• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: axe battler | xtcgrrrl | arrall

Boyfriend doesn't come via vaginal sex....help!

S

Sarah Daisy

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 14, 2015
Messages
31
My man is very inexperienced with women.....he was in his 30s when we met and had not had actual intercourse.....everything else but not intercourse.....he was always too anxious and lost his erection before he could manage it.....anyway he had not bothered with women for 10 years when I met him.....so had been masturbating to porn all the time......we managed sex eventually .....after many months......but but neither vaginal or anal sex make him come! I always have to finish him by hand or mouth.....this is very upsetting
I've never experienced this before and it makes me feel bad.....he has come occasionally inside me but only after 10 to 15 minutes of solid hard pumping me which just makes me sore and him knackered.....so its not enjoyable and he can't be bothered to do that everytime anyway
I'm so fed up and don't know why he is like this.....he can't be bothered with sex very often as it doesn't satisfy him
Guys is this common???
Girls could you put up with this???
 
You said he's very anxious, that could be why? Also are you using condoms? Maybe that's why? Does he use drugs either prescription drugs/medications, or illegal ones, or legal ones like alcohol? Does he have a fear of getting a woman pregnant or something?

Some men have to finish by hand and can't ejaculate from giving anal or vaginal sex. Does he ejaculate or get close to it when you give him oral sex if you do this?
 
He isn't anxious with me now....we've been together 4 years now....a very difficult 4 years too! He isn't on any drugs...doesn't drink at all....doesn't take drugs...we don't use condoms and I cannot get pregnant...so none of those

Yes he does ejaculate by hand and oral. ..but my god I have to grip really hard by hand and oral takes ages too.....at least 3 times as long as anyone else I've been with

It just makes me feel like there's no point us having penetrative sex....I dont orgasm from it and neither does he!

I miss quickies so much! And being with a man who wants sex urgently cuz he knows it makes him come....it gets very tiresome knowing that's not going to happen :0(
 
Has he ever talked to anyone about the anxiety like a counselor or therapist? Is he on medications for it? Some of those can make ejaculation difficult.
 
Contrary to popular belief, not all men enjoy vaginal sex , especially men with thin dick who have partners with wet wide pussies. It only feels good when you are starting to get wet so there is just the right friction. After 5 minutes vaginal doesnt feel great with most women cause pussy expands and gets very wet and there is less and less friction until you feel nothing. You have to be mentally aroused to keep it going and special positions to feel the correct friction. With a nice position you can overcome most of the thin dick/short dick/wide pussy etcc problems. I think this is more of a general rule than not. Anal feels much better physically because it's like a tight pussy with the almost perfect friction( for the first 15 mins , then a-hole expands as well ).

For all I know me masturbating myself or a girl sucking me and masturbating me is the most physically perfect feeling. If you are not mentally connected with your woman you want the most physically arousing thing. If you are mentally connected with your girl then the most amazing thing is vaginal intercourse and cumming inside her. I don't want to imply that your boyfriend sees you more for physical things than mental , cause I am not saying that , although this might very well be the case , but I am speaking for myself here.

Btw I failed to mention something really important. Men like to masturbate once per day or every other day but many times we will masturbate 2-3 times per day and then also have sex 2-3 times. The more you do it the less exciting it feels and the more physical and mental stimulation you need. You get tolerance just like drugs. MDMA feels amazing the first time but do it the 5th day and its nothing, its very similar. So, unless there is health problem, I am 100% percent sure that your man cums very often, I dont know "ANY" man that if he hasnt cummed for one week he can fuck more than 5 minutes and not cum. Again , I am not talking about old people or with people with health problems.

If I was a girl I wouldn't put up with it. In fact you shouldn't put up with anything in your life.
 
Last edited:
OP: You said he has a history of extended porn use. That's the main problem. And death grip. He needs an extended period of time away from porn and orgasm to balance out. Get him to go 30 days with no orgasm. And make absolutely sure there is no porn. None. Not even one picture to look at. He's evidently becomes accustomed to visual images as opposed to real physical sex.

l33t said:
..I dont know "ANY" man that if he hasnt cummed for one week he can fuck more than 5 minutes and not cum. Again , I am not talking about old people or with people with health problems.
Click to expand...

I went 6 weeks without busting before I got with my last partner.. lasted about 15 minutes.. and absolutely destroyed her hand towel. So yer theory is bunk
 
Which letter of the word "ANY" didn't you understand ? Do you know that in the english ( and many other ) language we can put something in " " to mean it in a metaphorical way ? (I hope english is not your native language.) It was just a stretch to say that most men if they havent cummed for a week its very hard not to come fast.

Btw I agree with what you say about porn... LOL about the hand towel
 
Last edited:
I know he uses porn all the time....he doesn't deny it....he has a large dick not thin or short....he says to me that my vagina feels pretty much the same as anal sex....he can't cum doing either!
I very much doubt he would stop the porn for a week let alone 30 days!!
All the stuff he looks at is always women bent over and open asses etc

I think he prefers porn to me....we haven't had sex for 3 weeks now

Fed up

Makes me feel like something wrong with me
 
He is anxious when he is having sex,thats why he cant cum.Its not your fault,that man was 30 and virgin .That should tell you alot about him...
 
Can only second SS--fifty bucks says it's the porn. As someone who has used porn too often and for too long myself, it can definitely desensitize you mentally and physically; sex is so much more subtle than masturbation (note that I like them both). It can take me forever to get off, but after a long sabbatical (for me, it's usually got to be a month or two), I'm a minute-man once more.

Try to convince him to take a break from both masturbation and porn. If he's unwilling to try, then my somber projection is that you expect no improvement. That's just my opinion; I could be wrong.
 
You need to be blunt about this whole thing with him really, for both you and for his own sake. If he continues with his habit he will become ever more unresponsive to actual sexual stimulus or will only be able to cum if you match the exact fantasy he engages in through porn.. which is one sided to say the least. You are doing him a favor by calling him out on this. Give him a month to go without porn. If he refuses make it clear you are moving on.
 
Although I do agree with the guys above about porn , I find it a bit strict and too much to ask from someone not to watch porn because he doesnt satisfy you. Its like asking someone to stop smoking weed because you dont like talking with them while they are stoned.

If a girl told me that its either one month of no porn or her , I would dump her at the minute then I wouldnt watch porn for two months and keep it for the next lady that respects my personality even if I am fucked up ( always respecting your partner ) . Him masturbating and not having enough sex libido to satisfy you IS NOT disrespect. Its just means you are not sexually compatible. Does he think he has a problem ? Maybe he is very self realized about what he is doing but I highly doubt. I know some couples that like to masturbate all the time and sometimes they also have sex which is never amazing but they like it more like that.

If there is anything you can do , is you can suggest that too much porn desensitize him and it would be nice if he finished easier/faster and sex would feel nicer for you and prob more for him too. Thats the only thing you can do , SUGGEST but not blackmail ! You can of course say to him that you are not satisfied and leave.

Which brings the question , WHY is it upsetting you him not cumming easy ? i know girls that complain about the guys coming too fast . And wait what ?! "He has come occasionally inside me but only after 10 to 15 minutes of solid hard pumping ?" 10 to 15 minutes is perfectly natural and on the shorter side. If you told me he fucks for one hour without cumming thats another thing but cmon 10 minutes of hard humping is too much for you, seriously ? My usual sex with partners lasts usually 20-30 mins and we do it usually 2-3 times per day. Maybe its you who have the problem and the guy is fine , he just likes masturbating and porn and also hard pumping sex, which to some people this makes sense. Men can do both and enjoy it. I dont want to sound mean , just ot put a different perspective on things and make you think.
 
Porn definitely plays a role, but I'm wondering about this death grip thing. It may be that has habituated to that level of stimulation, resulting in superficial nerve desensitization. I've been with guys who have jerked off so hard for most of their lives that the natural tightness of a bodily orifice is still not enough to get them off. The skin on their glans has become so rough that only extra firm stimulation works for them. Especially if he's cut, then chances are that's what's going on. One thing that can repair it is using natural forms of lubrication, like cocoa butter, instead of water based lubes. It will moisturize the glans every time he jerks off and that can help break down scar tissue over time.

In relation, a lot of guys who watch porn actually disconnect from their bodies, so they may be stimulating themselves in an unhealthy way without realizing it, because the porn is all mental. I'm not against people watching porn if that's the lifestyle they want, but in this case it sounds like it's getting in the way of your relationship. Unfortunately he has been doing things a certain way for so long that he may not see a need to change, or believe that he can change.

The other thing is that abstinence does help for a time. The pleasure receptors in the brain get dulled if you cum too often. Good luck convincing the average guy to go without though.
 
Foreigner said:
The skin on their glans has become so rough that only extra firm stimulation works for them. ....... One thing that can repair it is using natural forms of lubrication, like cocoa butter, instead of water based lubes. It will moisturize the glans every time he jerks off and that can help break down scar tissue over time.
Click to expand...

You really have no idea what you are talking about , do you ? Either that or all those years, I have been thinking that I am a man and I am not. I cant believe what scenarios a woman's mind can create , its amazing ! Please stop giving advice that you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about! And please don't tell me you are a man, that will be SUPER weird.

The rest of the stuff you said though, I agree.
 
l33t said:
You really have no idea what you are talking about , do you ? Either that or all those years, I have been thinking that I am a man and I am not. I cant believe what scenarios a woman's mind can create , its amazing ! Please stop giving advice that you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about! And please don't tell me you are a man, that will be SUPER weird.

The rest of the stuff you said though, I agree.
Click to expand...

Yes I'm a man.

And yes I know what I'm talking about.

Sorry to hear that you're weirded out.
 
Bro, what have you done to your head ?????? How on earth did you manage to make that skin hard ?!?! I have been masturbating and having sex almost daily for years straight and I have never never ever noticed ANYTHING like that. Do you actually rub the penis head while you masturbate ?!? I have seen some guys masturbate like that on porn and I always found it weird. Maybe you are one of those guys that only get stimulation from the head and/or not/more by playing the "base" ??? No matter if I masturbate all day long for weeks my penis head skin will still be soft and the most sensitive part of my body ! It never changes sensitivity or thickness. Just by touching it firmly/hard, mine hurts, its that sensitive. It has always been the same.

Sorry man I am not weirded out because you are gay but what have you done to your penis head! It just sounds painful ! You must have ( originally ) a very insensitive penis head to start with or something ? But yo ushould definitely know what you are describing is not a general case, i talk all these stuff with my friends I dont know anyone who gets a rough head skin after masturbating a lot.
 
l33t said:
Bro, what have you done to your head ?????? How on earth did you manage to make that skin hard ?!?! I have been masturbating and having sex almost daily for years straight and I have never never ever noticed ANYTHING like that. Do you actually rub the penis head while you masturbate ?!? I have seen some guys masturbate like that on porn and I always found it weird. Maybe you are one of those guys that only get stimulation from the head and/or not/more by playing the "base" ??? No matter if I masturbate all day long for weeks my penis head skin will still be soft and the most sensitive part of my body ! It never changes sensitivity or thickness. Just by touching it firmly/hard, mine hurts, its that sensitive. It has always been the same.

Sorry man I am not weirded out because you are gay but what have you done to your penis head! It just sounds painful ! You must have ( originally ) a very insensitive penis head to start with or something ? But yo ushould definitely know what you are describing is not a general case, i talk all these stuff with my friends I dont know anyone who gets a rough head skin after masturbating a lot.
Click to expand...

the more you post the more i think you are a teenager. a sexually inexperienced teenager at that. nbd js
 
MemphisX3 said:
the more you post the more i think you are a teenager. a sexually inexperienced teenager at that. nbd js
Click to expand...

Yeah I guess I need to "harden my skin" like you... You do understand that you have nothing to contribute except to judge me ? low self esteem issues ? Just because I talk like a teenager and I have come to different conclusions than you and I am passionate about life and not a dead boring judgy person ( probably opiate addicted ? you do sound like one ) like you doesnt make me a teenager or inexperienced. Or do you want to tell me that if I was sexually experienced I should also have a hard penis skin ? LOL Do you think that all people grow up and become and talk in a boring way and come to the same conclusions ? You do understand that you coming here just to say that you think I am teenager and inexperienced makes you much much worse than me trying to explain to the OP that I know this hard skin penis dick is mostly BS ??? Or do you want to prove me otherwise ? Or do you assume everyone lives in the USA and cut their skin ? Nobody really does that in Europe.... you also fk the thread and you dont respect OP? Just saying
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top