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Mental Health Best drug to end it with?

We do not allow threads asking how to commit suicide and any advice aimed that way will be unapproved. If you would like to talk about what got you to the place where you see no alternative but death, you can do so here. Life can be pretty exhausting and sometimes you need to let those that love you know how badly you need a break. Do you have any family members that you trust that you could speak with about your situation?
 
What country you from? Can't you go to doctor and seek therapy or any help lines? I've felt suicidal as well but there is an audio book called the power of now by Eriktart tolle that may enlighten your thoughts. Your not your past and you don't have to worry about future, all there is is now! Don't worry not alone!
 
yeah I've got a psychiatrist and Idon't know how it is in other countries but here these people put your physical wellbeing far above your mental wellbeing. I was force fed from day one of being in the eating disorder ward but wasn't medicated until about a week in, and when zoloft made me depressed it took them weeks to swap me to mirtazapine, which I won't take because of the hunger and weight gain it gives you. They put sobriety over happiness and would prefer I killed myself than were put on a medication that ACTUALLY HELPS but can be abused, that way they don't lose their license. I've been sleeping 2 hours a night for months and can't get any sleeping pills because my psychiatrist makes excuses like "No, if you take them the first time you might get a bit high" basically saying you can take these pills once you magically get a tolerance from nowhere and they don't even work for you. I have to steal my fucking dad's pills just to get some sleep. None of the antidepressants help and I can't get any anxiety meds or ADHD meds because everyone thinks I'll abuse them. And to answer your question yes I've got people to talk to but I'm all talked out
 
Think back to when you were younger, did you feel like this when you were 10, 8, 5, 3? Don't you remember that you were once carefree and happy? Are you willing to throw away any chance of getting back there, and shed these problems onto those who you love for them to deal with? This too shall pass, your struggles are significant, yes, but they will not last forever. You may suffer for a long period of time but one day the pain will subside and you're the only one who can see this out to the end.

Can't you at least let yourself have a few more days, and try something radically different? Some of the resources here on blue light will make you see things from a different perspective.

You can PM me if you'd like someone to talk to, just know you're not alone.
 
Honestly though the rest of my life is gonna be just as bad or worse than it is now. I've missed 80% of this school year so I'm obviously not going anywhere other than a homeless shelter. I don't wanna leave my entire life behind going to a different country and trying to forget everything just to wind up dying from malnutrition or being beaten to death or getting raped and dying from some STD as a homeless minor
 
Things get a lot harder as you get older. But you will change along with time to be able to cope with far worse things than you face now.

The answer is not in a pill. The root cause if this black depression could be the seritonin depletion from too much of your DOC?
 
Barrenian said:
Dude shut up. I'm near 30 and I have been in my room for eight fucking years. I have no job, no car, live with Mommy and Daddy, am poor and my dad wants me to stay that way. That isn't even 5% of what is wrong with me. You are a fucking quoir boy compared to me! Pussy.
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I'm the same, 38 and been in my room 20years or since I discovered the internet! No job, no girlfriend, no friends hardly, no car but can drive, live with mum and dad still. I'm depressed too.
 
isaaccain said:
Honestly though the rest of my life is gonna be just as bad or worse than it is now. I've missed 80% of this school year so I'm obviously not going anywhere other than a homeless shelter. I don't wanna leave my entire life behind going to a different country and trying to forget everything just to wind up dying from malnutrition or being beaten to death or getting raped and dying from some STD as a homeless minor
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You are projecting that. You cannot know how the rest of your life is going to go (I say that as an old person that had plenty of surprises--everything from fantastic to devastating). One thing for sure--if you feed that hopelessness, it will continue to grow. Find a way to get outside of your mind--maybe volunteer with abandoned or abused animals--something that needs you in the same ways that you need to rebuild trust. Helping another being in pain is the fastest way to alleviate your own.
 
I was gonna go away with Greenpeace or the Peace Corps or something once I'm old enough. I know that things get better of course, I mean this time last year I was happier than ever after 2 years of this (what I'm feeling now). I can't really tell you how bad it was because I don't remember but I was too young for drugs/alcohol and I don't think I actually cried so it can't have been that bad - 11 year olds get set off at the drop of a hat, don't they? Well anyway, 6 months ago it was a lot worse, but it's taken me about a year to get forgiveness from one person. I know I'm 15 and I've get years ahead of me and hardly any behind me so you'd think I can't have done anything too bad but I found a way.

I don't think that codeine is really responsible for any kind of seritonin depletion because it doesn't really do that from 2 or 3 times a weeks use, and I don't really do a lot of anything else. I was thinking of trying ketamine once or twice a week to help with depression
 
I would really advise you to stay away from the ketamine experiment. People find it can be incredibly psychologically addicting, thus very hard to manage as an antidepressant.

Continue to probe your own life and mind for the roots of the depression. Life on this planet at this time in history is incredibly depressing. In other words, it is that famous saying: "You are not crazy, the world is." Seeing and feeling rather than burying one's head in the proverbial sand is bound to induce some depression if not outright despair. The trick is learning to see that dismal picture without confining your perception to nothing but the dismal picture. yes, the earth is in peril, species are dying, humans are in their endless wars--this is all happening on one plane. But what of the smaller microcosms of existence, and what of the greater macrocosms? There is so much beauty happening that we miss when we lose our balance (or are just finding it at 14) and fall into the trap of only perceiving this one narrow realm. Don't get me wrong, I believe we have to act in that realm, and act seriously and with urgency--we have a collective human obligation to change course. But plunging into that much despair without the healing and nurturing aspects of an awareness of what transcends this difficult plane of existence can kill you.

Give yourself a chance to integrate your emotions. Let moments of joy sustain you, let moments of despair inform you. Leave the doors open and let the emotions have free flow. I found that when I stopped being afraid of being depressed my depression magically dissipated quite a bit. Emotions are often the best teachers of paradox.
 
You will eventually have to face the fact that your drug use (which only you know the extent of but judging from what you have posted here is not just the occasional pill) is having some debilitating effects on your ability to live a normal everyday 15yo life.

Take this thread for example. People who are at the end of their tether and have decided to die in my experience do not care how they die or want help finding the easiest way out. They just go and do it. Ive lost many friends and family to this. There were no cries for help.

The fact you are wondering what the best easiest option is and asking for input means you have not reached that level yet . You might think death is the best way out as there is nothing but shit if you live but how do you know that?

You havent given yourself the chance to grow up yet. If course theres heaps more to life than the four walls of your bedroom and your parents expectations.

You cant shrug off that your thoughts are drug affected and you really feel this shit for a reason while drugs are in your system.

How about you go clean off everything for two months. If that thought horrifies you then your problem is drugs and a possibly a related underlying chemical imbalance.

If you can do that then compare how you feel then to how you feel now. If you are feeling the same low then you could be suffering a non drug related condition.

You cant get the right help for stuff like this when you are drug affected.
 
Btw you have posted about coke and mdma use . You need to be honest . Cmon. This is bluelight. You dont need to pretend you dont do what you do. Its kind of hard to help you when you hide things.
 
He's probably American, like me, so no, he can NOT always go to the doctor, or a therapist, and help lines have a nasty habit of just summoning the sheriff.

(I know, that was all negative, but even with my new poor-person gubmit health, there is exactly one psychiatrist in my city of 500,000 who accepts MediCal.) OK, that said, in California, you CAN at least get yourself inpatient at a county hospital now, without declaring bankruptcy, IF beds are available, and while it's far from pleasant, you will see an actual in-person medical professional.

ETA: that was a reply to a post upthread:
@markomarkh:
"What country you from? Can't you go to doctor and seek therapy or any help lines? I've felt suicidal as well but there is an audio book called the power of now by Eriktart tolle that may enlighten your thoughts."
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Edited further to add: yeah yeah, I see western Europe in the profile, all full of that socialism stuff, maybe I just wanted to complain?
 
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zephyr said:
Btw you have posted about coke and mdma use . You need to be honest . Cmon. This is bluelight. You dont need to pretend you dont do what you do. Its kind of hard to help you when you hide things.
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I don't use coke a friend of mine combined coke and MDMA at a party I wasn't even invited to, and I don't take pills regularly, just every now and then, and I can't even get the 30mg codeine pills without APAP like I used to so I can't get high without a CWE, which is effort, so idk even if I used to take like 400mg of codeine every day I don't anymore, and it'd be ridiculously hard for me to stay sober for 2 months but I could probably do it, but at the height of any drug use it was actually mind-blowing for me to hear that George W. Bush was sober for 15 years straight. It still kinda does.

I don't know what Scrofula was on about but I've been an inpatient for 3 weeks straight not allowed to leave the hospital and it was horrible so I'm not going back there. I was there for something to do with anorexia and they thought I was really going downhill but I actually just overdosed and it made my pancreas swell or something. Idk I'm gonna gradually get closer to the LD50 for codeine, or maybe dihydrocodeine, or if I can get some dilaudids off the dark net that'd be good, or maybe I'll just jump from high places and gradually get higher, at least if I break a bone I'll get some painkillers
 
You should see a youth drug counsellor. It probably wont work if you are made by parents or other people to get help and the idea didnt come from you.

Why dont you google services in your area and see whats out there?

Injuring yourself for drugs is really counterproductive. Youll be in too much pain to get anything out of them anyway.

You need to own this and start figuring out how youre going to start getting better. Start by having a clean break from all drugs .


Im not saying forever but yeah occasional use drpleted serotonin.
 
Hi ya ��
Just thoughts. No answers sorry because there really isn't one except the one you feel is right.
If you go there then you are a lot braver than me! I would love to do it and my roc would be an od of pure h, swimming out into the deep blue well past the point of return without the physical effort and sharks and other predators but I just can't for as sick as I am of the pain the pointlessness and the sheer stupidity of it all I just can't get away from A; the worry, shock and hurt it would cause my beautiful daughters who would have to live on with the stigma and B; the possibility of the Karmc fuck-up that could have me end up in some cosmic soul loop (although if there was a way to guarantee either coming back as any organism other than human, except an aborigine pre-colonisation��) but as I said earlier if your someone who doesn't harbour such doubts Then I admire your exercising your right of choice.
The only time I've never felt this way (suicidal) was when I was surfing. Have you tried/can you do that?
love peace and happiness and if I grow a set we might meet up somewhere in the ether, in the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind����.
 
No I've never surfing but I guess I could, I live on an Island and I'm never more than 15 miles away the sea, so I guess, but I think my surfing is guitar more than anything. You're lucky I believe in reincarnation too, or I'd be bitching about religious shit on my thread.

I've got a drug counsellor but she stopped seeing me after my parents took all my money off me, I guess it was unnecessary to bother when I don't even have the money to buy drugs. She gave me a diary to write any drug use in and all that and at the time it was literally just codeine so I didn't bother.

But hey how about this - next high is the last one for two weeks, then after that, a month?
 
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