wanted to assure you that as someone who also quite enjoys it, life without it is just as good....nah, better.

Best of luck.

The tolerance thing sounds rough but surely it must drop after this kind of extreme shit? Like surely there's no way I'll have to drink a fifth in the morning just to stop shaking after like a week's bender? Your system sounds pretty cool though, I wish something like that could work for me.