sometimes they hand out degrees for just getting your homework in on time..
True that. Sorry for the long post, but this subject's painfully close to home. The doc in question had also tried to switch me from tryptans for migraines to metoclopramide and pitzofiten, old,dirty drugs with side-effect profiles that combine the worst of SSRIs with first-generation anti-psychotics: didn't even ask if I had any issues with depression or anxiety before scripting me a 'prophylactic' cocktail that could have caused increased depression, anxiety, extra-pyramidal symptoms - pretty much Parkinson's - aggression and weight gain. It was this stupidity that provided a perfect excuse for the addict in me to go looking for Vics and DHC and benzos - only to find, mostly, morphine pills and linctus, fentanyl, nitrazepam, temazepam, xanax, midazolam, demerol and so forth. Take a few from that list, add an NSAID and an anti-emetic like cyclizine, and you're feeling NO pain...but heading downhill at speed. So I present with Migraines - they offer me first sumatriptan and migraleve (Tylenol 1's with a little buclizine), then, when I ask for more sumatriptan owing to the frequency of attacks, nasty old compounds that could have left me a twitching and psychotic mess for life (I looked them up on RXlist and returned them to the pharmacy untouched).
This, combined with work stress. relationship nightmares and a highly addictive personality soon had me hooked on opiates and benzos, which addiction, combined with depression from overwork, gave my fiancee understandable cold feet, and I went from a relatively succesful professional with a beautiful empath consenting to marry me, to a fucked-up single pillhead with an engagement ring going spare. 18 months on, I'm still on 50mgs diaz a day, trying to taper, broke and living with my mom, and (just to take the edge off, of course...) indulging in painkillers once a week...twice a week...and probably again tomorrow. It wasn't the doc's fault that I went off the grid and dived into black market pharms, but they sure as hell did nothing to help me, and self-medication was the only way to keep moving in the absence of proper treatment when 3-5 migraines a day were hitting at the most professionally and romantically challenging point of my life.
This was all in London, and the UK National Health Service runs on what's called a 'postcode lottery': your zip/postcode determines which doctors and hospitals you have access to, and if you're in my old neighbourhood, some arrogant, smug junior doc with a God complex and a prescription pad can be as dangerous as wearing a Star of David and hanging around outside some of the local Taliban-influenced Islamist Academies. It took a move cross-country and a lot of research to find a doctor who was prepared to supervise a taper, and while it's a slow, grinding process, it's freed me from street/web prices and living in fear of running out/stockpiling etizolam and phenazepam (before the latter was banned) for emergencies. And etizolam ain't much use for tapering, with that tadpole little half-life.
Sorry for the rant, but the point remains: choose your doctor carefully, be polite and appreciative if they turn out to give a shit, and, in my case, watch with delight as the pharmacist looks in shock at a prescription reading (first step of the taper): 42 x 5mg diazepam, take three in the morning, 58 x 10mg diazepam, take four at night (a 2-week supply). It was a huge relief, though the dose drops aren't pleasant (5mgs every two weeks, at my suggestion: now have had to take an extra 2 weeks to stabilise on fifty, after panic attacks and shakes, think I'm switching to 2mg weekly drops), to have a legit source of medication I need to be certain of you know, not facing possible psychosis,DTs and a fatal seizure.
Of course, I soon realised that at least half the black market diaz I'd bought had been knock-offs, probably the scrapings from the lab floor with extra filler. '10mg' pills of various brands, never full-blown fakes but often more like 4-6mgs. No wonder I'd been eating 10-15 a day...and, at my worst, 45 of the fucking things (slept for 24 hours in 3 8 hour shifts: take 15 pills, sleep, wake, eat, take fifteen pills again, sleep, wake, repeat once more). Not that I'm unhappy or in pursuit of oblivion...
Though there was one batch of HK 10s, conversely, that my source warned me were unusually strong and prone to cause violent blackouts if mixed with booze: not 100% sure if they were just 15 or 20 mgs diaz, made by clandestine night shift in some Asian lab for export to European dealers, or a barbiturate (they were the strongest downs I've ever had, more sedating than Midazolam), but either way, I immediately went from 10+ pills a day to 5-6. A month later, the same source could only get lighter blue pills, supposedly of the same brand, that he sold at half his usual rate, admittting up front that they were sub-standard (5's dressed as 10's again).
Now the market's being flooded with fakes, manufactured domestically, and etizolam/phenazapam pressed and sold as diaz. That kind of inconsistency makes it near-impossible to taper, as you don't really know what dose you're on, and a weak batch can lead to bad w/ds and rapid relapse. If I hadn't found the right doctor, I think the nosedive would have continued, and completely fucked my life up for good. Tapering's hard enough when you can trust your meds - if they're not what it says on the strip/box, then you're pretty much fucked.
Ah, damn, I wish I had a seroquel. Feels like another sleepless night approaching...
Still, Viva Teva! who sell 5s as 5s and 10s as 10s, and thank God for Doctor X's wisdom. Apologies. again, for the long post, but thinking of those braindead quacks at my old shithole clinc makes me angry even through a fog of valium and morphine (yeah, I want off the benzos...but still love getting high). I should have filed an official complaint, and at least wrapped 'em up in red tape for a while: they couldn't treat headaches, wouldn't treat addiction, and so far as the Hippocratic precept 'do no harm' is concerned, they were liars, fools and criminally negligent.
End of rant. Find a good, experienced doc who doesn't view drug abuse as a moral issue. They do exist...but the other kind are all too common, and they can leave you in a state of neurochemical carnage and accuse you of 'drug-seeking' if you ask for a double script of sumatriptan and a little Naproxen. Ignorant bastards could have killed me, and facilitated a full-blown joint addiction that's wiped two years, a lover and most of my friends away. I jumped into it, but they gave me a helpful little push...and never even got me high in the process. Doctor knows best? Some at least know something. Final irony: if BL and Erowid hadn't taught me to research any prescription before taking it, I might be in still worse shape than I am, with tardive dyskenesia and a permanently disfigured personality.
at least I won't miss brickleberry tonight gonna suck missing the new south park though 
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
i do have opposite of symptoms from the "cold turkey" and the "taper" IMHO but not flying over a "coucou nest" type stuff J/K
. still pissing out my ass but no more shaking and sweating and I can actually sleep now 
